Gideon POV
"What?"
"My proposal to Allyssa!" Marcus told me, wearing a big smile on his face.
"Why?" I accidentally asked Marcus loudly. I was so shocked by his thought! Why so sudden! Earlier, he talked about his problem; now, he is asking me to help him propose to Allyssa!
He seemed confused about my reaction. He looked at me like he didn't expect me to react this way.
"What? Why? You told me I should talk to her, right? I should clear things out on her! So why are you asking about my intentions now? Is it wrong for me to propose?" He sounded like he was not expecting me to react like this.
"So, this is what you thought I meant, Mew! Talking is very different from a proposal! How can you be confused between the two? Also, is it too early to ask her now, especially if you have this kind of thought about your relationship?" I started to panic because I didn't expect him to say this. I knew Mew loves Allyssa so much, but this? This proposal is so sudden!
"What's too early about our relationship? We have known each other for five years, and we've been together for three years. If I wasn't focusing and was so busy with my study. I would have asked Allyssa to be my girlfriend earlier. You know me, Gulf! I will never take any of my decisions lightly, especially this! My future life and family depend on this!" Marcus said to me, sounding determined to do his plan for Allyssa. I had never seen him as committed and serious about something like this.
Yes, you have already known her for five years, but me? You have known me for more than 20 years. Fucking 20 years, but what the hell did I get from you?
It seems that those 20 years mean nothing that you didn't try to get the chance to know me at all! If only you did, you should have learned and noticed my love for you. I thought I still had time, I didn't want to expect it, but there is still part of me that is hoping that someday you will see me not just as your best friend but as something you love romantically.
But what should I expect? Only Allyssa matters and not me. You only know me when you need me! Why Marcus? Why can it be me? Why? I wanted to tell him all this, but I knew I couldn't! I don't have the right to ask him for anything! I don't! Despite this pain, I still manage to keep a straight face toward Marcus even though, deep inside. I want to run away from him.
"Are you sure about this? Marriage is different, Mew! It isn't something you can toss away when you realize you don't want it anymore! It's not something that you stop if you feel tired already! It is a serious matter! Are you sure she's the one?" Please, Mew! Please change your mind! Please!
I'm pleading with Mew inside my head. If only I could tell him all of this, but of course, I can't! I'm such a coward! A big coward!
"Yes! I know Allyssa is the one! I can't take it or continue living my life without her. You should know that by now! If I propose to her, it will make our relationship more secure; that is all I ever wanted. I wanted to make sure to live the rest of my existence here in this world with the love of my life."
Mew looks me straight in the eyes like he wants me to believe his thoughts.
"She is the one, Gulf! She is the one I will always want and be with forever! It's Allyssa! I want her! Only her!"
Right at this very moment, my world crashed again! My heart is splitting in half, and it feels like there are knives continuously stabbing it. Can I cry now? It hurts! How you say to my face that she's the one when I'm the one who is always here by your side no matter what's the circumstances. Your words only added to all the thorns already piercing my heart.
Please, Marcus! Just stop! Stop reminding me that I'm just your fucking best friend! I tried to compose myself and form a smile even though I was already dying inside. I looked at him and spoke.
"But Mew, a proposal is not the answer to make your relationship more secure. You can do other things like talking to her first! Address all your problems! Why are you rushing everything that..." I tried to reason with him, but he didn't let me finish!
"Please, Gulf! Not you too! I've heard that from Elise, remember? Please! Please help your best friend here! I'm starting to lose my mind already. I feel so insecure and helpless! I want her! Not just as my girl, but everything. I have wanted her all my life. Only her! It's the only way I know. Please, my best friend, help your friend here. You know you're the only friend I have. Please help me with this! Just help me prepare for this then I will do the rest. Please! Please!"
Oh, God! Why are you doing this to me? Isn't it enough already? But I can see in his eyes how he is serious about this and how much he wants it!
So, I did what I thought would not only break my heart but I think it would kill me. I answered while remaining to give Mew my most sincere but fake smile.
"Okay. I'll help you. Just tell me how you want to do it; I'll do whatever I can to help you!" I told Mew, even if I feel numb right now. I think that any minute I may faint. I don't have a choice but to agree with him.
How can I say no? I don't have a valid reason not to. I can't tell him my real reason, especially now!
Lord! Would you mind helping me get through this? Please help me!
~~~
Two days after, Mew told me about his plan to propose to Allyssa. It's Thursday! I'm currently at Marcus' office, trying to finish everything he assigned me to work on. I find this stuff so easy to manage. I thought it wouldn't be easy at first, but thankfully it's not that hard. It helps that I am an intelligent person but not as brilliant as Mew! I admit I was also busy helping Mew prepare for his proposal plan.
