Dedicated to my Wattpad sister Lydia :D She made the awesome banner to the right >> and edited this for me. Thank you, girl ;)
Special long chapter :)
Play the music when I tell you.
X
Arix
My Wattpad Love
Chapter 30
"Wow, he surely has a fine place," I heard Laura say as we all stood in front of Evan's house. I couldn't agree more with her. We were facing a big two story house with dark blue walls, white Victorian windows and a big front garden.
"Come on," Evan said walking past us. I stared at his back, swallowing hard. I couldn't believe I was about to go in his house. I mean, he was the guy I met on Wattpad. I never expected him to live thirty minutes away from my town, or to have these immense feelings towards him. When we were in the car, the tension had been absolutely unbearable. It was a good thing he lived ten minutes away from the river, otherwise I wasn't sure I could have survived.
"Jules?" Lau waved her hand in front of my face "come on, move. It's freezing out here." she gave me a little push.
We followed Evan through a path with small trees and flowers at both sides. I was embracing myself, rubbing up my arms with my hands. It was already getting dark, and Lau was right, it was pretty cold here. Evan opened his front door and held it opened for us. I was the last one to cross the door. He stared at me intensely as I passed him. We stepped inside the hall, and immediately I felt the warmth receiving my cold body. I wondered if this was his parents' house, but I knew I couldn't ask him that, at least not in front of Lau and Jordan.
Evan led us towards the living room. There were three huge brown couches, two lamps, wooden framed paintings and a small fireplace. A curved wood-made staircase was placed to our left. The entire place shouted warmth and comfort.
"Nice place, man," Jordan complimented checking our surroundings.
"Thanks," Evan mumbled shyly. We all stood there not knowing what to do.
Awkward much?
But of course, I had to be the one to break the uncomfortable silence. How? Sneezing.
"Oh, you're probably all freezing," Evan realized, noticing our wet outfits "There's a bathroom down the hall," he pointed to our right.
"Jordan will take that one," Lau said pushing her boyfriend.
"No, babe, you go first," Jordan stated like a gentleman.
"You go, I'm sure there's another bathroom here, right Evan?" Lau smiled at Evan. What was she planning? I squinted at her.
"Yeah, there's actually two more upstairs," Evan replied hesitantly "One is in the hall and the other one is my room," Lau grinned like a Cheshire cat.
"I'll take the one in the hall if you don't mind," Evan opened his mouth to say something "Thanks," she glanced at me with a smirk "You can use his bathroom, Jules." she winked at me and ran upstairs leaving us alone. I was so embarrassed. Lau made choices as if this was her house.
"I'm sorry, she's a bit... bold sometimes," I apologized, gazing at the wooden floor "I can wait for her or Jordan to finish... you don't have to let me use your bathroom, I-" Evan's warm fingers held my chin, forcing me to look up at him. Our eyes met making my heart beat quicker.
"It's cool," he said in a relaxed tone "come on, or you'll get sick." He held my hand, leading me upstairs. The dragons in my stomach were now soaring as I struggled not to squeal like a little girl right there.
He’s holding my hand!
When we finished climbing the stairs, we found ourselves in a long hallway. There were doors at each side. I could hear the water running somewhere and realized it was probably Lau taking a shower. Since when was she this bold, smarty girl? She seemed to have everything planned to get me alone with Evan in his room.
That evil genius! Hanging out with Shane and Jordan was definitely making her more avid and malicious. I was so deep in thought that when Evan stopped, I slammed into his back.
"Sorry!" I exclaimed ashamed. He didn't say anything, but instead pushed a door open. He gestured me to go in first, but I hesitated.
"What?" He asked with a little smirk, "Little Jules is afraid of going inside the Shark's cave?"
"No," I replied with a flustered face, heat niggling at my cheeks. His words reminded me of the poem he wrote to me. Evan stared at me, making my breathing hitch. I looked away, and entered his room.
I couldn't see a thing until he turned on the lights. My jaw dropped to the floor. I can honestly say I'd never seen so much black together in my entire life. Everything was black: the walls, the bed's sheets, the window's curtains, the mirror's frame, even the floor was carpeted black. It made the room feel so small and swallowing.
"Wow, that's a lot of black," I commented, my eyes still roaming around his cave "you took the dark poet thing to a huge new level, huh?" I joked looking back at him. Evan was leaning against the door frame, his arms crossed over his chest. Somehow knowing he was blocking my only way out was making me nervous. I was in his territory, I was vulnerable. I waited for him to say something but he remained in silence. His heavy gaze was making me uneasy.
