If you want to know what was going through my head while writing this chapter listen to every Julia Michaels song. I'm only saying that because I was listening to Inner Monologue Part 2 while writing this chapter (mostly to get in the mood).
Anyways, don't be a ghost reader!
Also, prepare yourself, this is a big chapter.
Make sure you pop some popcorn and grab some tissues. You're in for a bumpy ride on this one.
Louis
"Would you sit still," Genevieve says trying to dab my face with alcohol to clean the cut from the physical altercation I just got it.
After Liam stepped in and pulled us apart Genevieve took me back to her dorm claiming I was too drunk to be left alone. I'm not even that drunk, buzzed maybe, but not drunk. However, no matter how many times I have tried convincing her otherwise she doesn't believe me. Most likely because Liam told her I was drunk because I was "acting out of character".
I would have punched Niall regardless. He had it coming with the smug comments he makes, and the way he acts like he's better than everyone else. He just pisses me off, and I don't get why Genevieve is still with a jerk like him. No matter how many times he hurts her, no matter how many apology speeches he gives, and no matter how many times he convinces her he's a changed man, she always gives him another chance, and he is constantly taking advantage of her.
"No, it hurts," I tell her softly, as she gently dabs the alcohol-soaked cotton ball on my face.
"Well if you wouldn't get in fights every time you and Niall are in the same room, we wouldn't have to clean the cuts on your face," She says, mostly sounded disappointed.
Did I do something? Did I disappoint her? Is she upset with me?
"Just say it," I say hoping that we can address the elephant in the room. This is not how I was hoping our first conversation since our argument would go. I had this big elaborate plan, that I mostly made while under the influence of a brown liquid. In my head, I planned on telling her how I felt, but now that I'm sobering up I can see how that was a terrible idea.
Besides, why would she ever like a guy like me? I'm nothing like Niall.
"It's nothing," She says, picking at fingers, a nervous trait she does when something is bothering her.
"Genevieve," I tell her as she looks up at me. She grabs a new cotton ball and soaks it in the alcohol, and slowly lifts it to my face. "Please put the cotton ball down, I will be fine," I tell her, hoping that she will want to talk.
"No Louis, if I don't clean it, it will get infected," She says frantically. I can tell that there is something other than the cuts on my face bothering her. I just need to get her to talk to me.
"Genevieve, love, you need to calm down," I say gently, bringing my hand to her cheek. "It's just a few cuts and bruises, I will be fine," I continue, as I see her soften at my touch. "Now can you please put the first aid kit away, and tell me what's bothering you," I say tracing my thumb along her cheek, stopping on her chin.
"It's just-," She begins as her voice breaks. "It's nothing," She says, as her breathing begins to shorten, and I can tell she is on the verge of a panic attack.
"Hey, come here," I whisper, gently grabbing her hand, pulling her in towards me. As she is standing in between my legs, I wrap my arms gently arms around her waist, and she holds onto me tightly. I can hear soft cries coming from her, and I can tell she is struggling to catch her breath as she is overwhelmed with whatever is bothering her. I begin rubbing her back gently, trying to comfort her. She's only had a panic attack one other time around me, and I'm trying to remember everything I did last time.
"Breathe with me. In," I say breathing in, trying to help her get control of her breathing. "Out," I say slowly releasing the breath I was holding. As I do this breathing activity, mainly to remind her to breathe, I hear her breaths becoming more sporadic and longer. Eventually her breathing os back to a normal pace, and we are just embracing each other in her dorm bathroom. I am sitting on the countertop, comforting the broken beauty, while she is standing with her head on my shoulder as she lets out all of the bottled-up emotions.
"I'm sorry I'm such a mess," She says, slowly lifting her head from my shoulder. Since there is a mirror directly behind me she lightly laughs at her appearance once she sees that her make up is messed up, trying to clean it up the best she can.
"Here let me help," I say releasing her from my arms, as I search the countertop for makeup wipes. Once I see a pack in my sight I gently push her to the side so I can get up to retrieve them.
