Loki x reader ( slow burn)

Hopeless

A/n: I cannot begin to explain how happy I am that people are reading my story. If you have any feedback please share as it is greatly appreciated.
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Life felt like it was moving in slow motion. It's been 13 hours and 47 minutes since your heart shattered. But who's counting? You were sitting on the sofa next to Bucky just staring lifelessly at the coffee table in front of you as he droned on about something he did with Steve. You hadn't slept, which left marks under your eyes. You hadn't eaten which made your stomach gurgle at you. You hadn't spoken which made people worry for you.

Noises blurred together in the background as you heard his last words to you, echo through your aching skull.
"I would never." Its almost funny. Except it isn't.
Its just sickening, you really trusted him with your words, with your actions. Even your thoughts.
You had now decided not to get too close to anyone, just in case.

Better safe than sorry.

"Y/n?" Bucky looked at you with a hollow look on his face.
"Please say something, what even happened?"
"I'm not sure you want to know." Loki said delicately.
You loved hearing his voice.

You hated it but you couldn't help but feel the smallest bit better. You kept your eyes glued to the floor, not wanting to let his words twist you anymore.
"Y/n?" Loki said softly.

"Don't you remember? You would never." You said emphasising on the last word.
You stood up, grabbed your crutches and walked straight past him, to your room, slamming the door.

You were just a little mad at him for not returning your love, but that you could get over.
It was what he said, the way he said it, the disgusted look on his face as he said it, that made your blood boil.
You were mostly mad at yourself for letting him make you this upset.

You loved him though, you really did. You're just going to have push away any feelings you had towards him and move on like nothing happened, no matter how much you felt like you were drowning in his words.
Having to use crutches just made it worse, slowing you down when wanting to escape a situation.

Tony had 3d printed a cast so that it could get wet and so that you could take it off, which made it a little bit better. You went into your bathroom and started running a bath. While it ran you sat at your desk and played almost home by mxmtoon.
You sang along quietly, your voice breaking slightly from crying. Tears dropped from your puffy eyes, tickling your cheeks slightly.

You opened a drawer on your desk and found a lighter, one you have never used. What would you use it for? You had a couple candles in the drawer too. If you were going to be sad, you were going to be sad in style.
You took off your cast slowly and gently lowered yourself into the bath, the lighter in your mouth. You lit the candles around you and used your magic to knock the lights out.

You were entirely surrounded by water and fire. It felt natural. You took a deep breath, sucking in as much air as your lungs would allow. You ducked your head underneath the warm water. Letting the water block out all and any sounds. The water was calm around your face. You slowly opened your eyes, the water making them sting and your vision blurry.

You could feel your lungs begging for air, making your head ache, you refused to come up for air. You weren't ready to face whatever was waiting for you. Your eyes turned purple and your clenched your hands into fists leaving marks on your palms. Purple energy pushed the water away from your face, giving you space to breathe. You hated that of all you've been through, your powers protect you from something you wanted to happen.

You snapped your head up, out of the tub, taking slow breathes. The small flames around you danced around like you wished you and Loki could. You pushed yourself out of the tub, draining the water and blowing out the candles. You put your cast back on and you wore black shorts and a sports bra. You abandoned your crutches, and limped to the training room.

You got on the treadmill, setting it to a walking pace. You braced yourself for the pain from your leg and started walking. If you were going to get better, you had to practise walking. You couldn't deal with facing Loki, so you dealt with this instead. Your leg burned but you didn't care, you kept going, gritting your teeth, trying to ignore the pain.

You were proud of yourself. This morning you were a mess, you still are but you are slightly more put together.
"Y/n. What are you doing? Your just going to hurt yourself." Loki's voice appeared behind you.
Was he looking for you?
"I'm fine." You said, stopping the treadmill, limping to the chin up bars.

You reached up and started pulling yourself up.
"Y/n, will you please talk to me?"
"I have nothing to say to you. But I'm all ears." You said trying not to look directly at him,
"Why are you avoiding me?"

"I'm not, I'm here right now with you aren't I?"
Your hands slipped and you landed right on your bad leg.
You winced and fell to the floor. You gritted your teeth even more and willed yourself up.
"Are you alright?"
"I'm fine." You snapped.

"No. You're not. Sit down."
"I'm fine." You snapped again, louder this time.
"Well I'm not gonna watch you do this to yourself." And just like that, he left.

You sighed, not knowing if it was relief or anger. Maybe both.
This was torture. Every time you get him out of your head, he shows up with his perfect face and his long hair and you are reminded of how you feel towards him.
You're never going to be able to escape it, are you?

What were you even doing? You limped to the kitchen to find Thor reaching for his pop tarts.
You smiled, genuinely in what felt like forever, when realistically it was barely a day.
"Y/n. Good afternoon. Loki told me what happened, do you want a pop tart?" He said shaking the box.
You nodded and limped over to him, hugging him tightly and crying into his chest.

He wrapped his arms around your back, returning the hug.
You were a mess, but that was okay.
You were heartbroken, but that was okay.
You were okay.
Just barely.