NICKI POV
After the birthday dinner Aubrey drew me a bath once we were home.
"Dinner wasn't as bad as I expected it to be." I said as I stripped in front of him. "Also you really didn't need to cancel plans.. but I'm glad we went."
"How'd you pull that off? They are trained to handle extensive criminals but couldn't crack you." He asked.
I stepped into the bath, "I took a couple of psych courses in school, so I just played with all of the body language and voice cues they would look for in a liar. While also, not lying." I laid all the way down in the bath, dipping all but my face into the water, "Why, do you also think I'm a psychopath or something?"
"No." He shook his head.
"Get in." I reached my arm to him. He got undressed and joined me. "Why am I charmed by you?"
"I didn't realize you were." He kissed my jawline. "Does that mean you stopped feeling off, or however you described it?"
"Working on it."
"How can I help?"
"Stay perfect." I smiled at him, "and it helps when I can be close to you, and its just the two of us. Or when we spend time together with the kids, that helps. Nothing special."
I felt his arm around my waist as he planted another kiss on my cheek, "Can you tell me whats wrong? Or how or why you feel it or something?"
"Its okay. I'm gonna fix it, I'm gonna get better." I assured him.
"Nic, you're not in this alone. I want you to tell me this stuff." He insisted.
"I know.." I sighed, "I'm sorry- you're right."
"You don't have to apologize, just tell me."
"Its nothing you did or anything if thats what you're wondering." I took a deep breath, "Everything that happened with Kathandra and then Logan... it was a lot, it still is. And I think that I let all of that consume me so much- so even though I know you've been here with me... I've been so lost and consumed by everything, that I haven't been here with you. If that makes sense. I was so scared and so frustrated with myself and with the situation.. I pushed you away without even knowing it, all of you. And I have to work on fixing that."
As he went to respond I felt a random pain in my head, and my heart felt heavy for a second.
"Wait," I stopped him, trying to get myself together again.
"Whats wrong?" He sat up.
"I-I need my phone." I felt the feeling come back, "I have to check on Lydia.. something's not right."
"Right now?" He asked, "isn't she with Anita or something?"
"I'm just going to call her, or contact Anita.. but there's something wrong." I said as he helped me out of the tub. He grabbed us both towels and I dried my hands before dialing Lydia. I called Lydia twice and texted her with no reply.
"Maybe she's fucking Anita, it is her birthday afterall." Aubrey shrugged.
"No." I shook my head, "I'm calling Anita- I need to be sure."
"I think you're overreacting a little bit Nic." He sat on the bed as I called Anita.
"Hello?" Anita answered.
"Hey, sorry did I interrupt?"
"Interrupt what?" Her speech was shorter and she seemed off.
"I- I tried contacting Lydia but she didn't answer, I wasn't sure if you two were-"
"If we were having sex, it would be pretty intrusive to call both of us Nic." She pointed out.
"Where is she?"
"I figured she was with you."
"Why wo-" I stopped and looked at Aubrey, "She's not here... at least I don't think she is. She would've told me."
"Maybe she's avoiding both of us then."
"Why would she do that?"
"Ask her." She hung up.
I played with my phone in my hands as I thought out loud, "she had to have told someone where she went. I don't know why it wasn't me though."
"You think she and Anita had a fight about you maybe? This just sounds like when you-"
"Anita isn't like you, she isn't jealous or anything. So that doesn't make sense, but you're right. Which is why Lydia and I promised to always make sure at least one person knew where we were... even if it wasn't eachother."
I started calling Margo, Rachel, Vanessa and Lydia's mom to figure out who she'd spoken to.
LYDIA POV
I managed to check into a hotel using cash, because if I used my card Nic would be able to find out exactly where I was. With my phone on do not disturb, I listened to music and took a hot bath. I replayed the conversation with Anita over and over in my head. What she said wasn't true, but admittedly- recent events made it seem that way. But I wasn't going to sit there and argue with Anita over my relationship with Nic- that would be useless. After the bath I stayed in one of the hotel robes and watched Everybody Loves Raymond for the rest of the night as I laid in the bed. I woke up early the next morning and had my mom book me a flight. I got dressed and stopped by the breakfast at the hotel before checking out. I stopped at two ATM machines to take out more cash before heading to the office to find a few outfits and a bag to pack them in from my office. I stopped at another ATM before heading to the airport.
Once I was in the air I decided to send Liyah a text message:
L- Hey hun, good morning. So, I'm clearing my head for a bit.. I would tell you details but I'm kind of flying under the radar and I don't want you to have to lie to Nic or Aubrey. So, you don't know where I am, when I left, or why I left.. but you do know that you're still my fav, and I would've brought you with me if I could. I'll bring you back a souvenir❤️
I landed in Cali by the time Aaliyah messaged me back. I didn't get a chance to read it until I was in an uber on my way to my mom's.
A- R U OK?
L- yes, I promise.
A- srsly?
L- YES. Let's call it a last minute vacation, okay?
A- A secret vacation?
L- yep. Top secret
A- I thought Nicki was the mom who ran away all the time? You're the one that fights.
L- not running away. I'm taking a break, and giving everyone else a break as well. Lets call it reevaluating.
I arrived at my mom's place and she met me at the door.
"Hi I missed you." I hugged her as I entered. "And I have cash to reimburse you."
"Not necessary, but I missed you too- did you eat."
"A bit." I nodded as I handed her the cash anyways.
"Nic's been calling all night asking about you- how long are you gonna hide from her?"
"I'm not hiding from her." I defended.
"So why are you flying incognito?"
"I was giving them all a break from me-"
"Its not a break if she spends the whole time worried about where you are." She pointed out.
"Im just a girl who flew to across the country to lay on the beach and watch the sunrise." I stated.
"Did Nicki say she needed a break from you? Or are you just listening to the new girlfriend?"
"She didn't say it. But I don't know, I wanted to know if Anita was right."
"You mean, your new girlfriend suggested you spend less time with your ex girlfriend- and you think this was expert advice and not something else?" A familiar voice appeared from another room.
"Jess?" I put my hands on my hips as my cousin entered then turned to mom, "were you ever gonna tell me you had company?"
"She's been catching me up on everything. I just got back a few days ago. I'm still waiting for the vet collection."
"Its in the vault, I promise." I hugged her.
"So I need to see pictures of all the new people now." She pointed out.
"Beach, sunrise- first." I shoved her.
We made it out in time for sunrise. I took a picture of the pink-orange sky over the sand and ocean and sent it to Nicki. She texted back immediately.
O- I could fucking kill you right now!
O- But are you okay? I was worried sick!
L- Needed a break from NY. I missed the Cali beach.
O- Cute. But what really happened?
L- I'll explain in person.
L- also, true to my word. Mom knew where I was the WHOLE time, promise.
O- ugh! I called her like 50x she said she didn't know anything! I knew you would tell her.
L- I didn't mean to worry you, I apologize to both you and Logan for that.
O- you should add Aubrey to that list, he would've gotten laid last night 😩
L- probs not gonna do that lol.
O- did you and Anita get into a fight or something? When I called she seemed drunk and short tempered
L- it wasn't a fight. I left because I didn't want there to be a fight.
O- Are you mad at her or something?
L- no, its not that
O- Well how long are you gonna be away? I'll head to your place and see if she wants me to take OJ and Liyah with me. You can't run away and force her to babysit babe
L- i feel like I fucked it up with her.. do you think?
O- um send her a message. I'm sure its fine babe.
L- I left her.. on her birthday Nic. I'm the worst person ever.
O- On my way to your place now, chill out. You're not a bad person, you just acted poorly.
L- fine... I'll message her when you leave.
Mom, Jess and I made breakfast while I waited to hear back from Nic.
NICKI POV
I knocked on the door before entering Lydia's house and was immediately greeted by Liyah.
"Hey babygirl, how are you?" I hugged her.
"Did you find mom?"
"Yes I did. She is okay, and I know she contacted you." I told her, "where's Anita?"
"Upstairs, Zoe got yogurt in her hair and now its all dried up and gross." She poured a cup of iced tea.
"How is she? Is she pissed at Lydia?" I asked.
"She's... sad mostly but also mad I guess." She shrugged. "They fought about you."
"I figured as much." I groaned. I ended up also getting a cup of juice by the time Anita came downstairs.
"Oh, hi." She looked at me.
