NICKI POV
Weeks had gone by of our new arrangement. I still had another few days before I could go into the office but the reality of everything was beginning to set in even more so than before.
I woke up briefly as Aubrey was leaving for work, I had gone to bed before he got home the night before. "Good morning." I watched him put his shirt on.
"Good morning," he smiled at me through the mirror, "how are you feeling? They said you were down all day yesterday."
"I miss you." I replied.
"You want me to call out? I'll stay right here with you all day." He started to take his shirt back off.
"Noo.."
"I can stay an extra 20 minutes.." he offered.
"Don't be late because of me." I shook my head.
"I won't. I was leaving early to stop for gas and I was gonna go to a store. I can do that after work or at lunch." He knelt next to me in the bed. He bent down to kiss me and his hand gently massaged my breast that didn't get cut through my shirt. He knew if he stayed there too long I would've made him stop so his hand moved lower. I felt myself getting really wet as his hand got closer. He rubbed my entrance through my panties and I felt him smirk against my mouth when he felt how wet I was.
I pulled away from the kiss and bit my lip, "don't act so surprised."
"I'm not." He pulled my panties down. He slid two fingers effortlessly inside of me. With his free hand he lifted my shirt.
I stopped him before it went above my breasts, "Don't do that."
"Come on, your scars are nearly fully healed now." I felt him add another finger as he sped up. "Are you seriously going to hide them forever now?"
"Thats my decision, not yours." I tried to close my legs but he stopped me.
"I'm just trying to help."
"Get off of me."
He slowed down and rubbed my clit with his thumb, "I was just trying to make up for the what? 2-3 months.. and you said you like it better wh-"
"You need to get the fuck away from me Aubrey." I tried to pull away.
"Why are you acting like this? Nic.." he paused. I took the opportunity to find a way to kick him which back him enough for me to get away from him.
"Get the fuck out of my house." I glared at him, putting a pillow in front of me.
"Nic- Look, Im sorry-"
"You need to leave, now." I insisted. He threw his shirt on and left.
LYDIA POV
I was stuck at the hospital getting my wrist checked again. Every step of the process included moving to a different waiting room, filling out papers, consulting, x rays etc. I thought that doing an early appointment would make this go by faster but I was wrong. I sat in my third waiting room of the morning and just as I was called up to the desk to verify my information, I had a call from Nic.
"One second." I smiled at the woman. When I answered the phone, all I could hear was Nic's breathing. "Babe, whats wrong."
"I need you here- I don't- I don't know what t-" She was starting to hyperventilate.
"I'm across town, it'll take me over an hour to get to you. Do you want me to call Aubrey? Where's his-"
"Don't call him!" She screamed in my ear.
I stepped out of the waiting room, "What did he do?"
"I ca- I just can-"
"I'm on my way, I'll see if Anita or Margo or anyone can beat me there okay. I need you to breathe." I told her, "I'm going to hang up so I can contact someone. You got this okay?"
"Mhmm."
"I'll call you back. Hang in there okay?" I told her, "I love you, so I need you to hold on just a little while okay."
"I love you too." She managed.
I hung up and quickly made a group chat with Anita, Vanessa, Margo and Rachel:
L: Hey ladies! Sorry to bother everyone, but I'm passing on an SOS from Nic. Its gonna take me over an hour to get to her, I dont know what happened but she's not doing well.
L: also, per her request: do NOT contact Aubrey.
L: If anyone can get to her faster than I can, at least just to find out whats wrong...
By the time I had a mini argument with the lady at the desk about me having to leave mid-process, the girls had started texting back.
R- Margo and I are at the office....
A- I can go, but I'll only be able to stay for about 20 minutes..
V- My car's in the shop.. 😩
A- I can swing by and pick you up? And you'll be there from the time I leave until Lyd gets there.
V- yeah thats perf.
M- Did Drake do something?
L- I think so.. but she wouldn't say.
A- I'll give you guys an update when Vanessa and I get there.