"What are you doing?" She asks, but I ignore her question as I continue to grab the wipes that have Delilah's name written on them. "Louis, those aren't mine. Delilah would kill me if I used them," She says, still wiping the smudged areas of her face.
"Then tell her I used them and that I'll buy her a new pack," I say shrugging my shoulders as I pick up that pack bringing it over the Genevieve. I motion for her to sit on the counter so I can clean the makeup from her face. I open the pack of wipes and pull one out. I gently bring it to Genevieve's face, wiping the area under her eye first, before moving down to rid the rest of her face from makeup.
"Louis, stop you're messing up my makeup," She says trying to push my hand away.
"No, I'm not, I'm fixing it," I say as I continue to wipe her face. "Besides, I think you're perfect without it," I say throwing the wipe on the counter right next to us once I finish. I step in between her legs and snake my arms around her waist.
"I'm sorry about your shirt," She says placing her hand on my collarbone where the makeup stain is.
"I don't care about that," I say, sliding my hand underneath her shirt to run circles along the skin. "I just want to make sure you're alright," I say getting lost in her dark brown orbs.
"I'm fine, it's nothing you'd care about," She says, lying to me.
"How much do you want to bet?" I say, leaving my hands on her hips.
"Trust me, you wouldn't to get involved, it's stupid. I'll figure it out, it's fine," She tells me trying to avoid the conversation.
"You can't seriously think for one second that I'm going to believe you," I say releasing her from my grasp. "You just sat there, and had a panic attack and you're seriously going to tell me it's fine?" I say.
"I don't want to involve you, things are already complicated in my life," She says trying to defend herself.
"Bullshit," I say, scuffing at her answer.
"Louis, I'm not talking to you about this while you're drunk," She says trying to push me away from her, but I don't budge.
"How many times do I have to tell you I'm not drunk?" I say getting frustrated with this conversation.
"Seriously? Louis, you got in a fight -"
"With an asshole that I have fought sober," I say matter of factly. "Besides, I'm already involved, maybe I can help you find a solution," I say trying to get her to open up.
"Louis, can we please drop it. This isn't something I can come to you about," She says, desperately trying to get me to end this conversation.
"Why not?" I say rather confused. Every time she invites me to her grandmother's she opens up to me. However, the second we get back on campus it's like none of that happened, and she begins to shut me out.
"Louis. I'm not your girlfriend." She says pushing me away from her, and by the look on her face, I move back giving her some space. She slides off the counter and begins pacing the bathroom.
"You don't think I know that?" I say getting extremely frustrated with her. "You don't understand how badly I want to kill that bastard for everything he's done to you. You don't understand how much it kills me when you continue to choose that asshole again and again. You don't get how much it hurts me to see you settle for far less than you deserve." I say trying to hold in my feelings for her. What's the point in even telling her if she's going to continue choosing Niall, even if he treats her so badly?
"Who I choose to be with is nobody's business but mine," She says through gritted teeth.
"Do you hear yourself right now?" I say laughing at how crazy she sounds right now. "There's one very important person you are forgetting that is affected by your decisions, but Niall has completely brainwashed you into thinking you can't live without him." I continue my rant gradually increasing the volume of my voice.
"Are you seriously bringing Jonah into this?" She says livid. "Every decision I make is for that little boy, I love him more than life itself. How dare you accuse me of being a bad mother?"
"I never said you were a bad mother," I say starting to get hurt that Genevieve is putting words in my mouth. "I would never say that about you. It hurts that you continue to question my character when I'm the only one that knows the intimate details about your relationship with Niall. I'm only trying to help you, but what's the point if you're going to keep making me out as the bad guy," I say as I begin to walk towards the door that leads to the common room.
"Louis, wait." She says reaching out for my hand. Just the nimble touch of her hand reminds me of how I feel about this girl. I am head over heels for a girl that will never feel the same way about me.
"What's the point," I say continuing to walk towards the door to leave this room.
"Please, Louis," She says running to get in front of me. Once she catches up she stands in front of the door that leads to the hall.