"Hey, I just came over to-"
"This isn't my house, you don't have to explain to me." She stood at the other side of the counter.
"I'm sorry, did I do something to you?" I folded my arms, "And I mean besides letting your dad threaten me and my baby's life last night, and letting your parents talk shit about me all night.. Happy birthday by the way."
"Yes Nic, because now they think you're a freaking psychopath. They're questioning my professional and personal credibility now!"
"What?" I stopped her, "T-they think you made a mistake with OJ staying with me?"
She nodded, "kind of-"
"Is that what you and Lydia fought about?"
"No, I just got that call this morning. And trust me, Lydia is not talking to me- probably ever." She leaned on the countertop. "I didn't mean to ruin everything with her. I was drunk, and I made an observation."
"What kind of observation?" I tapped my cup, "actually no, I'll let Lydia tell me first."
"Right. Did she contact you? Is she okay?"
"She went to Cali this morning. I don't know where she was all night though. But I know she was definitely in New York early this morning, and a few hours later, she finally contacted me and said she was in Cali."
"She went to the other side of the country?!"
"I don't know when she's coming back, but I told her I would stop by here because its not really ethical or fair for you to have to take care of OJ and have Liyah considering the circumstances." I explained. "And I'm not one hundred percent sure where you and I stand either so-"
"I didn't say anything bad about you if thats what you're implying." She palmed her face, "And my opinion of you has not changed- I told you, you were the only case in which I never even almost second-guessed myself.. and I still feel that way, do not confuse my perception of you with how my parents feel after meeting you for one night."
"She said that you and Mom's relationship is a little one-sided.. and that you care more about Mom than she does for you and thats why she lets you get hurt but you always protect her before she can get hurt!" Liyah grabbed my arm, "She told Mom that maybe you need a break from her, and thats why she left."
"What?" I looked at both of them.
"I'm sorry.." Liyah apologized to Anita.
"You can't make observations on a twenty year relationship when you've only been around for a year. You have no idea-" I paused and calmed myself down, "Lydia made sacrifices for me, protected me and helped me in ways that I can't even begin to reciprocate. And anything you've seen me do for Lydia, she would do or has done for me. The only time Lydia and I even start to fight or argue is when we won't allow the other to protect us or something like that."
"You're absolutely right, and I'm sorry. I did not mean for my words to have this kind of effect." Anita wiped an oncoming tear. "And if Lydia ever talks to me again, or ever comes back- I would like to apologize to her in person."
"She'll be back." I smiled, "Especially since your birthday present is still at my house and eventually I'm going to grow too attached to give it up- thanks to pregnant hormones."
"Can you tell her that I'd rather her send me angry texts than to ignore me completely.. I've been worried sick." She requested.
"I thought running away was your thing?" Liyah asked.
"It is. But Lydia is stubborn and dramatic, Anita managed to hit a nerve that only Aubrey has ever breached. Aubrey did it out of jealousy- but not you." I pointed to Anita, "you were different, so it meant more that you said it. She didn't want to argue and prove you wrong, so she left. And like I said- stubborn and dramatic.. she did exactly what you told her to do, gave me a break from her."
"She went to California to prove a point?" Liyah asked.
"And she did it without telling me, she had her mom lie to me, she didn't use her credit cards, and made it so I couldn't track her phone." I nodded.
"She'll come back when you tell her Anita is sorry right?"
"She'll come back when I tell her Anita isn't mad at her." I corrected, "she's beating herself up about leaving and ignoring you on your birthday."
"Call her please." She walked over to me. "I'm not mad at her, I just want to talk to her. I miss her"
"Are you guys okay? Like you and Mom?" Liyah asked Anita.
"I love her... I wish I could erase yesterday and go back to how we were." Anita groaned.
"What exactly were you?"
"What do you mean? She's my girlfriend." Anita smiled.
"Where do you want the relationship to go?"
"I don't plan on going anywhere anytime soon" she bit her lip, "which is why I want to fix this and move on."
"Wouldn't it help if Anita knew some of the sacrifices Lydia made for you... because I only can think of like one or two-" Liyah spoke up again.
I side eyed her, ready to send her upstairs but Anita interrupted me.
"It.. could help give me some perspective. Since its obviously not something Lydia is comfortable telling me, or else she would have told me off last night instead of letting me go on think-"
"Or she's learning from my mistakes with Aubrey. Which I commend-"
"What do you mean?" Liyah looked at me.
"Well, I've learned that when being accused by your partner of not doing enough or caring enough, the worst thing you can do is to argue back and emphasize all of the examples of good that you've done.. because then its just considered throwing it in their face, and that just makes everything worst." I explained.
"So if you tell me, it won't be like that for her. I'm also not that vain anyways." Anita stated.
"As Lydia's friend, I came here to see how you were in regards to how long she'd be avoiding you. As a mother, I came to see if it would be best for my kids to stay at my place until everything is back to normal. And as your friend, I came to check on you- to be here for you. You weren't my biggest fan last night so I gave you space and put on my other hats to have even more of an excuse to come see you." I held her hands.
"I was a bit of bitch huh?" She scrunched her nose.
"I have all female friends, I think I expect at least one of you to get a little bitchy each week." I giggled. "Plus you get a free pass because it was your birthday."
She hugged me, "thank you."
"I will yell at Lydia for you too."
"Any idea when you can get her to come back?"
"We have an important meeting Monday morning, so before then."
"And how long before she and I are back to normal?"
"As soon as you're ready." I assured her.
"There has to be a buffer time frame."
"Not with us.. we are pretty good at the whole apologize, kiss and move on deal." I nodded slowly.
"So its just that easy?"
"Yes, but we totally respect that everyone else needs time.. and she'll wait."
She cocked her head to the side, "can you call her now? On speakerphone... so I can hear her voice."
"I told her I'd call when I leave here."
"She's not going to answer me if I call.. Nic please."
I sighed and facetimed Lydia.
"Hey- where are you?"
"Hey babe, I'm still at your place." I greeted.
"Nic."
"Look, your birthday gift for Anita is still at my place so you have to come home and give it to her eventually." I rolled my eyes.
"Well she would've gotten it this morning if I didn't get on a stupid plane."
"you're complaining. We're all stuck in the city doing nothing, and you're literally on the beach in a bikini." I joked before catching a fuller glimpse of the top of her suit, "an unreleased bikini too?!"
"Well I couldn't exactly go back home for clothes now could I?" She reasoned.
"When are you coming back?
"Soon." She shrugged.
"Very specific." I nodded, "how long are you dragging this out? You both fucked up, apologize and move on."
"She didn't fuck up... I did. And I'm not apologizing to her over the phone, I want to see her in person to do it." Lydia exhaled.
Anita reached her hand for the phone. I stepped away from her, "Oh I should tell you, she's here right now.. and she wants to take the phone now."
"Nic!! I thought you at least went to another room!" She complained. From behind my phone I saw Anita poke out her bottom lip.
"Yeah Lydia, if you had a less attractive girlfriend.. I would totally be able to hold out and take your side, but Anita is extremely beautiful.... and she's taking advantage of the major crush I have on her so-"
"Really? A pretty face..."
"Maybe you've been gone too long, this face is beyond pretty..." I clicked my tongue. "And I'm handing her the phone now because you don't even have a good reason to be avoiding her now."
"I-" she rolled her eyes, "Jess is here."
"Who's Jess?" Anita spoke up.
"Is that her ex or something?" Liyah asked with wide eyes.
"What? Ew no! Jess is her cousin! She's in the military so we don't see her much."
"Yeah, oh Goddd I can see how that could've sounded guilty. But I was really just hoping to persuade you to say hi to Mom and Jess for a second. So I can- not look a mess on camera." She exhaled.
"Lydia, please talk to me." Anita pleaded.
"Talk to you later babe." I blew Lydia a kiss before handing Anita my phone. I made Liyah leave and come play with OJ and Zoe. We ended up playing hide n seek on the upper floors.
LYDIA POV
"You really don't want to talk to me that bad?" Anita asked once Nic and Liyah had left.
"Its not that."
"I didn't think you were going to run away from me.. walk away maybe. You know- somewhere in the house not on the otherside of the country." She said.
"Yeah, I know. That was kind of stupid."
"You think?"
"I somehow believed that leaving was better than arguing on your birthday." I shrugged, "I do realize how it could be worst."