L- I owe you guys!❤️
Margo POV
I paced in front of Rachel's desk, "do you think Drake did something to her?"
"We don't know anything.." she shrugged.
"We can beat Anita and Vanessa there." I suggested.
"We're supposed to be working." She sighed.
"Lydia knows that, yet she still added us to the groupchat.. she'll be fine with it." I reasoned.
She looked up at me, "If I lose my job, I'll kill you."
"And I won't even fight back." I put my hands up. "Now, lets go."
She stood up and shoved stuff in drawers before tossing me a set of keys. "Lock the office doors." By the time I finished, she was logging out of her computer.
"Bet?" I tossed her back her keys.
When we got to the house, Sandy opened the door.
"Good morning, Rachel right?" She smiled.
"Yeah, can we come in?" Rachel asked politely.
"Where's Nicki?" I shoved the door open.
"Still just as temperamental as you've always been." Sandy chuckled to herself.
"Upstairs?" I made my way upstairs with Rachel trailing behind. Her bedroom door was locked so I knocked on it. "Hey Nicki, its Margo and Rachel.. you wanna let us in."
She was silent, but then she muttered a soft, "No."
"I hope you know, locked doors don't actually stop me. I will kick this door in if I have to,"
"Wait really?" Rachel whispered.
"Yeah, but I don't have to." I walked past her into the open bathroom beside us, "please tell me you've picked a lock before." I picked up three bobbypins off the counter.
"What?"
"I have a lot to teach you." I tapped her cheek.
I had the door open within the next 30 seconds. Nicki was curled in a ball on her bed.
"Look, I didnt break your door! That warrants me, eye contact at least right?" I sat on the floor next to her bed and looked up at her. Rachel sat on the edge of the bed on the other side of her. "What happened? Who do I have fight?"
She shook her head.
"Drake? I can kick him in the dick if you want. Give him a black eye... break his jaw."
"Margo!" Rachel whisper-yelled at me. "Nicki, Lydia said you needed some company, is everything okay."
"Im sorry." She shook her head and buried her face.
"Hey, eye contact remember." I tapped her leg and she flinched.
I looked at Rachel, "I have a theory."
"Whats your theory?" She asked.
Nicki looked up at me with worried eyes.
"He did something to you?"
She took a deep breath. I grabbed my phone and went to Drake's contact where I had a picture of him and showed it to her. She tensed up and squeezed her legs together for a split second and her eyes were wide then she shied away from the picture.
"Theory confirmed," I put my phone in my pocket, "Now I'm going to fucking kill him." I stood up.
"What happened?" Rachel leaned over.
"The son of a bitch raped her." I clenched my fist.
"No it wasn't like that!" Nicki blurted out.
"Nicki, I know that look and I know that reaction-"
"No- thats not what it was- he's my husband." She shook her head.
I sat in front of her, "fine, then answer these questions.. just nod or shake your head.. and if you lie to me I will break Rachel's arm."
"Why my arm?" Rachel interrupted.
"She already has a fucked up arm." I reasoned.
"Why does anyone have to have a broken arm?" She questioned.
"Shh." I took her arm and tucked her wrist under my leg, "Your arm will be fine, because Nicki won't lie to me right?"
Nicki nodded.
"At any point, was any part of him inside any part of you?"
She nodded.
"Were you conscious?"
She nodded.
"Did you verbally consent?"
She scrunched her eyebrows at me.
"What kind of cookie-cutter sex life do you have? Verbal consent, though important- sometimes consent is less direct."
"Fine, did you... I don't know, enthusiastically encourage him to continue."
She nodded.
"See, not rape. Now can I please have my arm back." Rachel groaned.
"Uh uh.. she didn't make eye contact that time." I shook my head.
"Nicki!" Rachel pleaded.
A tear dropped from her eye.
"Maybe she didn't lie- hold on." I regained my eye contact with her. "Did you change your mind after he started?"
She nodded slowly.
"And he continued-"
She started crying and nodded again.