"Give one reason not to walk out of that door right now," I say, concluding that this is a battle I will never win. It's better to just give up now, and move on before anyone gets hurt.
"Because I'm confused and conflicted," She says confessing. "My heart is telling me to do one thing, and my head is telling me something different."
"What is there to be confused about?" I say, still angry that she thinks so low of me.
"I just don't understand why you want to help me, I don't deserve it," She says, clearing not understanding why I've tried to give her what she truly does deserve.
"Please don't say you don't deserve it," I say making eye contact with her. "Genevieve Gregory, it hurts me that you don't realize you deserve the whole world. You deserve to be with someone that would move mountains for you, and someone that would treat you like the rare jewel that you are," I say smiling at her.
"Louis," She begins. "I hate to break it to you, but nobody wants to be with a girl like me," She says, breaking my heart when she doesn't see how perfect she is.
"What do you mean by a girl like me?" I push, hoping that we can continue this conversation.
"I mean with my past with Chad and having a three-year-old doesn't exactly scream girlfriend material. Most guys our age are afraid of commitment and the second they find out about Jonah they will bolt. I have a guy that isn't intimidated by the fact that I'm a mom," Genevieve says shrugging accepting the treatment that she gets in her current relationship.
This conversation hurts me more than it should. She acts like the way that Niall treats her is okay. She's trapped in a never-ending cycle of domestic abuse and refuses to come to terms with the fact that, literally any other guy would make a better boyfriend than Niall. There's no point in trying anymore.
"You still don't get it," I say still frustrated that after two months of trying she can't see how infatuated I am with her.
"What don't I get?" She says pushing my hand away from the knob.
"How many guys do you know that are willing to hear a girl talk his ear off about her relationship issues?" I question rolling my eyes at her, trying to give her a hint.
"Do you think I've been talking your ear off?" She asks getting worried.
"No, you haven't and that's my point," I say, shoving my hands in my pocket.
"What's your point?" She says, frustrating me more. Does she seriously need me to spell it out for her?
"Just think about it for a minute, and think about us, and everything I've done for you," I say hoping that she gets it now because I don't want to say it.
I watch her thinking about the moments we've spent together. I watch her facial expression, I watch her smile at whatever she's thinking about. I watch her laugh. I continue watching her try to put the pieces together as I awkwardly rock back and forth on the balls of my feet.
"Louis," She says with a look on her face that tells she still doesn't get it.
"Do I need to spell it out for you?" I say getting frustrated, and a little nervous. I got myself into this situation and there is no getting out of it.
"Please?" She says.
"Never mind, it doesn't matter," I say ready to leave this room. I don't want to stay here. She's never going to feel the same way I feel about her, so I don't see why I should expose my feelings to her. "I need to go," I say trying to push passed her, but she refuses to move.
"Whatever you're trying to tell me matters to you if you won't tell me," She says crossing her arms over her chest, staring up at me. Her chestnut hair is pulled into a messy bun, and she may be wearing sweat pants and a t-shirt but I think she's the most beautiful women on earth.
"I don't understand how after all this time you still can't see what's right in front of you. Have you ever considered that maybe there's someone who is so madly in love with you that he would do anything for you?" I say, questioning how she hasn't seen the obvious chemistry between us. "I've met you, I've met your kid, and I know about your past. I never ran away. It made me fall in love with you more," I say revealing how I feel to the girl standing in front of me, as she stands there dumbfound about my confession. Before I can waste another minute embarrassing myself, by revealing more feelings that she clearing doesn't reciprocate, I leave her room walking down the hall heading back to my room.
I done set my self up to get hurt, and now I'm paying the price, it's fine :)
ANYWAYS,
How was this chapter?
Do you think Genevieve will respond? If so how?
Could this be the start of something new? (Yes I quoted HSM).
Favorite part?
Least favorite part?
Let me know your thoughts about this chapter because I feel like I kind of rushed the chapter...
I LOVE YOU ALL
- Autumn <3