namjoon
unrequited
It had been 3 months, 3 goddamn months, and you were slowly reaching your breaking point.
You were married to a man, whom you loved with all your heart and this was the reason that you were in living hell. The man you adored didn't love you back, not one bit and it hurt. It hurt a lot.
Your marriage was an arranged one, one that was supposed to be beneficial for both of your parent's companies. Namjoon and you were friends of a few years. It hadn't taken too long until you fell in love with him. He was so charming and smart, you were completely mesmerized by him. He was like a rare gem and you felt like a lucky explorer who had found him.
You were blinded by the love you held for this guy. Never before had a man captured your attention like he did. Your parents quickly caught on to your interest. At business dinners, they noticed how fondly you looked at him. Your father observed the way your smile got wider whenever Namjoon began to speak at the table. Your mom saw the sparkles in your eyes when he looked at you. Your parents had been worried that you weren't going to find a decent man to marry since you never really dated anyone nor seemed on the lookout for an ideal partner. They were growing older and desired for their daughter to be in good hands for the times they weren't going to be able to be around. You had told them many times that you didn't need a man to live a good life.
After all you were an independent young woman, you could take care of yourself just fine. You didn't want to get married to be in "good hands", you wanted to get married because you were in love. And up until Namjoon, you had never fallen in love.
So when your parents noticed your interest in him, they were over the moon. They gave it some time and patiently waited for things to develop between the two of you but they never did. A year passed, then two. The look in your eyes never changed and so did his. He didn't love you the way you loved him. He liked having you around and considered you a good friend, but he didn't see a potential significant other in you. He felt he was too young for marriage, he was a very ambitious man, solely focused on his career.
As time passed your parents watched you wilt like a flower. They could see how heartbroken you were. Your unrequited love made you sick and fragile. You began to feel unhappy and sad on a daily basis. It was taking lots of time for you to come to terms with the circumstances. You wanted to move on from him and you were determined to. There was no sense in hoping for the impossible: feelings can't be forced. You were ready to let go but your parents didn't allow it.
They set up an arranged marriage claiming it was for beneficial reasons for the companies. It was said to be for publicity and both you and Namjoon were supposed to be the protagonists of this melodrama. When in reality your parents actually only cared for you to marry the man who had captured your heart.
They were hoping that the fake marriage would turn into a real one.
Namjoon's parents were very fond of your family and immediately agreed with the proposal, not even caring to ask their son if he was okay with it.
You not knowing the real motivations of your parents, felt that it must be fate telling you to hold onto him. Hope sparked inside of you. Maybe he would fall in love with you when you started to live together? Maybe at your fake wedding he would finally realize that he was actually in love with you and you would finally get your happy ever after. The marriage was supposed to last for a year, allowing both companies to strengthen their marketplace and for you to make him fall in love with you.
It felt so wrong but yet so right.
You acted selfishly and naive when you agreed without hesitation.
And so you got married and everything changed for the worse.
The wedding itself was the beginning of a nightmare. During the wedding preparations, Namjoon tried his best to keep his frustrations to himself. You noticed he was very quiet and reluctant about the whole thing but you told yourself he was only surprised. Namjoon didn't want to put the blame on you and so he tried not to show how much he hated the idea of getting married even if it was fake.
But he could only pretend until the wedding because after he said 'yes' it dawned on him that there was no going back.
The end of the long year ahead of him felt like an eternity away.
Namjoon became a whole different person. The sweet man you knew turned cold. Going into this marriage you knew that you couldn't expect him to be all lovey-dovey with you but you had hoped for him to warm up or at least be like his usual self around you. It felt as if your friendship had died within the blink of an eye.
On your wedding night, Namjoon slept on the couch. You hadn't expected him to make love to you but you also hadn't expected this.
His coldness grew by day and it began to consume you all.
He would claim to have work and stay in his office until late into the night. At home, he would then sleep on the couch, telling you he hadn't wanted to wake you up even though you knew he just didn't want to sleep next to you.
As you were setting the breakfast table you had once talked to him about it.
