FOUL BURDENS.

CHAPTER 40.

Getting into my fathers office with a heavy heart, I plop myself on the black leather couch and sigh in defeat.
"Okay. You can do it now. Do it quick, " I mumble looking away from him and to the face of my very confused father.
"Do what exactly?" Antony asks and my father nods not understanding.
"Break up with me, " I say again. Frustrated that he wanted me to spell it out for him.
"What?!" They both yell and I get frustrated even more.
"You said you wanted to talk and that is code for I  need a break, " I say to him.
"What? You are breaking up?!" My father says angrily while looking at Antony murderously.
"What the hell are you on about? Who said anything about breaking up?" Antony asks me, looking shocked and hurt and I get even more confused.
"You. You said we needed to talk, " I answer him slowly.
"Yes we do. Your father needs to talk to you. How does that even spell out break up?" He ask looking confused even more than ever.
It clicks what he says that my father needed me and I look at him sheepishly.
"Am sorry. I really thought you were going to break up with me. In your country that is obviously code for 'let's break up' so I kinda freaked out. Am really sorry I assumed, " I say and walk towards him and engulf him in a hug.
"Its okay. And by now, you should know we aren't normal. Our relationship isn't normal also. I love you but you can be an idiot, " he says chuckling.
"Moron, " I retaliate lamely.
"Urgh. Stop it you two else am gonna barf. Sweetie get away from that human and come sit here. We need to talk. Its urgent, " my father says. His voice turns serious and I follow his command. Sitting in front of his desk, Antony sits by my left and we both give our attention to my father who has a huge yellow envelope in his hands.
"I want you to keep an open mind on this. Its going to be very hard and I want you making this decision with a clear mind. What I have in my hand is an envelope from someone. Someone who am sure will make you very uncomfortable. Inside this envelope is a letter addressed to you. I haven't read it because it wasn't addressed to me. The sender is non other than Luciana Dibali, " My father says calmly. He studies my reaction but am frozen in place. My heart is thumping very loudly and blood is rushing to my ears.
"What?" I mumble. My voice barely above a whisper.
"Its from Luciana, " my father states again. Hes eyes show the worry but his face is stoic.
"When did it arrive?" I question. My voice now devoid of emotion. I felt like I was floating on water. I was numb. My brain had gone on auto pilot. I couldn't let myself feel otherwise my demons were going to hunt me back.
"Yesterday, " he answers.
"Okay you can send it back to her or burn it. I don't care. I don't want to hear anything she says to me, " I say trying to stand up but Antony grabs my hand.
"We can't resend it back, " he says looking at everything else apart from me.
"And why the hell not?! Return it or burn it, "   I says firmly.
"We can't because...because, " Antony fumbles with his words. I yank my hands out of his grasp and am almost to the door when my fathers words stop me.
"We can't because she is dead. She committed suicide last week, " my father says.
Luciana is dead?
"Suicide? How?" I turn around and my knees almost buckle. Antony is on his feet quickly and leads me back to my seat.
"She slit her throat and the neighbours found her laying in her pool of blood on her kitchen floor, " my father explains.
"What of her triplets? Oh God, are they okay?" I ask worriedly.
"Yes . luckily they were still in school but right now they are in an orphanage. I didnt like her but I think you should read her letter. For closure, " he says handing me the envelope. It felt heavy on my hands. This envelope has a dead womans last words for me. What could she have said? Did she blame me for her misfortunes? Did she die a bitter woman? Only one way to find out. I rip it open and my hands are shaking so bad I almost tear the thing in half. Managing to calm my nerves I pull out the contents in the envelope. Inside there is a CD and a some neatly folded papers and pictures of the triplets. Tears brim my eyes when I see their photos. They looked bigger than I last saw them. I take a look at the papers and start reading them.

'Maria
By the time you read this I will already be dead.Am sorry. I know words can not heal the pain I have caused you for the past years but I am sorry. I am ashamed to say that I finally recognised my mistakes after Dibali left.
I am a horrible person who was blinded by nothing but jealousy and hatred for an innocent person. I was jealous of you and your wonderful mother. Gloria was a wonderful person. Dibali compared me to her everyday and it hurt me a lot that I would be nothing but a replacement to him. When we finally wedded I thought he would love me for me but I was wrong. He would call out Gloria's name when we made love and I was shuttered. Believe it or not I was a broken person. Inside and out. When he brought you home I was happy to have a daughter but that also changed when he started calling out for you in his sleep. I knew I was never going to be good enough for him. So I started abusing you to vent out my heartache and frustrations. The day he came to your room and raped you for the first time, I was there. I wanted to help but I convinced myself that you deserved it for all you have caused me. I hated you with this undying passion that consumed every fibre of my being. I tried to make Dibali love me but he still ran back to you. When we made love, he would mumble your name and afterwards complaint am not sweet enough like you. Maria, am sorry because I let him harm you in the most despicable way known to a woman. I was so bitter that I thought of killing you everyday only to stop when I saw how you treated my boys with love and affection even after I abused you continuously. The day you ran from home, I was happy. I felt happy for you. You had finally left to have the freedom you wanted. I searched for you everywhere and I saw you running in that ship. I stayed there and made sure the ship deported and you had your freedom. I convinced myself that I had done at least one good deed for you. But I knew it wasn't enough. What I did to you was unforgivable and inhumane. Before I take my life, I ask of one favour. I know I have no right but I am hoping you will grant me this one wish. Take my boys into your care. They deserve the world and sadly I cannot give it to them. Am way in too deep in my depression to take good care of them. I have vivid nightmares that make it hard for me to differentiate right from wrong. I am afraid I will turn out as Dibali and hurt my children. Please, take them in and teach them to love everyone and to never lay a finger  on anybody. I am not asking for forgiveness because I know I don't deserve one. Tell your father that Gloria was the most purest souls in the world and what happened to her was unfair. I still live with the guilt.  Goodbye.
Luciana.'