To My Youth [BL]

[18] Swallowing the Ashes (4/4)

Lan Yuning finally lifted his head slightly again, but he wasn't looking at He Rong, but Gu Xiao, whose gaze had drifted off into the distance.

Only then did Gu Xiao just remember Lan Yuning was standing behind him and that he had just heard their entire argument. Or maybe not an argument, but a feisty conversation.

With a soft chuckle, he turned back with an awkward laugh. It was difficult to smile, but he still forced the corner of his lips to curl to ensure the atmosphere didn't swallow in complete awkwardness.

"Well, that just ruined today. Sorry," he mumbled.

Lan Yuning shook his head. "...No..."

Gu Xiao drowned in his train of thoughts, and embarrassment flushed his mind.

Had he known He Rong would trigger him to blurt out such rash words, he would have simply remained silent and walked away before it grew worse.

Actually, he had many chances to walk away, but he didn't. He didn't want anyone to see him in this state of deterioration, where the layers he so intricately established gradually peeled off.

Especially not in front of Lan Yuning. The inextinguishable light permanently glued to his eyes slightly faltered during that conversation. And so, he hoped his look of listless dejection didn't soak through his face.

He Rong was no longer to be seen anywhere. Although others were used to seeing him with that cheerful smile, this wasn't the first time Gu Xiao had revealed this face of a gloomy sensation that reeked of solitude and remoteness, adopting a conscious form in his soul which broke through his thick surface. And it was always in front of Lan Yuning.

Seeing that Lan Yuning wasn't speaking, Gu Xiao rubbed his head in annoyance.

"Student President, please don't believe what he says."

"Believe what?"

"Using you. Well, technically, I did use you," Gu Xiao pondered, "I tried to copy your answers before and I've used many people for their meal cards."

"I'm not stupid, unlike someone."

He was unsure what words Lan Yuning meant precisely, but he let out a soft chuckle.

"So, I won't believe those words."

Immediately, he pouted and pulled his hair. "Now it looks like I did something bad in the past! I kind of did, but my reputation! My dignity! My honour!"

Lan Yuning silently watched him pull his hair in aggravation and grabbed both his wrists, slowly lowering them down.

His hands didn't hold onto his wrists for long, and he immediately drew them back by his side.

"Student President?"

"You will be bald soon."

"I'm already balding, so I might as well be bald sooner. Well, let's head out now."

✎✎✎

They headed for the exit along with the crowd. Since the sun had set, more and more families were returning home.

Strolling to the train station, laughing at the bus stop, walking through the grass fields, the chatter of families swayed to the air and scattered amongst the low clouds.

"Does He Rong—that person..." Lan Yuning started his sentence but refused to say that name that frustrated him when he even thought about his face.

"Hm?"

"Nothing."

Gu Xiao sensed his curiosity, but he, too, wouldn't even know how to respond if he asked a question.

He was still confused to this day, and he wasn't sure when he would even understand everything because there were just too many involved that it was like a thousand threads forcing themselves to weave together and only one needle to do so.

In the end, these threads all knotted with each other, and no one could distinguish their own string anymore.

Too many people lied that day. Too many emotions left buried. Too many words left unsaid. It was all abstract.

So, if he answered Lan Yuning's questions, he wasn't sure how to correctly respond to him. How sincere his answer would be and how desensitised his words would be.

However, one thing was clear.

Although he had left this incident in the past, there would always be this lingering revulsion for He Rong and his father. Maybe he would completely forgive them both in the future, but it was quite difficult for him to do so right now.

"How did you arrive here? Car?" Gu Xiao asked.

"Bus."

His eyes widened, and he almost choked on his saliva.

"Bus?"

"Is that weird?" Lan Yuning peered.

"No, then let's head to the bus station."