"Why are you always sleeping on the couch?" you asked, not looking at him.
"Oh- uhh.." he stuttered, "I come home late and I don't want to wake you up."
"That's fine, I fall back asleep easily. You can come to bed, I really don't mind" you said, wanting to actually tell him that you wanted to have him beside you.
"It's okay, I mean we are not actually wife and husband. No need to push it" he stated in a sharp tone, putting you in your place.
"O-of course" you gulped, "I just didn't want you to feel uncomfortable."
Namjoon sighed, feeling guilty for what he said but at the same time not understanding why he felt guilty when he literally owed you nothing.
This went on like this. You tried to express your love with subtle actions.
For instance bringing lunch to his office when you knew he had a busy schedule or buying books that you knew he will like and leaving them on the coffee table in your living room. You weren't that desperate to throw yourself at him but it was hard from time to time to contain yourself. One time he had gotten sick and stayed home. He was laying on the couch, feeling exhausted. You made him some chicken soup and prepared his medicines. Taking the tray to the living room you saw that he had fallen asleep. Seeing him like that, something inside you melted. You sat on the edge of the couch and watched him for a while. Your fingers were itching to touch him. You wanted to push his hair out of his face and gently caress his cheek.
He shifted in his sleep and you adjusted the blanket on him, making sure he was covered well. As you went to move your hand away, you just couldn't. Your fingers gently removed his hair from his face and then glided down to cup his cheek. Your heart felt heavy as you held him. Why couldn't you just pull him in your arms? Namjoon stirred awake and once he came to his senses he immediately pushed your hand away rather harshly. Completely taken aback and humiliated, you looked at him with regretful eyes.
"What are you doing?" he only asked you.
"Take your medicine and have some soup" you responded before you got up and left the room. That night you cried yourself to sleep.
The more you tried to get closer to him the farther you drifted apart. It was hurting you.
At another business dinner, both you and Namjoon attended as an officially married couple. The press was in front of the building so that Namjoon felt forced to hold your hand. You felt pathetic for how excited you got when he slipped his hand in yours and intertwined your fingers. During the whole dinner you couldn't stop smiling. Namjoon noticed how happy you looked and it irritated him. He couldn't understand how you were so okay with the situation you had both been forced in. He was growing suspicious, and he wondered whether you had real feelings for him. It wasn't that Namjoon couldn't stand you. He was actually relieved that it was you who was his arranged wife.
If it had been someone else than he would have had a harder time. He knew you and though it was weird to lay next to you and spend your every day together, he was okay with it. He was afraid to make you feel uncomfortable or accidentally cross any boundaries. But then again what were the boundaries? You were his wife, but not his real wife. You were his friend, but now things were weird between the two of you. You were colleagues, but also kind of family. All these insecurities about your status made him distance himself from you. He didn't want to pretend when you were alone. He was afraid you would get your hopes up and that the act would turn into something real. He was not ready to commit himself like that, he was hesitant about it, almost scared.
So whenever you got nearer or showed that you felt comfortable with your given situation, he got so tense.
After the dinner, Namjoon could no longer stand to see your smiling face. With his very last nerve, he held your hand when you left the building, forcing a smile for the cameras before you both got into his car. He drove off, the engines roaring. You noticed immediately that something was off, feeling tense. He was not the type to have an aggressive driving style. He was taking out his pent-up anger. Your heart dropped when he zoomed pasta red light. Clutching onto your seat belt, you broke out in a sweat.
"Namjoon slow down" you calmly asked him. But he only sped up even more, scaring you.
"Namjoon" you pressed, "Are you out of your mind? Slow the fuck down."
"Why?" he suddenly yelled, making you flinch. "Are you scared?"
"Yes, I am" you said, feeling your heart race. He only scoffed, confusing you even more. What had gotten into him?
"It's funny really" he then said, not continuing his sentence.
"What is funny?" you asked, enraged. What was he trying to do?
"This" he yelled, "This. Us. This fake marriage. All of this is a big fat joke."
