At 11pm, I finally arrived home again after spending all day with Ashton and Olivia. I had suggested him I could stay longer and help him with Olivia but he assured me he was fine. To be honest, I was glad to be home. I had been wearing the same clothes since yesterday and I desperately needed a shower.
I dropped my bag on the kitchen table and put the keys of my bike beside it, I went to the fridge to get a drink. I stood there for a few minutes before going to the bathroom. But I wasn't even in the shower yet when my phone buzzed, I let out a sigh before looking at it.
redhead ashton: do you want to come back tomorrow?
elle: I have to look after the shop from 1 till 5 but I can come before or after that?
redhead ashton: okay
elle: do you want me to come back now?
I could see him type and stop a few times until finally the typing icon didn't come up anymore and it was silent. I turned the sound of my phone on the loudest before finally getting in the shower. I was exhausted but if it was needed, I'd get back on my bike and go over to him. I'd stay up all night just to talk to him if he needed it.
I managed to get out of the shower and put a towel around me before I finally got a reply.
redhead ashton: I don't want to be that annoying guy you have to look after. I'll be alright tonight
elle: I don't mind at all Ash, if you need someone to talk to, I'll come.
redhead ashton: i'll be fine, will you come over after work tomorrow?
elle: okay, call me if needed
I threw my phone on my bed before putting on my pyjamas and slipping under the covers. Everything that had happened today started playing over and over again in my head and I tried to figure it out but I couldn't. I have been doing rather good recently but I know I'm not ready yet to move on. I still love the guy that broke me into pieces and I'm not ready yet to be put together. People say it's stupid that I do but I have loved him for 7 years, nearly 8.
That's not easy to forget. He played such a big role in my life since I wasn't even a teenager yet so not only did he break every piece in me, he left a big empty place. An empty place that goes way beyond the empty side of my bed. There's no longer someone sitting at the other end of the couch who will laugh at the way I get so into it, who will accept my constant rambling and possible spoiling. Who doesn't mind rewatching the same movie or series so many times. Someone who I could argue with over what we would eat or about the most stupid things.
I just miss having someone around.
—
I walked out of the kitchen after talking to my parents and walked over to the couch and sat down beside Amber. She looked at me shortly with a smile before looking back at the tv. I had made a short stop here after work before I would go over to Ashton's again. "So have you ever thought about moving out?" I asked her and she pauzed her show to look at me.
"You know I can't live on my own yet." She sounded a bit annoyed but kept looking at me
"I know" I replied with a grin on my face and she raised her eyebrow at me confused. "I have an empty room and I hate being all alone in that appartment, so I talked about it to mom and dad and how would you feel about being roommates with me? You can walk to work easily and the stores are all nearby too." I could see her face light up while I talked and that only made me smile wider, "You could finally move out because I'll be there most of the time. Mom also said you could start working full time at the store -" I wasn't even finished yet when she wrapped her arms tightly around me. I chuckled softly and hugged her back. "So what do you think?"
"That you are the world's most amazing sister." She said with the biggest smile. She was already rather independent but she could not live on her own. She lives her own life in the house but she needs someone to give her structure and help her out with planning and financial things.
"You can move in whenever you want, the room is free and I'm ready to be less lonely again."
"Mom, Dad, I'm moving out tomorrow" she shouted before jumping up from the couch. "I am going to pack everything. I know you still have to go to Ashton so I will see you tomorrow!" She said so excited before running up the stairs to her room. It was the perfect solution for both of us, she would finally get to have more indepency and I will get some company again and no longer have to pay all the bills by myself. I went to say goodbye to my parents and quickly told them her reaction before leaving the house and taking my bike to go to Ashton's.
I took the usual road up to his house and as expected, everyone looked weirdly at me when I passed. I wasn't like them and they knew that I didn't belong there. When I reached his place I put my bike against the wall before walking up to the door. It didn't take him more than a few seconds to walk up to the door. He had the smallest smile on his face and he looked better than he did yesterday.
— Ashton's POV —
This happens at the same time as the start of the chapter where Elle comes home and before he texted her.
I was a mess again as soon as Elle left. I just wanted to hide and never come out again. I wanted to call her up, ask her to come back but I couldn't. I had to learn to live on my own and I couldn't be dependend on her to be happy.
I went back to the living room and sat down on the couch infront of the tv, it didn't take me long until I changed the movie I started to the videos I know out of my head. I looked for the one I wanted to see and pressed play. I looked at the brunette I love so deeply, in most of the videos she's smiling but thisone is different. The video is 3 minutes long but I've never gotten past the first 30 seconds. I leaned back and closed my eyes. The video was filmed right here on the couch. I tried imagining her sitting here, I tried to remember the way she felt and the smell from her light perfume always around her.
I listened to the silence that lasted several seconds at the start of the video, I know she was trying to find the right words to say it but she couldn't. Until she finally did after 18 seconds.
"Ashton, you have to promise me one thing. One day you will move on, one day you have to allow yourself to be happy again and find love again."
That's the point where I turned it off the first time. I couldn't listen to it, I couldn't think of a time without her yet. And I've never listened more than that ever since. But today I let it play, I listened to another silence. I opened my eyes and I looked at her. She wiped away a tear from her face and looked anywhere but at the camera.
"Picturing you with another girl hurts me so much but Ashton you need to open your heart again for someone new. I don't want you to be stuck on me for ever, I want you to be able to move on and find love again. I want you to be happy again and find someone who makes you smile and laugh. I know you will find someone perfect one day and I hope you will let her in. I hope you don't push her away because you're still stuck on me."
She finally looked at the camera and I could see the small bruise on her forehead from bumping her head against something. I still remember the day that happened so clearly. We were preparing Olivia's room all day and I went to the store for about 30 minutes. In that time she decided to make the video and I had no clue. She paused again and just looked at the camera, she opened her mouth to speak a few times but she didn't say a word. She just stared and tried to come up with the words.
"Earlier when we were putting the pieces of our little girl's bed together, I realised I forgot to make the most important video of all. I told you how much I loved you in all the others, I told you about our happiest moments together and about the most random things but never did I tell you to move on. I need you to move on one day Ashton, that's what I want. I dont want you to be stuck on me or alone forever. I love you Ashton and I know you love me too but please let me go one day."
She said before I heard Piper bark and saw her run to the door.
"I wrote a letter for her, you'll find it once you've decided to move on. Please give it to her, whoever she may be."
She said and two seconds later, you could hear the door open and she turned off the camera quickly. I walked into the room less than a minute later, no camera to be seen and I had asked her if everything was alright because she looked surprised and as if she was hiding something. She made up an excuse but I was too dumb to see the truth.
She hid a letter somewhere in the house, somewhere I would only look when I'm ready to move on. I knew instantly where that was, but I didn't do anything about it.
I tried to stop the tears from rolling down but I couldn't. I took out my phone and quickly wrote down a text, 'can you come back? I need someone.' I looked at it for a while before erasing the message and writing something else.
ashton: do you want to come back tomorrow?
elle🌸: I have to look after the shop from 1 till 5 but I can come before or after that?
ashton: okay
elle🌸: do you want me to come back now?
I locked my phone again and thought about my reply. I wanted her to come back now, I wanted her to talk to me and try to fix me but I couldn't do that to her.
If I don't want her to be a rebound, I need to fix myself.
———————————————
Finally an update!
So my exams are over and I have a 2,5 week holiday now so I have more time to write again!
If anyone has any chapter suggestions, please let me know because I don't have that much inspiration at the moment....