jimin
friends
Jimin. Park Jimin. The heartthrob of the whole campus. He had everyone wrapped around his finger with his charms and good looks. You had claimed to be completely immune to it, had sworn to never spare him a second glance, to never pay the attention to him he was seeking for, to never fall in love with him. But like with many things in life, some things are inevitable.
Jimin was very popular to say the least. Despite that popularity he began talking to you after you had to work on a discussion together during one of your shared classes. You thought it was very odd but you didn't think too much in to it in the beginning. He was just being his charming self, trying to make everyone weak for him. It seemed to be some kind of kink of him almost.
You always wondered why it was that he was trying so hard to be liked by everyone. When he saw you in the hallways he always gave a small nod, acknowledging your presence. The little attention he was giving you sadly was enough to make your heart beat faster. You hated how easy it was for him to hold power over people, even you. It made you incredibly mad but yet you couldn't help your feelings. There was something that drew you in. Maybe it was the small smile he once gave you when you flipped off a guy or maybe it was that one time when you found him in the backyard of your campus, sitting on the stairs and listening to music as he looked up to the sky. You stood in the doorway completely frozen as you watched him.
It was so uncommon to see him sitting there quietly away from all the commotion when you knew that he loved being the center of attention always. You didn't want to disturb him, so you left thinking about him for the rest of the day. Park Jimin was someone you couldn't stand to see but yet he was the apple of your eye.
It was again one of those late nights for you in your library. It was past midnight already. You usually never stayed past midnight but today you hadn't been able to get much studying done due to some assignments that you had worked on earlier, so you decided to put in a few extra hours before you headed home. By now you were the only one left in the library.
Sunken into deep thought as you looked over some test questions, you were completely absorbed in your studies. When suddenly the heavy door to the library opened, you flinched in surprise. You were seated right where you had a good view of the door, in case the security guard came to lock the doors, thinking the library was empty. But the person entering the library was not a security guard. It was Park Jimin.
"Oh" he said, standing still when his eyes fell on you, "Hey y/n."
You were surprised that he knew your name.
"Hey" you mumbled, trying to figure out why he was here. He seemed to be a little uncomfortable as he played with the strap of his backpack.
Apparently he hadn't expected to meet anyone here at this hour. Slowly approaching your table, he sat down opposite to you.
"Are you still studying?" he wondered as he began to unpack his things.
"Hmhm" you hummed in response, watching him closely. You were so confused about this bizarre situation that you had lost train of thought and were just blankly staring at him.
"What are you doing here?" you suddenly bluntly asked. Eyes widening a little, you realized how rude that must have sounded. Jimin only chuckled though, which made you relax a little.
"Why? Surprised to see me here?" he asked back and you had to withhold yourself from nodding your head in agreement.
"I need to cram for an exam, but I keep getting distracted at home" he explained.
"Distracted? At this hour? By what?" you wondered out loud, not quite realizing that you were voicing out your thoughts.
"Umm you know" he awkwardly cleared his throat, "Booty calls and all that..."
"Oh" was all you could say in response. He chuckled yet again, that endearing sound leaving his lips making your heart flutter.
"Why do you look so disgusted with me? You are probably still a virgin, huh?" he asked you out of the blue, making you feel flustered. Your cheeks burned and you couldn't maintain eye contact with him.
"Shouldn't be your concern" you snapped, feeling insulted somehow. "What makes you think it's okay to ask somebody a bold question like that? Especially a stranger."
"Stranger?" he asked, looking amused. "I don't think we are strangers y/n."
You parted your lips, ready to attack, but you were at a loss for words. He gave you that dazzling smile where his dimples showed and you forgot how to spell your name.
"Anyways" he said, still grinning, "We are here to study. So no small talk and also don't tell anyone about this. Can't risk people thinking I am a geek now."
You rolled your eyes at that bit but didn't comment on it. For the next hour, you tried to desperately concentrate on your papers but it was of no use. Having him sit just across from you, wasn't helping the situation at all. He would keep glancing at you whenever you shifted in your seat or you heaved a small frustrated sigh. He had ruined your study flow completely. Whilst you were struggling to read a sentence without getting distracted by him, he was focused just fine on his textbooks. You had never seen him this quiet and focused ever before.
In lectures, he was always on his phone or flirting with the girl sitting next to him or the girl across the lecture hall - it didn't fucking matter where they were seated, he would make it work. Growing more and more annoyed at how you didn't make any progress at all, you decided not to waste any more time and at least go back home and sleep. When you began packing your things, Jimin stopped reading his textbook and looked at you.
"Are you leaving already?" he asked, sounding almost disappointed.
"Already? I have been here since 8pm" you said in a rather snappy tone due to how annoyed you were that you hadn't gotten much studying done.
"Oh," he mumbled, getting up too. "I will walk you home then."
You froze hearing him say that. He began packing his things in a hurry as if to not make you wait. You stood there completely baffled. Why would he walk you home? You weren't his type - his type was blonde barbie dolls, so he probably wasn't aiming to get in your pants. You weren't friends too though, so he probably wasn't doing this because he cared for you. So why was he doing this?
"Aren't you coming?" he asked, when he slung his backpack over his shoulder.
"You don't have to walk me home. I am fine on my own" you said, suddenly feeling the urge to defend yourself, to almost protect yourself. This was probably his thing, huh? On how many girls had he pulled this move before? You weren't going to fall for it.
"It's late y/n" he said, "I wouldn't feel good if I just left."
You scanned his face trying to uncover mischief in his facial expression but there was none to be found in his soft features, slight eye bags due to tiredness and his warm brown eyes. He looked like he couldn't do anyone any harm. He looked trustworthy and kind. And you fell for it. You fell for those brown eyes that promised the whole world.
