To My Youth [BL]

[19] His Memory (5/6)

A few days later, our mother collapsed while I was at school.

She always had a weak body, but I never knew what her condition was—something to do with a weak heart.

That was what they told me.

I found out when I was at school, but our mother's husband said she was doing alright. So, I stayed at school.

Our stepbrother was the same age as me. I remember once our stepbrother took one of Gu Heiyu's cameras for a project, and she got furious over it.

She hated our stepbrother.

Compared to me, who didn't get involved as much with our stepbrother, the hate Gu Heiyu felt for him was immeasurable, like this budding rage that could only grow larger and never deflate.

When Gu Heiyu got mad at our stepbrother, our mother's husband strangled her.

I only realised after she came home that Gu Heiyu's neck was covered in these peculiar red handprints. Finger marks.

I don't remember what I was thinking, but Gu Heiyu was crying.

Her eyes reeked of even more disgust for our mother's new family. It appeared that she had something to say, but she stayed silent and locked herself in her room.

Wu Fei hadn't been showing up at school lately. But he finally showed up after three days.

His skin looked paler, and he was thinner than before, but I didn't say anything.

It had been four months since this started, and it was still going. On and on. Growing even worse as days pass.

I tried to talk to him like usual, but the words he said to me surprised me.

He pushed me away. Hot tears welled into his eyes, and his heavy breath pounded with frustration. That was when I realised:

I had done something wrong.

There was more to the conversation, but there were these words that remained with me.

He said to me: "Are you trying to help me? Do you know how suffocating it is to have you pretend you worry about me? You once told me you saw me as a friend? Right? Please... just stop. You don't need to keep up with this act."

"Act?"

"Pretending that you understand when you do not at all. I know you look at me with disdain and pity. Every moment that passes, I hate it more and more, knowing that you are still trying to keep up with this act of yours because you are aware of the feelings I had for you. I look like someone who has fallen so far, don't I? If you think your words and gestures would help me, you should get rid of that ego of yours. It's so frustrating! I take your actions as mockery."

Throughout the entire conversation, Wu Fei's gaze wandered everywhere, especially to the floor.

"I don't know why I liked you. And I hate that I probably still do. You never once looked at the same level as me, looked through the world in my eyes, so you would never understand. Mock me. Mock me all you want," Wu Fei said with a smile, though tears were still pouring from the depths of his heart and escaping from the corner of his eyes.

"Mock you? What do you mean?"

"Do I look that pathetic to you that you don't even take me seriously anymore? I know you purposely fumbled that exam just so you could 'help' me."