♦Chapter 31: Dream♦
The days have traveled so fast that my eighth birthday was drawing near.
'Twenty-third of February'.
Hearing that date made me have goosebumps. And while pondering about that in early morning, I stuffed my face over a pillow, on my bed.
I ignored how sloppy I looked like that time. After all, I didn't feel like recomposing myself after having the thought that the day after tomorrow was my birthday.
Naturally, 'those two' will come without a doubt...
I was troubled, thinking that the persons that I didn't wish to meet will attend the party.
Yesterday, I asked the Duke if he would allow the celebration to get postponed. However, he kept refusing what I begged for no matter how many times I repeated it!
"Milady, I believe it's time for you to get up from the bed.", Viola suggested.
Oh, shut up, b*tch. I badmouthed the maid in my thoughts and never gave her a response.
"You'll be late for your breakfast with his grace, young miss.", she added as if she was warning me.
But still, I didn't choose to get off the bed. Somehow, I felt very lazy today. Rather, to be honest, I was just getting sick of meeting up with the Duke.
I no longer had the motivation to see his face. When breakfast, he's there. When lunchtime, he's also present. When afternoon, I meet him for the third time. And during dinner, I see him for the last time, in just one day. He's literally everywhere too because of this oh so small world!
I even started to wonder how I was able to handle that when I was really at this age.
Moreover, I still needed to think about the things that I should do in order to prevent the party from getting celebrated. And on the meantime, it was a must for me to always keep myself from letting my guard down in this place.
"At least, give me a break, will you?", I accidentally blurted out with a low voice.
".....From what exactly, milady?"
"....."
Once again, I didn't give Viola a response. No- Rather than 'didn't', it might've been 'couldn't'. After all, from the point that I whispered what I was thinking about without my knowing, I already lost my consciousness. And when my eyes closed itself, I couldn't guess what happened after that for any longer.
Afterwards, I had a dream.
When I opened my eyes, I realized that I was in a room. The moonlight that passed through the windows made the area a lot brighter. And thanks to that, I was able to recognize that I was in my own room.
But strangely, I felt taller than usual. When I decided to look downwards and check things out, I saw my body, or even my clothing, having a color that would fade any sooner like a ghost.
What's going on...?!
I couldn't understand what was happening at all. But based from my hair color, I could tell that I was still me.
"'She is a part of our family now.'", a girl giggled.
I was attacked by surprise when I heard the voice that came out, all of a sudden.
Before I knew it there was a person lying on my bed. On top of that, that person was...
"Me...?", I phrased in a question-like tone.
Is this..... the past...?
The last thing that I could remember that time was that I fell asleep before this happened. Thus, I speculated that this was a dream. And a very strange one at that.
"I have a father, now.", the other me added with a face that looked so happy.
My body stiffened up once that statement reached my ears. With my eyes that widened in despair, I stared at the girl as if I was about to cry.
I was petrified. I felt like running away from the place with all my might, even if I would be called as a coward. And yet, I couldn't.
"Why.....?!"
It was as though my legs were glued on the floor. Like something was preventing me from fleeing away.
Knowing that forcing myself to run away was futile, I reached out my hand toward the me that lied on the bed.
I wanted to stop her from having such thoughts. I didn't want her to suffer like the way I did. I wished to save myself, if this was actually a chance that God gave me.
When my legs finally started to move as if it was fated to happen, I leaped toward the girl with my hand stretched out. But then, the view before me started going hazy. Until, it was replaced with a completely different scenery.
By the way I leapt for utterly nothing, I felt betrayed. As I thought, God showed me what false hope was once again. With that in mind, I fell on the greeny grass with my knees scraped slightly.
My body has shrunk back to its usual shape. And surprisingly, this time, it didn't have a fading color like earlier. In addition, it also felt so real.
I was in another familiar area, surrounded by different kinds of colorful flowers. Most likely, I was in the garden.
"Are you okay?", a man shouted while he rushed toward my direction.
His long, black hair that shone in a dark brown color made me feel convinced that he was Duke Wendell.
When he came nearby my side, I saw his concerned expression while he looked at my wounded knees.
I blankly stared at that worried look. And then, I pondered.
'To whom does he worry for...?'
'Is he finally looking at me? Or perhaps, am I still Sherryl to him...?'
Such questions popped up in my thoughts.
The answer was clear. And yet, I didn't want to believe it.
I refuted to accept the truth. That might've been the reason why I still kept asking the same thing over and over again.
Tears have slowly flowed and dropped down my chin. If possible, I no longer wanted to cry. From the very beginning, I was never a strong person. I was just a coward, acting like one.
I am aware that crying was something not very adult-like. However, how am I supposed to act brave and strong at a time like this?
Yes. I admit that I am being quite emotional right now. Nevertheless, I helplessly can't endure it.
"Sherryl...", the Duke uttered.
See? In the end, it's still her! What did I expect? I thought, sarcastically.
Afterwards, the Duke embraced me in his arms like how he usually did whenever I come to be like this.
He was very warm. I used to love this warmth. But...
This isn't for me, isn't it?
Duke Wendell would always treat me the opposite. Those cold eyes of his would gaze at me with true hatred since I dared to act as his beloved daughter's replacement.
But even still, I couldn't seem to detest him even if he thought of me that way. It's just that-
I hate it that I love him.......