"Don't mention this ever" you warned him.
"Don't worry. I was going to ask you the same thing."
And so he walked you home and this became your thing. He met you in the library every other night, and he walked you home afterwards too. Nights turned into weeks and weeks turned into months of you doing this. He had grown on you and you had gotten attached to him in a way you never wanted to be attached to him. But it was inevitable when he sometimes looked at you as if you were the most precious thing he had ever laid eyes on, or when he drank from your cup as if you were best friends or when he held your hand temporarily whilst crossing the street.
It had become his habit to grab your hand when you crossed the street as if he feared you might get run over if he didn't. There had been this one occasion where you were distracted by your phone as you lazily followed him and tripped and fell as you crossed the street. Ever since then, he paid close attention to you when he walked you home. It were these little gestures that drove you completely insane. Little by little you fell deeper and deeper in love with him. But you knew you two couldn't be. Because his attention was something you could only enjoy at night in a cold library. During the day, he pretended to not see you. A mere nod was all you got when he couldn't avoid you. You didn't expect any different from him in the beginning, so it hadn't hurt as much.
But as time passed and you felt you were getting closer, it began to sting in your heart whenever he adverted his gaze or when you saw him walking around campus with a girl in his arms. Hearing his friends talk about the various girls he has slept with made your stomach churn. But you did the same mistake over and over again. The moment you saw him enter the library, you swallowed your pride and forgot about all the hurt he had put you through during the day. The smile he gave you when he saw you sitting in your usual spot in the library, his eyes sparkling, it washed all the pain away and you smiled back, because you wanted to believe it was real. That he really liked spending time with you and that was why he kept coming back to you.
But one must be really blind to not see the truth.
---
You were lately really stressed out due to exams coming up. Deadlines for big assignments were interfering with your studying schedule and giving you a hard time. Though you were a very punctual student, you were running late this morning. Your hair was put up in a messy bun and for the first time you weren't dressed up but wore an old pair of leggings and a basic baggy white shirt. You had forgotten to take off your reading glasses after you studied some in the morning before you left to go to university. To say you didn't look quite put together would be an understatement. You were running through the hallways like a mad woman. In your hurry to make it to your lecture in time, you tripped and fell hard on the floor. The papers in your hand were scattered all over the floor and your glasses had fallen.
When you sat up, cheeks burning in embarrassment, your eyes met with Jimin who was standing a few feet away with his crowd of people. A blonde girl was clinging to his side. They were all having a good laugh, looking down on you. None of them actually cared to help you - not that you had expected them to. You knew what kind of people they were, so it didn't really disappoint you. But what did actually hurt you was that Jimin just stood there with a blank face, motionless. He didn't move an inch. You didn't expect him to come running to your rescue and help you up, but he could have at least helped you gather your papers. You felt deeply hurt by his coldness and ignorance. It made you question his genuineness.
This Jimin was not the Jimin you talked for hours with in the library. But who was the real Jimin? You would like to believe it was the one you grew to love and cherish but you couldn't shake the feeling inside of you that told you that Jimin was fake.
Fed up with their laughter and stares, you picked up your cracked glasses and gathered your papers. Getting up from the floor, you gave Jimin a last look. You hoped he could see how disgusted you were with his behavior.
He didn't advert his gaze this time but looked right back at you. His jaw clenched when he saw your hurt expression. He felt something inside him break, but he quickly shrugged it off. He couldn't afford to get sentimental. That wasn't his thing.
Park Jimin was all fun and games. No commitment, no ties, no responsibilities. He did what he felt like doing at all times: played with girls like they were his toys, got wasted whenever he felt like forgetting his own name and went off to another country for a short getaway when he wanted to escape for a while. He was living his best life. At least that was what he wanted to portray to others because in reality he wasn't doing anything that he really wanted to do. Keeping up this persona of a flawless Park Jimin that had everyone wrapped around his fingers, was costing him all of himself. As an adopted child, Jimin had a deep fear ingrained of not belonging anywhere. He had lived his whole life unconsciously expecting all his loved ones to suddenly leave him behind.
That was why he had dedicated all of his energy to prevent that from happening, to minimize the damage that could be done to him. The little child in him that feared to lose the people around him, that feared to get abandoned again, pushed him to become a Park Jimin that everyone loved. A Park Jimin that was very charming and funny, easy going and full of energy. Nobody liked serious, so Park Jimin wasn't serious at all. He was smiling all the time and having fun.
But what Park Jimin was starting to realize now that you were in his life, was that Park Jimin had forgotten how to be himself. He had forgotten what his real self was like.
The real Jimin wanted to lend you a hand and help you up.
He wanted to brush the loose strands of hair away from your face and ask you whether you had hurt yourself. He wanted to pick up your papers and walk you to your lecture or even better than that, persuade you to ditch your lecture and go have breakfast with him somewhere nice.
A dull ache spread in the depths of his closed off heart as he watched you leave, limping slightly.
"Yah, Jiminah" the blonde girl by his side said, "What are you looking at? Let's go to your car, hmm? I thought you wanted to show me something..." she suggestively bit her bottom lip.
For the first time, he perceived her voice to be particularly annoying. Suddenly a feeling of disgust came up in him towards her behavior.
He had to try really hard not to brush her off and leave. But the chains of old habits prevented him from doing so.
"Let's go" he instead said, giving in to her suggestion.
---
It was again late at night and you were yet again the last one left in the library. For the first time in months, you sat somewhere else from your usual spot. Far back in the library, you hoped that even if Jimin decided to randomly show up, he would assume you weren't there if he couldn't see you at the front. After what he did to you early on in the day, you really didn't feel like seeing him.
