To My Youth [BL]

[31] Confession (3/3)

"Gu Xiao, you're awake?" the nurse asked, eyeing him from head to toe.

He nodded.

"If you're feeling better, go back to class," she said and left, not bothering them any further. 

Since this wasn't the first time Gu Xiao stayed in the infirmary to skip classes, she didn't bother with him as much like always.

Gu Xiao sighed and turned back to face Lan Yuning, who kept his eyes fixated on him. 

The corner of his lips raised slightly, and a short awkward laughter escaped his throat, but what filled that laughter was despondency.

"You don't need to respond to my confession now. I'm happy with just telling my feelings to you, so don't think too much about it."

He didn't want to pressure Lan Yuning in giving him an answer yet, especially since he knew Lan Yuning was the type to worry about others more than himself. 

He hoped he wouldn't stress himself into answering him because what he had was time. And no matter how long he needed to wait, as long as Lan Yuning was comfortable responding to him, then that was all that mattered.

Suddenly, Gu Xiao's phone rang. He pulled out his phone from his pockets and looked at the caller ID, only to see that it was Gu Heiyu.

"Sorry, my sister is calling me."

Lan Yuning nodded, though it looked like he wanted to say something. 

All he could do was swallow his words back, allowing the silence to take over him once again. 

When Gu Xiao accepted the call, Gu Heiyu's voice resounded loud and clear that even he had to lean his head away from his phone.

"Gu Xiao! Dad..."

Eyes widening, Gu Xiao put his phone closer to his ear, asking in a deafening tone. "What about dad?"

Hearing the word 'dad' pushed a nail into his heart. The crumpled note he read just a couple hours ago forced him to grow anxious that something bad was going to happen to their father, but since Gu Heiyu went after him, he trusted her to speak to their dad.

"His... his..."

"Gu Heiyu," he said firmly, "What happened to him? What happened after you went to look for him?"

"No. He is all fine, but... his..."

Lan Yuning noticed the pale expression on Gu Xiao's face and couldn't help himself but worry. Yet, all he heard was the word, 'dad'.

"His girlfriend was here."

Gu Xiao started coughing and turned his head away, whispering aggressively to his phone. "What? His girl— that lady?"

"I don't know. I don't know. When I went to go look for dad, he was heading to his company's building, and we just talked a bit. After that, I decided to go shop a little before going home since I was already out of school. When I was at home, I heard the doorbell ring and I knew it couldn't be you or dad because we never ring the doorbell and we barely use the front door. Then I realised the person outside was the lady dad was always with."

Gu Xiao blinked in confusion as Gu Heiyu continued rambling on in a state of panic.

"But she just came to our house to give us this expensive-looking tea that's wrapped in a golden box decorated with lions and —"

"So, she gave you tea. So, she decided to come by herself? Why did she come now?"

"Apparently, she thought she was meeting with us tonight for a dinner, but it was another week. You were still in class and dad was still at work, so she just dropped off the gifts and apologised."

Gu Xiao's brain buffered for a good minute and attempted to allow this abrupt information poured onto him to absorb into his tiny mind. 

The words she spoke seemed to float in the air, and both her voice and words all evaporated with the misty clouds. It took him a while to refocus his attention on the blabbering from his sister.

"Did she look nice?" he asked.

"She had a necklace from Boucheron imported from France."

"Bouch, Bouche what? Bullshit?"

"Not bullshit. Boucheron. What's wrong with your English?"

"Isn't that French?"

"Whatever. She was very nice though. She kept apologising for intruding for five minutes, but I was so shocked that I just stayed silent."

"I guess that's good."

"Do you think... they will get married?"

"If they do, then would that be a problem?" Gu Xiao asked.

"I know it's dad's choice, but what if she ruins our family? Not like it wasn't unstable already, but what if she hurts dad and is just playing around with him? Getting married, especially getting remarried, with children our age, isn't a joke. Not many people choose to do this unless there really is something to gain from it."

"I know, I know. Don't worry about it too much for now. If something ends up happening, we will deal with it then. Didn't you say she looked nice?"

"Yes, but I just can't help but have suspicions, especially because dad has made a lot of mistakes in the past. I think she will need to return to the United Kingdom for work since that's where she lives, so I don't understand why dad would get involved with someone who will need to move back to a different country."

"She's from the United Kingdom?"

"Yes, she introduced herself to me. What if we need to move to another country?"

Gu Xiao's grip tightened as he tried to swallow down a large rock. "I'm sure dad has this under control. All we can do is trust him for now and trust the person he is talking to, alright?"

"Well, I'll tell you about the lady when you come home," Gu Heiyu said, and rustling noises sounded from her side. "Oh, dad is home. I'll talk to you later."

Before Gu Xiao could even let out a breath, Gu Heiyu ended the call. 

Even now, he couldn't comprehend the entire conversation they just had since it happened all too quickly. 

He didn't care about having another person in the family, but he just hoped this person wouldn't hurt his father even though he had many faults. 

But was being flawed necessarily a bad thing? 

It hit him. His father, who had been alone for so many years, now had someone by his side. 

Gu Xiao gazed at Lan Yuning, who stared at him with such worry that it was cute. If they needed to move to another country, then what exactly did he just do to Lan Yuning? If someone said those words to him, and left, then that would only be torture for both of them. 

Once again, it wasn't the right time. Ah, he had done something he shouldn't have. 

Then, when was the right time? 

Was there such a thing as the right timing?

In a few weeks, months, or years? No matter when he spoke his feelings out, he was always too late, or it was a mistake to do so.

"Is everything alright?" Lan Yuning asked.

Gu Xiao lowered his head down and pondered, pondered a long time. 

His heart was flogging, and his brain was in a turmoil. There was nothing he could do except feel cramped and stifled in this empty infirmary room that was like a cupboard or a box. 

Once again, his smile was so solemn and muted, yet it was everything his heart could offer.

"I'm sorry, Lan Yuning. I'm going to skip evening study tonight. Don't pressure yourself into thinking too deeply about my confession," Gu Xiao said. "I will wait for as long as you need me to."

Taking a short exhale, he went out, this time without dread of meeting anyone; he had forgotten his dread.