"Hum," I started awkwardly "where's the bathroom?" Evan aimed his finger to a black door next to the drawers. I was about to move towards it when he stepped inside the room, closing the door behind him.
We're alone in his room...
He just closed the door.
I'm going to die of a heart attack.
I watched him walk past me and looked for something inside the drawers.
"You can use this towel," he handed me a dark blue towel. I grasped it with a shaking hand.
"Thanks," I pressed the towel against my chest and ran off into the bathroom. I locked the door behind me and let out a long breath. Phew! I could finally feel my heart getting back to his regular beating.
They say love is good for your health...
Good my ass! I was lucky to be young, otherwise I would have had a heart failure a long time ago. I stripped from my damp clothes and jumped inside the shower. It was a well-sized bathroom, nothing too big or too small. And guess what color the pottery was?
Yep, you guessed right: Black. Warm water started falling on me, relaxing me. Ah! That felt good. I grasped the soap and for a moment, I simply gazed at it. Evan had used this soap... He had rubbed it all over his hot body. The thought made me shiver in delight.
Oh God, I need help.
Shaking my head at myself, I proceeded to continue with my relaxing shower. When I was done, I grabbed the towel and wrapped it around me. It was then my not so bright brain seemed to remember I didn't bring any dry clothes. I clutched my forehead with one hand and pressed the towel against me with the other. There was no way I was leaving the bathroom like this. I glanced at my damp clothes lying on the floor. No, I couldn't put them on again. I didn't want to get sick. Since I didn't want to leave the bathroom wrapped-up in toilet paper, which sounds like something Lady Gaga would do, I didn't have a choice but to hope for Evan to hear my precarious whispers.
"Evan?" I hoped he was still in the room "Hey, Evan!" Nothing. Maybe he went downstairs. Arg! I unlocked the door and slowly pulled it open, sticking my head out. Evan had his back to me and was looking for something on his night table "Evan?" he turned to me and grinned.
"Need help over there?" he asked suggestively. I glared at him, but couldn’t help the blood rushing to my cheeks.
"No, I just need some dry clothes."
"I figured. I brought you some clothes,” he pointed his bed “They’re Helen’s, she left them here when she visited me last week.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“Why?”
“Well, Helen and I…” Evan waited for me to continue “Never mind,” I couldn’t tell him his sister probably hated my guts.
“I’ll let you change,” he stated, leaving the room.
Believe it or not, the rest of the night was boring. Evan avoided being alone to be at all costs. We were all too tired to prepare something to eat so we got some chips and crackers before going to bed early. Lau and Jordan were –of course– sharing a room, therefore I was thrown into a lonely room. I was mad at Evan. Why was he avoiding me now? I tossed around my bed trying to get some sleep. After an hour of futile attempts, I finally fell in dreamland.
**
I don't know what woke me up. I just had this weird feeling in my stomach. At first I thought it was hunger, but as I sat up I realized the feeling expanded to my chest, constricting it. Something was wrong. I sneaked a quick look at the alarm clock next to the bed: 1:27 am.
God, what am I doing awake?
I rubbed my face, swinging my legs out of the bed. I got up and went out of my room, stepping into the dark hallway. Half-sleep, I headed towards Evan’s door. Carefully, I pulled it opened and stuck my head inside.
(Play the song now!)
He was there. He was awake. He was sitting on the edge of his bed, his naked back to me. He was slightly bending over, his elbows on his knees. His face was buried in both of his hands. He looked so lost, so vulnerable. I didn't know what to do so I stood there in his door frame motionless. His bed was a disaster as if he'd been tossing around repeatedly. His pale back stood out of the black sheets and walls. His dark hair was disheveled; each strand was pointing a different direction. It was obvious he couldn't sleep, but why?
"Evan?" he tensed up at my voice. He glanced at me over his shoulder.
"What are you doing here?" his tone was cold. I took a step inside.
"I couldn't sleep," I lied.
"Go back to bed," he ordered looking back ahead of him.
"Are you okay?" I asked worriedly. Evan didn't say anything. I knew he wasn't okay. It led me to wonder why do we always ask a person, who's obviously not okay, if they are? It's a stupid unnecessary question. Grasping some courage, I slowly walked around his bed. I wanted to see his face. I was hoping his expression could help me figure out what was wrong with him. I stopped right in front of him, my figure was blocking the moonlight streaming through the window behind me. My shadow was fully coating him. He didn't look at me though, his gaze seemed lost as if he wasn't there with me.