Surprisingly you were more mad at yourself than him. After all, it was your fault that you were feeling disappointed. You had fallen for his charms and ignored all the warning signs. You had heaved him into a position he didn't deserve to be in. He wasn't a good guy nor did he care for you or anyone else for that matter. Park Jimin lived for himself and only himself. His heart didn't have space for somebody else. It was you, you had grown attached to him and not the other way around. To you these late nights in the library might have meant the world, but to him they were a simple distraction. Or maybe he had even taken advantage of you by asking for help with his assignments and studying. Perhaps he had only used you to benefit from the profits. It must have been very easy for him.
Wrapping you around his finger took nothing but his cliché moves: walking you home, making you feel special, maintaining eye contact, being consistent. For months, he had come to see you in the library. The time made you believe it must be real, because why would he waste his time on you? But that was all part of the game. And you had so miserably fallen for it all. For once in your whole entire life you felt dumb and stupid.
Jimin came to see you that night. When his eyes landed on your empty spot, he felt a sting in his heart.
"y/n?" he called. You froze momentarily when you heard his voice and you stayed quiet in hopes he would leave. But he didn't leave.
He walked through all aisles, looking for you, desperation growing inside of him. He wanted to see you so bad.
So when he found you in the last row, hunched over your text books, he felt relief wash over him. A big smile grew on his lips as he approached you.
"Hey you" he said, cheerfully, pretending like nothing had happened. "What are you doing here? I almost believed that your geek ass wasn't here."
You stared at him with a blank face, pretty much shocked by his nonchalance. Jimin noticed your coldness and distance, but he consciously ignored it, forcing things to be normal.
"I was almost happy that you for once weren't hanging around in the library on a Friday night but here you are nose stuck in a book again" he said in a playful tone, sitting down across from you and taking out his laptop.
"You never come to study on a Friday night" you pointed out in a cold voice. Jimin's facade was threatening to falter, but he kept up his act.
"So what? Didn't feel like getting wasted this time" he played it off, but he knew that you knew the real reason why he had come.
"Jimin" you said in a serious tone, "Cut the crap. We both know why you are here. Stop the act already."
Jimin's face turned pale when he heard you say that.
He knew he couldn't avoid the topic. Gulping, he leaned back in his seat, eyes on his lap. Truth was he was feeling guilty, and he was afraid to lose what you two had.
"You fucked up today" you said, "And I finally realized how unfair this whole situation is for me."
Your words were sharp like a knife, and they cut him deep.
"I realized in what pathetic position you pushed me in. Jimin... do you really think that you can treat me like trash in public and expect me to be all smiles for you when we are alone? Are you ashamed of me? Don't you want to be seen with me? Then why do you care to come here every night? Why? Is this some fun twisted game for you? Do you enjoy this?
Do you get off on the fact that you can toy around with my feelings?"
You spoke in one breath, the words were spilling. Tears welled up in your eyes when you thought back on all the occasions he had turned his back on you. But you held them back because you didn't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing what power he held over you.
Jimin felt at a loss for words as he felt his whole world crashing down on him. His chest was tight and he was panicking inside. The urge to grab and hold you tightly so that you couldn't escape him grew in him. He knew you were right, and he knew he was a fucking asshole for treating you like that. But he was too selfish to neither let go of you nor his reputation.
He wanted to keep them both though deep down he knew he couldn't keep the one without losing the other.
"y/n I am sorry" he said, "I am sorry. I don't know why I reacted that way. I promise this won't happen ever again, okay? I was being so ignorant and that's not okay. I came to apologize to you. I ditched my plans and came to you" he paused, realizing how much he actually cared for you, "y/n I am very sorry. Believe me when I say this. I care for you."
And you again fell for his words. You were weak for him so you gave in yet again. You forgave him because you wanted to desperately believe he was being genuine. Yet again you trusted Park Jimin. But all Park Jimin ever did was breaking hearts.
---
Things went back to normal. Jimin was now trying a lot harder to avoid you during the day on campus to avoid such a conflict from happening again and it worked for a while. He was always on edge. It was pure torture to him but it worked. He was slowly starting to lose his cool and people noticed. His so called friends kept asking him why he was zoning out or why he was in such a bad mood. Jimin would try to shrug it off, but he really couldn't act like his common self. He was afraid to lose you, to lose what you two had. Never before had he shared such a precious friendship before. He never thought it would be you, he would end up trusting the most. But when he was around you, he could relax. He didn't have to keep up a persona in front of you. It felt so good to let go.
Without knowing, he had grown attached to you. This scared him but it was thrilling at the same time. He began ditching his Friday night plans and came to see you instead more frequently. Of course, he would still need to show up to the parties once in a while, so that nobody would get suspicious. Right now they were all believing Jimin was playing around with some girl and that was why he was ditching parties.
It certainly was because of a girl, but he had no intentions to play around with her feelings. She was too precious to him for that.
It was past midnight yet again when he was walking you home. That night was particularly cold. Winter was coming up soon and it was freezing outside.
The both of you walked closer to each other than usual. When the lights turned green, Jimin grabbed your hand and for the first time he intertwined his fingers with yours instead of holding your hand loosely. Your heart fluttered, blooming with his touch like a flower. You gulped not knowing how to react. Jimin couldn't help the small smile forming on his lips. He held your hand tightly, enjoying the warmth of your hand in his. Like his missing puzzle piece, your hand fit in his perfectly.
"How was your day?" you suddenly asked him. You never asked him this question because you feared his answers. Obviously you didn't want your crush to tell you about the girls he spent his time with. Jimin seemed surprised by your question. He shrugged his shoulders.
"The usual" he vaguely responded. Once you crossed the street, Jimin usually let go of your hand but this time he tightly held it as if he was afraid you could slip away.
"Hmm" you hummed, not quite satisfied with his answer.
"What?" he asked, giggling as he saw your disappointed expression. "Don't like the answer?"
