How The Bad Became Beautiful

Part 56 The Measure of A Broken Heart

Raya's POV:

After a week I had written a eulogy for Levi, it wasn't easy it was difficult even writing the words down on the paper made my heart hurt worst than the letter did.
Then Mollie and I had the trip to the florist to get a collection of flowers with the words "BRO" and "Nephew" spelt out with the flowers in blue and white the way Levi had wanted them.
The music was easy enough to pick out "See You Again" by Charlie Puth and Wiz Khalifa was the easiest to listen to probably wouldn't be on the day but that's how it is it doesn't hit me until the very day it'll be played.

The only difficult thing was I had been pushing Nathan away for the whole week, every text message I would ignore, every phone call got the same response as the text messages but what I was happy about was that Nathan understood it wasn't him that was the problem but I did feel like a huge bitch if I'm honest, this wasn't fair to him no one deserves the cold shoulder doesn't matter the situation, that's when I picked up the phone and sent a text message "come over babe? xxxxx" I hit send and waited. 

I then hit the music icon on my phone and went onto the playlist labelled "my faves" hit the shuffle button and the first song that plays is "Two Of Us" Louis Tomlinson and when the first line hit it hit harder than a punch to the face "it's been a minute since I called you just to hear the answerphone... yeah I know that you won't get this but I'll leave a message so I'm not alone" then the next line plays "This morning I woke up still dreaming of memories playing through my head you'll never know how much I miss you the day that they took you I wish it was me instead" that's when the tears fall from my eyes this is relatable of the relatable and I just burst out crying, the letter that I have read and fallen asleep crying to the last week and a half and every word was what I felt at the moment and it was like Levi speaking to me, I hold the letter close to my chest tighter than a vice.

A few moments later I heard the door open and in the distance, I heard the muffled voices of Nathan and Mollie chatting downstairs "hi Mollie I've come to see Raya" says Nathan "oh come on in" says Mollie, I hear Nathan step in "so did she finally text you?" "Yeah," says Nathan "should I go up and see her?" "I'll check," says Mollie and I hear her footsteps come to the stairs "Raya!" I get out of bed still holding the letter "yes!" I shout back "Nathan's here should I send him up!" shouts Mollie "yeah!" I shout back "go on up," says Mollie and that's when I hear Nathan's footsteps go up the stairs.

When Nathan reaches my bedroom he knocks on my door, "come in" I say, and with that Nathan comes into the bedroom "hey been waiting for you to text me babe" says Nathan as he walks over "I know I just didn't want to put any stress on your shoulders" I say rather tearfully, "hey" says Nathan, he wipes tears from my eyes and puts his arm over me, his hand rubbing my shoulder comfortingly, "you don't have to worry about me" "I do though babe, and I think I've found a song that's just right for Levi's funeral" I say, I take my phone and go onto music, then press play on Louis Tomlinson's Two Of Us and we listen to the song together, Nathan shoots me a look that says "yeah this is the song" a gentle smile on his face, my eyes just burst out with tears, and immediately I feel Nathan pull me into his arms as I sob on his shoulder "it's not right" I sob "Raya-Leigh Bennett as you know from the Fault in Our Stars the world isn't a wish granting factory and mental health's one of the biggest killers of men today, and Levi I hate to say it is just another victim of that" says Nathan "I hate it" I say breaking the embrace but still wanting to be in his warm, comforting arms, "I hate the world" "me too" says Nathan, the measure of having a broken heart isn't a good scaled measure, it's like drawing a line with one hand or both hands tied behind your back and trying your hardest to drawn the line as neatly as possible but sadly it only comes out in a scribble that looks worst than something a toddler's drawn it's that rollercoaster of emotion that doesn't end it goes on and on and on and on until you finally want to puke. 

"I guess this is just the sad shitty reality of the world," I say "I know but trust me it'll get easier once it's done Raya I know I only met your Levi once but would you want me to come to the funeral on Friday?" says Nathan "I do," I say "okay babe I'll be there," says Nathan "thank you," I say Nathan stands up and kisses my forehead "I love you, Raya-Leigh Bennett," says Nathan "and I love you, Nathan Daniel Walker," I say and then Nathan makes his exit and I have to tell Mollie what my choice of the second song is.