"Evan?" he looked up at me and my heart shrieked and sank in my chest. His eyes were filled with so much sadness and pain I felt my eyes water. He wasn't hiding the pain anymore, it was rolling off him freely. It was like he had taken the cold mask off and for the first time since I met him, I was finally seeing his hidden side, and now I knew why he hid it, because it was heartbreaking to watch him like this.
There were bags under his penetrating dark eyes, my eyes roamed down his chest and it was then I noticed the scars. I clutched hold of my chest and struggled with not being surprised. There were many scars... on his chest and abdomen. I remembered Mom telling me about how he'd been victim of abuse for years.
"They're repulsive, aren't they?" his voice brought my gaze back to his face. I frowned at him for a second, not understanding his words. But then it dawned on me, he was talking about his scars. I opened my mouth to say something but he cut me off "Don't answer that."
"Evan, I—"
"What?" he got up abruptly "You what, Jules?" there was anger lacing his voice. I stumbled backwards taken aback by his outburst.
"I'm sorry," I mumbled. Evan stared down at me coldly.
"Why are you apologizing?" he frowned.
"I don't know, I just..." my eyes landed on his scars once again. God, there was a large one that started on his chest and crossed down his stomach. He gave me one last look before turning on his feet. He searched for a sweater inside his drawers and put it on angrily. He slammed the drawer closed, and stalked towards the door.
He was leaving?
"Where are you going?" I asked following him. He turned to me.
"Stay here," he hissed through clenched teeth "I need some fresh air." I watched him walk down the hall and disappear down the stairs.
Hell no! I wasn't going to let him go out like this. I ran after him, my bare feet moving across the cold floor and stairs. When I reached the living room I frowned, he wasn't around. The front door looked intact, locked and unused. Where did he go? As if on cue, I heard a door being closed. I followed the noise, it was coming from the kitchen. I crossed the dark kitchen and opened the back door. The cold night breeze met my skin. I shivered. The full moon was lighting up the entire place as if it was daylight already.
There he was...
Evan was walking fast through his backyard. I chased after him. Rocks and stiff grass were pinching my bare feet, I winced but kept going.
"Evan!" I yelled at him, trying to catch up with him. He didn't stop, but quickened his pace instead "Wait!" I grabbed his arm but he slapped my hand away "Evan!" I was already out of breath, catching up with him was a lot of harder than I thought "Evan! Stop!" I grabbed his arm again, this time he whipped around fast to face me.
"What?" he snapped rudely.
"Where are you going?" I was breathless.
"That's none of your business, go back to the house," he ordered, clenching his fists as if containing his anger.
"No," I shook my head "No until you tell me what's wrong."
"Go back to the house," he repeated each word deliberately slow.
"Talk to me," I pleaded. I didn't bother to hide the despair in my voice. We locked gazes and I watched him hesitate for a slight second.
"There's nothing to talk about," his voice was pure bitterness.
"Why can't you just tell what's wrong? I can help you, I—"
"Help me?" he let out a fake cynical laugh "I don't need your help, I'm fine."
"Stop lying, Evan. Whatever is bothering you, you don't have to face it alone, I'm here," I tried to reach for him but he stepped backwards. I ignored the pain his rejection caused inside of me "I know you had a hard past, I know—"
"You know?" he asked skeptically "You know nothing, Jules. You've lived happily in that dreamy bubble of yours! You've had everything!" his tone rose "You've had a good perfect life, so don’t come to me with that crap!" he was yelling now.
"My life is far from perfect!" I found myself yelling as well "We all have our own problems, don't you dare say I had a perfect life because that's not true." he rubbed a palm over his face roughly.
"Listen, I just need to be alone, okay?" he whispered obviously struggling to keep his calm.
"No," I said stubbornly "You need to vent your feelings out, Evan." I was desperate. It was killing to see him like this, so broken. He was hurting, I knew he was.
"I'm fine."
"No, you're not."
"I'm fine!" he clenched his fists at his sides, his knuckles turning white.
"You are not fine. Stop lying, stop pretending."
I'm here for you...
"I don't wanna talk about it," he let out a long breath.
"Why are you mad at me?" I had to ask, he was still clenching his fists. He was angry.
"This isn't about you." he shook his head. He stared at me in silence for a few seconds. I stared back, expecting him to yell at me again. He sighed, relaxing his shoulders, "Come with me," he held my hand. I looked at him surprised as he pulled me behind him.
We walked around some pine trees until we came to face a lake. There was a small boat dock there. The sight was beautiful. The full moon was reflected on the calmed dark water. I could see the shape of mountains far away from us. He led me through the dock until we reached the edge of it. He sat down, his feet dangling in the air. I sat next to him, admiring the view. I stole a few glances at him unable to help it, moonlight was brushing past his creamy skin. He looked so handsome it made my heart ache.