"It's just..." you glanced at him, meeting his warm brown eyes, "Will our friendship ever go beyond these nights?"
Jimin's face fell, and he froze momentarily, caught off guard. He quickly recovered from it and put on a lazy smile to cover up his anxiety.
"We meet each other almost every day" he chuckled, "I guess, you can't get enough of me. You want more time with the Park Jimin, huh?"
You huffed in frustration.
"That's not what I meant Jimin. I know you have a life too and other friends and that's okay. But why can't we at least greet each other when we randomly stumble upon each other on campus, hmm?"
"Of course we can do that if it means a lot to you" he softly said, not wanting to break your heart. He could sense how much this situation was weighing on you. The uncertainty was what must be unsettling. You still couldn't fully trust Jimin and were still trying to figure out whether he was being genuine or not.
When he positively responded to your request, you felt relieved. You felt there was still some hope. But you should have known you were only deceiving yourself.
Jimin on the other hand was thinking about how he would need to try even harder on campus to avoid you.
When you reached your apartment, you stopped, turning to Jimin, who was still holding your hand. He was smiling at you. That smile that you loved the most in this world. That smile that blinded you of his faults.
"Good night then" you said.
"How come you never invited me into your apartment?" Jimin suddenly blurted. For some reason he didn't feel like leaving you yet.
He liked the feeling of your hand in his too much to let go.
"Because it's very late and a girl shouldn't bring boys home at this hour" you pointed out the obvious.
"But you live alone" Jimin smirked.
"But I can't trust playboy Jimin" you grinned, and he rolled his eyes.
"Why would you call me that? If I wanted to get in your pants, I would have done it already" he suddenly confessed and your cheeks turned red.
"So you don't want to get into my pants?" the question rolled off your tongue without permission, almost sounding somewhat offended.
Your cheeks were burning. Why would you say that out loud?
Jimin was taken aback by your sudden question, his cheeks turning pink. This was a rare sight of Park Jimin blushing and you loved it.
"What- no. No- I mean there's nothing wrong with you. You a- are beautiful and all that and I would actually sleep with you- but I won't- I don't because I respect you and we are friends" he stammered, even his ears turning red. Why was this so hard to say?
"I see" you chuckled, finding this very amusing. "Well thank you for respecting me."
"Of course" he said, not looking into your eyes. "You are still a virgin, someone you love should take your virginity."
You choked on air when he suddenly said that out of the blue. When he realized what he just said, his eyes widened.
"Fuck" he muttered under his breath.
"I should get going y/n. Good night, sleep tight" he said in a hurry before he let go of your hand and quickly walked back the way you came. You watched after him, giggling.
"What a dork" you said, smiling. "What if you are the one I love, though?" you mumbled to yourself, watching him leave.
---
Jimin began to stop desiring other women than you. All the girls at campus were lying at his feet, he always had a girl on his arm, but he had lost his flirtatious nature. Instead, he found himself thinking about you during the day. He wondered what you were up to and whether you were doing well or not. But whenever his friends caught him slipping, he quickly snapped out of it, returning to his usual cocky self. He couldn't afford to get soft.
Jimin had become a pro at avoiding you. However, during the whole week there was one day in particular that made him break out in a sweat all the time. The both of you had two lectures in common and both of them were on Thursdays. Thursdays had become his most resented days.
It was very hard to completely avoid each other in the same room. The lecture hall was quite small, which made the whole situation even trickier for him. Usually he came in very late and rushed to the backseats. This time however the girl he was currently hanging around with insisted that they go early. She was wearing heels which apparently made her feet hurt, so that she wanted to take a seat as soon as possible. Jimin tried persuading her to go to the cafeteria or somewhere else, but she didn't want to miss class since she urgently needed to pass this class. At a loss for arguments, Jimin defeatedly walked to the lecture hall with her. On their way there Jimin kept praying for you to not be there already because there was no chance that you wouldn't see each other.
When he entered the room, his eyes automatically looked for you and they found you. Your face lit up and you smiled when you saw Jimin. Jimin desperately wanted to smile back, but he didn't.
The blonde girl came up behind him and your smile faded. She linked her arm with Jimin's, motioning for him to continue. Jimin looked away from you shamefully, hating himself for once again ignoring you. Your heart broke again.
"Where are you going?" the girl asked, pulling on Jimin's arm. "Let's sit somewhere in the middle, I can't read what's on the whiteboard from back there."
"Shouldn't you wear glasses then?" Jimin asked, feeling irritated.
He wanted to sit as far away from you as possible.
"Hell no, they look ugly on me" she said, pulling him exactly two rows behind you. Jimin felt his stomach turn into knots.
"Wear contact lenses then" he said rather harshly.
"Yah, Jiminah don't get your panties in a twist just because you sit at the front once. Are you afraid of the professor or what? Man up for fuck's sake" she complained, taking her seat next to him. Jimin bit his bottom lip, trying to keep his cool. No matter how hard he tried he couldn't keep his eyes off you. He could see your side profile from where he was seated. Your head hung low as you tried to distract yourself with your textbooks.
He had looked away again. The man who held your hand all the way to your apartment the other night, had coldly looked away from you, pretending not to know you again. Were you that embarrassing that he didn't want to be associated with you?
Class started and Jimin couldn't help but keep watching you. His heart was crying. The guilt inside him ate him alive. He hadn't noticed that he kept tapping his foot on the floor out of anxiety until the girl next to him scolded him for it.
"Fuck Jimin, can't you stay still for a second?" she snapped, "What's up with you today? Why do you keep looking at her, hmm? Please don't tell me you have a crush on that moron" she said, grimacing.
Jimin's jaw clenched at her comment, but yet he shook his head no.
"No way" he said, "I would never fall for someone like her."