You felt your eyes burn with tears when you finally understood what was going on.
For a few hours you could forget your reality and indulge in the act, pretending to be in a loving relationship with your husband. And that is what he hated the most. He couldn't stand it.
"Do you even have some self respect? Can't you see that I don't like you like that? Can't you understand that I hate being married to a person whom I don't love? Why must you be so happy with all of this? Just because I held your hand for five seconds, you were beaming the whole night. Do you even know how pathetic you look in my eyes?" he ranted in one breath. Your eyes were filled with tears but you were trying hard to hold them back. You didn't want to cry in front of him. You didn't want him to see how much his words hurt you.
Turning your face away from him, you looked out the window. Biting your lip, you were forcing yourself not to cry nor make a sound. Namjoon's heart was racing because of his sudden outburst. Slowing down a little, he tried to collect himself. You hadn't given him a response at all. He felt deep regret for his harsh words. But it was already too late. What was said, was said.
----
You tried to detach yourself from him. You gave up after trying for 3 months. His words stuck with you.
"Do you even have some self respect?"
This question rocked your whole world. You were constantly repeating the same question in your head. Did you have respect for yourself? You cursed the day you had agreed on this marriage. Why were you putting yourself through so much suffering? You should've let him go. You should've forced yourself to move on. Hadn't it been for your parents arranging this marriage, maybe you really would have moved on. Maybe you would have been happier.
Your days now consisted of trying to avoid Namjoon at all cost. You prepared breakfast for him before he woke up and left the house before he came downstairs. Taking a walk around the neighborhood, you tried to pass some time until he left for work. Then you returned home and took care of some chores before you locked yourself in your room. You sat on your bed for hours trying to think of a way to free yourself from your feelings for him. You tried to hate him, to detest his guts. But no matter how hard you tried, you couldn't stop loving him. How could you be mad at him for turning away from you when he was literally forced into this situation. He had never faked anything. He had never done anything to get your hopes up but you still insisted on waiting and hoping his feelings for you might change. It was your fault. All of it was your fault.
In the evening you left food out for him, before you went to bed. Namjoon had been sleeping on the couch for the past few days, so you didn't expect him to come upstairs. When the door suddenly opened at against 11pm, you froze. Your back was turned to the door so that you couldn't see him. Namjoon saw your small figure on your large bed. He hadn't seen your face once after the whole incident. You were clearly avoiding him. He couldn't think straight ever since that night. At work, he kept drifting off in his thoughts and making mistakes in his documents. His coworkers were worried about him and asked him to take a couple days off. Namjoon agreed because he felt like he was going to go crazy if he didn't talk to you.
He changed into his pajamas quietly and hesitantly climbed into bed. The tension was so thick, it was suffocating.
You didn't dare to move, pretending to be asleep and wondering what had made him come back.
When he woke up the next morning, he saw you laying asleep next to him. He turned on his side, facing you. Finally, he was seeing you. For a brief moment he really looked at you, scanning your features carefully. He felt weird inside as he realized how familiar your face was to him. It was a face he saw every day, a face he would never forget. He realized how much he had missed your face. For a brief moment he imagined what it would be like if you really were his wife. Would he look forward to seeing you after work? Would he wake up with you in his arms? Would he miss you when you were apart? He wondered how he might feel if he let himself play along. Maybe he would warm up to you, maybe he could grow to like you.
When you shifted in your sleep, he immediately snapped out of his thoughts and hurriedly got up, leaving for the bathroom. His heart was beating in his throat when he closed the bathroom door.
You on the other hand weren't surprised to wake up to an empty bed. Rolling over to his side, you sighed into his pillow, nuzzling your face against it. Getting up, you headed downstairs to prepare breakfast, not knowing that he was staying home. You made all of his favorites and filled up the table. When he came downstairs to a fully set table, he was quite taken aback. When you heard him enter the kitchen, you were taken aback too. Usually he would take longer getting ready for work. But then you realized that he was still in his pajamas. Looking away from him when your eyes met, you quickly turned to the toaster. Taking out the bread, you put them on his plate. Placing it on the table, you grabbed your glass of orange juice and moved to leave the room when he suddenly grabbed your arm.