"I haven't involuntarily slept in an empty bed since we got together." She pointed out, "kind of hated it, especially on my birthday. With the added guilt of pissing you off, driving you away, and putting Nic in a terrible position."
"You didn't piss me off." I assured her. "And I plan on making up for it as best I can when I get back."
"Which is when?"
"I'll find a red eye. Because I do want to spend some time with my cousin Jess." I promised.
"And whats this I hear of a special bathing suit?" She tapped her chin.
I winked and let the camera scan my body so she could see.
"Why do I feel like you weren't interested in the sneak peek of the collection?" I teased.
"Caught me." She giggled.
I smiled at her without responding.
"What?" She asked, still giggling causing her cheeks to turn red.
"This is the farthest we've been away from each other." I realized, "I miss you, like a lot."
"I miss you like a lot too." She mimicked. "So can you not run away and do the full hiding thing again?"
"I won't. It was also a lot of work that I don't want to go through ever again so.. yeah." I bit my lip.
"Wow. So you're agreeing only because you're too lazy-" she joked.
"Yeah if I'm going to go through all of that secretive shit again it'll be for a good reason. Not to be away from you." I assured.
"You could just not be secretive.." she suggested.
"Then there's that." I shrugged.
I received a text from Aaliyah's phone.
A- hey its Nic. Fyi: la fête est dans 5h.
L- shit. Totally forgot. J'serai là.
"When you get here.. don't apologize okay? It wasn't that deep, I was out of line.. you just reacted." She told me. "So I'll do the apologizing."
"You weren't out of line. You made a perfectly reasonable statement, and I should've stayed and actually talk about it instead of leaving. It was childish and hypocritical." I explained.
"Why does that sound like an apology?"
"Yours sounded like one." I shrugged.
She giggled slightly, "So you mean to tell me, neither of us thinks the other should need to apologize for last night. But both of us feel the need to apologize nonetheless?"
I nodded, "seems so."
"Well, I'm glad its not the other way around." She leaned on the kitchen counter. "I just really like where our relationship is.. and where it was heading. I don't want last night to ruin that."
"Well, I'm laying on the beach.. with my mother who I haven't seen in months, and my favorite cousin who I havent spoken to in over a year and havent seen in more than that... and I'm on facetime with you." I stated, "So where does this line up with our relationship status?"
"You didn't want to talk to me remember? I had to take Nicki's phone."
"I could've hung up." I pointed out, "and its not that I didn't want to talk to you. I didn't want to apologize over the phone- and I thought you were mad at me so I didn't think it was probable to talk without the apology."
"Why couldn't you apologize over the phone?"
"I just- feel like its impersonal and you deserve more than that." I shrugged.
"I love you."
"I love you too."
"Let's avoid allowing things to come between us okay?" She suggested.
"But I do want you to talk to me about whatever.. like last nights statement... we can actually talk through, like adults." I expressed.
"Yeah Nic was telling me a little about your rationale. But babe, please do not base our relationship on Nicki and Aubrey's..." she groaned, "its us. I'd rather you tell me that you don't want to talk about it or something than to just leave without saying anything."
"Got it." I nodded. We chatted a while longer before finally hanging up.
NICKI POV
Anita had decided she was fine with keeping the kids.
"What if I came to your place? Just until like dinner.." she asked.
"Ugh.. not today. I'm still on Aubrey's mom's bad side after last night." I groaned, it was true.. but that wasn't the reason she couldn't come over.
"Last night?" She cocked her head to the side.
"Oh yeah.. so Aubrey and I were about to have sex, when I realized something was up with Lydia. And I kind of spent most of the night calling around to get ahold of her. And Aubrey's mom is very opinionated and protective of her son, which is fine- it'll blow over eventually." I explained.
"So... you could always stay here." She suggested.
"Yeah, that would be a win-win huh?" I sat next to her on the couch, "Avoiding my mother-in-law while getting to spend time with you."
"As your friend, I totally agree. As your temporary therapist, I would have to advise against trying to avoid your mother-in-law." She put her hair in a loose bun.
"Yeah, which of the two do you honestly think I'm going to listen to?" I winked.
"Good." She flashed a smile.
We chatted for a little before deciding to watch a movie, but I soon noticed her falling asleep.
I tapped her shoulder, "Hey, are you okay? We can change the mo-"
"Sorry.. I honestly didn't get much sleep last night. Or- any sleep." She pushed a few stray curls out of her face.
"Let's go upstairs and take a nap then" I stood, "I couldn't sleep either."
I stopped to talk to Aaliyah for a second before joining Anita in Lydia's bedroom.
"Hey can I come in?" I peeked my head in her door.
"Yeah." Liyah nodded.
"Where's OJ and Zoe?"
"Playroom."
"Are you okay? Do you want to talk about anything?" I asked.
"No, I'm okay." She toyed with her phone in her hands. "Are you leaving?"
"Not yet. Anita and I are both tired from staying awake worrying about Lydia all night. And there's also a surprise party for Anita tonight, so I am going to go take a nap with her." I took a deep breath, "but seriously, if something is up.. you know that as my daughter you come first right?"
"Are you going to have sex with her?" She scrunched her nose.
"Noooo. I'm just sleeping with her, not sleeping with her." I denied.
"But you want to right? You have like a major crush on her."
"If we were both single- then yeah I'd probably have sex with her. But we're not, so I would never do anything like that." I said sternly. "Does it bother you that I'm close with Anita?"
"I- I don't know.."
"Do you trust me?" I asked.
"Yes." She nodded.
"So whats wrong?"
"I just don't want you and dad to fight again."
"We won't. Not about this." I assured her.
She didn't seem convinced.
"I'm not going to do something that makes you this uncomfortable Aurora. Like I said, you're my daughter, so you and your feelings come before everything else." I touched her face, "As long as you're open with me about your feelings, I can honor that okay?"
"You're not going to tell her that I'm the one that told you not to sleep with her are you?" There was a mix between fear and guilt in her eyes.
"I'm gonna talk to her, and then go home okay?"I kissed her forehead.
She grinned at me with red cheeks.
"Okay now whats that look?"
"You called me your daughter like 5 times in the past 10 minutes." She pointed out, "And- you actually care about my opinions on stuff."
"Of course I do."
"Its just cool, thats all." She shrugged. "Dad and I haven't been that close since he found out I'm not really Aaliyah. And Mom's usually busy and so are you and Anita.."
"I thought you and your dad were close?"
"Not really, he just vents about you guys. And thats it." She shrugged.
"I'm- Do you want me to talk to him? Well, I could talk with all three of them.. I can let them know what you're feeling-"
"You don't have to do that" she shook her head.
"Hey." I cupped her face in my hands, "I love you, and so does Lydia and Aubrey. And I'm sure Anita does too. We love you, and we are proud of you, and we appreciate you for all that you do. So if for any reason thats not being translated through our actions... thats on us to fix. But you know, that since we are all so busy.. sometimes it may be easy for us to forget. That doesn't mean we love you any less, but you don't have to feel bad about reminding us."
"Thanks." She smiled slightly, "Then- I guess I will take you up on that offer."
"Do you want to be there? Or, you can tell me what you want me to say on your behalf.."
"Mom actually did remember today.." she recalled.
"What do you mean?"
"She texted me this morning, and she told me that she had left. And that she didn't want me to think she left to get away from me, and that the only reason she wouldn't tell me where she was going was so that I wouldn't have to lie to you if you asked me."
"Really?"
"Yeah." She nodded, "I told her she was acting like you.. running away."
"That was a very me thing to do." I agreed, "but I think she also just missed home."
"What if something happens on her way back? Like with you and O-"
"That was a freak accident. Don't worry."
"Do you ever think about the accident?"
"Not recently why?"
"Do you remember what it was like? What you were doing or thinking or what you saw or heard right before?"
"Yeah."
"You don't like to talk about it?"
"People stopped asking about it." I shrugged.
"I'm asking."
I sat so I was able to lean against her headboard beside her. I detailed how we were driving through a tunnel, and I had decided with help from OJ to answer Aubrey's call. How I looked up and saw the truck coming for us. The panic, the fear. I recalled swerving, the feeling of the car being hit and being sent spinning in the air. Finding myself in an upside down car. OJ's hot seat buckles that I had to cut off. Realizing the car was on fire. The pep talk I gave OJ. How I kicked the door and kicked OJ through. Finding my phone and trying to talk to Aubrey with my last breaths.
