save [joshler]

let me explain

Tyler's pov

My legs kick off the ground, giving me a small push on the swing. I came to the park twenty minutes early to give me some preparation, to mentally prepare myself for what I'm about to give him. If I'm going to even do it. There's just so much at stake, and I don't want to make it all Joshua's problems.

I hope I didn't fuck everything up with him. I probably did, and it wasn't even my fucking fault. Fucking Brendon for making me think everyone is out to get me. It's getting late, he might not be coming. It's 40 after 8. I don't think he's coming. I knew it. I shouldn't have even tried it. Joshua will be much better off without me and my shit holding him down anyways. He's going somewhere with his life, and I'm gonna be watching from above rooting him on.

Sighing, I hop off the swing and trudge through wood-chips back to my car. God, I'm so fucking st-

"You didn't think I would come?" He called out.

I turn to see him exiting his car and a small smile forms on my lips. "No, I had hope, but after the first 30 minutes I started thinking you wouldn't show."

He makes his way over to me and pulls me into a hug. A tight, welcoming hug. A hug you never want to end.

"Of course I would've come." He paused and broke the hug. "It just took me... a little while. I went to Debby's house to shower and leave Jim there."

I nod. "Who's Debby?"

"She's the woman who bumped into you at the store a few months ago. She's a real good friend of mine."

"Oh, she's really pretty."

He laughed hard at that. "Tyler, I'm gay." He said.

I quickly realized I'm getting jealous over a woman I've only met once. Calm down, Tyler.

"Yeah, I know..."

He laughs and shakes his head. "Do you wanna go swing?" He asks.

I smile and nod. We walk over to the swings, shoulder to shoulder. I never realized how tall he actually is, wow. He's probably a full foot taller than me. Or maybe I'm just super short.

We picked the highest swings of the ground. Wasting no time, I hop on and kick off; boosting myself up into the air. Joshua follows my movement, we go back and fourth next to each other, moving the whole swing set.

I start laughing, at absolutely nothing, and everything at the same time. Joshua laughs at me and we both go in a hysterical laughing fit. The, my-stomach and cheeks-hurt- I can't breathe, kind of laugh. I go to give myself another boost off the ground, but my foot gets caught on something and I fall off the swing, face first in the woodchips. Joshua somehow laughs harder and he soon falls off too.

Everything dawns on me as I cry from laughing so hard. My whole life is most peoples' worst fears. Even if I do end up telling Joshua about everything, there's such a small chance of getting out alive. I... I wont make this out alive. Brendon is going to kill me, oh my God, I can't do this.

The tears that flooded my eyes were now uncontrollably spilling down, over my face. I sit on my knees and cry into my hands.

"T-Tyler?" Joshua asks, worry hinted in his voice. "Hey, are you okay?" I feel his hand on my back suddenly, making me flinch. He pulls his hand away and sits back. "Tyler?"

//

I'm laid down in front of him, my head on his lap, using it as a pillow. My thoughts only consist of that damn piece of paper in my back pocket. If I give it to him, there's no going back. If I do, I'm not 100% sure of all the things that'll happen, but I know all Hell would break loose. I don't know what what to do.

"What're you thinking about?" He asked breaking the silence.

"Um," I nervously chuckle. "I have this friend-"

"Do I know 'em?"

"Yeah, you do actually. He's uh, he's really cool. Pretty funny and super caring. And his dog is really cute."

"Huh, sounds like a pretty great guy." We both laugh at that.

"Yeah, he is. I've known him a little over a year now, and he's gotten under my skin. He," I pause to sit up and face him. "He makes all the bad go away, and there's a lot of bad. He makes everything so simple, so easy."

"So? What's the downside? It sounds like he makes you very happy."

"He does, but I'm in a relationship. And I can't leave it."

"Look, I'm not gonna tell you to break up with Brendon, but if you don't want to be with him, just leave him."

If only it were that simple.

I pause to think for a second. "I need your advice."

"Alright, hit me."

"Okay, I have something huge going on. And I mean fucking huge. It's a... it's a very touchy topic, I've never told anyone about it before. But, I want, almost like a need, to tell... my friend. I don't know how well he would handle it, or what he would even do about it. I don't want to burden him... with this."

"Well," He paused to move around. We're now sat criss-cross in front of each other. I wont bring up the butterflies in my stomach as our knees touch. "Your friend seems like the kind of dude who would do anything for someone they care about. So, if you do need help with anything, anything at all, I, uh, I mean your friend, would be way more than happy to help you."

I slowly leaned in closer to him, he followed my movements. "Y-you're sure about that?" I ask, my voice hushed.

He nods and moves in closer. "Yeah, I'm sure. He would do absolutely anything for you, Tyler. I promise."

I lean in, more and more until there's only mere centimetres between us. I can feel his hot breath on my mouth, I can see every detail of his face, I can hear his shallow breaths. Holy shit.

I love him.

I connect the short distance between us and finally kiss him. After what seemed like years of build up, for this one moment, it all comes tumbling down. His lips, so soft and plump, yet so dry and cracked. His mouth tastes of red bull and something sweet, like candy. He moved one hand to rest on the back of my neck while the other stayed place on my thigh. I smile into the kiss, completely blown away over what I'm doing. After months upon months, I'm finally doing this. It's everything I'd ever imagine and more.

He slowly backed away, breaking the kiss for air. His hand on my neck, my hand on his chest, gripping tightly at his shirt.

"Tyler," He spoke, gazing into my eyes. Staring so deeply, like he can read my mind. "Tyler, I know I probably shouldn't say this, but I love you."

I have to explain everything.