FOUL BURDENS.

CHAPTER 37.

Lindsay's POV.

The ride back home was quiet. We were  both quiet probably digesting what we had shared earlier on. I was happy he trusted me enough with his secret. What he went through was horrible. I felt his pain and anguish in every word he spoke. He loved his sister dearly. Come to think of it, he probably blames himself for her death.

"Do you blame yourself?" I asked slowly. My head was still facing the direction of the window. It was already dark but I was not sure if I overstepped so I kept my gaze outside.
"For?" He asked. His tone did not indicate he knew what I was asking so I asked again.
"For your sister's death. Do you blame yourself?" I faced him.
He took a deep breath then sighed in fatigue. He looked deep in thought while chewing his lower lip and his brows furrowed.
"Everyday, " he finally answered in a sad tone.
"Why, " I pressed softly.
"Because it was my duty as a big brother to protect her. I should have kept her safe, away from those beasts. Maybe she would still be alive today, " he  answered angrily.
" You know its not your fault, "I started saying.
" Yes it is, "he interjected
" It really isn't,  "I answered firmly. He wanted to oppose again but I said,
" You were both kids when it started happening. Your parents knew a young mind is easier to manipulate. There was nothing you could do. Fear clouded your judgment and decision making . Your sister was too broken. She was too broken to save. Depression does that. It kills from within. Fear of the unknown future probably scared her. Death seemed like the only escape for her at the moment. That is not on you. Am sure you also had suicidal thoughts. I know I did and almost succumbed to them twice. The whispers that assure safety and relief are so convincing that one succumbs to them eventually. Your sister was also too young, there was nothing you could have done. Coming out of that depression takes time, you know that. But back then you only had each other, one broken than the other. Blaming yourself will not bring her back, just relish in the good memories you two shared together and forgive yourself because it was not your fault, its your parent's faults, " I told him softly. 

He was silent for a moment then sighed in what seemed like acceptance.
"Thank you, " he said in a whisper.
"For what?" I answered back in a whisper also,  probably afraid I would disturb his inner thoughts and he would shut me out.
"Understanding me and helping me see things in another light, " he said gazing at me intensely. I just nodded because he's eyes were so blue I was sure I was not thinking properly. My heart was beating wildly in my chest and I was sure my breathing was coming out in short pants. The look he was giving me was so intense it had my body shutting down to everything around and focus on only him. He looked away and the spell was broken. I looked outside the window  to try and recollect my focus and thoughts. It was alittle past eleven at night when I looked at the clock on my phone and gasped.
"What?" Antony asked a little bit alarmed.
"Its almost midnight. We were here all day, " I answered shocked.
Antony chuckled then smirked mischievously,  "Yeah, thats what happens when you reminisce on your past. Also my company is way cooler you did not notice the time flying, " he said tilting his head to the right cockily while drumming his fingers on the steering wheel.
I snorted then said, "Pffff you wish. Am sure its my company you always crave for. I mean when you and dad go out of the country for weeks when you come back, I always hear you sneaking into my room and cuddle me all night," I say smugly knowing he did not know I always knew he snuck into my room then leave early in the morning. His ears tint pink and I giggle evilly.
"As if you don't enjoy it," he retorted.
" I do not, " I lied knowing full well I always cling to him like a forget me not.
"Says the one who clings for dear life when I try leaving, " he says chuckling then turning to look at me smugly.
"Lies!" I say.
"Suuuure. You do know that you always like calling my name when you sleep right. Antony, Antony please, " he says trying to immitate me. I remember that night, I had a dream about him and I...you know....doing it. And it got me all hot and bothered the whole day. I blush like crazy and think of a come back when I remember one and smirk smugly. He sees this and his smugness falter for a moment.
"Yeah yeah enjoy the moment. But If I can remember correctly, you were groaning in glee and held me even closer to you, " I say and his whole face went red. I laughed so hard tears were falling and breathing became hard and he retorted with a lame 'shut up' before I calmed down.
"Are you done?" He asked feigning annoyance but I could see the ghost of a smile on his lips.
"Yes. Yes I am, " I say grinning widely.
"Good because I have a question for you and I won't take no for an answer, "he said seriously.
" Erm...okaaaay, " I reply unsurely.
"Would you go on a date with me?" He asked while looking straight at me.
My brain cells are in chaos. My heart is in a frenzy,  my hands clammy and I think I saw black spots in my vision twice. Antony just asked me out. Oh my, oh my,  what do I do.
Uh for once stop freaking out and say yes.
But what if he says no.
Stupid, he is the one who asked you out you moron.
Sheesh okay then inner voice.

I was still staring at him I did not notice we were back home and he had stopped the car.
"Well?" He answered with a tone of nervousness and a little bit of annoyance, probably for me taking so long to answer.
"Yes I would love to, " I answer coolly despite the fact inside I was a jumble mess of nervousness and giddiness.
"Great I will pick you up at ten in the morning, " he said. Morning? Aren't dates usually in the evening? I asked myself.
"Okay. Any dress code, " I answered curious to find a clue on what he had planned.
"Just dress casual," he said coming round to open my door.
"Okay then. I hope I will wake up early enough, " I answer cheekily.
"If you arent ready by ten I will just barge in and carry you the way you are, with your horrible bed head and awful mouth breath and eye crumbs, " he answered feigning nonchalance but he was very amused. I gasp in horror and he chuckles.
"You wouldn't dare, " I say mortified.
"Wanna bet?" he answers with a risen brow.
I study him for a while then remember he always keeps his word and I pout unhappily knowing I was going to cut short my sleep tomorrow.
"Fine I will be ready, "  I say defiantly.
"Good. Now go get some sleep. Goodnight, " he says. He pulls me closer to him by my waist and I can smell his cologne making me weak in the knees. He kisses my forehead tenderly and I swoon. When he pulls away he caresses my cheek and I mumble a goodnight. He turns away from me and leaves me staring at his muscular back dreamily.
"First grankid is to be named after me, " A deep voice of non other than my father says, shocking me terribly.
"Papa! Don't you know sneaking up on people is terrible manners?" I scold lightly.
"Oh please am old, manners is the least of my worries. As for you, go to sleep you have a long day ahead of you tomorrow, " he says cheekily and I blush furiously.
"Shut up, " I mumble while running away from him and towards my room. His booming laughter is heard until I reach my room. Taking the much needed shower, I wear comfy clothes then climb in my bed to sleep. When am almost asleep, I hear my door opening but am too tired to open my eyes and see the culprit. My bed dips and strong arms pulls me towards a muscular chest.
"I told you, you crave my company, " I mumble sleepily not even sure I said the words coherently.
"Yes I do, you are irresistible, " he answers pulling me even closer to him.
Soon am out like a light not even remembering the person cuddling me.