Tears were rolling down my cheeks. What he just said was so beautiful. The giant was just in a roll today. He was releasing bombs left and right. It was so unexpected of him to be confessing his feelings the way he was. I liked that he wasn't hiding how he felt about me, that he was open about his feelings towards me which allowed me to be more and more secured in what we were building and what we meant to each other. I also liked the fact that he saw me as his light, because it gave me a sense of purpose and it also made me more determined to help the giant heal in any way possible. I vowed to myself to keep on being that light for him so that whatever darkness that was inside him would fade away completely. I can't believe he saw me without me even realizing it. I mean, he was meeting Paul, who was my boss at the restaurant and I was oblivious to the fact that there was a man who was captivated by me, captivated by my laugh. How surreal! I've never in a million years thought that a man could be captivated by me. I had always been the ugly duckling among my friends, had always been the girl who was overlooked by the opposite sex, and had always been the fat girl and that in turn really made me feel so insecure in my own skin and body. I mean, I also wanted to be seen as desirable as the other girls out there. The breaking point for me I think was realizing that the opposite sex found me undesirable. This caused me to close off - I didn't want any kind of intimacy because it required for me to open parts of myself that I was insecure about - and the other reason why any kind of intimacy terrified me was because I was afraid of being rejected. What if I opened myself up to a guy who would end up throwing back all that I gave to him to my face just because I wasn't what he expected or I wasn't what he wanted? I just couldn't, so that's why I had sworn off men, and also maybe that is one of the reasons why I didn't notice the giant when he saw me that day at the restaurant.
Me: "When was this?" I asked him, my voice full of emotion.
Zano: "2 years ago." He told me. Oh my gosh! I had been 18 years old back then. I thought he was going to say months ago not years ago!..."but you were too young for me to make a move back then, and I still wasn't ready for you yet. I knew that I couldn't rush things with you...that if I really wanted this light to be in my life I had to thread very carefully. So I bided my time and learned what I could about you from a distance." He paused..."it sure as fuck wasn't easy staying away. I would find myself coming by to the restaurant just to see you and to hopefully hear your beautiful laugh again." He admitted uncomfortably..."for the first few months I was so pissed off at you though." He told me chuckling lightly.
Me: "Why?" I asked him in confusion.
Zano: "I felt like a pussy with all these damn feelings you were evoking out of me." He told me..."I never did feelings woman...at all. So it shocked the hell out of me when I was having these confusing and strong as fuck feelings for a woman who didn't even know I existed." Oh my gosh! ..."I planned to turn your life upside down when you turned 21 years. I convinced myself that you'll be ready for a man like me by then. But then some amazing shit happened. A deal went wrong and I get attacked. Crazy thing is, the first person I think of when that happens is you woman. I don't know what the fuck was going through my mind that night, instead of calling my friends I started to stagger towards the road that led me to you...your place." My heart was in my throat. He wasn't saying what I think he was trying to say right? ..."so here I am bleeding my fucking guts out, not caring about anything and anyone. My only thought is getting to you. Of course as you know I didn't make it as far." Please tell me he's lying!..."so I'm on the ground cussing myself out for being so stupid for a woman, but a savior comes to my rescue who is the same woman who has been driving me crazy for the past 2 years." He shook his head..."it was so fucking unbelievable. It was like the universe was trying to tell me something. I knew that night that I was done waiting." He confessed.
Me: "Zano..." I cried. I didn't know what to say to all he said. I was very shocked to say the least. Some of the things that happened that night were starting to add up. I found it so sweet that he was willing to wait for me until I reached the age of 21. Even though it ended up not working out that way, he still waited for 2 years. That's a long time to wait for someone. I felt special. I knew during those 2 years that he waited, he hadn't been a saint. I mean, we weren't even dating by then, hell I didn't even know him then. But the fact that he knew that he wanted me in his life when he was ready in the future for a long term thing was great on its own. It showed that he didn't just want sex from me he wanted a relationship because another man would've approached me a long time ago even if he knew he wasn't ready to commit.
Zano: "I'm tired now woman. You see what you're doing to me? You're turning me into a blabber mouth like you. Let's go and sleep."
Me: "I'm not a blabber mouth." I told him wiping my eyes. He grunted..."and I'm not sleepy, I just woke up like 10 minutes ago." I told him.