"Why didn't you try to get out? You just gave up!"
"I didn't give up."
"You sent OJ out, then why didn't you let him stay with you? What if there was no one to catch him on the other end."
"The car was crushed, upsidedown and on fire. It was extremely hot, everything burned our skin, and we were running out of breathable air. When a car is on fire, you only have until the flames reach the gas tank before the car explodes. I needed OJ out and I told him to get away from the car as soon as possible."
"Why didn't you try to get out? Why'd you stay in the car you knew was going to blow up?" She was pissed.
"It took all of my energy to break the door open, and even more to get OJ out. Without energy, oxygen, and suffering from a concussion.. I couldn't. I wanted to, I really did. I never wanted OJ to feel the pain of losing a parent." I explained, "But it worked out babe.. we're all safe okay?"
"What if it didn't?" She said through clenched teeth.
"We can't dwell on alternative endings." I shook my head, "I am always going to put your lives before my own. I'm a mother, its what I do. But I don't want you to confuse that notion with being suicidal. I'm not suicidal, that was my past. Trust that."
"I thought the woman who jumped at your job had convinced you to jump with her."
"I was weak, and I let her get to me. And I'm sorry for that." I defended, "its not full-proof. But Anita was able to bring me back to my senses.."
"And if she hadn't been there?"
"My guard was down because Anita was there. If she hadn't been there, it wouldn't have been as easy for Kathandra to have turned me okay."
"But it still could've happened."
"When Ollie was missing, and I was left alone. Two men tried to rob me with guns. If I was as weak and suicidal as you're suggesting- I would have died that night. I didn't have back up, no one to call or rely on. But I fought them back and could have easily killed both of them that night before the cops arrived."
"Why didn't you?"
"I'm not a murderer. I spent my whole life blaming myself for people's deaths. If I had pulled that trigger and applied pressure on my heel that night.. my greatest fear would've been realized."
An hour had passed by the time I went to Anita's room.
"Started to think you were standing me up." She giggled half asleep.
I knelt by her bed, "Motherly duties."
"Is OJ okay?"
"My other child." I clicked my tongue.
"Oh.." she nodded, "well is Aaliyah okay?"
"Yeah, she just needed some time to chat."
"Well, you're perfect for that." She smiled.
"I need.. for us, all of us- to be on the same page with our boundaries."
"Between us?" She raised her eyebrow.
"Yeah."
She sat up on her elbow, "I think you misinterpreted my actions... you think I was making a move on you?"
"No!" I denied, "and thats the problem. I don't, but its possible for Aubrey or others to see things differently. And as much as I value our friendship and love spending time with you, I need to be able to do that without jeopardizing the rest of my family."
"Right." She nodded, "why don't you figure that out, and give me an update- whenever."
"Thanks." I went to touch her cheek but she pulled away.
"You don't get to do that."
"I'm not allowed to touch you at all? Because I said-"
"You said you don't trust me." She interrupted.
"Now who's misinterpreting?" I leaned away from her.
"I'd tell you to leave, but this is technically your house isn't it?" She sat all the way up, "I'll go home."
"No, stay.. you're tired and should rest. I'll go and try to get some sleep too.. we're both tired and with Lydia's disappearance we're still coming down from being emotionally vulnerable."
"You are way out of your jurisdiction with throwing psych terms at me and you obviously don't even know what they mean."
"Fair enough." I stood. "I'll take Liyah and OJ with me."
"That- you don't have to do. They're Lydia's kids too, so if you're THAT mad at me, take them. But they are fine if they stay here."
I balled my hand in a fist and saw red, "Do I look like a charity case to you?"
"What?"
"You're not doing me a favor by my kids being here okay? I am capable of taking care of my kids."
"I never said otherwise." She defended. "I told you I never doubted you as a mother."
"Pick a role." I rolled my eyes.
"You are capable of taking care of your kids. I'll never let you believe otherwise, you know that. Keeping your kids here- helps me... because it makes Zoe comfortable and I can't give her that on my own okay?"
"Its literally your job to take care of kids when no one else can. And you want me to believe you can't do so successfully with your own niece?" I walked to the door, "do yourself a favor, and don't tell Lydia about this... Don't hurt her again."
By the time I got home I had a call from Lydia.
"Hey babe, are you alone?"
"Walking into the house now why?" I asked her.
"I'm at the airport, my plane leaves in 20. I'm gonna surprise her at the surprise party." Her excitement was nearly bursting through my phone speaker.
I cleared my throat as I opened the door, "What are you gonna wear? Sweats? I'm pretty sure a bunch law clerks and attorneys are looking for any excuse to throw own their evening attire."
"When I fly in, I'll only have enough time to get ready.. do you mind picking something out for me at your place? It'll ruin the big surprise if I show up at my place where she is." She requested.
"Long or short?" I waved to Aubrey's mom quietly as I shut the door behind me and Aubrey approached to greet me.
"Long." She replied.
"Okay, I'll find something.. and put it together for you. Anything else?" I hugged Aubrey.
"Yeah, one more thing."
"Yeah?"
"What are you hiding from me?" She asked, all of her excitement vanished instantly.
I froze, I couldn't lie to her but I didn't want to tell her the truth.
"Onika, talk to me." She called out.
"You know, I didn't get much sleep- I should rest before the party."
"Promise you'll talk to me when I get there.."
"I promise. Please have a safe flight babe. I love you." I hung up.
"What happened?" Aubrey asked.
"I fought with Anita, but I can't tell Lydia- not yet."
"What did you fight about?"
"I don't remember." I shook my head.
"Nic.."
"No, I really don't remember babe." I defended, "it-it was stupid, all of it. I mean, its Anita- she's been nothing but amazing to me, to all of us since the day we met. She's perfect, she's never done anything wrong, not to us, not to me. W-why was I mad at her?" I sat on the ground in tears.
"Lets get you upstairs." He picked me up.
I continued babbling until he laid me on the bed, but by then I had fallen asleep.
LYDIA POV
After my call with Nicki I bought a coffee from the airport café.
"$7 for coffee should be illegal right?" A woman approached my table.
"You pay for the convenience." I sipped mine as she sat across from me. "Who says I'm not waiting for someone?"
"I'll move as soon as they show up." She winked.
"Look, I'm sure you mean well... but I'm just not feeling up to it right now."
"Break up?" She raised her eyebrows.
"No." I shook my head.
"Did you... kill someone?"
"Nope."
"Nothing illegal?" She sipped her drink.
"I didn't do anything."
"So why not tell a stranger what's bothering you? It'll be better than hanging onto it yourself on a flight to..." She peaked at my ticket, "New York. Hey, thats far. Are you running away or towards the problem?"
"Towards." I shrugged.
"I can take a hint.."
"Why'd you come over here? Why are you so interested?" I cocked my head to the side.
"Truthfully? You were beautiful and looked confident from afar. I came to hit on you. But, when I sat down, it was obvious you weren't okay.. and I just figured sometimes a stranger you'll never see again is the best person to vent to or to ask for advice." She admitted.
"Well I am spoken for by the way. But I just might take you up on the offer."
"I'm listening." She leaned forward.
"My best friend is hiding something from me. But this has never happened before.. so I don't know how bad the thing is or-"
"How do you know?"
"We're usually connected, in sync.. but I was on the phone with her just now and- we weren't. Which would only happen if there was something she didn't want me to know." I expressed.
"Did you- ask her? You two sound close."
"She hung up. I think she might be napping or something."
"So you'll talk to her in person when you get there."
"We've never fought before, in 20 years of friendship. And we're supposed to be going to my girlfriend's surprise party, I don't think today is the day I want to break that streak. I already left to come here without telling anyone, so I don't have much going for me right now."
"So you came here without telling her. And now you're stressed because she's not telling you something?"
"I turned off my phone. I didn't break our connection when I did it. She couldn't call me, but she was able to know that something was up."
"I'm not fully following the whole connection metaphor thing. But it sounds like you do know that something is up. Is there someone else in New York you could contact? And just ask them if she's okay, to ease your nerves before the flight."
"I guess I could try calling her fiancé. Although if she's shutting me out, I wouldn't be surprised if it was his doing... but at least I'd know." I agreed.
