paradox
part one
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SINCE THE MOMENT that Anna had fixed the timeline and returned back to the life she had been wanting, she hadn't left Barry Allen's side. She was afraid that he would slip through her fingers again and be taken away from her before she could help him. Each night that they spent in each other's beds, Anna stayed awake for hours, keeping a hand resting on her boyfriend's chest to ensure that it kept rising and falling with each soft, peaceful breath that he let out. While her waking moments with Barry were peaceful and easy, the nightmares she had every night about him being killed had returned and left her wide awake most nights, watching the shadows in her bedroom in case Zoom had come back somehow to finish them both off.
She knew that Zoom was dead; she remembered killing him herself,
Anna let out a gasp and sat up straight, immediately turning to place a hand on Barry's chest to see if his heart was still beating. She let out a sigh of relief once she felt his steady heartbeat, allowing her to relax the slightest bit after her nightmare. "He's alive," she whispered as she laid down again, turning to face Barry as she watched his chest rise and fall. She placed her hand over his heart and closed her eyes, letting out a breath as her muscles began to relax thanks to the steady beating of Barry's heart. "He's alive."
.: ｡
SITTING ACROSS FROM Barry at the dining table in Anna's apartment made her realize that she had to spill her guts to him and tell him everything that she had done — so she did.
Anna told Barry about everything that happened before the altered timeline first. She told him everything; from how they turned into speedsters, right up to how Zoom killed Barry and then Anna had killed Zoom. She then moved on to tell him about the altered timeline. Again, she told him everything; from how she first got there and learned everything about her friends and family all over again, up to taking Peter from Iron Heights, and then the Flash killing him, and then how she got here. The hardest part of it all was telling Barry that he was dead in one timeline and then a villain in another one.
"Wow, that's a lot to take in," Barry said with a sigh and folded his arms over his chest. He looked down at the food on the table, his lips opening and closing in an attempt to speak but no words came out.
"I told you everything that I know, Barry," Anna said and stood up from her seat to move closer to him, sitting down on another chair next to her boyfriend. "I didn't leave out one detail, I swear."
"I know, Anna. I believe you," Barry said and rested a hand on her thigh, giving in a light squeeze. He then stood up, pulling his gaze away from her to focus on the wall on the other side of the room. "Who else knows about this?"
Anna shook her head, knowing that she couldn't tell anyone about her secret — not yet at least. After the issues she had in the previous timeline when her friends and family found out her secret, she was almost convinced that maybe she should keep her mouth shut for good and keep them oblivious to the things she had done.
"No one except for you, Barr," she replied finally. Anna stood up and rested her hands on either side of Barry's face, tilting his head up so she couldn't meet his green eyes that almost haunted her, almost convincing her that they would flash red and she would wake up in the old timeline. "You're the only person I've told. You're the only one I really want to tell."
"You have to tell the rest of the team," Barry said and furrowed his brows at the girl. "They deserve to know. They're your friends and family, Annie. You have to tell them."
"I will. I promise, I will," Anna muttered and nodded her head, knowing that Barry was right in what he said. "I'll tell them as soon as I find the right words to say."
"Telling them yourself will be a better outcome than them finding out on their own," Barry pointed out and Anna nodded again, silently agreeing with what he said. "Thank you for telling me. It means a lot."
"You have no idea how much I missed you, Barry," Anna said softly, her thumbs stroking over the soft skin on Barry's cheeks. She smiled slightly, her eyes scanning his face for the details she adored. "Losing you was the hardest thing I've ever been through."
Barry wrapped his hands around Anna's wrists, holding her palms securely against his face as he leaned into her touch. He leaned forward, pressing a kiss to her forehead. When he leaned away, he smiled softly, making her heart flutter. "And you'll never lose me again. I swear to you."
"I don't think I could ever go through that again, Barry. It destroyed me," she said, remembering the pain she had felt after. Anna knew that heartbreak and guilt would live with her forever, but being with Barry eased that pain just the slightest bit.
Barry frowned slightly and brushed his thumbs over Anna's cheeks, causing tears to form in her eyes as she sunk into the feeling she had missed so much. "You will never lose me again. No matter what, Anna, you'll never be put through that again."
.: ｡
KEEPING SUCH A secret from her friends made Anna feel like she was being trapped. She felt as though the secret itself was swallowing her in guilt, and the days that dragged on only pushed her deeper, making it harder for her to escape the sickening feeling. She remembered a time when she hated when people kept secrets and had been mad at her friends for keeping something from her, but now she was forming into something she hated — a liar.
The lies that slipped from Anna's lips were getting easier and easier to push out. She knew that lying for such a long time would make the effects worse, but after what had happened in the other timeline when her friends found out about her secret, she didn't think that lying was so bad. Anna didn't want to be a liar, nor had she ever seen herself becoming one, but she wasn't the same girl that was struck by lightning so long ago. That Anna was long gone and she had died as soon as she realized that heroes had to do questionable things to save others.
Central City had been quiet in the days that Anna had come back to her old life. No robberies, no kidnappings, no metas — it was weird, but it allowed her to stay away from her friends for just a while longer to figure out how to tell them everything she had done in the past.
"Hey, Anna? I gotta go to the lab for a bit," Barry called out once he skidded to a stop in the kitchen, glancing over his shoulder to look at his girlfriend. A smile tugged at the corners of his lips and he looked her up and down as she sat on the sofa. "You look pretty today."
