How The Bad Became Beautiful

Part 57 The Funeral

Raya's POV:

It was the morning of the funeral and I began the day by slowly rolling out of bed, something told me this was going to be the worst possible day of my life, I go to the bathroom and begin to get a shower and get ready for what was going to come.

I just stand in the shower and think of everything, were Mum and Dad going to be there? Will things get easier after today? I just think of everything and anything on a repeated loop in my head.
After getting out the shower I begin brushing my hair before getting dressed, black underwear, black trousers and a peplum flowered top also black after I am dressed, I walk over to my dressing table and begin to do my makeup, my ivory foundation going on first, I brush it all the way through hoping not to make it look streaky, I blend the streaky looking bits in with my finger before moving onto my eyeshadow, I go with a cream colour for my eyeshadow, add the eyeshadow to my eyelids before moving onto waterproof mascara making sure it's only a minimal amount then the pencil eyeliner which I use underneath the bottom of my eyelashes, I use just some lipgloss for my lip and then when ready, I grab a small pair of cross earrings and put one in each ear if I could rate the pain of today on a scale of one to ten today it would be a five, I look straight in the mirror it isn't until I hear a conversation downstairs that I shake my head and wait until I hear the door to my bedroom go, it's Mollie "Raya?" says Mollie I look up "you ready?" I nod and bring myself off of the bed, I walk solemnly and slowly out of the bedroom, Mollie closes the door behind me and we walk down the stairs, Mollie's arm around my shoulders and Nathan there to greet me at the bottom of the stairs, I just run into his arms and he holds me for two minutes straight after we break the embrace, Mollie turns around to us again "come on you two the cab's waiting" I hold Nathan's hand tight as we walk out of the door and to the cab.

The cab follows Levi's hearse car in the front and I just sit there in the middle between Nathan and Mollie, the three of us holding hands, me probably squeezing both Nathan's and Mollie's hands tighter than they could ever have hold of mine. My eyes close down as I take small, slow deep breaths to try and steady myself for when we got to the church.

When the cab pulled up outside the church 4 pallbearers are there and are ready to take Levi's coffin into the church, Mollie and Nathan get out of the car though for a minute I didn't want to get out of the car "I don't know if I can do this..." I say in a tiny, quiet voice Mollie turns to me "what come on Raya you can do this if I've got to do this so have you" says Mollie "hold on Mollie" says Nathan as he watches as my head hits the back of the leather seat of the cab and a small tear falls down my cheek "let me handle this" "okay" says Mollie she signals the pallbearers to wait a minute or two, Nathan came back over to the cab "babe" says Nathan, I turn and look at Nathan "I get you don't want to do this but I know my Raya-sunshine better than that and she's stronger and braver than the Raya that's sat in front of me now babe" "I'm just so unprepared Nathan that I don't know how I can face this" I say "well you're not alone we're all in the same boat babe and you can face this with Mollie and me babe we'll be holding your hand all the way" says Nathan "I just don't want to forget Levi ever" I say, tearfully "then don't take this funeral as an opportunity and the rest of your life to honour Levi's memory do this for Levi and you" says Nathan, "I'll be there to hold your hand all the way" what Nathan's saying is making perfect sense to me to the point I stop being so silly, take Nathan's hand, get out the car and begin making my way with the best united front I have, auntie Mollie and Nathan.

The slow yet ever so solemn walk comes in as my song to Levi comes on first "Two Of Us" Louis Tomlinson, I walk in hand in hand with Nathan and Mollie, my eyes fixated on that coffin which has my brother in it and I solemnly follow, my eyes keep to that coffin until I saw Dad and Sandra and my sorry excuse of a mother in the right row of seating, Sandra looks as sour-faced as ever, Dad looks like he doesn't want to be there but something I don't know some fucked up sort of decency has made him come to show some sort of respect, and Mum well she looks as if she's come clean but who knows, most of the family I hardly see anyway is there Auntie Julia and her son Scott, three of Levi's university mates had come, even my dad's brother Richard and his wife Fiona were there, people who never really gave a fuck which made me angry but this is the way of the world, doesn't matter what happens what matters is once you're dead everyone cares, the only decent people who were there was Mollie, Nathan, Curtis, Sophia and Willow and funnily enough seeing Willow and Sophia sitting together should have been the weirdest thing but it wasn't that honour goes to the three shitheads at the rightside.