To My Youth [BL]

[31] Confession (1/3)

𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘨𝘰𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘯, 𝘪𝘵 𝘪𝘴 𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘵.

Without noticing, Gu Xiao had fallen asleep after letting everything overflow. When he woke up, he was lying on the pillow with the blanket neatly covered over him. 

The only thought lingering in his head was that he needed to apologise to their father.

Sitting up from the bed, he saw Lan Yuning resting on a chair beside him, his eyelids lowered and hung low. 

Even now, he was also confused about how Lan Yuning knew he was going to cry. He was sure he didn't even say anything or do anything like sniffing in the classroom. 

Suddenly, all those moments of him crying and Lan Yuning dragging him to the infirmary rushed past his head like a speeding train, and he instantly screamed in his chaotic mind from embarrassment.

"What did I just do? That's so embarrassing," he mumbled to himself.

He wasn't sure how he could show face ever again since he knew his sobbing probably sounded so ugly. 

He should've at least installed some voice filter in his throat before crying, you know? But he was glad he cried since his body was much lighter. 

Not just physically, but it felt like everything that had been pulling him down, his punishment towards himself, the rocks that kept piling and piling on his back, they all started falling apart.

Gu Xiao looked outside and realised the sky was already orange, forcing him to widen his stinging eyes. He looked at the ticking clock. 

It was currently eighth period, meaning he missed four periods. 

A sudden realisation just hit him. Lan Yuning, someone who never skipped classes, missed nearly a whole day of school. Unless he went back to classes when he was asleep, that would be fine. But something was telling Gu Xiao that he stayed the entire time since he was also fast asleep.

He squinted his eyes at the pain. Just as he was about to get up to grab an ice pack so his eyes could return to his usual handsomeness instead of looking like a disfigured fish, he realised something was touching his hand. 

Looking at what this gentleness was, his heart skipped when he saw Lan Yuning holding onto his fingers. Judging from this position, he was the one that held onto Lan Yuning instead, though it was probably when his mind wasn't in the right state. 

Their fingers intertwined slightly and shared each other's warmth as Gu Xiao's hand rested comfortably on the edge of Lan Yuning's knees.

With his eyelids hung low, Lan Yuning's lashes seemed longer than usual that it cast a subtle shadow down his cheeks.

Lan Yuning's head slightly tilted to the side, causing the strands of his black hair to brush down his eye and cheek.

Looking closely, he had a mole on his wrist.

He never thought moles could appear attractive, that he felt he had turned into some pervert. 

Gently, with his thumb, he glossed over the mole on his wrist. 

The subtle breaths Lan Yuning took weren't loud, unlike some. He could barely hear it. Lan Yuning looked completely vulnerable, that Gu Xiao's heart started pulsing with soundless words. 

He swallowed in an attempt to ease his thirst and reached out to brush the hair covering his eyes away. This was the most he could do.

"Thank you."

Gu Xiao was absorbed in his train of thoughts and pondered. He fiddled with Lan Yuning's fingertips, caressing past his short nails and that one hard-skinned spot from always holding on a pen on his middle finger. 

Before he knew it, he interlocked each finger with his, slipping them between, and their palms were only a few inches away from each other.

"What should I do...? Lan Yuning."

He rarely ever called him by his name that it felt somewhat weird when it rolled out of his tongue.

"Lan Yuning?" he repeated, trying to make it sound normal.

He laughed, "What am I doing?"

He never expected himself to fall for him as he always thought Lan Yuning would be the person who he should place a distinct barrier between. 

The first time he saw him, the only person Lan Yuning reminded him of was Wu Fei, and what followed after remembering that person were the words that engraved themselves into his heart. 

He wouldn't know if he was hurting someone. The scenario he was afraid of the most was that he would end up hurting Lan Yuning without realising, and he wouldn't even know. Yet, he couldn't contain his feelings anymore.

With his eyes still glued onto him, it was only at that moment did Gu Xiao realise this was the first time he saw Lan Yuning's sleeping face. 

He was beautiful. He was caring. His grumpy attitude was rather cute instead of bitter. He was respectful. Although others might say otherwise, to Gu Xiao, he was a very patient person. 

He was understanding. He didn't need to mention smart, since it was pretty obvious. Every time he looked into his alluring eyes, he could only meet them for only a minute before needing to look at something else, or else his heart would probably melt.

How come Gu Xiao heard no one talk about him before, other than his grades? Were the people in this school just blind? Or was it just him that saw this?

He let out a deep sigh and uttered, "Lan Yuning... What should I do?"

"I think... I've really fallen for you..."

Softly rubbing his finger, he lifted Lan Yuning's hand up and brought it closer to his lips. With the sudden closing distance, he gently kissed his fingers.

"Think? No, Lan Yuning, I've fallen for you."

Even if Lan Yuning never noticed, the words he said to him that night after their group presentation truly stirred him with happiness and sadness. 

He understood when he needed to stay silent or when to speak, and he never once overstepped his boundaries while also drawing Gu Xiao closer each time in loosening himself up. 

It felt like Lan Yuning knew what went through his mind all the time, that he even knew how tired he felt from keeping everything together. 

Sometimes, this ability of his scared Gu Xiao. He feared that no matter what he said or did, Lan Yuning could see through everything. 

Yet, even if he knew, that boy wouldn't say anything except listen and wait. Wait until he was comfortable enough to discard that façade he constantly put on. 

All he could do now was to not dwell on the people of the past and mope, but to face the present and focus on those who were still in his life.

Gu Xiao, who still sat upright in the infirmary bed, lifted his head up. 

His heart dropped. 

All he could hear was the ticking of the clock and his own heartbeats. 

Before him, Lan Yuning stared at him with eyes rounded in disbelief.