To My Youth [BL]

[25] A Letter to You (1/2)

Gu Heiyu took the dishes and skipped to the living room, where Lan Yuning was helping out.

"I never had the chance to introduce myself. You can just ignore whatever you saw an hour ago. I'm Gu Xiao's sister, Gu Heiyu. You must be Lan Yuning, right? I've heard a lot about you from my brother," she gleamed, her eyes glistening with energy.

Both siblings talked so much that the other person didn't even need to speak to make a conversation.

Just listening to them chatter was enough to tire out one's mental energy for the day. Yet, it wasn't bad.

"...Does he talk... about me?" Lan Yuning asked.

"Well, he told me that your homeroom teacher moved him away from Zhang Yongyin and the times you two would hang out. Nothing bad."

Lan Yuning sighed in relief, and a gradual grin smeared across Gu Heiyu's face. She sat down at the table and ate a spoonful of the rice, nodding her head in satisfaction since it was finally not black and bitter.

"Senior, are you dating anyone right now?"

Lan Yuning widened his eyes slightly and started coughing lightly. Watching the eager eyes of the bright girl, all he could do was nod slowly.

"How many people have you dated in the past?" she asked.

"...Two?"

"Oh, at least it's less than my brother. Has Gu Xiao ever told you about the people he dated? It's so funny and interesting."

As though his attention instantly gathered before him, he straightened his back and subconsciously leaned in. It piked his curiosities, and he wanted to know what Gu Heiyu was talking about, yet he didn't want to appear nosy.

Gu Heiyu grinned. "Look at my brother. Do you think he is someone who would be a good boyfriend?"

He pondered. To be a good person within a relationship required the person to first be comfortable with themselves.

It was without a doubt that Gu Xiao was someone who cared a lot for others, even if he held no genuine feelings towards them or not, but there were still some parts of himself that he hid away from others.

Truth be told, sometimes people like Gu Xiao shouldn't be in a relationship until he could tell himself, without hesitation, that he was happy with himself.

Despite how open, loving, or kind he may appear to be, people could only meet him as much as he had met himself.

Without realising, Lan Yuning nodded.

"Really? I can't deny that he doesn't have the looks or height, but most people can't stand his personality since he's too friendly with everyone and is a bit dense at times too. Why do you think he would be a good partner? Wouldn't you feel frustrated or get jealous a lot if you dated someone like him? One of his ex's broke up with him because she hated that he was being too friendly with others. She told him to ditch his friends because she hated how he would spend time with them."

The wind blew against the light hanging by the ceiling, swaying it to and fro. The full moon was a round mirror drifting along with the clouds, reflecting the ordinary house where ordinary people sat within. It was a deep night, yet no birds or insects were chirping. So, all they could hear were each other's voices and thoughts. 

"He has a lot of exes. They all broke up with within a month because they felt like he didn't live up to their expectations."

Lan Yuning gazed at the steam stirring from the dishes. "I...don't think the problem is with him being nice, but it's the way people perceive his actions. It's not just him, but it goes towards everyone."

"That's true," Gu Heiyu added. "A lot of people now find that receiving acts of kindness from strangers is something foreign, let alone expected. They might take his gestures in a romantic way even though he was simply being friendly, but it's not anyone's fault. It's the way society has constructed the idea of how individuals should be treated."

She continued. "Or maybe, many of them are lonely and lack affection, so once they receive this peculiar warmth, they immediately grab a hold of it with all their might. Although I'm reluctant to say this, but my brother isn't aware of what type of person he is. Rather, he believes that he is someone so hateful, therefore he needs to act kind to redeem himself."

Lan Yuning remembered a certain night at the shore from three years ago. The night when there was no one else. It was just him, the waves crashing along his feet, and the sky that loomed above him. Nothing else. Until, a certain boy came to him.

"That's exactly why he's so stupid sometimes. One time, a girl confessed to him because he helped her multiple times. The first time was when she fell during a sports festival. The second time was when he volunteered to clean the classroom with her after school, and the third time was when he even gave her an umbrella when she forgot hers. So, of course, she would feel led on."

"But you know what? Gu Xiao remembered all the things he did, but he completely blocked her out of his memory. He remembered cleaning the classroom that day, he remembered helping someone at the sports festival. I doubt he remembers the umbrella one, but even so, he doesn't remember her. So, if you have a place in his memory, then that must mean you are a very special person to him."

Although none of them changed their expressions, a melancholic warmth filled the atmosphere. Many words were left unsaid, and it was better that way.

Letting out a deep sigh, Gu Heiyu put the spoon down and uttered, "But you know, once he really likes someone, he would try his best to make that person happy even if it meant—"

Interjecting their conversation, Gu Xiao skipped in and slumped himself down on the ground.

"I heard my name. Are you talking crap about me?" he asked, peering at his sister, subjecting his suspicious vigilance towards her.

"No. I'm just bonding with Lan Yuning," she smirked and met Gu Xiao's glare. "Okay, okay, I will go."

After taking another spoonful of the rice, she skipped back into her room with a large smile, as though she had accomplished something secretive.

"Sorry, did my sister say anything strange to you?"

"No."

The words Gu Heiyu said still lingered in his mind and it only brought upon this uneasiness. If he was to fall for another straight boy, it would only end up badly for him. Yet, when Lan Yuning saw the food in front of them, sitting on the floor in this tiny house, a small table instead of a large one that forced long proximity between everyone, and having someone in front of him.

It was something different, but he liked it.

Even if they were just washing the dishes and cooking, he didn't find it boring. Maybe it was because he rarely did those chores, or perhaps because he was doing it with that certain someone. Maybe a bit of both.

In fact, this was his first time cooking with someone other than his mother, that he wasn't sure if he was doing anything properly. But seeing Gu Xiao's panics each time he added each vegetable in, counting how many seconds were left before adding the next, it was somewhat funny.

It felt like many of the activities that he thought he would never touch started existing once again after he met him.