"wanting to be with someone so bad it hurts, and not wanting to accept that this person doesn't want you in return. at least if they were gay, i'd have a valid reason for their rejection and lack of interest in being with me."
-billie eilish
---
he wasn't someone that was well, particularly perfect or particularly terrible. he was smart, yes, he was kind, yes, but what else was he that set him apart from the rest? sure, he had his faults. blur, kinda annoying, probably loves tsukishima more than anyone else, can be irritating if he wants to. yet, he always had stuck out for you. rose among thorns, they'd say.
extraordinary. extraordinarily nice.
nice, to you in the context of yamaguchi at least, wasn't- well- a word that you just threw in so as to have a reason for him to be special. anyone can be nice, it's not a difficult thing. but to be extraordinarily nice can mean an extraordinary number of things.
"nice" breaks itself up into different pleasant adjectives. yamaguchi was kind, sweet and gentle, as mentioned earlier. however, he was also brave, strong, quirky, funny, sensitive and understanding.
he was the type of guy that'd talk to you late into the night because you were simply bored, he was the type of guy that'd promise you everything would be okay, he was the type of guy that'd do everything he could for even people he hated so they'd feel better. yeah, i know, what a sweetheart.
so we begin now.
you jump as your phone dings. you check the screen, "yamaguchi tadashi sent you a message." you quietly squeal in excitement as you open your phone.
tadashi: Haha yeah we should meet up it's been a while
you: yEAH it has
you: all of us miss you
tadashi: Really? I'm missing you all too
you: aww
tadashi: Aww
you: how are your studies?
tadashi: I'm in Karasuno High it's kinda not as tough here but since I'm a volleyballer with Tsukki here it's been pretty tiring
tadashi: Idk what to do honestly everyone's suddenly so good '=.=
you: it's ok just try your best i guess
tadashi: Haha thanks
tadashi: I gotta go
tadashi: Byee
as he went offline, you sighed. there really was no chance.
it freaking sucked, having to like someone that had absolutely no interest in you. wasting your time thinking about them every single second of the day, feeling sad just because they didn't reply you, feeling happy just because of a miserable text. you wanted to leave so badly, but there was a part of you that insisted on staying.
---
you walk over to your ringing phone.
"yamaguchi tadashi is calling."
you pick up.
"hey (y/n)! do you want to meet up? i'm quite free now and we haven't seen each other since i moved," came his friendly voice. of course you wanted to.
you took a deep breath. "sure, can you make it at 5 at the cafe we used to go to?" you said as casually as possible. bullshit, you were having a fucking breakdown inside.
"yup! see you there!"
as he put down the phone you exhaled fast. what a rollercoaster.
---
6:15 p.m. your heart beats fast as you open the cafe door. you were early.
or so you thought.
"(y/n)! you're early too!"
oh god.
he stood up like the gentleman he was and pulled out your chair for you and helped you in. you smiled to yourself. damn boy, he made you change your mind about saying he wasn't particularly perfect. he was.
"hey (y/n), how's school for you? i forgot to ask," he said casually. honestly, you didn't know how he could so casually come up with random topics to talk about. school, friends, family or maybe even that time he dropped his schoolbag down 3 stories by accident.
"school's fine, although i still do suck in math, so nothing much has changed," you laughed. he chuckled. perfect, that's what he was.
"it's okay, i'm sure you'll get better," he smiled.
it really, really sucked, having to like someone this nice and knowing that they really had no interest in you.
"so, how's everything?" you asked. oh yeah, conversation starters, perfect.
"well, it's been stressful, definitely," he laughed, "i've been having so much work pushed onto me all of a sudden, i'm really scared i won't do them well enough."
"typical," you sighed.
"of course, what do we have to lose?" he laughed. he really was a sight.
your conversation continued, only getting deeper and deeper with every passing minute. until you reached the point of no return.
"school's tough, sure, but i've got relationship problems too," he tilted his head. relationship problems. relationship.
"relationship problems? girlfriend?" you said as a joke, assuming he meant friendship problems in the first place. your joke, your joke that pretended he had a girlfriend, your joke that pretended he liked someone else.
"nah, no one likes me, it's just this girl i like," he smiled. your heart sank. man, it was going to hurt that much. you knew it would hurt, you expected the pain but when it hit you, damn, you couldn't do a thing.
"who is she," you didn't say it like a question.
"she's just a really nice girl from (school). i really don't expect her to like me back though. her parents don't even allow me to talk to her."
"that's unfortunate," your tone was subtle, your eyes fixated in his hands. man, it hurt. you inhaled, "why do you think no one likes you?"
"i don't know, why would anyone like me anyway?" typical yamaguchi, insecure yamaguchi.
"anyway, make sure she treats you well- and hope her parents can accept you. don't force yourself into- well- somewhere- that... hurts you. if she doesn't love you for who you are, let her go, she's not worth it. you're honestly a great guy and you deserve a lot," your tone was straightforward. monotone, as many would call it. the lump in your throat was inevitable and the pain in your chest lingered.
"sudden mood change. (y/n), what's up? are you okay?"
"nothing."
"okay."
"i like someone too, but i know he doesn't like me back. he likes someone else," your voice cracked. fuck dude, it hurt like hell.
"how would you know? i'm sure it's going to be fine! don't give up i-"
"no, i'm serious, he told me."
a moment of silence followed after.
"i'm sorry, yamaguchi," you sigh.
"it's okay! but anyway, i really, really believe in you! don't give up! but if he treats you badly, let him go."
it really hurt.
because he treated you so well.
"who is she? what's her name?" you asked, desperately trying to change the subject.
"her name is (g/n). come, i'll show you a picture of her."
he whipped out his phone and showed you a picture of her. she was really pretty.
"wow, she's really pretty."
"i know."
---
"yo, um, who do you think he is? i'm very sure you know him."
will you confess?
"hmm i think i know," he said, "tsukki!"
of course he would guess tsukishima. who wouldn't fall for the tall, dashing megane? the one who beat him in every subject, the one who surpassed him in even volleyball.
"nope."
"dang, now you're talking. hmm (best friend)?" he said hopefully. you laughed.
"of course not! crazy boy," you smiled.
after about 10 minutes of guessing, you gave in.
"i told you that you would never guess it."
"are you even sure i know him?" he looked exhausted from all that guessing. adorable.
"yes."
"just tell me his name already!"
"his name is yamaguchi! happy?"
you look down, red.
ahh, the sweet feeling of regret.
"i- don't want this to affect us. please," you sighed. you had given up at this point.
"it's okay, i'm not yamaguchi, i'm tadashi!"
way too nice.
"thanks yamaguchi, you're the best."
"you too."
way,
way,
too nice.