"Do that and..." she scribbled her number on a napkin, "Feel free to let me know how things pan out."
"I'm Lydia." I smiled.
"Claire" she handed me the napkin as she stood. "I have to get ready for my flight. I really hope things work out"
"Thanks."
Once she left I called Aubrey with my final 5 minutes until boarding. I walked through the crowded airport towards my gate.
"Hello?"
"Hey Aubrey. How are you?"
"Good. Why? Where are you?"
"LAX, I'm actually headed to your place. Is Nic asleep?"
"Yeah she passed out when she got home."
"Is she- okay?"
"Yeah she just didn't get to sleep last night."
"Right.." I sighed, "It's just- she's keeping something from me and I don't know what it is."
"How do you know?"
"Because since we don't lie to each other, I know if she's hiding something because she's less talkative. But this time was worse-"
"How?"
"You know how we are connected? We pretty much know what each other are thinking and stuff.."
"Yeah."
"Well I don't right now. And she doesn't know what I'm thinking or feeling either." I explained. "She shut me out, and I just hope she's not mad at me for any reason."
He exhaled, "if I tell you this, you won't get mad or nothing. Don't turn it into anything, cause its probably a reason why she didn't tell you."
"Please? I promise."
"Her and Anita got into some sort of argument. She doesn't remember what it was about, but she feels bad about it.. so maybe she wanted to sort that out or something." He revealed.
"Thanks. I really appreciate you telling me that."
"Just to be clear, this won't backfire on me right? Is she gonna be pissed that I told you?"
"No. Because I'm not going to make it into anything.. like I promised. And hopefully they'll either make up and move on, or she'll tell me herself." I explained, "But I can at least stop stressing now."
"Okay."
"Okay, so.. I'm gonna board any minute now. Just so you know, Anita has no idea I'm coming back, its a surprise."
NICKI POV
I woke up an hour later alone in my room. I rolled out of bed and went into the closet across the hall to find both Lydia and I clothes to wear for the night. As I finished, Aubrey entered the room.
"Hey, you feeling better?"
"Not entirely." I sat on the couch.
"You wanna talk about it?"
"I remember what the argument was about... how it started." I sucked in my bottom lip for a second, "And it just escalated and we both just started saying some pretty hurtful things that I'd like to believe neither of us truly meant."
"What happened?"
"After we got everything with Lydia sorted and she got to talk to her for a bit and stuff. She just asked me to stay and keep her company for a bit, and eventually we realized we were both tired because we didnt sleep last night. So the suggestion was made that I stay there and take a nap with her." I detailed, "but when I talked to Aaliyah, she didn't seem comfortable with the idea of Anita and I being so close.. and mentioned that you probably wouldn't either. So I told Anita that maybe we should figure out the full boundaries of our friendship, ones that are considerate of you, me, her, Lydia and the kids. And she took that as meaning I didn't trust her. I didn't want to say it was because I talked to Liyah, so I just let her be angry with me. And it just escalated..."
"You were in the right." He knelt in front of me.
"Are you just saying that-"
"No seriously babe." He kissed my knuckle.
"Thanks."
"Lydia called, by the way."
"What'd she say?"
"She wanted to know what you were hiding from her and why."
"Of course." I palmed my face.
"Why don't you want to tell her?"
"Because," I exhaled, "I don't want to ruin the vibe for Anita's party. I was gonna tell her tomorrow.."
"Well she's worried about you. She was bugging out and shit about you shutting her out or something."
"Yeah that kind of backfired huh.." I groaned, "I didn't think she would notice so soon. I want to make up with Anita"
"I told her what happened.."
"How'd she take it? Is she mad?" I felt my heart start beating fast.
"She took it well don't worry." He touched my shoulders, "you've never asked that about Lydia.. this shut out shit seems to be fucking with both of your heads. You sure you don't want to undo it or some shit?"
"I do.. but its hard."
"This is a stupid question, but is there anything I can do to help?"
I nodded, "Yes actually."
"What is it?"
"I need you to help me be completely vulnerable for when Lydia gets here.. because its going to be hard for both of us to let our guards back down. So if mine are down before she gets here, I just have to get her to let hers down." I explained.
"What do I do to do that?"
"Well its actually really easy for you."
"Why?" His hands rested on my waist causing me to giggle and blush.
"Because you kinda just did."
"All I did was touch you."
I hugged him, "All I need is you."
He wrapped his arms around me, "Like this?"
"Can I tell you something?" I pulled away and sat on the bed.
"Yeah?" He held my hands.
"You know how I've told you that I don't really like hetero sex that much and how I really just like being close to you?"
"Yeah" he scratched the back of his neck.
"There's a moment right before the sex fully starts, where I just have like a flutter in my stomach and my heart just warms completely and I just feel- and think to myself, 'I really love this man, and I trust him.. and he can do whatever he wants to me right now and it wouldn't change a thing." I explained, "and that moment- is when my walls are completely down and I am completely vulnerable. And that vulnerability is why else I love sex with you and not other men. I love being vulnerable for you, because I know and trust that you'll never do anything to make me regret it..."
He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, "And this is different from just being turned on?"
"Yes, because if it weren't I'd be having sex with you right now instead of revealing to you that there are moments where you could easily take advantage of me because I let my guard completely down." I smirked.
"So what part exactly.. when does it happen?"
"It changes.. sometimes no sex is involved, just watching you do something or hearing you say something will make it happen.. or just seeing or thinking of you." I bit my lip.
"Your face is red as hell right now." He pointed out. I giggled as he pecked my lips. He asked, "What are the chances you give me like a signal or code word to let me know when you feel that way?"
"Why, what are you going to do?"
"I just want to know when or how often thats all." He kissed me again. "Because then, I can figure out how to make it just happen all the time."
"A code word?"
"Something you wouldn't say any other time."
We ended up deciding on the word 'awesome' as the code word, it was something easy to implicate into conversation so it wasn't obvious to anyone else around. But it wasn't a word I actually ever used.
I snuggled into him, "I love you." He started kissing me and eventually ended up on top of me, pressing himself against my hips as he deepened the kiss. "Lydia will be here soon." I groaned, pushing him away slightly with my hands on his shoulders but also still kissing his lips and cheeks.
"I'm not convinced I should get up." He teased as he nibbled on my bottom lip.
"Anita's pissed at me, so I'm mostly just going to support Lydia and probably apologize to Anita." I sighed.
AALIYAH POV
Some time had passed since my talk with mom. I found Anita in the kitchen angrily putting dishes away.
"You okay?"
"I'm just great." She stacked some cups.
"I can help you, if you want.." I offered. "You- seem upset."
"You know, I'm really tired of people wanting and expecting me to explain myself to them today. My relationship, my life, my job, my choices, my emotions, ME... I'm sick of explaining myself to people." She slammed a pot onto the counter.
"I'm sorry, I was just trying to help..." I blinked to stop my tears from falling as I walked away.
"Wait!" She called, causing me to turn to her again. "I am not upset with you, and its not right for me to take my anger out on you. So I'm sorry. You're a great kid, and I know you had good intentions."
"I know you said you dont want to explain yourself, but if you change your mind, and want to talk... you know where to find me." I nodded and left. In my room I texted Nicki.
A- hey, Anita is like super upset.. and i dont think she wants to talk to me.. but maybe you?
It took her a second to respond, but eventually the message came through:
O- since its probably my fault, Im gonna say no... im not the best option here. We did NOT leave off on a good note earlier.
O- How bad is it? Is she ok?
A- is it because of me?
O- she does not know you had anything to do with my decision babe. And like I said, you were RIGHT and thank you for helping me see reason. Anita just- has to deal with reality, thats all
A- so she's mad at you because of me
O- thats not what I said
A- she wouldn't be mad at you if it werent for me..
O- Everyone prefers that Anita is mad at me rather than your father. So like I said, you did a GOOD thing. I'll see her later tonight and try to clear things up don't worry
O- just let her be. If things get worse, let me know and I'll send someone over.
A- kk
I toyed with my phone for a while before finally working up the courage to go back downstairs. 4 steps from the bottom of the staircase I was able to overhear the end of Anita's facetime call, and even peek in on her.
"Okay fine! I'll go, but you have to drive me.. The past few days have been an absolute train wreck and I will definitely be drinking to forget all of it." Anita scoffed.
"Dinner was that bad?" A semi-familiar voice asked.