"Eat something, you didn't prepare all of this just for me to have" he said, not looking at you. Brushing off his arm, you left regardless, ignoring him.
Namjoon felt a sting in his heart when he sat down. His eyes glided over the variety of dishes you had prepared for him, recognizing them all to be of his favorites. With a heavy heart he ate by himself, wondering what you were doing.
During the whole day, he roamed the house, hoping to stumble into you. But whenever he came upstairs, you went downstairs. When he entered your bedroom, you went into the bathroom. He was trying so hard to meet you but you were avoiding him like the pest.
When dinner time approached, and he heard you cooking in the kitchen, he followed you.
"We can order in tonight, you have been cooking almost every day" he suggested but you remained silent, not showing any sort of reaction.
"y/n" he suddenly said your name in a demanding tone. You put down the pot from the stove, wanting to leave the kitchen, but he didn't let you. Stepping in front of you, he blocked your way.
"I am sorry for what I said" he blurted, the remorse evident in his voice.
"You don't need to be" you finally spoke, "You were right after all."
Namjoon frowned, feeling upset.
"I wasn't" he said, "I was just angry and I let it out on you."
"Namjoon" you began, having to brace yourself for what you were about to tell him. Taking in a deep breath, you looked him in the eyes. "You know that I love you and I know that you don't return my feelings. I was crossing a line, I can see that now. I am sorry for being clingy and desperate. I am sorry that I love you so much that I selfishly agreed on this marriage. I am sorry that I keep on getting my hopes. I am sorry that my heart flutters whenever you hold my hand even if it's fake. It just happens. I can't control my feelings for you. But I can control my actions and I will. I won't bother you until the end of this contract. We can go our separate ways until the day comes to part. I won't try to get your attention. I won't try to get on your good side. I won't try to make you fall in love with me. I gave up."
Namjoon suddenly got all choked up, having trouble breathing because of how heavy his chest felt. Goosebumps formed all over his skin when he heard you confess. But he couldn't move, nor react. He was frozen in place, at a loss for words, his emotions all over the place.
"Do I have some self respect?" you repeated his question, your voice shaky, tears welling up in your eyes. "I guess , I don't. Because even when I am trying to move on, I do it more for you than for me. I want you to be happy. I wish I could care for my own happiness like that."
With that you left the house, grabbing your coat. You needed fresh air and some time alone. When Namjoon heard the door slam shut, his heart broke a little more. He ran to the window, watching you leave, and he started to panic. His chest was itching and a lump had formed in his throat.
Slumping down on the chair, he drowned in his guilt. How could he break your heart like that when you loved him more than you loved yourself? He hated himself for making you lose respect and love for yourself. You shouldn't put anybody above yourself. Nothing but heartache would result if you loved someone more than you loved yourself. Namjoon couldn't imagine loving someone more than himself. He had never really loved anyone. It had always been himself and his career. How did it feel to be in love with someone? Did it feel nice? Was it a good feeling? How could it be when it brought you so much suffering?
He waited all night in bed for you. Tossing and turning, he couldn't get any rest. Facing your side of the bed, he remembered all the nights he turned his back on you or slept on the couch, not able to bring himself to lay next to you. Now that he was all alone in bed, he felt like crying.
You returned home against 4 am. You had gone to talk to your parents about getting a divorce prior to the ending of the contract. They looked so worried and sad, that you ended up lying and telling them that you were only being emotional and that you would surely change your mind the next day before you left. Sitting at the han river all night, you tried to clear your mind. It was so cold outside that after a while you decided to go back home but it was already past 3am. When you arrived home, you went past the living room, peeking in to see whether Namjoon was sleeping on the couch, but he was not there. Hesitantly you entered the bedroom and saw him laying on your bed. Taking off your coat, you changed into a sleeping shirt and sat down on your side of the bed. He was facing you, which surprised you. He would always sleep facing away from you. Looking at his sleeping face, you hated how soft your heart went immediately. You forgave him for the things he said and you felt sorry for yelling at him.
