save [joshler]

proud

Joshua's pov

Month 4

I'm in love.

Shut up. I know what you're thinking. 'Oh, Josh, you can't date him he just got out of an abusive relationship!'

I know.

But I love him and everything he does just makes me love him even more. His little laugh when he's half asleep, the way he twists his hair with his thumb and index finger, the way his eyes crinkle when he's smiling. His smile in general is so bright and lights up any room he walks into.

His voice even, the way it gets deep when he's tired or just woke up. How high it gets when he's embarrassed, or when he gets in laughing fits and forgets how to breathe but still tries talking.

I love his nose, the way it fits him perfectly. He scrunches it when you say something that doesn't totally make sense. He flares his nostrils when he gets mad or when he's focused on doing something. Some times, I've noticed, when he gets nervous he'll scratch at it like it makes him feel better.

Look, I just love him. He makes my knees weak and my stomach does summer-salts thinking about him.

But I know I can't do anything. There's been a few times he's asked me to sleep in the bed with him, but I think that's more of a protection thing more than not. But besides that, I can't push him until I know he's ready. And even if he's never ready, if he doesn't ever want to date me, then I don't care. As long as he's my friend and in my life, that's all I want.

I want to protect him and make him feel safe all while be the main reason he smiles and laughs so hard he can't breathe.

I want to wake up at 5 in the morning just so he can wake up to the smell of breakfast on the stove and coffee in the pot.

I want to take him out to the fanciest places in all of Ohio just so he can eat chicken strips for lunch. And then hear him complain about how they upset his stomach.

I want to hear him sing and dance in the living room while I'm cooking mac and cheese, drinking a cup of chocolate milk for our dinner on a Saturday night.

I want to surprise him at work with chocolate and flowers on every single Tuesday, for no fucking reason.

I just want him to know, or at least feel that someone out there loves him. And I want that someone to be me.

//

"Joshua! You will never believe what just happened today!" Tyler yelled as he ran inside.

"What happened today?" I asked, looking at him from where I sat on the floor. He looks at me with a confused expression and I laugh. "Jim literally threw a ball and it knocked over my cup so I was just picking it up."

"Oh, okay." He looked over at Jim and smiled, then back at me. "Anyways! I got the job!"

"What! Holy shit Tyler!" I got off the floor and ran to him, engulfing him in a bear hug. "That's amazing, dude!"

He laughed and slightly hugged me back. "Thank you, Joshua."

I pulled away to look at him and my heart melted. "Tyler, I'm so proud of you, this is a huge accomplishment!"

His eyes started getting watery and he sniffled. "You're proud of me?"

"Yeah! What you've done, how much you've been through, all at such a young age and you have a job now! Oh my God, I'm so fucking proud of you, Tyler!"

The tears in his eyes spilled over, flowing down his cheeks. He hugged me again, nuzzled his head in my chest and sobbed. I moved one of my hands to the back of his head and the other wrapped around his shoulders.

"You're doing such an amazing job, Tyler. I wish I could be half as strong as you are, half as brave and  undaunted as you. You're basically my hero, Tyler."

He cried louder and tightened his grip around me. I smiled and lightly pressed a kiss to the top of his head.

"I'm so proud of you, Tyler."