And you heard it all. Your ears could pick out his voice immediately even in a crowd of people. And so, you listened to their conversation, blocking out all other noises and the voice of the professor. Your chest tightened painfully and you felt you couldn't breathe. Why were you torturing yourself like this? You could leave, but you needed to hear this in order to move on - because you wouldn't be able to let go otherwise. You would continue to deceive yourself and trust his words. You needed to let him shred your heart to pieces to finally let go of him.
"It would be an insult to me if you preferred her over me" the girl laughed, "She looks like a tomboy. Probably doesn't have any curves and tries to hide it by wearing those grandma slacks and blouses."
"Hmm, probably. I like my girls curvy" he said, playing along. Charlene was one of the most popular girls on the whole campus, he couldn't risk to get on her bad side. So he began to read his script text, saying exactly what she wanted to hear because that was what he was good at: saying the things people wanted him to say, acting like other people expected him to act. He was a puppet, and he was only realizing it now that he really didn't want to say the words that were falling from his lips.
"I know you do, that's why you hit me up the other night, hmm?" she cooed, her hand resting on his thigh.
"I heard some rumors the other day about you and that tomboy" she said, Jimin's throat going dry, "Claiming that you were hanging out with her."
"Me?" he exclaimed, laughing, "Not in a million years. Why would I waste my time on someone as boring and plain as her when I can have girls like you" he quickly covered up, smirking at Charlene.
"Like me? What am I like?" she asked in a seductive tone, greedy for more praise.
"Drop dead gorgeous and exciting" Jimin told her in his low flirty voice, caressing her bare leg underneath her skirt. When he touched her, he felt disgusted with himself. He despised himself for being a total douche bag like that. But he couldn't stop himself. This was who he had become. Everything was happening automatically. All of his words and actions were preprogrammed, he was only following his routines. The only thing off this time around was his feelings. He wasn't okay with his actions anymore. They bothered him. They felt wrong because every step he took moved you one step further away from him, and he couldn't bear it any longer.
"I thought you fucked around with her because of a bet or something" Charlene chuckled, all amused by this conversation.
"I wouldn't even sleep with her if it was for a bet" he said and that's when you no longer could hold in your tears. You shot up from your seat and stormed out of the lecture hall, leaving everyone wondering what was going on. The professor dumbfoundedly looked after you, trying to understand what was wrong.
"Is she okay?" he asked your seat neighbors who shrugged their shoulders, surprised themselves.
"So dramatic" Charlene snarled with an unimpressed look on her face.
Jimin's heart felt heavy, and he felt like the oxygen in his lungs got cut off.
He realized that you had heard him. All of what he said. And it killed him inside.
He was now at a point of no return. It was time to choose, to decide on what he wanted. Was it you, the one who made him feel like himself or was it the feeling of safety that came with belonging to a group?
His head was empty when he suddenly shot up from his seat too and stormed out the room after you, leaving everyone baffled.
"y/n!" he called after you in the empty hallways, tears forming in his eyes.
"y/n please stop" he said, grabbing your arm and turning you around.
You pushed him away, wiping at your eyes, trying to pull yourself together and stop crying.
"y/n please" he begged, a tear slipping his own eye.
"Jimin" you said, your voice trembling, "please just stay away from me."
Those words cut him deep like a knife. He felt like a helpless little child as he looked at you. The damage he had done to you was beyond repair.
----
He couldn't let you go like that. He ran after you, tears streaming down his face. The boy who couldn't remember the last time he cried, because he never allowed himself to be this vulnerable, was sobbing after you. It tore his heart apart, knowing that he had hurt you. Deep regret had settled into him.
"y/n" he cried, grabbing your arm again, "y/n don't go."
"Jimin, let go" you said, your voice cracking. Pulling your arm away once again, you continued your way but Jimin wasn't going to let you leave. He followed you, grabbing your arm again. His sobs filled the empty hallway. It was dumbfounding to you how much he was crying. You had thought he didn't care, that you meant nothing to him.
But seeing him sob like that in front of you, confused you. A stinging headache was forming in your forehead. It was all getting too much. Your brain wasn't able to keep up with your thoughts anymore.
"JIMIN JUST LEAVE" you suddenly yelled at him, not able to put up with him anymore. You just wanted to hide away and cry. You had no more energy to stand on your feet. The pain you felt was incomparable to any pain you had felt ever before. Was this what heartbreak felt like?
"y/n" he begged, "y/n, I didn't mean a single word."
"Are you kidding me Jimin?" you laughed out of frustration. "Are you being serious right now?"
You really couldn't believe how he dared to tell you that. Jimin felt so ashamed of what he had done, that he was struggling to keep looking into your eyes. The hatred and disgust in your eyes made him feel so small and pathetic. But he knew he deserved it.
"y/n I know I fucked up. I am a disgusting piece of trash, I know. But y/n I swear I didn't mean any of it. I just said those things because I knew that's what she wanted to hear" he tried to explain in a stutter, looking at you through his teary eyes.
You froze, a sharp jolt of pain piercing through your heart.
"You humiliated me b-because that was what she wanted to hear?" you repeated, a sob escaping your lips.
Jimin's breath hitched in his throat when he saw you crying. He tried to reach out to you and hold you, but you pushed him away.
"y/n I hate myself for what I have done" he said, "I am so sorry."
You couldn't stop crying and you hated yourself for breaking down in front of him, but he wasn't letting you go and making everything worse. Your legs felt wobbly and your head felt dizzy. All you wanted to do was crawl up in a ball and cry.
"y/n please hear me out" he said, "I have been fucked up like this all my life. I have always been a crowd pleaser. That's all I know.
I am only an insecure and immature child that is trying to please everyone and keep everyone on my good side so that no one will leave my side. I am scared of rejection and being alone. I put everything on the line for my reputation because I have even given up myself for it."
