Getting into my fathers office with a heavy heart, I plop myself on the black leather couch and sigh in defeat.
"Okay. You can do it now. Do it quick, " I mumble looking away from him and to the face of my very confused father.
"Do what exactly?" Antony asks and my father nods not understanding.
"Break up with me, " I say again. Frustrated that he wanted me to spell it out for him.
"What?!" They both yell and I get frustrated even more.
"You said you wanted to talk and that is code for I need a break, " I say to him.
"What? You are breaking up?!" My father says angrily while looking at Antony murderously.
"What the hell are you on about? Who said anything about breaking up?" Antony asks me, looking shocked and hurt and I get even more confused.
"You. You said we needed to talk, " I answer him slowly.
"Yes we do. Your father needs to talk to you. How does that even spell out break up?" He ask looking confused even more than ever.
It clicks what he says that my father needed me and I look at him sheepishly.
"Am sorry. I really thought you were going to break up with me. In your country that is obviously code for 'let's break up' so I kinda freaked out. Am really sorry I assumed, " I say and walk towards him and engulf him in a hug.
"Its okay. And by now, you should know we aren't normal. Our relationship isn't normal also. I love you but you can be an idiot, " he says chuckling.
"Moron, " I retaliate lamely.
"Urgh. Stop it you two else am gonna barf. Sweetie get away from that human and come sit here. We need to talk. Its urgent, " my father says. His voice turns serious and I follow his command. Sitting in front of his desk, Antony sits by my left and we both give our attention to my father who has a huge yellow envelope in his hands.
"I want you to keep an open mind on this. Its going to be very hard and I want you making this decision with a clear mind. What I have in my hand is an envelope from someone. Someone who am sure will make you very uncomfortable. Inside this envelope is a letter addressed to you. I haven't read it because it wasn't addressed to me. The sender is non other than Luciana Dibali, " My father says calmly. He studies my reaction but am frozen in place. My heart is thumping very loudly and blood is rushing to my ears.
"What?" I mumble. My voice barely above a whisper.
"Its from Luciana, " my father states again. Hes eyes show the worry but his face is stoic.
"When did it arrive?" I question. My voice now devoid of emotion. I felt like I was floating on water. I was numb. My brain had gone on auto pilot. I couldn't let myself feel otherwise my demons were going to hunt me back.
"Yesterday, " he answers.
"Okay you can send it back to her or burn it. I don't care. I don't want to hear anything she says to me, " I say trying to stand up but Antony grabs my hand.
"We can't resend it back, " he says looking at everything else apart from me.
"And why the hell not?! Return it or burn it, " I says firmly.
"We can't because...because, " Antony fumbles with his words. I yank my hands out of his grasp and am almost to the door when my fathers words stop me.
"We can't because she is dead. She committed suicide last week, " my father says.
Luciana is dead?
"Suicide? How?" I turn around and my knees almost buckle. Antony is on his feet quickly and leads me back to my seat.
"She slit her throat and the neighbours found her laying in her pool of blood on her kitchen floor, " my father explains.
"What of her triplets? Oh God, are they okay?" I ask worriedly.
"Yes . luckily they were still in school but right now they are in an orphanage. I didnt like her but I think you should read her letter. For closure, " he says handing me the envelope. It felt heavy on my hands. This envelope has a dead womans last words for me. What could she have said? Did she blame me for her misfortunes? Did she die a bitter woman? Only one way to find out. I rip it open and my hands are shaking so bad I almost tear the thing in half. Managing to calm my nerves I pull out the contents in the envelope. Inside there is a CD and a some neatly folded papers and pictures of the triplets. Tears brim my eyes when I see their photos. They looked bigger than I last saw them. I take a look at the papers and start reading them.
'Maria
By the time you read this I will already be dead.Am sorry. I know words can not heal the pain I have caused you for the past years but I am sorry. I am ashamed to say that I finally recognised my mistakes after Dibali left.