"Look at me," I touched her chin, "thats rape."
"Nicki-" Rachel leaned towards her. I released her arm.
"Anita and Vanessa will be here soon. You want me to tell them so you dont have to be asked the same shit again? We'll all be on the same page."
She wiped her tears, "stop saying rape though."
"Its what happened." I snapped.
"Its just-its deeper than that okay!?" She squeezed her pillow.
I went back to the groupchat:
M- Rachel and I are here.. Nic doesnt like calling it what it is, but Drake raped her. She wont give us any details, she just said she doesnt want to call it rape, but its deeper than just the rape apparently.
V- we're 5 minutes away.
L- 26 minute eta, I swear I'll kill Aubrey if this shit doesn't add up.
M- not if I beat you to it.
L- did she eat?
M- probs not
L- get her a smoothie.. it'll be hard for her to refuse it. Say whatever you need to to get her to drink it.
M- bet
V- Lydia, Anita says stop texting and driving.
V- Margo, Anita also says that Nicki is probs not gonna give anyone except Lydia explicit details.
M- get here faster, all of you. I'm not good with the damage control.
By the time I had finished making the smoothie, Anita and Vanessa walked in.
ANITA POV
I asked everyone to leave me alone with Nic, and I went in and laid on her bed next to her.
"I can't stay long, but I wanted to see you hun." I said to her, "I know you're only going to tell Lydia what happened right?"
She nodded.
"Is there something else thats bothering you? Besides what he did." I touched her arm.
She turned away, "you're not my therapist."
"But I am your friend, Nic.. so talk to me."
She sighed.
"Lydia sent out an SOS when you called her. And ALL of us stopped what we were doing so that we can be here for you. Because we care about you. And we know you'd do the same, and you have done the same for us." I explained causing her to look at me, "You've got a big family now, and we all care about you."
She laid down and faced me, my hand intertwined in hers as we laid together in complete silence for a moment.
"You wanna know what I think?" I broke the silence.
She nodded.
"I think that you being on bed rest- is putting you out of your element. And I think its also forcing you to reflect, and to actually deal with the reality of everything.. because you don't get to go back to work and keep yourself too busy to think about it." I suggested.
A tear fell from her eye as she nodded, "I hate all of this."
"I know hun." I squeezed her hand gently, "but you know, you can't keep it bottled up.. it will eat you alive. You need to let us know whats happening in that head of yours. And its also important that you process these emotions, don't neglect them."
"It feels like anything I do- could kill the baby." She expressed, "I cant even hold the triplets. I'm scared to play with them or OJ because I'm so afraid they'll hit my stomach.."
I nodded and wiped her tears, "that sucks huh? But what about when you try to think of the longterm effect? You're being careful now.. and maybe that means not being able to play with them for a bit, but by next year- you'll have a new edition. And then they'll have a new sibling to play with. And you'll have a new baby to love and hold close to."
"I still dream about that day.. the incident." She confessed, "sometimes even when I'm awake."
"Yeah?"
"Except sometimes... when it gets to the part where I let go of her... its not her that falls- its a baby.. MY baby." She squeezed my hand this time, "other times, I'm the one falling.."
"When's the last time you've been to therapy?" I asked her.
She shrugged and exhaled as she thought, "It was- right after the interview that we took Aaliyah to.. because thats when I met Vanessa's brother's girlfriend, and she told me all about how she fucking hates me.. so I guess a month or so."
"After the baby is born, will you let me refer you to a psychiatrist? You might be able to benefit from an antidepressant." I suggested.
She groaned and laid on her back, "godddd now I need medication just to be functional human? How does that make me feel any better?"
"I said might. Or... you can promise me you'll talk to us, because I truly believe that method will work better than medication anyways." I corrected, "I think you're a perfectly functional adult Nic. And you're a phenomenal mother and mentor. And an amazing friend."
She turned to me again, "you're exaggerating."