Zano: "Don't care. It's late and I'm beat. Let's go sleep woman." He commanded in that weird way of his. I just rolled my eyes. You had to know that dealing with the giant will cause your emotions to run everywhere. You'd be happy one minute and irritated the next. I didn't argue because there was no point. He switched off the lights and we went to the bedroom. He did the usual. He took off his clothes, and left his boxers on and he got into bed. I took my pajamas and escaped to the bathroom..."for how long will you do that for woman?" He asked when I came back from the bathroom. I blushed. I also didn't know. I was still shy around him, even though he has practically seen me naked. I just wasn't brave enough...or confident enough. I just shrugged. He grunted unhappily. I switched off the light and got into bed. As always he pulled me close to him. I snuggled into him..."I like everything about your body woman. Don't ever hide from me again." He whispered against my ear after a while..."okay?" He gave me a squeeze. I blinked back the tears threatening to come out.
Me: "Okay." I agreed shakily. He grunted..."Zano?" I called his name after a long while of silence. He gave me a squeeze..."you know that those women coming to the meet don't like me at all right?"
Zano: "They're just jealous of you woman." He informed me. What? Those women were jealous of me? I didn't think so.
Me: "I don't think that is the reason. There is something that people find unlikable about me. I just don't fit in Zano, even in high school I was an outcast." I confessed sadly.
Zano: "All those stupid girls in high school were probably jealous of you. You're smart, beautiful and a good person. All of those things can make people jealous since they want what you have. They try to bring you down because they don't want you to see your own worth and also because they're trying to cover up their own insecurities by attacking you." Oh my gosh! I never thought of it like that..."and the ugly women are just jealous because you have what they don't which is me, and you're also beautiful and young. They can't stand that."
Me: "You're so full of yourself. How do you know that they jealous because I'm with you?"
Zano: "Woman, I might not care about them, but I notice the looks some of them throw my way. I'm not blind." I huffed irritated by what he said. I don't know why I was irritated, but I was.
Me: "Well...they can look but they won't have you." I stated heatedly. He chuckled.
Zano: "My woman is jealous." He said amused. I wasn't jealous. Was I?
Me: "Whatever." I mumbled. He nipped my earlobe with his teeth.
Zano: "No need for jealousy. I'm yours...you're mine." He growled against my ear. My body tingled..."my dick is interested in only one pussy and it can't wait to fuck it...hard." Oh my gosh! My private parts tingled. I could feel the hammer pressed against my lower back..."let's sleep." He ordered gruffly. After a long while of trying to sleep, I finally did.
It was the day of the meet. It was mid day. I was sitting on the couch watching TV while eating some snacks. The giant had gone to buy a few things for tonight. I would've gone with him, but my lower abdomen had protested. I had taken some pills, so I was feeling a little better now. I was seriously not looking forward to tonight. It was going to be awkward as hell...I know. And the thing is, both the giant and I were the hosts, which was the worst thing ever since we both sucked at being social. It was a disaster in the making, but whether I liked it or not it was happening. My phone rang. It was Andy. I sighed. She has been calling nonstop today and I've been ignoring her calls. I didn't know what I would say to her and how will I answer the questions I knew she had, and the thing about Andy is that she's the same as my mother – she'll keep calling until I picked up. I exhaled and picked up.
Me: "Hi." I greeted.
Andy: "That's all you going to say to me? 'Hi'?!" She shouted angrily. You see this drama I was talking about people? ..."where the hell have you been? You haven't answered any of the texts that Fifi and I have sent you for the past two days! What the fuck is your problem Busisiwe? Is this how you treat your friends now, just because you found yourself a new man?"
Me: "I'm sorry I've been busy...things have been kind of hectic-."
Andy: "What is going on? Why haven't you been at school? Is it that monster that you call a man? Is he abusing you or something because I won't lie, he looks like one of those abusing types." She ranted off. I bit on my tongue hard. I was so pissed off but I held myself back. I didn't want to say anything that I would regret later.
Me: "I'm just been feeling a little sick that's all. You don't need to be all dramatic. This is why I haven't been answering any of your texts or phone calls since I knew that you'll blow everything out of proportion."
Andy: "Well...you don't sound sick." She stated. I rolled my eyes.
Me: "Well I am, but I'm getting better. Zanoxolo bought me medication from the pharmacy so it is helping me a lot." I told her, which was kind of true.
Andy: "Hmmm. So you really moved in with him? Don't you think that's too soon Busisiwe? You're being obvious that you're not experienced at all when it comes to relationships. This is not how things are done. You're not even sure if things are going to work out between you guys but you already have moved in with him. Don't you think this guy only wants you for sex? That all he wants is your virginity and when you've finally given it to him he will throw you away like a piece of trash. And then where will you go? Where will you stay? Mh?"