You didn't want to listen to his excuses, you didn't want to feel empathy towards him. But no matter how much he had hurt you, you still felt sorry for him. You hated yourself for it, but you couldn't help it. The boy who stood in front of you was very broken inside, you had known the moment you had looked him in the eye for the first time. You could tell that he had deep wounds which he tried to hide.
You could tell that he was wearing a mask to hide the truth because he couldn't show his weakness and be vulnerable, it would cost him too much.
"I am a scumbag and I don't deserve you, but fuck" he paused, his breath getting ragged as more tears began to fall from his eyes, "I grew to love you y/n. You have been a better friend to me than anyone else ever has. You understood me and let me just be around you. I felt like I could breathe in your presence-"
"Then why did you destroy it all?" you wanted to know because you really didn't understand.
"Because I am selfish and childish and greedy" he said, "I didn't want to give up on anything, didn't want anything to change. I thought I could have it all if I tried hard enough but I only ended up losing everything."
"You did" you agreed, wiping the tears from your eyes and taking in a deep breath. "I can't forgive you, Jimin. I can't trust you anymore. I was trying so hard to trust you and believe in your words but you destroyed it all. How will I ever be able to forget the things you called me? I am boring? And plain too? I look like a tomboy and am certainly not attractive enough for the biggest playboy who literally shags everyone but wouldn't lay a finger on me because I am that undesirable, huh? Fair enough. I guess that was why you were "respecting" me.
Thanks for being so considerate with me" you snarled, using his own words against him. Jimin's chest was aching and his lungs were burning. There were no words to say that could fix this. He knew.
"y/n" he called your name in a small voice, hiccuping from crying, "you are the most beautiful girl I ever laid eyes on. You were so flawless and perfect that I didn't dare touch you because I feared to tint your purity."
"Spare me the lies , Jimin" you harshly cut him off.
"I am not lying" he opposed.
"I don't believe a single word that is leaving your mouth" you told him. He hopelessly looked at you, feeling that his hands were tied.
There was nothing he could do or say to save the situation, to make you stay. It hurt him so deep that he felt his knees giving in. He wanted to bow down to your feet and beg for your forgiveness, but he could see in your cold eyes that your feelings for him had died.
"This can't be fixed" you said, your heart breaking again, "Let's leave it at that."
And with that you turned around and left for real this time. Jimin broke down, falling to his knees. He was hyperventilating. Tears streamed down his face, blurring his vision. His breaths were short since he was having trouble breathing, it felt as if a great weight was pressing down on his chest.
He had lost the one he realized he loved and there was no comparable pain to losing the one you loved.
----
It had been two weeks after the two of you cut ties with each other. Jimin came to the library every night, sitting there for hours and waiting for you to show up, but you never did. He even sat there on Saturday nights, praying to see you again. His whole life had been turned upside down. He missed you so much that nothing but you occupied his mind. He failed exam after exam because he just couldn't bring himself to focus on something else other than you. His so called friends had distanced themselves from him, claiming that he was acting weird and should get a grip. But Jimin didn't care about that. For the first time in his life, he did not care about what other's thought of him.
The realization had come too late, but at least now he knew what he really needed in order to be happy - and that was you. Someone he could trust with his whole heart and rely on. You had been a better friend to him than the ones he knew since childhood.
But he had lost you and this was something he just couldn't forgive himself for. The days felt dreadfully long and his heart felt heavy. Your hurt expression and teary eyes wouldn't leave his mind for weeks now. It had been too long since he had last seen you. Whilst he had tried to avoid you at all cost in the beginning, he now was looking for you everywhere. The tables had turned, it was now you who tried to avoid him at all cost.
You stopped attending the lectures the both of you shared and you studied in a nearby café instead of the library. The café wasn't as quiet and cozy as the library but it was better than seeing him again. You had cried for a week straight, your eyes always puffy and red. His hurtful words kept ringing in your ears. You couldn't understand that the person who said these mean things about you was the same guy who held your hand tightly when you crossed the street and brought you strawberry milk every time he came to see you in the library. Had it been all fake? Had your friendship not meant anything to him at all? He should win an Oscar for that performance, you thought. He was one hell of an actor.
It hurt your pride that you had fallen for his games. You had always claimed to be smarter than that. Yet you trusted him a second time and that's why it hurt even more than the first time.
But you were able to heal and forgive yourself. You hadn't done anything wrong. One sadly can't decide who they will fall in love with it. You had fallen for Park Jimin and loved him a great deal with all your heart and that was something you didn't regret. You regretted trusting him and letting him fool you twice.
---
After your last lecture, you lazily headed to the café you usually went to study to. Once you arrived, you sat by the window and ordered yourself an iced Americano. Without wasting time you turned on your laptop and worked on an assignment. When you studied, you often got too absorbed, forgetting about your surroundings. You didn't even notice that someone had approached your table until that someone put something down in front of you. It was a pack of strawberry milk. You didn't need to look up to know who it was, your heart clenched.
Glancing up, you met his eyes. He softly smiled at you, fiddling with his fingers nervously. It had been nearly a month since the incident and you hadn't really seen him in the meanwhile.
To suddenly see him standing in front of you, made your dull heartache intensify into a stinging pain in your chest similarly to the pain you had felt shortly after the incident.
"Hey" he said in a small voice. You didn't respond and adverted your gaze from him, focusing back on your screen. Jimin's heart fell at your cold reaction, but he hadn't expected anything different. Chewing on his bottom lip, he gathered his last courage to say bye before he left the café.
Jimin had put all of his energy into finding you. He had asked everyone he knew you were acquainted with where you usually hung around, and he even went as far as to check other libraries.