I am a horrible person who was blinded by nothing but jealousy and hatred for an innocent person. I was jealous of you and your wonderful mother. Gloria was a wonderful person. Dibali compared me to her everyday and it hurt me a lot that I would be nothing but a replacement to him. When we finally wedded I thought he would love me for me but I was wrong. He would call out Gloria's name when we made love and I was shuttered. Believe it or not I was a broken person. Inside and out. When he brought you home I was happy to have a daughter but that also changed when he started calling out for you in his sleep. I knew I was never going to be good enough for him. So I started abusing you to vent out my heartache and frustrations. The day he came to your room and raped you for the first time, I was there. I wanted to help but I convinced myself that you deserved it for all you have caused me. I hated you with this undying passion that consumed every fibre of my being. I tried to make Dibali love me but he still ran back to you. When we made love, he would mumble your name and afterwards complaint am not sweet enough like you. Maria, am sorry because I let him harm you in the most despicable way known to a woman. I was so bitter that I thought of killing you everyday only to stop when I saw how you treated my boys with love and affection even after I abused you continuously. The day you ran from home, I was happy. I felt happy for you. You had finally left to have the freedom you wanted. I searched for you everywhere and I saw you running in that ship. I stayed there and made sure the ship deported and you had your freedom. I convinced myself that I had done at least one good deed for you. But I knew it wasn't enough. What I did to you was unforgivable and inhumane. Before I take my life, I ask of one favour. I know I have no right but I am hoping you will grant me this one wish. Take my boys into your care. They deserve the world and sadly I cannot give it to them. Am way in too deep in my depression to take good care of them. I have vivid nightmares that make it hard for me to differentiate right from wrong. I am afraid I will turn out as Dibali and hurt my children. Please, take them in and teach them to love everyone and to never lay a finger on anybody. I am not asking for forgiveness because I know I don't deserve one. Tell your father that Gloria was the most purest souls in the world and what happened to her was unfair. I still live with the guilt. Goodbye.
Luciana.'
By the time am done reading am crying. What she did to me was in~ excusable but am grateful she did not return me back there when she saw me entering the ship. I would have never found my family. Antony is hugging me to him and my father takes the letter away and reads it. His face is stoic and I can only guess he is furious. I loved the triplets and I was going to take them. They were innocent in all this and since I can not have kids of my own they were going to be mine. I look at the CD on the table and show Antony.
"Play it for me would you?" I say hoarsely.
Taking the laptop and putting in the disk, its blank then a woman pops up. She is setting up a camera then sits in front of it. It was Luciana. She looked horrible. She was very skinny and her skin was so pale she looked gray. He lips were so dry and her eyes very pale and deep in their sockets. She looked dead.
"Maria. Nianzie wapi sasa, (where do I even start). Okay. I'll be killing myself today. I can't take it. The guilt and the depression have finally caught up to me. I...I don't know how to do this but I saw it fit to let it out before I die. The reason I told the doctor to flush your baby was because Dibali had planned to kill it the moment you gave birth. He was going to physically rip it out of you and kill it while you watched. Then make sure that you would never be pregnant again. I thought by...by telling the doctor to abort your baby you will at least recover and go on with your life. But a problem came in and your womb had to be removed. I was not aware but I pretended like I knew so that Dibali wasn't going to find out.
Maria... There is something I want to tell you. You gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. The exact replica of you, " she laughs joyfully with tears in her eyes and I can't breath.
" I made sure you believed she was dead. But she isn't. I went to the hospital everyday to check up on her until she was able to be released from the incubator and hospital. When she fully recovered I found a good friend of mine who works in an orphanage and told her to take good care of her and not to agree for her to be adopted because I would come back for her. I gave her your picture and told her to be showing it to your baby everyday . I named her Gloria. After your mother." She is full on weeping right now. And I think am on the floor full out sobbing.
" I called the orphanage and told them you will be coming for her soon. They agreed but you have to go with confirmation. Inside that envelope is another detailed letter you will give to the orphanage. It has everything they will be asking you. The address is also included. They also have my boys. Please take care of them or make sure they get good homes.I hope me saving your babys life is a little bit of my restoration. Goodbye Maria. And once again I am really sorry, "
The video ends and all is heard are my wails. My baby is alive. Its a girl and she lives.
"Papa we have to get my baby, " I sob harder.
"Yes. Go pack we leave in an hour, " he says. His eyes glassy with tears.
****************
The air back in Tanzania is still the same. Hot. We arrived late in the night and father booked us rooms. Entering the room I was sharing with Antony I just rush to the bathroom and take the much needed shower. Wearing something comfortable to bed I sleep almost immediately when I hit the bed.
