Not What I Expected (A Marcel Fanfic)

Chapter 52

The day I get the letter from the college in NYC is a sunday. It's the kind of warm sunday, with sun, and a bit of wind, and all the seniors across the country at home studying for their finals. A few days ago, I received the confirmation letter from the college in L.A., where I got in.

The last few weeks were also really hard for Marcel and I. As we feel the end is near, distance is growing between us, even though we decided not to break up and try to make it work. I'm crying a lot lately.

I grab my jacket and keys, my letter, and take Alexa's car to drive to Marcel's house. The letter is on the passenger seat, bright against the black leather. It's no longer sealed, so all I have to do is tell Marcel.

The knot is already in my throat as I walk up the stairs to Marcel's apartment. I knock and soon he opens the door. His face is tight when he sees me.

"What's up?" he asks. I show him the letter without a word, and he takes me into his arms, one hand on the back of my head and the other rubbing my back. He kisses the top of my head and takes me onto the couch he slept so many months ago while I was in his bed.

With tears in my eyes and with my lips swollen from all the biting I've done, I start speaking.

"So, uh... I got this today."

"What's it say?" his voice cracks and I can see it in his eyes that if I let my tears flow he will start crying too.

"If I say it out loud I might start crying."

"That's okay, I'll be here to kiss away the tears."

"I've been crying way too much lately."

"I know, I know. I'm so sorry. I never wanted to cause you pain."

"It's not your fault. It's the universe's." I say and Marcel's squeezes my hand tightly.

"Delilah, I promise you this isn't where we end."

"I didn't get in." I blurt out and then put my lips between my teeth. Marcel looks at me in shock. I nod to confirm that I'm not bullshitting him.

"I don't know what to say." he says, putting a strand of hair behind my ear. "I'm really sorry."

"So am I."

"I hate myself for saying this but all I can think about right now is that you'll be with me." he murmurs.

"I love you so much." I say, as he wraps his arms around me.

"I love you too."

"So, what's next? Do I move in with you?" I smile.

"You could, but we'd have to share a single bed." he grins.

1 MONTH AND A HALF LATER:

My last hug with Alexa lasts for a while. Marcel and Zayn are saying their goodbyes next to us.

"I can't belive you decided to go to college with this ass." I whisper into Alexa's hair.

"Me neither. But I swear I'm gonna marry him."

I laugh and unwrap myself from her. She moves into Zayn's side and he puts his arm around her waist.

"This is when we part, then." Zayn says.

"Shut up. I can barely deal with this without you spelling it out for me." I moan and everyone laughs.

"Have a safe flight to Florida you two." Marcel smiles.

"Try to learn some in college." I suggest.

"We will." Alexa replies.

"Thank you." Zayn says.

Our last goodbyes include lots of waving and tears from Alexa and I. Marcel and I stay put until they are out of sight. I can barely move my feet to go back to the car. I was used to Alexa and to Zayn, and now they're gone. My best friend and almost brother left...

When we get to Marcel's place, I hand him the letter he wrote for me.

"Since you're still here and I'm not on a plane, I'm going to kindly ask you to read this to me because nothing is better than hearing your voice read words you never intended to say." I grin.

Marcel sits down beside me, opens the letter and takes a deep breath.

"Dear Delilah, I hope you're ok and not sitting next to an old smelly man. Now that there's been distance put between us, I want to tell you a few things about distance. Distance is not palpable, and yet only physical distance exists. We've had a lot of distance between us. You were in Paris while I was in L.A. once, and Paris is further than New York. I never told you, but I was in love with you for those two months. Actually, I was in love with you before you admitted you love me, and long before I admitted I love you too. It was hard for me to say those words because I didn't want to get hurt. But I realized you would never intentionally hurt me. Right now, you're up in the air and I'm down on the ground, but at least we are both hurting. And you know what? That's fine, because you're chasing your dream, which is all I want for you. I want you to live your life the way you want it, and if you have to go to New York in order to do that, I forgive you. As I write this, I realize this is actually a really funny thing to write, because we'll speak again! You'll call me as soon as you landed, and then skype me as soon as you can. So what's the point of writing this? The point is that I want to tell you, while I'm not there, that I'm always going to be with you. Be it physically or symbolically. I love you so much. Yours, Marcel."