I touched my nose, "Um, hi.. remember if I didn't think you were an amazing mother, I wouldn't have recommended OJ to stay with you guys. And that was before I gave a fuck about any of you besides OJ." I touched her nose.
She smiled for a second, then it faded. "I think Aubrey's mad at me."
"Why?"
"What happened this morning.."
"What happened?"
She sighed, "we- he doesn't like that I dont want anyone seeing the scars on my chest... not even him."
"Okay.."
"We were making out, and he started- doing well.. whatever thats not important. But it was fine, I liked it, it was fun." She explained, "but he started getting aggressive when I wouldnt let him lift my shirt up. So it just wasn't fun anymore because of that, so I told him to you know, get off of me.. and he wouldn't. He just got pissed and he kept going because he said he knew I havent had any form of sex in a while and he was just trying to help. But I kept telling him to stop-"
"He should've stopped the first time Nic, thats not okay." I said sternly.
She shook her head, "I know I know. But, what he did was not what bothered me.. its just- when he tried to lift my shirt, I just had a flashback to some of the times I was ACTUALLY raped, and THAT scared me."
"Well, for one, the fact that rape was plural makes me sad." I blinked, "for two, you're right.. that may have amplified the situation. But he does need to respect your boundaries and more importantly your words. Especially, considering your history with it.. that could lead to a really bad spiral, that luckily.. i know you're strong enough not to fall into."
"I called Lydia because of that.. not because of him. Please tell Margo that."
"Yeah she's a little C4 huh?" I giggled.
She smiled, "yeah I'm not really sure when or if she's joking."
"That just makes it all more fun." I winked.
"Yeah." She bit her lip.
"Happiness and peace doesn't come easy to everyone.. you know. Sometimes, you have to work for it." I told her, "And you love work, so can you promise me... you'll keep working for your happiness? Because one day, its going to all pay off and all of your sadness and your tears will just be the memories you need to allow yourself to appreciate the happiness."
"You sound like a therapist." She teased. I cracked a smile at her. We laid together a while longer in silence just staring at each other. Eventually it came close to the time I needed to leave.
I took a deep breath, "I could lay here next to you, until the end of time. But, I have to go to work." I told her.
She poked out her bottom lip, "thanks for coming."
"Plus, Lydia is on her way.. and I know Vanessa wants to have a chance to hang with you before Lydia hogs all of your time." I reasoned as I sat up, I touched her hand, "Thank you for opening up to me. I know thats not easy."
"You made it easy." She smiled. I leaned over and kissed her cheek. She looked at me and blushed as I pulled away. "You smell really good." She giggled.
"Thanks."
When I went downstairs, I briefed Margo, Rachel and Vanessa on what Nic told me, then I texted the update to Lydia. Vanessa went upstairs to see Nic just as Lydia entered.
"Hey, did you get my text?" I asked her.
"No." She took her coat off and hugged me, "How is she?" She asked the room before pecking my lips.
"She's doing okay. She's dealing with a lot more than just the- thing that happened this morning."
"And by thing, she means rape." Margo corrected.
"Nic doesnt want to call it that." I reasoned.
"Well, do we know what exactly happened yet?"
"Yeah." I nodded, "and you know what, it is a pretty hazy line.. so if she doesn't want to call it that, and we know its a one time thing... and it truly doesnt bother her-"
"She wouldn't've called me crying if it weren't serious."
"She said she called because when it happened she was reminded of the past, more prolific times." I answered, "she is also under a lot of stress, she's bored and depressed."
"I have to go to work" I checked my watch, "you guys keep me updated okay?"
"Like.. right now?" Lydia clarified, "Are you at least free for lunch?"
"For you? Always."
NICKI POV
When I told Lydia all of the information that I told Anita, she frowned and bit her lip.
"Its fine, really." I added.
"I really hate this." She groaned and covered her face for a moment before looking up, "do you not understand, that at the end of the day.. what he did was wrong? And you know that if any other man had done anything remotely close to that you'd be pissed too right?"
"I know-" I sighed.