~~~~
"Lynn...wake up, " a voice whispers to me. I almost resist to wake up when everything that happened comes rushing back.
"What time is it, " I ask while shooting out of bed.
"Six am, " Antony answers. He was already dressed smartly with a navy blue suit. It really brought out his eyes.
"Is papa awake?" I ask with a yawn.
"Yeah. Lynn..are you okay?" He finally asks.
"No. But I will be. I just can't believe that my baby is alive. I lived with the guilt of knowing that I caused her death only to find out she is alive. I don't know how to feel. Am happy yet sad she had to live alone. Am angry because Luciana hid her away from me but am glad she did it because Dibali would have murdered her. Am just confused you know? I don't know how to cope. How am I going to raise four kids? Three of whom are going to remind me of the hell I went through even though they are completely innocent. Its too much to handle and I am not sure if I can do it, " I say while crying softly. I sit on the bed and Antony follows.
"Its okay to feel overwhelmed. Everything was just thrown at you at once. But we will get through it together. I will be by your side every step of the way. You can count on me. I have you back, " he says while hugging and kissing the crown of my head.
"Are you sure you want to stick around with a girl who has these kind of buggages. Its a lot to handle, " I mumer.
"Yes. I love you and I wouldn't change a thing, I want it all. And your kids will be my kids, " he says softly. I kiss him with everything I have to show him how much am grateful he is here.
Three hours later we are in the orphanage Luciana told us about and am almost vomiting with nerves. What if she doesn't love me? What if she thinks I didnt love her? What if the triplets blame me for what happened to their parents? Questions on what ifs were circling my mind making it hard for me to think.
"Everything will turn out okay. They love you, " Antony reassures me.
After giving every possible detail to the receptionist, she sends someone to call the children out. My heart is beating at an irregular speed and when I see the triplets I can't help but let out some tears. When they see its me, they rush into me and tackle me with hugs.
"Youre back, " they were yelling.
"Yes I came for you, " I say.
"Momma told us you will take care of us, " one of them said.
"Yes I will, " I wipe away my tears and introduce them to Antony. While they are talking Another matron shows up with a little girl about five years holding her hand.
She had vibrant golden eyes like mine and curly hair exactly like me. She has a frown on her face when our eyes meet. I can't breath. She studies me and looks at the picture clutched on her other hand with an adorable frown.
"Hello, " I say to her when she stared at me again.
"Are you my mummy, " she asks innocently with her head turned slightly to the side.
"Yes, " I answer hesitantly. I waited for her to reject and say she hates me but she suddenly runs into my legs and clutched them for dear life.
"What took you so long, " she asks while crying. I pick her up and hold her snuggly to my chest.
"Am here now baby. Am here, " I keep mumbling while rubbing her back.
"Let's go home, " Antony says. The boys follow us while talking animatedly to Antony who just nods to everything they say and I chuckle. My baby is asleep and I cling to her.
" I sorted everything out. Their passports, visas, documents and everything important. We leave at eight pm. Am happy for you honey, " my father says to me when we arrive the hotel we were sleeping at.
***********
"This is your house?!" The boys yell when they see the mansion in front of them.
"Yes. Its yours now too, " I tell them softly. They run inside and everybody welcomes them warmly. Gloria is asleep in my arms and I don't think I have ever been this happy.
We settle in everyone and The triplets share a room while Gloria shares one with Kacey. They bonded immediately and they started playing together.
"You did it. You are finally a mum. With a litter of beautiful kids and a family that adores you, " Antony says from my side. His hands on my waist to bring me closer to him while we watched the kids playing in the back yard.
" I couldn't have done it without you by my side. Thankyou, " I say to him.
"Anytime, " he kisses the crown of my head.
"I love you so much, " I say to him. Needing him to know how much am grateful for him and his support for me.
"Impossible. Mine overrules yours, " He says and kisses me deeply.
"Yeah sure moron, " I mumble.
"Idiot" he says before he kisses me more.
Fin.
Foul burdens is finally over😥😢. I had a lot of fun writing this and Am honoured that you beautiful people got to read my story. It was a priviledge for me to share this with you as it is my first book. I hope to grow more with it.There will be no sequel. You can picture their future however you want and however you feel suits you.
Thankyou again and love you so so so much.