To My Youth [BL]

[29] A Disturbance (2/2)

His fingers trembled. Why did their father write this? Why did it sound like something bad was going to happen to them?

After finishing reading the letter that was written in such slobby handwriting, Gu Xiao slumped his head down. What would happen if this sea of words and untold feelings flooded his head?

It was like this heavy waterfall that had been filling him up for years was slowly drowning the last empty expanse in his body. After that rush of happiness, the dried memories of everything he had lost suddenly pushed through.

At that minute, Lan Yuning stood up and dragged him up. Without warning, Gu Xiao's body, which was hung low on the table, suddenly flung up.

"Lan Yuning?"

"Miss Lu, Gu Xiao isn't feeling well, so I'll take him to the infirmary," he informed and immediately pulled him out of the classroom.

"Alright," the teacher said, but the two had already disappeared. Since it was coming from Lan Yuning himself, they knew he was probably sick, not just trying to skip class.

Gu Xiao's mind was still cluttered, but he gazed at the hand wrapped around his fingers. A rush of déjà vu brushed past him, but he didn't say anything except stay silent.

This time, Lan Yuning was the one pulling him, and instead of holding his wrist, he was holding onto his hand. Both of them remained silent.

✎✎✎

When they walked into the infirmary, Lan Yuning pushed him onto the hard infirmary bed and covered him entirely with the blanket, leaving him to see nothing but darkness.

Thankfully, the blanket was thin, so it didn't suffocate him completely, and some light still made its way through.

"Lan Yuning...?"

"...You..." Lan Yuning said. "Why must you keep smiling even though there is nothing to be happy about? There is nothing wrong with crying."

Gu Xiao froze, and they could hear not even the slightest breath of the two.

He blinked slowly and pondered on those words as darkness surrounded him.

He pondered and pondered until his mind started numbing and rotting into nothing. That question stabbed his heart deeply into a wound that was already ripping apart.

The truth was, Gu Xiao was afraid. After reading that letter, he was even more afraid. When he watched his father's back so battered, all the images of him coming home bruised and beaten up stirred within him.

Although he may have been mad at him at times, his father probably had it worse than anyone else. He didn't know why, but all the memories before and after the divorce resurfaced, walking their way through the gaps in his heart.

The feeling of seeing their mother get married to someone else and restart with another family while their father just kept sinking and sinking.

When they stayed over at their mother's house for Chinese New Year, their mother and her husband treated their stepbrother so gently, while the two other children sat alone at another table in another room. But not once did any of them complain, because it was better that way.

Although he never expressed it, staying with their mother was suffocating, despite how warm she treated them when they were alone together.

There was this thick barrier between them and He Rong when they were at home. Gu Heiyu absolutely despised him with a burning passion. It was easy to tell, judging by how she would glare daggers at him.