One evening when he was on his way to the library to check whether you would be there, he spotted you in a café, sitting by the window. His heart was racing like crazy when he stopped dead in his track and took a closer look to make sure it was really you. Ever since that day, he regularly passed by that café to see whether you were there, and he found out that you were there quite frequently in the evenings. He sat on a bench on the opposite side of the street and watched you from afar. He could barely see you from across the street but to know you were there was enough. For days, he tried to gather his courage and talk to you. He was desperate to sincerely apologize to you in order to ease his guilt.
Obviously he knew that it wouldn't be easy and that he would get rejected more than once until you softened again. That's why he would start small and patiently take tiny steps.
He occasionally stopped by and put a pack of strawberry milk on your table, saying hi and bye. Your heart fluttered whenever he came to your table. You didn't talk to him and tried not to look at him too, but sometimes you couldn't stop yourself from stealing a glimpse.
It went on like this for weeks.
"Hey y/n, I hope you had a good day. Okay... bye then."
"Here I am again. Enjoy your strawberry milk."
Even though you never responded to him, nor drank the milk he brought you every day, he didn't stop.
"They ran out of strawberry milk, so I bought you banana milk instead, I hope that's okay too. I will see you tomorrow, take care."
"Hey, it's rainy today. I brought you an umbrella just in case you need it on your way home."
He didn't give up. The drinks he brought you were all stacked up on your kitchen counter. You refused to drink them because you felt like that would mean you were giving in, but you didn't have the heart to throw them out too, so you brought them home with you.
"Take a break. Don't overwork yourself, okay?"
"I am running late today, I am sorry. I hope I didn't leave you waiting... no, I guess? Oh, okay. Well, I will get going then."
It was getting harder and harder for you to ignore him. You felt more and more tempted to talk to him. You could have just stopped going to the café too, but truth was you liked seeing him. You looked forward to his short visits. It was a matter of time until he sneaked back into your heart and you no longer could ignore him again.
"Hello y/n, here is your straw-"
"You never get tired, do you?" you said, seeing his eyes widen in shock.
After nearly two months, this was the first time you spoke to him. His heart was about to jump out of his chest.
"I don't" he agreed, putting the strawberry milk in front of you. "Enjoy" he said, smiling from ear to ear, not able to hide his excitement. He didn't want to push his luck though, so he decided to leave and come back again tomorrow.
"You are one minute too late Park Jimin, how come?" you made fun of him the next day. He only smiled softly, glad to hear your voice again.
"I will be on time tomorrow."
And slowly but surely your walls were falling apart, allowing him back inside little by little.
"Is chocolate milk okay too? A little girl bought the last strawberry one" he said, approaching your table.
"I don't like chocolate milk" you told him, seeing his face fall.
"You don't? Well, I can go to another market and see whether they have so-"
"It's okay, you don't have to. I am fine. You like chocolate milk though, right?"
Jimin nodded his head shyly, feeling all giddy inside because you remembered.
"You can have this then" you said, handing it back to him. He smiled, taking it from you.
"Can I sit with you?" he suddenly asked, surprising even himself. You froze for a second not knowing what to say. So you shrugged your shoulders, and he took that as a yes. It almost felt like the old times. A wave of nostalgia hit you. Slowly things were going back to how they used to be, only that they weren't the same. You couldn't open up to him again. Jimin noticed and it hurt him, but he wasn't going to give up. He was determined to win you back step by step and never make a mistake again. He wanted to commit his whole being to you.
One evening he asked to walk you back home and you agreed because despite your trust issues, you wanted to spend more time with him. It was very awkward.
You walked next to each other in silence, old memories coming back up. When you reached the red light, you stood there chewing on your bottom lip. The both of you were thinking of the same thing and it made you both very nervous. But when the light turned green, Jimin instinctively reached for your hand, holding it tightly. Your heart rate picked up and you felt your breath shorten. Jimin smiled to him self when you didn't let go of his hand after you crossed the street. He intertwined your fingers and held your hand tightly, never wanting to let go ever again. The both of you were sheepishly smiling to yourselves as you walked side by side. When you reached your apartment complex, Jimin turned to face you.
"I missed you y/n" he admitted in a small voice. You wanted to say it back, but you weren't ready yet. He smiled, understanding. Grabbing your other hand too, he held both your hands in his.
"You make me a better person" he confessed, "I learned a lot from you. I realized a lot of things about myself, and I am willing to change for the better. I want to be a man that is worthy of you. I want to make you happy."
Your eyes got teary, but you tried to hold them back.
"I need some time" you told him, and he nodded.
"I know" he said, "That's okay. Take all the time you need. I will wait."
"Thank you for your efforts" you said, and he smiled, giving your hands a squeeze.
"Good night y/n" he said, letting go of your hands and turning to head to his home. But you didn't want him to leave. Something inside you urged you to stop him.
"Jimin, wait" you called. Turning around, he looked at you with a questioning look.
"D-do you want to come upstairs for a cup of coffee?" you asked.
"I would love to" he said, softly smiling.
EPILOGUE
Jimin came running downstairs towards you, sweeping you off the floor and spinning you around.
"Yah Jiminah" you giggled, wrapping your arms around his neck. "Put me down."
He put you down, still holding you in his arms as he began to smother your faces with kisses.
"I guess your exam went well?" you said, brushing his hair out of his face lovingly.
"It went very good but that's not why I am happy" he grinned, placing a big wet kiss on your lips, "I am happy because I get to finally give all my attention to my beautiful girlfriend again."
"I am deprived of it" you agreed, nuzzling your face in his neck.