Anna looked down at her dark leggings and grey hoodie, her brows furrowing as she shifted her gaze back to Barry. She squinted and stood up from her seat, walking toward the kitchen. "What are you sucking up for? That goofy grin means something," she said and pointed a finger at Barry as she leaned up against the kitchen counter.
"Do you want to come to the lab with me? You— well, old you, never would because she hated all that science stuff. I mean, you're not really supposed to be there, but it could be fun," Barry said and stepped behind Anna, slipping his arms around her waist, his lips brushing against her ear. "And if there isn't too much work to do, we could continue where we left off this morning," he whispered, sending a chill down Anna's spine, combining with the butterflies that flew around in her stomach.
Anna turned around in Barry's arms, tilting her head back slightly to look up at him. She smiled and slipped her arms around his neck, pushing herself up on the tips of her toes. "Suddenly, I like science stuff."
"I figured," Barry whispered and pressed a kiss to her lips, tightening his grip around her waist before bolting out of the apartment.
.: ｡
THE COUPLE CAME to a stop outside the forensics lab, small laughs escaping their lips as they picked and poked at each other's sides, using their speed as advantages against each other.
"Allen, if you brought your girlfriend, I suggest you stay outside the lab," a voice with a British accent called out, causing the smile on Anna's face to drop suddenly. "She distracts you, which distracts me."
"Who the hell is that?" Anna asked, keeping her voice quiet as she leaned in around the door, catching a glimpse of a blond man sitting at a desk on the right side of the room.
"Julian Albert, the metahuman specialist. He didn't exist before?" Barry asked and looked down at Anna, resting a hand on her back. "I wish you brought that feature with you," he said before entering the lab, pulling Anna inside by the strings of her sweater. "Hi, Julian."
"I told you I didn't want her in my lab anymore, Allen," Julian spoke up and glared at Anna as she walked toward Barry's desk. "She's not even supposed to be here. If the captain finds out, he will take it out on both of us. Again."
"The captain won't find out," Barry stated and shook his head, pulling out the chair for Anna to sit down in. "Did you figure our anything else about those husks?"
"That's none of your concern, Allen," Julian snapped and tore his eyes away from Anna to look back down at the papers on his desk. "I'm the metahuman specialist, you're just a regular CSI. Get back to your job and let me do mine."
"You're an ass," Anna muttered, her words a little louder than she had wanted them to be. She inhaled sharply once Julian's eyes snapped toward her, his glare slicing through her like a blade. "Yep. He heard me. You're an ass."
"Well, you're not so flattering yourself," Julian retorted and clenched his jaw, narrowing his eyes at her.
"What's she doing here?" Joe asked, causing all eyes to move to the man standing in the doorway with his finger pointed at the brunette. "Get out. Now, Anna."
Anna furrowed her brows, her stomach twisting the longer Joe stared at her with hatred in his eyes. "What? Joe, I haven't done anything wrong. I just—"
"Get out, Anna," Joe ordered and shifted his gaze to Barry, his lips pressing into a harsh line. "Get her out before I throw her out myself."
"You should go, Anna," Barry said softly and tapped the girl's shoulder with his fingers, causing her to look up and see the frown on his face. "I'll call you later."
Anna nodded quickly and stood up from her seat, sticking her hands into the pockets of her sweater. She exited the room quickly and then ran as fast as she could to get to the only other place where she felt comfortable.
.: ｡
ANNA CAME TO a stop outside the Cortex, fighting away the tears that threatened to roll down her cheeks. Her heart was heavy and her stomach was full of guilt even though she wasn't sure of what she did to make Joe dislike her so much.
"Hey! There she is," Cisco called out happily once Anna entered the room, the smile on his face erasing the sadness that weighed Anna down. "What's up? We haven't seen you in a while!"
"Barry and I took a few days off to spend some time together," Anna replied and shifted her gaze to Shannon who hadn't even looked at her. "Hey, Shannon."
Shannon shifted her gaze to Anna for a moment, her jaw clenching. "I have to go," she snapped and stood up from her seat, walking toward Anna and bumping her shoulder as she left the Cortex.
Anna furrowed her brows and looked back at Cisco, the guilt and heavy heart quickly returning. "What'd I do?" She asked and frowned, blinking her eyes quickly to keep tears from forming across her waterline.
"I swore to keep my mouth shut. You're, like, one of my best friends, Anna, but if my girlfriend asks me to not spill my guts, I won't spill my guts," Cisco explained and stood up from his seat, walking toward the woman. He rested his hands on her shoulders, furrowing his brows slightly. "Her sister is dead, Anna. You know that," he added and left the room.
"Sister?" Anna asked and furrowed her brows, taking a seat at the curved desk. She turned on the computer and opened up a search bar, typing in Shannon's first and last name. She clicked the girl's S.T.A.R Labs file, scanning through it for a list of family members. "Alyssa Gates," she whispered and clicked the file that went along with the young girl's name.
According to the file, Alyssa Gates was a nineteen year old college student. She had straight A's, a long-term girlfriend named Lily, and was studying to be a pediatric surgeon. Two months ago, Alyssa and her girlfriend were killed when a train derailed.
"What did I do?" Anna asked herself as she stared at the attached picture of Alyssa. She rested her elbows on the desk and pressed her chin against her hand, trying to figure out what she had done to make Joe and Shannon hate her so much. "What the hell have I done?"