"Don't get me started." She rolled her eyes, "I feel like.. the stars aligned and now everyone is finding reasons to screw me over or piss me off and somehow it keeps being my fault."
"Where's Lydia? Is she there with you?"
"No. She's in fucking Cali... she wanted to get away from me."
"She-she's where?" The tone switched. "Where's Nicki?"
"At her place-"
"Nee, I know this is a lot on you right now.. so I'm gonna send Grace over in a bit to help you get ready or whatever. The three of us will make the most of the night. But, I do have to go do my job since your girlfriend's getaway trip gives me a shit ton of work to do now."
"Well, send her to Lydia's place because thats where I am."
When she hung up, I walked into the room with her.
"You're mad at my mom and you shouldn't be."
"Which mom?"
"Nicki"
"Oh-"
"I was the one that told her that being THAT close with you wouldn't be fair to my dad. She was listening to me." I confessed. "I didnt want you to hate me for it.. but I also know that you two are good friends to each other and I hate being the reason you're not talking."
"Why would I hate you?"
"Well, for not trusting you. Or like.. whatever the lesbian word for cockblocking is." I shrugged.
"Do you not trust me? Or were you just looking out for your dad?"
"My dad-"
"So does he not trust me with Nic? Or did you just want to avoid the possibility of conflict at all?"
"The second option.."
"There's nothing wrong with you not wanting to watch your father's heart break again. And there's nothing wrong with Nicki protecting you by taking the fall for the decision." She sighed.
"So you're not mad?"
"I have a lot on my plate right now.. but I'm glad you told me the full truth, because thats one less thing." She poured herself some water, "I'm gonna go out for drinks with two of my friends, one of them is Janine, if you remember her. So, if you want to stay here I would appreciate you watching Zoe and OJ. But I can also get your parents to take them and you can stay here or go there too." She sipped the water. "And the other, Grace is gonna meet me here."
"Is that who you were talking to on the phone?"
"Janine, yeah." She continued putting away dishes.
"Why'd she say mom gave her more work for leaving?"
"If your moms didn't tell you, I definitely don't think its my place to."
"What happened? Are they okay?"
"Yes its fine. And Janine is amazing, so even if it weren't, she'd handle it. You have nothing to worry about."
"Janine is their lawyer right? The one that helped for OJ's case.."
"Yes. And she is the best and most well rounded lawyer in the state. She's also my best friend, so that means she'll work a little harder to ensure the best for your moms, because that also means the best for me. So like I said, there's nothing to worry about."
"But there's another case?"
"Sort of."
"Could they end up in jail?"
"No."
"The business?"
"No."
"So... one of us?"
"No. Everything is fine. You're not gonna guess it, and I'm not gonna tell you. So don't waste your breath." She clicked her tongue.
"This is like the most you've ever talked to me.." I squinted at her. "Except for when Ollie was missing and you did the interview thing with me. Is this apart of the case?"
"No. I legally cannot be your law guardian because of my relationship with Lydia." She explained. "But I agree, we don't usually talk.. or spend this much time alone."
"Oh."
"I'm kind of just following your lead.. so if you did want to talk more or spend more time with each other, get to know each other... all you have to do is ask." She looked me in the eye. "I don't really plan on leaving any time soon... so I think it would be nice- but I'm not going to force it."
"Yeah, but you have a lot on your plate right now.. I just dont want to give you more stuff to do."
"I am overwhelmed, frustrated and overall very confused right now with a lot of aspects of my life but thats apart of life and Im dealing with that. But us getting to know each other doesnt have to complicated if we don't make it so. Thats the only part I've been trying to avoid for the time being."
"What would make it complicated?"
"Well, I was your law guardian, and sort of therapist because that went hand in hand.. but now Im dating your mom, which in a normal family would make me like your step mom.. but Lydia is already like your step or adopted mom.. and I really feel like you having 3 parents is a lot and you probably don't need more parental figures in your life.. but I'm also always watching you technically, even though you don't really need a sitter- and well, yeah."
"What about OJ?"
"He's younger.. so I was already just his special friend. And thats really all I need to be for him."
"But you're like Zoe's mom now-"
"I am not her mom. I am her aunt."
"So is Lydia her aunt too?"
"Sort of.."
"So Zoe and OJ are cousins? So I'm like her cousin.. which-"
"Complicated. There's no family tree to follow okay? You and I are... well, hopefully friends."
"As my friend, do you have a crush on Nicki?" I cocked my head to the side.
"That was a really big leap." She bit her lip.
"Because if not, then I feel even worse for what happened earlier."
"And if so, then you don't feel bad?"
"I mean- I dont want to assume just because you like girls means you like all girls.."
"Well I do. And she has a crush on me too. And your father and Lydia are both aware of this... but you dont have to worry."
"So its okay to crush on other people? And be close with them.."
"Well, Lydia and Nic trust each other.. and Lydia trusts me. Plus, I'm in love with Lydia which is a lot stronger than just me liking Nic. And Nic may have a bigger crush on me, but for her I think its mostly lust and my appearance. So I would not throw away what I have with Lydia for Nic- Nic and I are great as friends, under different circumstances maybe even a one-night stand.. but I would never date her and I wouldn't lose Lydia over her."
"Why wouldnt you date her?"
"She's just not what I'm looking for in a significant other." She shrugged. "Which is good because I have an amazing girlfriend, who is exactly I was looking for."
"Wait you're bi right?"
"Yes, and I just want to point out that I'm really starting to see the similarities between you and Nic right now.. so I'm going to tell you the same thing I told her, I am all for being open and you being curious about my sexuality and my hormones and stuff... but I don't want that to be the only thing we have to talk about.. it gets boring and a little annoying, really fast." She finished her water. "I promise there's a lot more to me than my sexuality. Which by the way, is in fact on the list of reasons I wouldn't date Nic."
"Because she-?"
"Because Im not entirely convinced she realizes that yet."
"Sorry.." I looked down.
"Like I said, I'm fine talking about it. But I really hope you have more topics in mind for the future."
"I just- only Nicki ever talks to me about that kind of stuff.. and she's like still confused herself with some things, or she's afraid of getting in trouble with dad for saying too much so I don't-"
"I am here to answer your questions and clarify things or give insight. Don't get me wrong, I'd rather you come to one the adults in your life than to get shaky info from other sources." She stated, "But I'm sure we can also find other interests we share"
"I hope so." I sat across from her.
"Me too." She smiled.
"I know I sound like a dweeb, but you seem really cool.. and different from everyone else."
"Really?" She raised her eyebrows, "and why's that?"
"Well for starters, you have a different job than all of my parents. Your parents also have cool jobs and seem interesting even though they weren't very nice last night.. and they're like homophobic or whatever. But you also just interact with people differently.. than my parents. Its- cool. You handle life differently too." I spieled.
"Thanks." She bit her lip, "and you don't sound like a dweeb. Just so you know."
"I hope all the stuff thats bothering you goes away soon."
"Its less or so it going away, and rather me having a better way of dealing with it."
We chatted a bit more until the doorbell rang.
"That is probably Grace, can you order two pizzas and whatever else you guys want?" She fished her credit card out of her wallet and passed me a stack of menus from the drawer beside her.
As I put in the order, she entered with a woman that was shorter than Nicki, and another woman that was probably over 6 feet.
"Grace, Leslie.. this is Aaliyah, Lydia's daughter." Anita introduced, "Liyah, these are my friends Grace and Leslie."
"Hi." I smiled and waved at them. They were both dressed for a night out and were carrying several bags.
"If I had known you were here, I would've brought you a gift or something." The short one, Grace shook my hand.
"Liyah was just ordering some pizza for us." Anita explained. "Zoe is upstairs with Lydia's son OJ."
"Well don't bother them, we'll see them when the pizza gets here." Leslie sat beside me.
"How long is it going to take you to get ready?" Grace asked.
"Well I was gonna straighten my hair, so... long." Anita shrugged, "whats the rush? Janine can meet us here. I never even said I wanted to go out to a club for my birthday and get hit on by random men."
"Itll be fun, stress free and it'll give you a well needed break." Leslie urged.
"Mom went to a beach.. you deserve at least a club night. Its Saturday, and its like super early." I chimed in. "It'll save you some time of waiting for her to get back."