"I hate that his intentions weren't malicious... it was just executed in the worse way possible."
"It could've been worse." I reasoned.
"What if this is the start? What if it all goes downhill from here?" She listed, she ran her fingers through her hair, "I didn't think he would ever- But you can't just sweep shit like this under the rug Nic.."
"Instead of stressing, let me talk to him at least." I offered.
She laid down with her head in my lap and looked up at me, "promise me, you'll make sure he FULLY understands that what he did was unacceptable. And that no matter the cause, he'll respect your words."
"I will," I nodded.
"Are you excited to start working in 3 days?" She changed the subject, "I think getting out of the house a bit will be good for you."
"Yes, I miss being productive.. I'm going crazy here."
RACHEL POV
We all took turns hanging with Nic and with Aubrey's mom and the triplets throughout the morning. Sometimes all 4 of us would hang out with Nic too. When lunch time approached, Margo and I opted to help put together something for all of us to eat and to help feed the triplets a bit.
"There's literally so much to choose from" I said as I opened the cabinets to the main kitchen while Margo looked in the fridge. Sandy had the triplets in the other kitchen eating.
"How the fuck do they keep two kitchens fully stocked, and I can barely remember to buy milk?" Margo agreed.
"Four loaves of bread? They are not running through that much bread. And we know that Nic eats more than half her meals from stores and restaurants." I exclaimed.
Before we could continue, we heard the front door open. Margo gave me a confused look before we both went to see who was there.
Aubrey was taking off his jacket.
"Look what the cat dragged in." Margo leaned against the wall.
"Oh, I see everyone decided to stop by for lunch huh? Is that Lydia's car out there." He asked as he picked up a big brown bag from beside him.
"Don't get cute." Margo rolled her eyes.
"Why- wha... why are yall here?"
"I hope you didnt come here thinking we were going to just let you talk to Nic after what you did." Margo avoided his question.
"What did she tell you? I didn't do anything to her.." he defended.
"Rachel, go see if she wants to see him." Margo folded her arms.
"Okay..." I backed away slowly.
When I returned Margo was standing so close to him, she was nearly stepping on his feet.
"You can't even tell me what I supposedly did, but you're pissed at me like you haven't known me longer anyways?" Aubrey said to her.
"Don't start playing games now that I'm here, you won't win. You've got a hell of a lot more to lose than she does.." Margo said through clenched teeth.
Lydia and Vanessa appeared behind me.
"She's ready for you." Vanessa cleared her throat.
As he walked past us Lydia stopped him, "I'm gonna need to talk to you when you're done."
"What the fuck is wrong with all of yall?" He shook his head and went upstairs.
NICKI POV
Aubrey came into the room shaking his head.
I sat up and faced him, "Did they give you a hard time?"
He had a big bag in his hand and he dropped it on the bed in front of me.
"Whats this?" I touched.
"I got you a gift. But that was before you told all your minions I did something to you that makes me the devil." He shrugged.
"I can't control them. Maybe Rachel and Vanessa, they're pretty passive. But you and I both know Lydia and Margo cannot be tamed." I defended.
"So what did you tell them?" He glared at me.
"Well, what I told them, and what they think are two completely different things. Because no one listens to me." I said, my frustration coming out through my voice.
"What do they think?" He asked.
I took a deep breath, "wait." I closed my eyes, "Can you please promise me that when I say this, you will keep in mind that this is THEIR thoughts... not mine?"
"Fine." He shrugged.
I opened my eyes and bit my lip, "They consider what happened this morning.. to be a form of rape."
His facial expression went from bad to worse, "Nic wh-"
"I said THEY!!!" I reminded.
"Fine." He took a deep breath, "and what do you think?"
"I dont think, I know." I corrected, "I know that you acted in good heart, i know that you would never hurt me.. I know that, I was reminded of my past when I was- but that what you did wasn't it. I know that I love you, and I hate that they can't see it my way."
"Fuck Nic." He shook his head.