"We can spend our evenings at home, cuddled up in bed now instead of the library" he told you, making you smile at the thought of it. Jimin had been studying very hard for his exams, retaking the ones he had failed during your fight. But that was almost a year ago now. You and Jimin became a couple after a few months of being friends. It was bound to happen, considering the way you always looked at each other. Though it took you a very long time until you could forget about what had happened and start trusting him again, you eventually got there. He had been very patient with you and did all he could do to prove his genuineness to you.
Intertwining your fingers, he began walking you out of campus.
You always took the same route to your apartment, that was something that hadn't changed. But now your walks home were filled with laughter. When you stopped at the red light, he tapped your shoulder, which made you turn to him, and he quickly stole a kiss, grinning from ear to ear.
"That was sneaky" you said, laughing.
"I am going to steal more kisses later" he warned, smirking. When the lights turned green, he went behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist. You walked across the street in this rather uncomfortable position but you loved it. Taking your hand again when you had crossed the street, he brought it to his lips, kissing it.
Before you guys started dating, Jimin would have dropped you off home before he left to go back to his own apartment. But now that you were dating he had practically moved into your apartment. He always stayed with you. You were basically like a married couple at this point.
As you were taking the stairs to your apartment on the fifth floor, Jimin walked close after you, resting his hand on your waist. This small but yet intimate gesture always made your heart flutter. You appreciated these little gestures because they were truly your biggest joy. It were these little random things that he did or said that made you wonder how you could ever live without them before. Life felt full and complete with him. As you fiddled with your keys, trying to unlock the door to your apartment.
Jimin rested his chin on your shoulder, nuzzling his nose against your neck, his arms snaking around your waist. He loved skinship. Being close to you and touching you was his way of showcasing his love to you. Since you were a rather shy and hesitant person, you were very grateful that things like this were normal and comfortable between the two of you. Jimin never made you feel uncomfortable or clingy. He enjoyed every single form of contact, whether it be that you held his hand, brushed your fingers through his hair or kissed him. It made him feel loved and cared for. In the apartment, you both immediately headed to your bedroom to change into comfy clothes. The two of you couldn't stand to lounge around the house in jeans. Jimin slipped on a pair of sweatpants and a basic white shirt.
He always immediately picked out a shirt for you to wear too, as he grabbed his clothes from the wardrobe.
"Here, I wore this one last night" he said, handing you his black shirt. You loved wearing stuff that still smelled like him and he had taken note of that. He gave you a small adoring smile as you happily grabbed the shirt and slipped it on. Taking off your bra underneath the shirt, you pulled it out, making Jimin giggle. He always thought that it looked very funny when you did that.
"Let me take it to the laundry basket" he said, you handed him your shirt and bra to bring it to the bathroom alongside with his jeans.
You felt much better in Jimin's oversized black shirt which functioned perfectly as a sleeping dress. Putting your hair up in a messy bun, you moved to the kitchen to see what you could prepare for dinner. Jimin joined you soon after and you began to cook together. You usually cooked together since it was a nice excuse to spend more time with each other. He lifted you up, hands on your thighs as he sat you down on the kitchen counter.
"Let me do the rest" he said, "You can tell me more about your day in the meanwhile."
You smiled at his cuteness, grabbing his face and giving his lips a big kiss, making him chuckle into the kiss.
"Why you gotta be husband material like this all the time?" you whined, "You are making me melt. It makes me want to propose to you."
"Nice, my strategy seems to be working well then" he smirked and you chuckled.
"I would rather have you propose to me though" you grinned, "I might not be able to get through the proposal if I do it. Might suffer a heart attack out of nervousness."
"Babe" he chuckled, pouting, "Why would you be nervous when you already know my answer?"
Your heart did a somersault, the heat rushing to your face.
"You are such a Casanova" you said, playing it cool.
"Don't say that" he intervened, "It makes me remember my cringe playboy years. I am trying to erase that chapter of my life in my mind."
"Try harder Park Jimin, I will never let you forget" you stuck out your tongue at him.
"Yah, you little brat" he said, kissing your lips again. "Use those pretty lips to kiss your boyfriend and praise him with compliments."
"Hmm" you hummed against his lips, smiling into the kiss.
After you guys had dinner together, you moved back to the bedroom.
You laid on your stomach, going through your emails on your laptop, while Jimin's head was placed against your lower back. He was reading webtoons on his phone, which he was resting on your butt. With his free hand he caressed your thigh, drawing patterns on your bare skin with his soft fingertips.
Your evenings together usually looked like this. The both of you sprawled out on your bed, minding your own business but still being together simultaneously. You would take breaks in between, stealing kisses here and there, laughing at a meme Jimin had found or just silently cuddling for a while. When night approached you would take turns to shower or sometimes even shower together before you got ready for bed.
Jimin loved to play with your soft hair, so he sometimes blow dried your hair and brushed it for you, being the perfect boyfriend that he is. You would take out his contact lenses for him since he hated to do it himself and often forgot if you didn't remind him of it. After brushing your teeth and doing your skincare routine together, you would crawl into bed. Sometimes you guys listened to some music together, chatting about random stuff or sometimes you guys watched something together on your laptop before you cuddled up and fell asleep.
Your every day was like a movie scene with him. Every beauty and every happiness is born out of hardship. Your love was like that too.
After a rocky road, you had finally reached the flower path that lead into a small paradise of your own. Your love was not perfect, it had some cracks here and there but it was strong. Strong enough to fill those cracks and hold it all together. Time healed your wounds and Jimin's love and affection healed your soul. Now when you thought back to the things that had happened, you only thought of those times as steps that lead you to where you both were now: madly in love with each other and content in the bubble that you had created for yourselves. Jimin had always thought that breaking hearts was his ultimate thrill until he met you and realized that loving you was his purpose in this life.
*A/N this was posted as an imagine series on my instagram hence the lenght of this. for more imagines follow my instagram at moonchild_starrynight :)