To My Youth [BL]

[37] Someone From The Past (1/3)

When Lan Yuning left, Gu Xiao was left stranded alone. He forced his feet to walk. 

To keep walking ahead. 

Even though he didn't know where he was wandering to, he had to keep walking forwards. 

There was still a chill in the air on this early, frosty night. The bitter breeze that had accumulated during the day was quickly overwhelmed. 

The barbecue carts illegally occupying the streets packed up and left one after another; the students enjoying the cool air went home early, too; occasionally, the same old streetlamp flickered unsteadily. And after a few flickers, the light eventually went out completely.

Was it right for him to let Lan Yuning leave like that? There was nothing else he could say, so there was no point in stopping him from walking away. 

Even if he did, what was he going to do? 

Keep apologising? 

No. Gu Xiao was afraid that once Lan Yuning turned around and left the path and onto the other street, that would be the last time he would talk to him again.

He took a bus and wandered aimlessly. His feet dragged him to one last spot. Dried leaves scattered across the hard ground below, while the endless sky loomed above. 

There was hardly any wind, not many lamps lit on the streets, and most stores were preparing to close down. He walked for a while, took a bus, and then walked some more. 

Buildings gradually became more sparse, and there was a lack of people accompanying him now.

Soon, he arrived at a memorial park.

All he could think about was Lan Yuning's crying face. His anger, frustration, and sadness. 

This was all he could do. This was where this fleeting crush should end, because his reality wouldn't allow it to be any more than what it was.

"Gu Xiao?" someone called out.

He looked up and saw Zhang Yongyin on his bike. Slowly, Zhang Yongyin approached Gu Xiao reluctantly. They hadn't spoken as much for the past week because they were both sorting out their own feelings. 

Yet, when Zhang Yongyin saw Gu Xiao's dull face and listless eyes, his brows raised, and he hurriedly rushed over.

"Are you alright? You look like you're going to collapse!" Zhang Yongyin panicked.

"I'm fine," he smiled.

Zhang Yongyin tightened his grip on his bike handle and his tongue became sour. 

It was always like this. 

Every time the gap between them closed, the other would immediately take a step back.

"Do you see me as your friend?" Zhang Yongyin asked.

Upon hearing this question, Gu Xiao's lips parted in confusion.

"I know I always act like I'm clueless, and I know I might not seem that reliable. I can't help you with your troubles since it's beyond my abilities. I'm just someone who clings to you, but... don't you think you can try talking to me?"

"...."

"I'm your friend, aren't I? Every time you are struggling with something, you always recoil back into your shell. You always wondered why Wu Fei never asked for help, why he never wanted to reach out, and why he always said he was fine. But don't you know that answer yourself?"

"Even if it's just a little bit, wouldn't it better if you... spoke to someone about it? It doesn't even have to be me at least, but don't shoulder all the burden yourself..."

Gu Xiao was stunned for a long time before he realised the silence had extended for too long. There were so many people who cared about him, but he still chose to keep drawing the line. 

Perhaps he could finally gather the courage to even just step on that line, even if it's only by an inch. But could he do it?

"Thank you," Gu Xiao said.

Zhang Yongyin scratched his cheek in guilt. "Aren't you going to head into the park? I wonder if the flower we planted in memory of Wu Fei is still here. I can't believe another year has passed since that day."

There were a few elderly walking around, talking in front of the gates. 

Some started weeping, and that weeping gradually became a choking sob; one that would never stop. There were flower wreaths placed in front of trees, but the two walked towards the flower garden.

"Hey, promise me you won't become stuck up and think you're too cool to talk to me."

"I won't."

"I will train really hard, so just you watch, okay? I'm going to be on TV. By the time you come back, it will be difficult to see me because I'll have a lot of fans," Zhang Yongyin joked.

"Alright, alright. I'll make sure to book an appointment beforehand if I want to see you."

✎✎✎

This place wasn't exactly a formal cemetery. As they were about to walk in, Zhang Yongyin furrowed his brows upon seeing someone emerge from the side. 

His steps reduced as he squinted to examine the person with the buzz-cut who had just walked out. 

Seeing Zhang Yongyin stop walking, Gu Xiao followed his friend's stare, only to see He Rong standing before the bush of hydrangeas.

Both their lips parted when they saw He Rong. 

His presence used to bring upon a stinging swell in his chest. 

However, this time, Gu Xiao was too numb to feel anything at all. He had already become so numb to everything that there was only a hint of surprise. 

Yet, it was the opposite for Zhang Yongyin.

He Rong also recognised the two old friends standing before him, and his heart dropped. 

The two continued walking, but his hands were still shaking.

"What are you doing here, He Rong? Why are you in Beijing?" Zhang Yongyin never thought he would ever say that name ever again. 

Just hearing that name roll off his tongue forced his body to recoil back. 

He Rong eyed Zhang Yongyin from head to toe, and a strong sense of contempt was carried through his eyes.

"A hello would be nice."

He eyed Gu Xiao from head to toe, who was looking at him yet not at the same time. His attention had drifted off somewhere else.

"What are you doing here?" Gu Xiao asked in a monotone voice.

Zhang Yongyin gulped and watched He Rong slowly step closer. 

With each step, another substantial weight piled onto his back, and it kept piling and piling that Zhang Yongyin's vision started blurring. 

All colours and noises started merging with each other, and all he could see was the boy in front of him. 

Gu Xiao remembered that this was the first time Zhang Yongyin met He Rong again, so he could understand his shock since he was like that too at the water park. 

Why did he need to show up at this time, when everything was already so messed up? He didn't have time to deal with He Rong's mockery. But perhaps, talking to He Rong now was the first step in tying these loose threads.

"It's been a long time, Zhang Yongyin. It's the anniversary of his death. Shouldn't I at least show some respect?"

"Respect? How could you even say that word? After everything you have done! His grave isn't even here. Why would you come all the way here?"

Zhang Yongyin's voice was trembling, and it slowly died out. Cold sweat dripped down his neck, but the night covered the dread that pervaded his face, even though it was still seeping through.

"It seems you haven't changed as much," He Rong smirked. He strolled closer towards Zhang Yongyin and Gu Xiao, his hands in his pockets.