Laying down next to him, this time you turned your back on him, even though it tore your heart to pieces to do so.
Namjoon woke up when he felt the bed shift. His heart fluttered when he saw you. To know that you were safe and warm next to him, he felt at ease. Yet he was sad, wondering how you must feel.
The following weeks, you continued to ignore him, keeping your interactions to a bare minimum. Namjoon began to go to work less, returning home earlier just to see you more. He felt worried about your condition. You sometimes went days without saying a word. You were feeling depressed, finding it hard to get up in the morning. It was another of those days were you felt completely heavy. Without realizing you slept in, not even hearing your alarm. Namjoon woke up and leaned over you to turn off your alarm for you. He looked at your sleeping face and felt himself frown. Even in your sleep you looked distressed. Without knowing, he caressed your hair. Fixing the cover on you, he got up. For the first time, he prepared breakfast for you. He tried his best, feeling nervous. He had never done something like this before for a woman. When you woke up and saw the time, your eyes widened. Sprinting downstairs, you immediately went into the kitchen to prepare breakfast. But when you saw Namjoon standing by the stove and a set table in front of you, you froze. Namjoon noticed you and a smile grew on his lips, seeing you. He never smiled like that at you.
"Good morning" he said, "Did you sleep well?"
"Hmm?" you asked, confused. He chuckled.
"Go upstairs and take a shower to wake up, I need some more time to finish cooking" he told you. You nodded your head in agreement. Turning around, you went back upstairs to get ready. Confused and surprised, you tried to make sense of his behavior. Was he pitying you? You didn't need his pity. You felt regretful for having confessed to him, he must feel burdened by it. Slipping into a worse place in your mind, it was hard for you to keep it together. When you took longer than expected, Namjoon felt uneasy. Going upstairs, he went into the room to check on you. Without thinking to knock, he barged in. When he saw you trying to clip your bra at your back, his face flushed red. You were standing in front of him in sweatpants and your bra and he was absolutely losing it.
"Oh my god, I am so sorry" he apologized covering his eyes. You quickly slipped on a shirt, cheeks red but not as embarrassed as Namjoon
"It's okay, it's not like you saw anything" you said calmly.
"I was just worried" he mumbled, "Breakfast is ready."
"Oh okay," you said, "I will be downstairs."
Namjoon nodded, avoiding your eyes out of embarrassment. His heart was beating in his throat.
At the breakfast table, you ate in silence. Namjoon watched you carefully take small bites of your food. He felt nervous, worrying that you might not like the food he made. You ate a bit of the omelette he made and had to spit it out again because of a large piece of eggshell breaking between your teeth.
"Oh shoot" he said, hearing the crunch, "I am so sorry. It must have slip-"
You chuckled for the first time in weeks, seeing his worried face. Namjoon stopped, watching you laugh in amusement. His heart fluttered at the sweet sound of your laughter. How his ears had missed this sound.
"It's okay Namjoon, it can happen" you reassured him, feeling grateful that he made the efforts to prepare breakfast for you. "It tastes quite good actually."
Namjoon smiled sheepishly, feeling butterflies in his stomach when you looked him in the eye.
---
Weeks went by and Namjoon found himself thinking more about you. He now woke up before you did so that he could admire your face for a while, pondering on why his feelings for you were now changing. He found himself staring at you a lot and wanting to talk to you. It was hard to make conversation with you because you were still trying to avoid him. He understood that you must be confused because of his sudden change of heart, he himself was very confused. When you had straightforward told him that you loved him, it triggered something inside him. He couldn't stop thinking about it. The fight the both of you had, had actually helped him to get closer to you. Hearing your honest thoughts, helped him clear his mind and see you in a different light. He began to realize how you had always shown how much you cared about him by doing little things such as laying out his clothes for work at night so that he didn't have to waste time choosing an outfit in the morning or putting on his favorite tv shows without him asking you to when you are both spending time in the living room. He was beginning to realize these tiny things now that you weren't doing them anymore for him. He felt lonely sitting on the sofa, watching his shows all alone.
