chapter thirty
season six , episode twenty ; sacrifice
where they make amends
Hailey was adjusting her boot laces when she had heard Trudy Platt walk in. Her leg was fine , it was only going to leave some bruising but that was about it and she was ready to go home.
"Hey." Hailey told her before finishing with her laces and sitting up looking at Platt who looked at her.
"I won't ask you how your leg is doing because you all say your fine , if you are or if you aren't."
Hailey smiled with a nod , the unit was made of more than tough cookies.
"But how are you otherwise ?"
Hailey looked away from her , placing her elbows on her thighs , looking down.
"You mean Adam ?"
"Yeah , I've noticed a little tension." Trudy said to her and Hailey sighed. She had knew that Trudy had heard the conversation between Hailey and Adam but she was hoping Trudy would stay out of it. She knew better because Trudy had a mother son relationship with Adam so she wasn't going to let it go.
Trudy walked to the opposite bench and sat down.
"I'm going to give some advice because for a young woman , I am wise beyond my years." Trudy admitted causing Hailey to smile softly at her joke. "Look , if Adam's the one , then make it work. But that means one of you will probably have to leave the unit."
The possibility made Hailey sick to her stomach but sometimes the truth hurts. Under her calling of patrol , she had to admit to herself that it was because she didn't want Adam to get hurt , now that he was back. She had hard time the last couple of months in robbery and homicide and she didn't want to go back because Intelligence felt like home.
"This is a very tiny needle you are trying to thread on." Trudy said as Hailey looked at her.
"I know......and if neither of us are willing to make that sacrifice ?"
"Then what you two have , isn't genuinely that special enough for you two to sabotage your careers for."
Hailey looked down and Trudy got up , placing a hand on her shoulder softly before walking out , leaving Hailey alone.
She had to fight for them or to tell them go and she didn't know which one she wanted.
Hailey got up and had made her way back down to the basement. Wrapping her hair in a ponytail , Adam's voice had stopped her.
"Hey Hailey ?"
"Yeah ?"
She had turned to him and it seemed like it was deja vu all over again when they decided to a break all those months ago.
"I should've not caught an attitude with you about you making that call-"
"I messed up on us Adam. I really did." Hailey admitted to him. "I can't keep doing this to us , dragging you along, I-"
Tear raised in Hailey's eyes as she looked away from him.
"Did you really mean every single word you wrote in that letter ?"
"I did." Adam told her. "I didn't want or need to be the reason to get between you and your brother. We weren't ready for each other back then , we really weren't-"
"And you left." She said with her voice croaking.
Adam leaving had broken her apart , broken her to pieces. She didn't how much she really missed him until she accidentally gave Kenny Rixton the cold shoulder. Hailey threw herself into a shell and wanted to be alone because the only person she was really wanted around her was Adam.
"It was best for the both of us. We needed time away from each other."
"But you left." Hailey repeated again with tears rising. She wasn't an emotional woman and she couldn't control her emotions when it came to him , she just couldn't. She was mad at her self , at him , at Jay , at work. She was angry , she was upset, she was sad , she was depressed, she was anxious , she was so many things that she couldn't put in words.
For once , she let her emotions take over her.
"You left, you left , you left , you left."
The more she spoke , the harder it got for her to contain her emotions that were over flowing. Adam had pulled her into a hug and she started sobbing into his chest. He felt like shit seeing her like this , her armor was finally showing it's cracks, she was vulnerable to him, because of him.
"I'm sorry." He whispered to her. "I'm sorry I left."
Hailey sobs slowly stopped, only letting sniffles escape from her nose. Her arms were wrapped tightly around him and his were the same around her. Both of them not wanting to let each other go.
His strong arms stayed wrapped around her, holding her close , her head on his shoulder as she wrapped her arms around him even tighter. He pulled her tighter, placing a hand on her head before removing it , still holding her.
They stood there for awhile before she pulled away , wiping her face, looking away from him. She couldn't believe she just cried like that , especially to him.
"Are we okay ?"
"Of course." Adam told her softly. "Can you come over-"
"I don't think that's best-"
"I just want to hold you, that's it."
Hailey looked down and nodded. His hand went to her lower back to move her forward. The two quietly walked outside to his blacked out Impala 9CI. He opened the passenger door for her and she got in. Her heart started to race as he got in the driver's.
The drive was incredibly silent. There was more to say but they didn't say anything.
Once they arrived, he parked and Adam and Hailey walked out quietly. They made their way into his apartment. It was still the same like usual, Hailey and Adam made their way into his bedroom.
"Uh my room is a bit of a mess."
"Oh okay ?"
Adam opened the door and Hailey raised an eyebrow. His room was hardly a mess, he was over reacting since his bed was still a mess but everything else was put in order. The two put their bags down and took off their shoes and jackets. They both took a shower before Adam laid down and stuck his arms out like a child. Hailey chuckled softly before climbing into the bed, Adam not wasting a moment to pull her into his arms.
Jay and Erin were the exception to the rule about dating in the unit but Adam was going to make sure they were do , it had to be , they had to be.
Hailey sighed , one full of content into his chest, loving the feeling of having him again.
"I love you." Adam whispered to her, kissing her head. "You don't have to say it back until you are ready."
Hailey nodded slowly. He was giving her more time , time she needed. She had done this before and it went wrong but she wanted this go right.
"Why didn't you tell me you were leaving ?" She mumbled slightly into his chest. Adam sighed.
"I just.....I couldn't see you upset." Adam admitted to her softly. "I knew leaving wasn't a great option but it felt like the only one. I didn't want to be a reason for you and Jay to not speak anymore , I know how good it felt for you two to bond all over again and I didn't want to take that away from you."
"I'm sorry."
"For what ?"
Hailey kept her eyes on his chest as she sadly admitted her truth , the one she hardly spoke about.
"I dated my Sergeant in the past." She told him sadly. "And my one of my partners in the past too. I.....I never had a chance to really open up because everyone doubted me from the beginning. It's hard for me , especially growing up with Jay and Will. They got more attention than I did and I just , out of habit through everything to keep my mouth shut. I don't know how to express myself at all , I never given the opportunity to do so."
Adam's hand reached up and he rubbed his thumb across her face softly.
"I want this to work Adam , I really do but I'm scared. I never had anyone to care for me before and you wanting to, scares me more than anything. I'm scared of making the same mistakes all over again."
"Then we won't make those mistakes."
He kissed her softly and pulled away, pulling her deeper in her arms. Hailey's gurgling stomach had Adam snicker as she blushed with embarrassment.
"We should get something to eat. I don't have any food here."
"Because you left for two months." Hailey joked , causing them to both laugh. The two smiled at each other.
That was a moment of total bliss.