To My Youth [BL]

[36] Intertwine and Tangle

Lan Yuning ran home. He took a quick shower, and by the time he was done, his mother and father were at the dining table. 

Yet, he didn't dare meet their faces after that talking to Gu Xiao. He went into his bedroom, slumped himself onto his bed, and buried his body under his blanket.

All he could do was curl up and stifle in his emotions.

He attempted to recollect his thoughts. He needed to find something else to think about, something to distract his mind. 

But no matter how hard he tried, the only thing or person or words that popped into his head was that large foolish smile that greeted him every day and that voice that always called out to him no matter where they were.

Hints of frustration emerged with those feelings of confusion and hopelessness. 

If Gu Xiao was going to move without saying anything, moving so suddenly, and leave him stranded alone, then Gu Xiao should've just ignored him for the last month. 

Gu Xiao should've just pushed him away sooner or behaved more arrogantly, so he could at least hate him in some way. 

He should've just thrown and discarded his heart and feelings away, trampled on them, spat on them. 

He could've done anything to make him at least a tiny bit unlikeable, so he would have a reason to want to forget about him.

But Lan Yuning realised that even if Gu Xiao trudged over his emotions, he would still be too attached to him. That was just the person he was.

If not for He Rong's manipulation and lies, then Lan Yuning had been paying attention to Gu Xiao for a long time, despite acting like he hadn't. 

Even when Gu Xiao transferred, Lan Yuning never made his small crush a big deal since they both lived in separate worlds. 

He never thought there would be a time when they would speak to each other or even have the other reciprocate these childish feelings.

Since the beginning, every time he saw Gu Xiao with his group of friends, chatting and blocking the hallways, or even if he was getting into a fight with someone from another year group, his vision always landed on him. 

Then, before he knew it, he was watching him once again. 

They were strangers. 

Strangers that just sat together in the same room. 

Strangers that walked in the same corridor. 

Strangers that walked on the same grounds. 

Strangers under the same sky. 

Lan Yuning was just another stranger that could easily be forgotten in this boy's mind.

When Lan Yuning recalled that face that was so riddled with guilt after he told him to let go, he wanted to torture himself even more. 

The reason he told Gu Xiao to not talk to him was because he knew it was only going to be harder to let everything go once he left. What could he do now?

Yet, how could he forget it all when he could still remember the time they spent together so clearly from the beginning, as if those events had happened yesterday? 

Even if Gu Xiao didn't remember, he remembered everything for him. 

Those blurred memories of his, he remembered all their meetings, even if it was just walking across each other.

If this evening was the last time they would see each other, then it was best to forget about it all. But the pain he was feeling now hurt. 

It hurt. It hurt a lot. 

Why did he need to be so clingy? He knew Gu Xiao had to leave because of his father's job opportunity, and he knew he should be happy for him, but it was still painful.