It was another day when he was going to work from home. He sat in his home office, feeling unmotivated to begin skimming the documents in front of him. The house was quiet. He figured that you must be in the bedroom. He kept thinking about you and wondering what you must be up to. After an hour of procrastinating, he finally decided to check on you. Taking the files with him, he entered your bedroom, seeing you sit on the bed reading a book. You didn't take your eyes off of it, ignoring him. Namjoon's heart broke a little when you didn't even spare him a glance. He moved to the bed, sitting down next to you. Silently, he began to go through the files or rather pretended to because truth be told he couldn't concentrate at all. Your heart was racing even though on the outside you sat calmly, eyes set on your book. You glanced at him every now and then, seeing a deep frown on his face as he highlighted something on the paper. You grew curious as to what he was working on, but you felt too nervous to ask him about it. Eventually you gave in, and innocently rested your head on his shoulder to take a peek at his papers. When you did so, butterflies erupted in Namjoon's stomach and a small smile grew on his lips.
"What is that?" you asked in a small voice.
"I am trying to figure it out myself" he admitted, chuckling.
"Oh, I see" you said and lifted your head, sitting up straight again, reminding yourself of the boundaries. Namjoon noticed and he felt disappointed. When you went back to reading, this time he rested his head on your shoulder, taking a look at what you were reading.
"What book is this?" he asked. Your palms started sweating because of how nervous you felt. Telling him the name of the book, you felt him lift his head and return to his files, grinning from ear to ear because of your cute reaction. It felt sort of relieving to see that he still had an effect on you.
It took him some time, but he eventually figured out his feelings for you.
You had gotten an invitation to another business dinner, which both your parents urged you to attend. Ever since you received the invitation, you were trying to come up with excuses not to go. After what happened last time, you really didn't want to go. Namjoon felt nervous too, but he actually did want to attend it with you, so he clearly communicated to you that the both of you should go together. Deciding not to argue, you gave in. The night of the business dinner, you spend long hours, getting ready for it. It was a struggle to find something to wear, since it had been a long while since you last went shopping and because of the many occasions you had to attend, there was not much of a choice left of what you could wear. You didn't want to wear the same dress twice, due to the press. There was a plain black dress in the back of your wardrobe, which was a little too tight for your liking. But with the limited options you had, you went for it. The dress was a midi length one and hugged your curves nicely. The thin spaghetti straps made it look more elegant. You didn't do much with your hair, just leaving them open. Applying some light makeup and putting on some earrings, you called it a day. Namjoon was also rummaging in his wardrobe, trying to pick out an outfit. You silently watched him from your vanity.
"Y/N?" he asked, giving up. Turning to you, he felt his breath hitch in his throat. You looked absolutely stunning in black. Usually you went for nude tones or soft colors. He thought that you looked very attractive, and he found himself feeling shy for some reason.
"Yeah?" you asked.
"I-I can't find my navy tie" he stammered, blushing because of it. Since when did he get shy?
You got up from your seat at your vanity and walked past him to find his tie in his drawer. As you looked for it, you leaned forward, your hair falling down in the process. Namjoon stood there, awestruck by your beauty.
"Here, I found it" you said, handing him the tie. When you looked up at him, you noticed that he was staring at you intensely. Suddenly feelings insecure, you awkwardly stood in front of him.
"Thanks" he quickly said, grabbing it from you and turning around, to hide his face from you.
When you arrived at the place the dinner was hosted at, Namjoon opened the car door for you, holding out his hand to support you. Taking his head, you once again felt your heart flutter but this time you tried not to show how much he effected you. With a tight-lipped polite smile, you got out of the car. The cameras were flashing already. Namjoon slipped his hand into yours, intertwining your fingers. After you entered the building, he still didn't let go of your hand, which surprised you a lot. He held your hand in his during the whole time he greeted some people. At the dinner table, he randomly grabbed your hand again underneath the table, resting your intertwined fingers on his lap. You gave him a questioning look, baffled by his actions. He only smiled softly at you, caressing the back of your hand with his thumb. When your opinion was asked on something you began to speak and Namjoon listened to you intently, smiling proudly. He felt really proud hearing how you elaborated your point of view in such a classy way.