He looks so excited and happy about the idea of him finally proposing to Allyssa, and I feel so jealous about it.
Mew's proposal will happen this Saturday, precisely two days from today. The most heartbreaking day for me because it will be the conclusion of my dreams. It will be like an end to my love story. Yes, it's just a proposal, but still. I can't explain how I feel right now. Maybe nervous or confused? I don't know!
My friend/Classmates Sean, Fin, and Drei, also noticed this significant change in my attitude over the past few days. They say that they always find me looking so sad or serious from afar. They tried to know why this changed, but I refused to share. I don't think I have the heart to tell them anything, even to Sean.
It is true! Every day, I feel like a candle slowly melting, and I don't know what to do or how to stop it. I feel so lost!
I feel like any minute. I will faint. I feel so weak because of everything, but I keep trying not to make my feelings obvious to Mew. In the first place, there is nothing he can do to ease all this pain.
Nothing!
I was busy checking every task I have now when suddenly Ms. Anne approached me at my desk.
"Hi, Gideon!" She greeted me.
"Hi, Ms. Anne!" I weakly greeted her as a response. I don't have the mood to talk to anyone right now.
"Ahh, Can I talk to you just for a minute? Please follow me in the pantry." She seriously asked me.
"Ahh, okay!" I confusedly answered her then she turned her back on me. She continues to walk. I think she's going to the pantry. I don't know why I feel so nervous right now! I don't understand why she wants to talk to me! I don't remember doing anything wrong, or did I?
As I arrived in the pantry, I immediately looked for Ms. Anne. I saw her at one of the tables in the back with Ms. Jane and Ms. Erica. I see them talking, and I guess they haven't noticed me yet.
Ms. Erica and Jane are on the same floor as Ms. Anne, the President's floor. I have never had a chance to talk to them yet. Mostly with Ms. Anne only, but I think they are also friendly because they always welcome me with a smile whenever I go to the office. I felt so nervous as I tried to approach them.
"Hi!" I told them I was trying to sit on the chair in front of Ms. Anne. I was shocked when they suddenly went near me, so I automatically moved back.
"Gideon Gulf, tell me the truth! What's with you and our President? Remember last time? I was so scared of how the President treated me that I wanted to submit my resignation letter, but what surprised me the most was how you saved me that day! Don't get me wrong; I was thankful to you, but how can you save me? You're just an assistant. How can you have the strength and guts to claim my mistake? And hell, I thought you would be fired that day, but no! Boss just became quiet about it; the way you talk to him that day is so different; it's like you know him personally. Also, I noticed how his facial expression changed from being angry to maybe a little scared at that time. It happened not just that day, but since you worked here, his attitude to you has been different from how he treats us all. So different! So, tell me, What's your relationship with the President? Please don't tell us it's nothing because that is a big no-no!" Ms. Anne told me.
Omg! They are already sensing something. What should I do?
"Then, remember, you went out of the Boss's office. You both are holding hands while you seem to be dragging him out of his office. Now say It's nothing!" Ms. Jane continued; she sounded like she was investigating me, adding to my nervousness.
"Yes, so please, Gideon! Tell us! What's with you and your Boss? Are you a couple or something? but we know he's with Ms. Allyssa, so it's impossible." Ms. Erica said. I wish we were a couple, just like what she is assuming.
"Gideon, ever since you joined our team, I always thought of you as someone I've known before, but I'm not sure because the last time I saw him, he was just a kid. He wears braces and sunglasses. I remember he would always go to the Boss's office at that time. Even if the Boss were busy with many workloads, he would always drop everything to help that kid. Don't tell me; you are that kid?" Ms. Anne added. She sounded like she was shocked upon realizing something.
I don't have a choice but to admit my relationship with Mew. Honestly, I have no strength to make excuses anymore. I feel like what's the use of pretending? I must tell them, and I hope they will not treat me differently. So, I just nodded my head in response to their question.
"Shut the fucking door! Seriously! Are you that kid? You change so much, not just by your height but by your looks. But it's still doesn't tell us what's your relationship with Boss Marcus!" Ms. Anne asked me while trying to hide her shocked look, as Ms. Jane at Erica, who also looked so confused. Maybe they didn't know what Ms. Anne was saying. I guess they haven't been with a company at that time.
I sigh before answering her. I guess I don't have a choice but to tell them now. I hope what I'm afraid of won't happen.
"I'm his best friend!" I told them while looking down.
"What!" They said in unison
TO BE CONTINUED
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