"Come here." I beckoned. He came to my side of the bed and sat down. I held his hands in mine, "I understand fully what your intentions were. But, not only did you continue to forcibly pursue it after I said no. If I tell you to get off of me, you do not get to decide that you're not done or that you know what I want better than I do."
"Rape isn't a word you can just throw around Nic.."
"I'm not the one you have to explain that to." I told him "me and you are good as long as it doesn't happen again. I just need you to give me that same respect you would want Liyah and Ali's boyfriends to give them. Okay?"
He leaned over and kissed me. I hugged him tight and deepened the kiss.
"I'm sorry." He said when he pulled away.
"You pissed a lot of girls off today.. but I'm not one of them." I shook my head. "Just remember that in the rare cases that I do tell you no. I need you stop right then and there. Can you promise me that?"
He nodded, "I never want to hurt you Nic. Forreal.."
"I know." I pecked his lips, "Tonight, we'll talk.. I don't feel as close to you anymore, and I really miss you."
"I'm still here though." He grabbed my hands.
"I know. But I'm not-"
"What do you mean?"
"I don't know.." I groaned, "I just- its too much."
"What do you need me to do?" He stared into my eyes.
I shook my head, "thats the thing, there's nothing any of us can do at least not until the baby gets here... if it does."
"Nic, I kn-"
"Stop it, you don't know anything!" I yelled at him, immediately I regretted it and started crying, "I'm sorry."
"No its okay." He pushed my hair out of my face, "you're right.. I don't know what you're going through. But why dont you tell me?"
"No." I said softly and laid down, looking away from him, "I don't want to talk about it."
"Nic?" He touched my leg and then quickly moved his hand off of me.
I rolled my eyes, "You don't have to be afraid to touch me... except don't touch my boobs." I covered my chest with my arms and turned my body away from him.
"Are the scars actually healing badly or something Nic? Or do you just not like them?" He asked.
"I don't want to talk about it."
"I just want to make sure you're okay.."
I didn't respond.
"Nic, should I be getting Lydia? Or whats happening?" He asked.
Nothing. I heard him exhale. We sat in silence for some time until I heard the door open and Lydia whispered something to him.
LYDIA POV
I made Aubrey come out into the hallway so Nic wouldn't hear.
"You weren't supposed to hurt her." I shoved him.
"I didn't!"
"You know, thats what fucking sucks.. is that since I do understand the motive, I can't just hate you for it.. but you just had the fucking worse method possible!"
"Can you yell at me later? You're supposed to be helping Nic." He hushed me.
"I can't help her and be pissed at you at the same time."
"Fine." He rolled his eyes.
I stepped close to him because I REALLY didn't want Nic to hear the next part, "Nic's depressed right now. She feels trapped, she feels like a failure, she's insecure, she's scared, she feels alone, and she's still coping- with so much." I told him, "You hurt her, in the midst of all of that, you hurt her. You added to it. And I know thats not what you meant to do, and you didn't even understand or know how bad off she was- but you did it. But you're fucking lucky that she and I for whatever reason are still so extremely emotionally connected... that she doesn't even have to feel that part anymore, I do. Because she is going to need you, and she is going to need to be able to trust you, and she needs to feel safe with you."
"So what? Deep down she's mad at me but she like passed it off to you or something?" He questioned.
"The same way I pass out when I pull her from that dark place. The same way I can tell you exactly how she's going to feel about anything." I shrugged.
"Well."
"Can I trust you?" I asked, "like I'm not gonna regret looking past this?"
"I never meant to hurt her.. I mean it. I love Nicki." He assured me.
I stared at him for a second, "we can't fix her in a day. But I can at least get her talking again."
"Fine."
We went inside, and Nic didnt even flinch as we entered.
"Are you taking a vow of silence?" I asked her as I sat on the floor next to the bed.
She shook her head with the slightest crack of a smile.
"Oh come on, I thought I would've had to go through at least 3 cheesy lines before I got a smile out of you." I nudged her arm, "you're making it to easy for me."