"Thats a good point." She exhaled, "Fine.. but only because Lydia isn't here and I need a reason not to call her repeatedly."
NICKI POV
Lydia knocked on the front door when she arrived.
"Hey, sorry... about everything." I hugged her immediately.
"I came with a peace offering," she revealed a pint of cookie dough ice cream. "In exchange for you telling me what happened.. and why it was so bad that you had to cut me off."
"It was really passive aggressive and petty. On both sides, and both of us maybe blew small things out of proportion." I explained, "So, I am going to apologize fully to her tonight."
"I need to know what was said." She closed the door behind her.
"Nothing bad was said, just micro aggressions about what each of us thought the other was alluding to."
"Im hearing a lot of vagueness. And no answers to questions Onika. You cut me off so you're actually gonna have to use your words." She handed me the ice cream.
"We were gonna nap together, because neither of us slept all night. But Aaliyah showed some concern with that, so I told Anita that Aubrey may perceive it as more than what it is.. she got mad because she thought that meant I didn't trust her. When I offered to take the kids to leave and she said I didnt have to.. I accused her of considering me a charity case.. but when she told me the real reason why, I was kind of a jerk and didn't believe her and that was extremely shitty on my end." I confessed.
"I'm glad you are able to admit your faults in the situation. Make sure the apology goes both ways. She wasn't exactly faultless this time around."
"Im just glad to know she's human. And not a goddess...but can we please reconnect our bond babe?"
"Yeah-"
"You know that feeling when you know you're forgetting something... right before you actually check and confirm it? Thats how I feel. And I hate this feeling." I pouted.
"Me too, but.. what if this is better for both of our relationships. You know? Is Aubrey less intimidated by me when we're not as connected. We're just best friends now, with a past." She held my arms.
"I will talk to Aubrey. But I want it to be known, that I like the version where we fix it." I groaned.
We got dressed and ate stir fry before heading out. We planned to arrive a little late. It took me a second to recognize Anita after scanning the room a few times due to her straight hair.
"How does she get prettier everyday?" I nudged Lydia.
"There's your opening. Go." She shoved me when the women talking to Anita walked away.
"Hi. I don't want to steal you away from your own party.. but I really want to apologize, and your gift is outside." I said in her ear over the music. "Its quick, I promise."
"Fine" she shrugged and finished her drink.
I grabbed her hand and walked her just to the quieter area before the outside door.
"Aaliyah already told me it was her idea, so I'm actually over it."
"I wasnt going to apologize for that part. The way I handled everything after that is what I wish I could take back. I started blowing things out of proportion.. and I also realize you were really honest and brave for telling me the real reason you like keeping Liyah and OJ. And I was a total bitch about that and I am so sorry Anita, I really am." I looked her in the eyes the entire time, "I dont want you to think I don't trust you, because its not true. I am looking forward to further exploring our friendship, and I want you to know that I'm always in your corner."
"Im sorry for making you feel like you had so much to apologize for." She poked out her bottom lip, "I forgave you the moment I realized you were protecting Liyah, and she was protecting her father. And especially after the abuse you endured from my parents last night... And I'm sorry if I ever make you feel like a charity case, because you are not even close. I help you and I'm here for you because I care, and I want to. And I know that's not one-sided because you go above and beyond for the people you care about, and I love being apart of that list."
"Can I give you your present now?"
"I'd love that."
"Well, technically its from Lydia, but since she's making me be the one to give it to you, I put my name on it too." I disclaimed as I made eye contact with Lydia behind her in the doorway of the club section so that the laser lights highlighted her face each time they went over her. "I kind of lied about it being outside though."
"Where-"
I turned her around to face Lydia. She instantly began crying as she walked to Lydia and hugged her tight.
"You're all I wanted for my birthday." She sobbed into Lydia's neck.
"I'm so sorry for leaving.. that was immature and you can rest assured it was a one time thing." Lydia's hands rested on her hips. "Hurting you is the last thing I'd ever want to do."
"We'll talk right? Like actually." Anita requested as their hug ended.
"I actually have another gift for you, which is part of why I went to Cali instead of staying at that hotel today." Lydia opened her purse, "Also, Nic doesn't even know about this one." She winked at me. I took a step closer to them, intrigued.
"You guys really don't have to keep gi-"
Lydia pulled out a silver chain with a ring on it that had an iridescent diamond, "I had to get the perfect diamond, and I knew that the one place I'd be guaranteed to find it was in LA."
"Lydia-"
"This is not a proposal. But I know that you've been uneasy or unsure about where I stand with this relationship... but I'm not going anywhere, so consider this a promise."
I helped Anita lift her hair so Lydia could put the necklace on her. Anita's tears began streaming down her cheeks again.
"Lydiaaa you've made me cry so much this weekend.." she wiped her eyes, careful not to smudge her makeup, "but now they're happy tears and I can't even be mad that I'm going to mess up my makeup because I have this beautiful ring, with an amazing, beautiful and supportive.. woman"
"We're still just girlfriends okay? We're just committed fully." Lydia pecked her lips.
LYDIA POV
We got back to the house at almost midnight, Nicki insisted on driving us home even though neither of us was that drunk. Aaliyah was in the den watching Tv.
"Aaliyah, come here for a sec." Anita called out.
"Yeah?" She paused the tv and came to meet us in the kitchen, her face lit up when she saw me, "You're home early!"
"Yes! I wanted to surprise both of you." I hugged her.
"Not to mention, the night out, was also actually a surprise party." Anita added.
"And I can't believe you almost tried to back out of going!!" Aaliyah nudged her. "Oo.. whats that?" She touched her ring, "its so pretty."
"My birthday present from your mom."
"Are you guys-" she grinned hard at us.
"Nooo. Not yet." I stopped her, "this is.. just as significant, and its like an engagement.. but not the formalities and labels and stress of the actual engagement and proposal yet." I laid my head on Anita's shoulder. "But I wanted to make sure you were up to speed with the relationship."
Anita went upstairs to get ready for bed, allowing me to stay back and talk to Liyah alone.
"Hey, I heard you and Anita are gonna start trying to get to know each other more."
"Yeah, we're like friends now."
"I want you to know, that means a lot to me. And I also wanted to apologize in person for leaving unannounced. I also want to say that I appreciate how vocal and involved you've been about everything today. They told me everything... and I'm proud of you for knowing and not being afraid to speak out and clarify things." I kissed her cheek, "I want you to come up with one thing I can do for you or give to you or whatever, within reason.. but really think about it, and tell me your final answer tomorrow."
"Anything?"
"Within reason." I clicked my tongue as I walked away. "Good night babe."
"Good night." She replied.
Upstairs, Anita was in the midst of getting undressed when I opened the door.
"I really liked that dress on you." I said as I unzipped the front of my own.
"Well, I wouldve kept it on longer, but someone decided to take body shots off of me all night and now Im sticky." She unhooked her no-show bra.
"If I remember correctly, that went both ways." I giggled as I stepped out of my shoes. "That was really fun though. Did you enjoy your party?"
"Yes I did." She smiled, "It really meant the world to me having you there."
"Good, and I even got to meet all of your friends and some of your family and coworkers." I helped her strip fully.
"I ran us a bath, I was still hoping we could talk."
"We can talk whenever you want babe." I assured her.
"I overstepped when I confronted you about you and Nic's relationship. I didn't have all the facts, I still don't.. and thus it was not my place to make judgements or anything." She apologized.
"No one understands Nic and I's relationship, or gets how or why it works.. and I know that part of your concern came from you being Nic's friend, which I fully respect and love." I brushed her hair back.
We got into the tub, each leaning against opposite ends of it, beneath the hot bubbly water our legs were leaned against each other. She squirmed a bit and I watched her try to make it less noticeable.
"You okay?"
She took a deep breath and nodded, "Ive been fighting the urge to pounce on you since I saw you. But I can't ask you what I want to know because I can't focus."
"I'm-"
"Can you just give me one quick round so my hormones arent going crazy for you?" Her fingertips found my thigh.
I crawled over to her and slid my fingers between her legs rubbing her gently. She bit her lip as the rubbing turned into them thrusting in and out of her. I started kissing her and she hugged me. She tapped two fingers on my shoulder slowly repeatedly until I realized she was copying the pace of mine inside of her. I gave her a nod amidst our kiss to let her know I had caught on. She sped up the taps a bit so I did the same. Eventually her taps included her fingers curling so I mimicked the movement inside of her, knowingly causing her body to tremble beneath me in pleasure. I went down to suck on her breasts as I continued.