"It's beautiful," I said breaking the silence. Did he bring me here to distract me? Was this his way to change the subject?
"This is where I come when I can't sleep," he said in a soft whisper. I glanced at him but he was staring up at the sky, submerged in his own thoughts. I looked back at the lake.
"It's so calm," I could still feel the tension between us, but he seemed collected than before. The water was moving slowly and peacefully, the night breeze brushing past us and blowing my hair from my face. It was cold out here, but I didn't care much about it.
Silence reigned between us. It wasn't an uncomfortable one though, it was a peaceful one. It was like we were both calming ourselves down, enjoying the quietness of this place.
"She was going to leave him," Evan said all of a sudden. I peered at him confused "My mother." He clarified before continuing "She was going to leave my dad, she had finally grasped the courage to do it after being abused for years," My eyes widened. Was he going opening up to me? "She told me about her intentions a week in advance. She wanted me to help her. She needed me to lie to Helen about the reason we were leaving since Helen had no idea of the things my Dad had done to us. I never let him touch one single hair on my little sister. I took all the blows for her, he had already fucked me up. I couldn't let him ruin her, too." his voice was pure agony, it was killing him to talk about this. I knew it, but I still wanted him to continue "Helen had a normal childhood, I made sure she had it. I lost count of how many times I lied to her about my bruises, my absence at school when I couldn't even stand." A pained expression crossed his face "Lying to her became so easy to me. That's why Mom asked me to deal with Helen. We had everything ready to leave him," he looked down, his eyebrows knitted together before speaking again, "The night before the day, we planned to leave. I woke up from a nightmare and went downstairs. My Dad was in the living room all by himself. He told me that he loved me, that we were everything to him. I was so stupid—" he cut off abruptly, his lips trembled but he pressed them together to keep talking "I believed him. I believed his words, I thought he had changed. I thought there was a slight chance we could be a family again." He paused to take a heaving breath, "I told him about Mom's plan of leaving him. I was so stupid," he shook his head, closing his eyes. My heart shrank in my chest. I grasped his shoulder trying to comfort him.
"I'm sorry," my voice was low and sad. Evan opened his eyes again, they were crystallized with tears. His chest was rising and falling heavily.
"He..." he trailed off, gripping the boat dock's edge tightly "He went crazy. He started hitting me over and over until I was on the ground writhing in pain. Mom heard the commotion and came running downstairs. It was then he pulled the gun out. Mom froze when she saw it. I tried to stand, but I only managed to get on a sitting position against the couch. I knew I had some broken ribs, but I didn't care. He was aiming the gun at Mom. I'd never felt so scared in my entire life," his knuckles were turning white as he tightened his grip on the dock's edge "Mom tried to persuade him to drop the gun down. I tried to get his attention back to me but it was useless. He grew angrier and angrier each passing second. Mom was begging him to stop, I was yelling at him. And then it happened," he took in a shaky breath "I will never forget that moment, there was a click when he pulled the trigger followed by a shot. Mom's body fell limp a few steps away from me. I tried to crawl to her but he got in my way. He knelt in front of me and pressed the gun against my temple. I thought he was going to kill me, I closed my eyes tightly not wanting to see anything. He forced me to open my eyes, 'Watch' he said as he aimed the gun to his right. I followed his arm. Helen was standing at the end of the stairs. I didn't get the chance to tell her to leave. He just shot her and she stumbled backwards before finally falling to the ground, he..." his voice was a mere whisper. My sight was blurred with tears, "He killed himself after that," he finished, closing his eyes.
A tear rolled down my cheek freely "I'm—" my voice broke "I'm so sorry."
"Don't be," he stated "it was all my fault. I shouldn't have told him anything."
"It wasn't your fault," I wiped my tears away.
"I should've kept my fucking my mouth shut. Mom is dead because of me, Helen almost died because of me. I was stupid!" he ran his fingers through his hair "How could I believe him?!" He jumped to his feet. I imitated him "Fuck!" he kicked the wooden dock upset.
"Evan, it wasn't your fault, you—"
"Stop saying that!" he yelled at me "She trusted me! She wanted me to help her and I betrayed her!" he fell to his knees, breathing heavily "She was going to leave him," he muttered sadly. I knelt in front of him feeling his pain. I could only imagine how much he'd suffered all these years blaming himself. I held his face with both my hands. Tears were streaming down my face.