After the dinner, you headed to your car. But before you could get into the car, Namjoon held your wrist and stopped you.
"Do you want to take a walk with me?" he suddenly asked, looking nervous.
"Walk?"
"Yes, we could walk home instead of driving" he said, still holding your hand. "As husband and wife, we could take a long walk together and just talk, hmm?"
You felt like crying hearing him say that. Namjoon saw your eyes glistening, and it broke his heart. He had deprived you of love and affection for so long.
"Namjoon, stop this" you said. "Why are you doing this to me now when I am trying to let go? Don't toy around with me. I don't deserve this."
He felt a sting in his heart.
"I know" he said, "I am not playing with you. I am being sincere."
You hated how your heart already trusted him, ready to grab his hand and follow him wherever. But your mind was fighting against it, warning you. Regardless of the fear you felt, you nodded your head.
"Okay" you agreed.
You walked hand in hand in complete silence for a while.
"I am sorry for not giving you a chance" he finally said. You didn't know how to respond and so you stayed silent. He took this as a cue to continue.
"I was so opposed to the idea of committing myself to someone that I didn't even acknowledge your feelings" he confessed, "I was being childish. I could have clearly communicated my stand on this whole situation instead of shutting you out and hurting your feelings when I knew you cared about me."
It moved you to tears to finally have someone acknowledge your feelings and not belittle them. It made your feelings feel valid. You had been starting to think you were obsessed or crazy for loving him so much.
"I am going to be honest with you," he began carefully, "I didn't like you romantically in the beginning. You have always been a good friend in my eyes. After our marriage, I couldn't even see you as a friend anymore and that frustrated me. I felt suffocated. It was awkward and weird to be around you and so I tried to avoid you. But now..." he paused, halting and turning to face you. He wanted to look into your eyes. "Now I feel my heart racing whenever you look my way."
You froze hearing his words. You felt lightheaded, it felt surreal.
"I know this is very sudden, and I know it will be hard for you to trust me now, and I also know that it's absolutely selfish of me to ask you for a chance now when I didn't give you one, but I will ask you anyways" he said, taking both your hands in his.
"I understand you now" he felt embarrassed, confessing like this, "When you said that you cannot control your feelings and that your heart just flutters when I hold your hand, I couldn't understand. I couldn't imagine loving someone like that. But ever since you confessed to me, I couldn't stop thinking about the things you said to me. Your words really stuck with me. When you began to distance yourself from me, I started feeling weird. I kept missing you and wanting to see you. Then I began thinking a lot about you. I began noticing all these little things about you that are driving me crazy. I think I fell for you."
A sob escaped your mouth.
"Don't cry please, I am so sorry" Namjoon panicked, looking at you with wide eyes. "Did I say something wrong?"
"No" you cried, "Idiot. You are going to make my heart burst."
"Oh..." he mumbled, still not really understanding what was happening. He pulled you into his arms, hugging you closely to his chest.
"I promise to not break your heart again" he mumbled into your hair. "We can take it slow, see how things will develop between us."
Slightly pulling away he looked at your face, chuckling as he wiped your tears with his cold fingers. Grabbing your face, he placed a sweet peck on your lips, taking you by surprise. Hadn't he just told you, you would take things slow?
"I will finally treat you like a real wifey" he promised, making you laugh.
It took you both some time to adjust and get to really know each other, but it worked out for you. At the end of the contract Namjoon and you got married again but this time with a private wedding. Afterwards you went on a long honeymoon and did all the things you had missed out on when you first got married.
*A/N hope you enjoyed this one, took me a lot of time to finish XD more imagines (including text imagines and gif imagines) on my instagram at moonchild_starrynight