FALLING | MxM (completed)

Chapter 9

Edited

'And then I found myself at that place again with the person inside me who wanted to tear through my skin and free itself. I haven't figured out if it's a he or a she but whatever it is, it's not satisfied with being locked inside my body, or mind? You know how everyone has a name, an ID and some family members? I have them too, but I don't feel like any of them are mine. I don't feel at home living with the people I grew up with, I don't get the point of all the labels, be it a country name, religion title, or other stuff that are printed on my ID, and I most definitely don't feel like my name is actually mine. During one of my breakdowns, I told my parents I felt alone, that I didn't belong, and they just didn't get it. No one does. Am I really crazy? Uh... I don't know anything anymore. I'm not even sure if I'm really alive or I died some four years ago, and it's all been a punishment for the suicide? Is there really a punishment, though? Isn't living in this world enough misery? I guess we'll never know until we die the final death.'

Aiden looked at his watch. It was around 4 AM again. He was getting ready to go back to his room when he saw Lili coming. She sat beside him and looked briefly at the book in his hands. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes shortly.

"The weather is starting to get cold. I like it. It's refreshing." She said with a smile.

"It's freezing and makes your mouth and nose dry!" Aiden disagreed.

Lili giggled. "That's the complexity of human nature. Or, as they call it, the 'beauty' of it."

"You don't think it's nice to be different?"

"Everybody loves being different. Like you. You have that unique hair color because you wanna be different. Am I wrong?" She nodded toward his red tips.

"Then that implies to you as well." Aiden pointed at Lili's hair.

"Of course it does. I hate being like the brainless. I'm not sure what or who I am, but... I just have to change the things I'm able to change. Otherwise, I'll lose my mind."

"How can you not know who you are? Everybody and everything has a status to itself."

"There are no certain facts in this world. There are just examined statements. This or that, truth or lie, you can never truly tell. You can never be a hundred percent sure."

Aiden tried to repeat her words in his mind to try to catch up. He understood what she was saying, but sometimes it was hard to imply it to himself. Like now. He thought he'd always known who he was and what he wanted and, therefore, went for it until he achieved his goal.

"Lili, why are you here? You're a very intelligent person."

"I'm not intelligent. I don't know anything about anything. I just tend to think, well, 'overthink' as Chad and other doctors put it. I just don't get the point of the world running as it does, and that's why I'm here."

"Overthinking?! Then two-third of the population should be in the psychiatric hospital!"

Lili laughed. "They should! But most people think so highly of life that they don't want to waste their precious lifetime in a place like this. You know, I asked to be here. Wanna know something funny?"

Aiden nodded.

"My last psychiatrist put a schizophrenia label on me. Said it could only be that because I told him about how I think the world should be. When I came here, they said it was just severe depression, mainly caused by my own DNA or something. My body wasn't my friend from the very start." She laughed bitterly.

"Huh? DNA is able to carry depression genes?!" Aiden was surprised to hear it.

"Don't know. Didn't care enough to look it up." Lili shrugged.