"You can't blame yourself for this," my voice was raspy.
"She was going to leave him," he repeated with watered eyes. My heart was breaking for him "I miss her."
"I know."
"She was... amazing, she was so strong. She was always there for me..." he closed his eyes, his lips trembling "and when she needed me, I failed her." a single tear escaped his eye, falling on my thumb. I bit my lower lip, holding back a sob. I knew there was nothing I could say to make him feel better and that was killing me. The man in front of me was not the cold, strong man anymore. That façade had fallen off. His pale face was contorted in pain as if he fought the tears back. He bowed his head, hiding his face from me. What could I say? I wasn't even sure I could speak without breaking into sobs. I held his face, forcing him to look up at me. His dark eyes were filled with grief, "Now you're giving me that look," he shook his head, smiling sadly.
I dropped my hands to my sides confused "What look?"
"That pity look, I hate it."
"I'm sorry." I pressed my forehead against his. His hot breath fanned my lips.
"I have issues, Jules, for real. You have no idea," he whispered bringing his hands to my face "I'm seriously fucked up." his thumbs rubbed my wet cheeks softly.
"You're not bad," it seemed so inappropriate to have this urge to kiss him now.
"I'm not something you can fix," he affirmed, our noses touched.
"I—"
"No," he interrupted me, closing his eyes "You're too young, too innocent for this."
"Evan,” I swallowed. My chest was burning "I know I can't take the pain away, but I..." the words stuck in my throat. How did it happen? When? I had no idea, I just had to say those words before they burned my heart away "I love you," I whispered, tasting the salty tears in my mouth. Evan's body went stiff. I kept my eyes shut "I know I can't fix you. God, I don't even know what to say to make you feel better, but I love you and I will love every single shattered piece of you. I know I will, I—" he pressed his lips gently against mine, silencing me. The kiss was soft but filled with so much emotion I felt my heart tighten inside my chest, my toes curling. He kissed me slowly as if he wanted to savor me. He tasted sweet and tangy. I was in Heaven, I'd never felt so complete in my entire life. The world around us vanished. All my senses were focused on the sensation of his plump lips on mine. I knew he hadn't told me he loved me back but I didn't care. Everything I needed was right there, in his kiss. I tangled my fingers through his messy hair enjoying the softness of it. Reluctantly, Evan broke the kiss, his thumbs brushing my cheeks. We stared into each other's eyes in silence. Sometimes, words are redundant. We didn't need to say anything. I could see everything in his eyes.
"I don't wanna hurt you," he said, honesty dripping from his tongue.
"You won't."
"How can you know that?" the dark pool of his eyes was filled with anxiety.
"I trust you." I gave him a short kiss.
"Why?"
"I just do," he gave me a sad smile.
"It's not going to be easy," he warned. I could see the fear in his expression. He was afraid I would leave him.
"I know."
"Stand up," he ordered getting to his feet. I stood up frowning at him "If we're going to do this, I'm gonna do it right," he got on one knee.
"Oh God, no! no, no," I waved my hands in front of me in negation "you don't have to— "
"Shut up!" he exclaimed disapprovingly "You're ruining the moment," a smile crept to my lips. He looked so cute kneeling in front of me "Jules?"
"Yes?" I barely found my voice. He grinned up at me, sadness still lingering on his expression, but it was soon being replaced by excitement.
"Would you do this passionate dark poet the honor of being his strawberry girlfriend?" I chuckled at his original way to ask me that. There was nothing conventional about us. I nodded my head, feeling warm and genuinely happy. Evan got on his feet and wrapped his arms around my waist. He placed a soft kiss on my cheek.
"I guess that makes you Mr. Strawberry, huh?" I teased. He cocked an eyebrow.
"As long as you let me kiss you, I guess I'm okay with it." I wrapped my arms around his neck.
"And if I don't?"
"I will steal kisses from you then," he shrugged.
"Is that so? Well let me tell you something, I may look small but I'm— " he slammed his lips against mine. He gripped my face tightly, kissing me passionately. Our lips were moving together in sync. His long fingers tangled through my hair as he deepened the kiss. I shivered as waves of electricity and heat embraced me from head to toe. He pulled me closer. I felt his tongue slowly invade its way into my mouth. This kiss was different from the one before. It was wild, rough and passionate; we were hungry for each other. We were both now breathing heavily as he sucked on my lower lip, stealing a soft sigh from me.
I loved him.
I wanted him.
All I wanted, all I needed was him and it was always going to be that way no matter what.
X M W L X
Nothing to say...
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Love
Arix