"Babeee..." she moaned, "wait for when we get into the bed, its supposed to be a quick one right now."
I ended up eating her until she came and then she cradled me in her arms while she went back to the original conversation she intended on having.
"Were you and Nic actually engaged or..?"
"We were.. We got engaged around the time of OJs conception." I replied.
"So I take it she didn't need a promise ring before hand.. because you guys were lik-"
"She did get one. More than one actually." I toyed with the ring, "you don't have to wear it if you don't like it.."
"The ring is beautiful Lydia." She kissed my forehead, "I just- you were really adamant about it not being a proposal, and it kind of felt like this was in place of engagement."
"Its not a proposal." I insisted.
"You're doing it again." She pointed out, "you get defensive at even the thought of us being engaged."
"Thats because we're not engaged yet."
"At least you said yet that time." She exhaled. "I just... I want to know if this is where it ends for us. Okay? I get the promise, I love it.. but is the promise it for us? Or is there one day going to be a proposal and a wedding?"
I pulled away from her and faced her. I dipped my head back to wet my hair, "I was adamant about it earlier, because I wanted it to be clear that it wasn't an engagement. I didnt know how you felt about that, and I was afraid of scaring you by you feeling it was too soon."
"Now you're getting all disconnected, babe.. talk to me."
"Repeat the question.."
"No... I don't want to ruin tonight. I'm sorry." She dropped her head for a second, "you have done so many amazing things today, and I don't want you to think I don't appreciate that."
"I just- want to live in the moment. I spent my whole life planning and anticipating the future.. and now that I actually have everything, I just want to enjoy it, with you." I exhaled.
"You're dangerous, you know that." She covered her face to hide the fact that she was blushing, "you always say the right things."
"Except its usually after I say or do all the wrong things."
"You are surprisingly terrible at communicating your feelings." She pointed out.
"I don't disagree."
"Youre at least willing to work on that right?"
"One hundred percent." I nodded.
"And this," she held the ring between her fingers, "means that when you say you currently have everything.. I am included in that."
"Can I say something? That I hope will help.."
"Please." She insisted.
I held her hands in mine, "Honestly? Yes I want to live in the moment right now. But of course I think of the future a little bit still, and you are definitely in it. I don't envision a future without you. Whether or not we get married, just doesn't have an effect on that, to me. Thats all."
She squeezed my hands, "you could have led with that."
"Finding the words, is hard."
"Well that was really well put."
"I'm going to do everything in my power to keep you happy until the day I die." I told her, "so if that means we'll get married.. then I will gladly be your wife."
"Really?"
"Just not too soon, because Nic's wedding is stressful, and so are all the bride-to-be ones. I can not handle another right now." I warned.
We ended up making out until we made it back to the bed.
NICKI POV
When I got home, I had a message from Aaliyah,
A- Mom just offered me a free pass for anything I want.. and I need help.
O- ?
A- what does "within reason" mean?
O- just don't be ridiculous, or ask for anything she can't do
A- vague..
O- why don't you come up with a top 3 list.. and if she can't do first pick, do the second or third.
A- youre not still driving right?
O- lol no, im parked dont worry. I should head into the house though
I found Aubrey and his mom in the kitchen when I got inside.
"Hey Nic." Aubrey greeted me.
"Hi.. everything okay?" I sat my purse down on the chair beside me.
"Yeah why'd you ask?" He furrowed his eyebrows at me as the tea kettle whistled.
"Its just, kind of late. I don't know." I shrugged.
"How was the party? Did you make up with Anita?" He asked as his mom poured herself water from the kettle.
"Tea?" She offered me.
"Yeah, thanks. I think the decaf is in the pantry." I nodded, "And, yeah it was great. She and I are good now. Hold on-" I went to the pantry to find the jar with the decaf tea and came back. "Big news, Lydia and Anita are like, fully committed now. Which is really cute and exciting, her ring is so pretty."
"Wait they're engaged?"
"You guys really like to move fast huh?" His mom observed.
"No, its a little less official than an engagement. Its like the equivalent to OJ being your son, and Aaliyah being my daughter without the official adoption." I dipped my tea bag in my cup. "Speaking of.. Do we have anymore of those cake things that Aaliyah likes? They're like overly sweet and-"
"The krimpets from tasteycake?" He asked, "I thought you hated them.."
"I dooooo but Logan reallyyyy wants one." I groaned.
"I'll check the other kitchen." He walked out of the room.
I added honey to my tea and grabbed the milk from the fridge while he was gone.
"I feel like you haven't talked to me in days." I cleared my throat as I turned to his mom.
"We haven't crossed paths that often." She sipped her tea.
"I guess that makes sense.." I poured milk into my cup as Aubrey re-emerged and hugged me from behind.
"Last one in the pack." He kissed my neck as he handed me the plastic-wrapped cake.
"You enjoy this huh?" His mom looked me up and down.
"My husband is hugging me and that bothers you?" I raised an eyebrow at her.
"You get to pretend and claim to be so independent, but you never have to show it.. because there's conveniently always something that comes up that everyone needs to coddle you for."
"Am I- getting shamed for being pregnant?"
"Mom stop." Aubrey spoke up.
"Its not like I was knocked up by some guy okay? My birth control fucked up, but at least I'm having a baby with my husband.. If I recall correctly, your marriage wasn't quite so similar." I cocked my head to the side.
"You're not even married yet and you're judging mine." She tensed up.
"What is your problem? I've done nothing but be nice to you."
"Nic, lets just go downstairs, we can watch a movie." Aubrey spoke into my ear.
"No." I pulled away from him, "I really need to know what she has against me. Its like she rolls dice each morning to decide whether or not she likes or hates me that day."
"I made an observation."
"You think I like going through the shit I have to deal with all the time? I am independent, but I am only human."
"I think your crises are conveniently spaced out, and when you arent having a crisis, you tend to find reasons to have a tantrum." She took a sip of her tea.
"Then why the hell are you taunting her now?" Aubrey jumped in.
"Aubrey- stop" I touched his arm.
"Why Nic?" He asked.
"You do not let me come between you and your family." I reminded him.
"I just want you to know, that I've watched, Ive observed, Ive tolerated, Ive enabled.. and Ive realized your game." She tapped the counter, "you're using him, and I don't like it."
"Then you can leave." I leaned across the counter, "Nothing is keeping you here. Go home, you won't have to see me anymore. Aubrey and the kids can visit you as often as needed, but I will leave you alone."
"You need me." She scoffed.
"I can hire a nanny, or put the kids in daycare and get a pet sitter. I will never need or want anyone around that doesn't love and support me voluntarily."
"She's right mom." Aubrey co-signed, "and if your problem is that deep, you shouldn't feel surprised when you don't get your wedding invite."
"You're taking the side of the woman who claims you raped her-"
"I never said that." I stopped her, "That was Margo, and I told her to stop saying it. Aubrey has never hurt me, and I know that he never will."
"Maybe your friends wouldn't turn things into the extreme, if you started reacting appropriately." She suggested.
"You haven't been through half of what I have, so you cannot judge how i handle any of it." I said through clenched teeth, "and I'm done explaining myself to you."
I walked away before Aubrey had a chance to stop me. I went to the other kitchen where the puppies were to get some water. They immediately started pouncing and licking my ankles. I drank a glass of water which calmed me down for the most part. I sat in a chair and put both puppies on my lap. I pet and cuddled them as they snuggled into me and licked me until Aubrey found me.
"You okay?" He asked.
"I'm great." I smiled.
"No, really babe." He sat beside me.
"You know, I did some thinking about the wedding."
"What about it?"
"Well, you have a ton of people to invite, and several groomsmen. And thats amazing that you have such a big support system. And for the longest I kept thinking that I needed to be able to keep it balanced, I was gonna invite my employees or do a prize thing with my fans.. but I realized, mostly from Anita's party tonight and a bit from what just happened, that I don't really care how many people are there on my side of the room. Or how many bridesmaids I have. Because I know that the ones that will be there, they are who really matter to me and I know with all my heart that I really matter to them. So if that means that they are all my bridesmaids, thats fine.. i won't be spending too much time looking at the crowd. I'll be looking at you." I explained.