That warranted another smirk.
"You wanna talk about whats got you down? I think your boyfriend really wants to hear it." I asked, purposely calling him her boyfriend to force a response out of her.
"I know what you're doing." She turned slightly away from me.
"And yet you still fell for it." I bit my lip. "Fine," I sat with my back against the bed, "I guess you have to listen to Aubrey and I try to make conversation "
I turned to Aubrey, "well.. "
"Well."
"Nic, we're bored with eachother." I complained as I thought of another way to taunt her, "Are you guys only ever gonna name your kids with A O and L names? If so, I just want to point out that the Liam is outnumbered."
"So name the baby Lily or Layla.. or Luke or I cant think of another L for a boy." Aubrey shrugged.
"I think Logan would be cute for either gender. Or you guys could definitely raise a Lincoln or a Landon." I suggested.
"Those are good." Aubrey agreed.
I felt Nic sit up, "Did you two just agree on something?"
"Oh look that wasn't even planned but it worked." I turned to face her.
"I like Logan." She nodded.
"For a boy or a girl?" Aubrey asked.
"Both." She touched my head.
"Can you tell Aubrey whats wrong?" I asked her.
She frowned, "I don't want to talk about it."
"That's not true. We all know you love talking things out, so tell him the truth. Nic he can't help you if you dont tell him whats wrong." I touched her hand.
"He can't help me." She shook her head.
"You don't know unless we try."
She grabbed my chin, "the only way you could help is if you could take this baby and carry it for me."
"If I could, I would do it in a heartbeat." I responded.
Tears flooded her eyes, "can you?"
"It's impossible Nic."
"No.. just, be pregnant with me. And if I lose thi-"
"You cant replace a baby Nic. That wont help you in the long run. And, WHEN baby Logan arrives, the last thing you'll need is to have another come shortly after." I shook my head.
"I know." She hung her head.
"Logan is fine.. and I promise you, they are a lot safer in your womb than in the real world. I know its hard, and scary.. but you have to remember, that you and Logan will never be closer than you are right now to eachother. So cherish that. You see how fast OJ and the triplets are growing up.."
"Its more than that." She groaned.
"I know that." I nodded, "but Aubrey doesn't. And he wants to."
She took a deep breath and a tear rolled down her cheek.
"What if he holds you? That'll keep you calm more or less right?"
She shook her head, "can you ju-"
"We're past that Nic remember?" I shook my head "you two are supposed to be handling yourselves now."
"This is different." She pouted.
I sighed, "fine."
"What's happening?" Aubrey asked.
"Well, Nic is- overwhelmed. And although she knows that you should know whats wrong, she's scared that having to articulate it will be a lot for her.." I readjusted my position, "Because part of her issue is that, she's so worried and stressed about hurting the baby, but simultaneously knowing that stress could hurt the baby.. and thus she's left trying really hard to balance that. And we know how emotional Nic gets when its time to express her emotions, so she didn't want to be the one to tell you, because it'll just amplify the emotions for her and potentially hurt the baby."
He gave her a worried look.
"I gave you the vague overview outside." I started, but Nic squeezed my arm, "but apparently I'm going to give you the details now."
"Okay." He nodded.
"Nic feels- sad.. like she has to be so overly cautious that she pretty much can do nothing but distance herself. She doesn't get to spend time with the triplets like she wants to because she's afraid they might kick her stomach. She's bored, alone most of the day." I took a deep breath before continuing, "She's traumatized, she hates that she didn't know she was pregnant. She hates that she is afraid to be connected to the baby, and deep deep down we know she's been anticipating the catalyst for a repeat of her childhood and this just feels like a ticking bomb. I think I covered everything."
"That's a lot." Aubrey nodded.
"Oh, and.. she feels like a burden, and even though she really loves when we're all here because she's lonely.. she feels like in doing that, its forcing us to- something. I don't know that part. Just, she doesnt want us to have to cater to and sacrifice our time and energy because she feels like this is her burden to carry because she fucked up not us." I explained before turning to Nic, "which, by the way is false. Because you did NOT fuck up, and we're all here for you. Today should've proved that more than anything."