Me: "Don't even try to analyze my relationship with my man which you don't know anything about. And I'm sick and tired of your condescending ass. Yes, I might not be experienced in relationships but I'm not stupid, so keep your judgmental opinions to yourself because I don't remember asking for your two cents advice about how to live my life. I have never even once meddled to the things that you do. I let you live your life as you see fit even though I don't agree with most of the things you do, and you're the last person to be giving out relationship advice, seeing as you've never been in one. Please don't concern yourself about my virginity, because I don't even remember concerning myself about how you lost yours. You go around opening your legs for every guy that crosses paths with you, and you have the audacity to lecture me? To think you're better than me?" I snorted..."wow! Goodbye. Call me when you have better things to say." I hung up.
I was so angry people. The nerve of that girl! Did you hear all the things she said to me? I don't believe it! I really tried to hold my anger in check but I just couldn't. She just kept pushing and pushing. Yes, a part me was harsh too and I regretted a little some of the things I said to her. The door opened and the giant entered carrying plastic bags. This was going to be a party people. He went into the kitchen and just put the bags on the floor and came over to me. He grabbed me by the back of my neck...lowered his face to mine and gave me a hard and quick kiss.
Zano: "Hey baby." He whispered gruffly over my tingling lips. Oh gosh! Sweet! My anger levels decreased a little.
Me: "Hey." I smiled a little. He frowned.
Zano: "What's wrong woman?" I shook my head. He growled..."don't even try to lie to me. I can see that something is wrong. What happened? Tell me." He demanded. I sighed.
Me: "I just got into a heated agreement with Andy over the phone. She said some pretty mean things, but I also said some mean things back. I'm not proud of myself."
Zano: "What did she say?" I shook my head.
Me: "Doesn't matter."
Zano: "It does to me woman. Tell me what she said. Won't repeat myself." His face was all hard. I huffed. I told him in summary what Andy had said. He was not happy...at all. His jaw was even ticking.
Me: "Its fine Zano, I also said some mean stuff too. So we're even I guess."
Zano: "Not fine at all. I will pay her a visit." My eyes widened.
Me: "No!" I said panicked..."just leave it alone Zano please. It was just an argument between friends." I told him.
Zano: "Woman, I will not touch her. I will just talk. I don't put my hands on women...ever." He stated strongly. I was relieved but the giant could be very scary and intimidating with words and his presence alone.
Me: "Please just leave it alone." I begged. He gave me a peck on the lips.
Zano: "No." He growled against my lips and then he went to the kitchen to unpack the things he bought. Oh gosh! I shouldn't have told him. Actually it is not like I had a choice. Andy will never like the giant for eternity after the giant has the talk with her. Troubles never seized to exist.
The time was around 7 pm now. Our guests would be arriving any second now. We had the meat grilled and ready, and I also made dressing salad. So we were going to be having meat, salad and rolls. It was a simple meal. We also had snacks and drinks. My stomach was tied up in knots. I had a really bad feeling about this. Xolile and Phozisa were the first to arrive. Phozisa kept on giving the giant wary glances. She was really scared of him. At least she had smiled at me genuinely, so I guess she didn't hate me after all. Xolile was his friendly self which I was glad for since I was worried that he would still be mad at me since I had practically kind of accused him of giving me drugs. The others started to arrive in waves. Some of the women were friendly enough and other women were outright showing their distaste towards me already. I groaned inwardly. The giant's friends were nice, they were all asking after my well-being. I was kind of a little scared of them since I saw them that night at the warehouse carrying guns looking all so dangerous and scary, but I was also filled with gratitude since they rescued me from that psycho Noel. People were mingling and eating. The giant had his arm over my shoulder. He was busy chatting to one of his friends, Temba. Temba's girlfriend was very quiet, she didn't interact much with the other women and she stuck close to her man...like me. I didn't know where to start in making conversation with her so I just kept my mouth shut hence I embarrass myself. Suddenly the door of the apartment opened and every man there went on full alert for any danger that could enter. I even saw hand guns being pulled out from the back of their pants. Oh my gosh! These people! The giant was all tensed up. The person who entered was a woman...a beautiful woman...stunning even...she was dressed to impress. The tension in the giant's body eased up a little but he growled. The guns went back to being stashed in the back of their pants.
Zano: "What the fuck are you doing here woman?" He asked angrily. The woman just gave him a sweet and devious smile.
Her: "Did you think I wouldn't pop by to see with my own two eyes the woman you were replacing me with?"..................................