"I'll give you guys some space.." I stood up to leave.
NICKI POV
Aubrey waited until Lydia left before speaking up, "Do we talk about.. or like is that gonna trigger you?"
I poked out my bottom lip as a few tears fell, "Im sorry."
"Nic, for what? You're the only one directly affected by everything right now. I want to help you, but like you said.. I have no idea what its like to be in your shoes"
"Anita thinks I'm depressed." I hung my head low.
"Lydia mentioned that." He nodded.
"But depression while pregnant can kill the baby." I felt myself getting worked up.
"Just tell me WHATEVER you need me to do." He came and sat next to me.
I shook my head.
"Nic, just tell me. Anything big or small, please." He forced me to look into his eyes.
"I dont know."
"Come on." He pecked my cheek.
I took a deep breath, "Maybe if you stopped treating me like I'm on my deathbed."
"What do you mean?"
"Treat me like normal. I can do the overly careful shit myself."
"Okay."
Eventually Aubrey had to go back to work, and so did everyone else. Anita returned around 4:30 she made me sit up in bed.
"Come on, I'm taking you to dinner." She went into my closet and returned with a sweater dress. She tossed it at me before going back into the closet. I slipped the dress on and was standing next to the bed by the time she returned with shoes.
"Why?"
"Lydia's stuck at the office, OJ and Zoe went to a birthday party. Aaliyah went with them. I'm hungry and I'm not in the mood to eat alone. And it doesn't look like you have anything better to do, so yeah." She explained as I put my shoes on.
When we pulled up to the restaurant she stopped me before getting out of the car, "Wait."
"Whats wrong?"
"If I don't ask you this now, I never will." She turned the radio off, "What did you tell Zoe? How is she not a mess?"
"I told her that her mom was sleeping, because she was really tired. And I explained that she would get a special bed with a lid to make sure no one disturbs her sleep. And that when she wakes up from her sleep she wont be sick anymore." I told her.
"you told her that she's gonna wake back up?"
"Not in the real world. I told her that she'll wake up, and she'll be inside of her heart and mind forever." I explained.
She nodded, "thank you. For that."
We sat in silence for a second until she touched my cheek, "You know what makes my job so hard?"
"What?"
"Is that, no one is perfect... there's no such thing as a perfect parent. So its so hard to pick and choose which faults in a person to look over.. and sometimes after a case is over, I find myself second-guessing.. you know, what if I looked over something important? What if I missed something?" She spoke softly, her eyes looked at everything around us except me. Finally they locked with mine again, "But I didn't doubt you guys at all. I think about my first interview with OJ every single day. And I love that he and Zoe can grow up together now."
"I love seeing them together too, I'm glad they get along so well." I smiled.
"I haven't told Lydia this yet, but I was pregnant before." Her fingers continued to graze my cheek and jawline as she spoke. "Twins, I was pregnant at the same time as Annie. I remember being so excited about our kids being able to grow up together."
"What happened?"
"You ever hear of Vanishing Twin Syndrome?"
I shook my head.
"Basically is a miscarriage of one twin and not the other." She defined, "The other was premature, and died a few days later."
"I'm sorry.."
"I didn't tell you that for sympathy. I told you that because I don't want you to feel alone right now. Your worst fears right now, were my reality. Lydia has never been pregnant and Aubrey never can, so as much as they love you and are here for you.. they don't even know the HALF of what all of it actually feels like, emotionally, physically, mentally." She said.
"Thank you." I smiled.
"Come on lets go inside, I'm starving" she turned the car off.
A lot happened this chapter lol.
- What do we think of Margo?
- How do we feel about what happened with Aubrey?
- How do we feel about Lydia this chapter?
- What about these Nicki x Anita moments? Are we here for this.. or are they gonna have trouble staying just friends?