—————-
I don't sleep for the rest of the night. How could I? The nightmares left me, but the first time I feel a bit more relaxed, they start again. But this time it's not my parents. It's Seho.
Why can't it all just stop?
I sit on my bed for a few minutes after Namjoon leaves, but I can't stay still anymore. I quickly change my clothes and go down the dark, cold stairs. I feel my surrounding around in the dark until I find a door. The basement door.
I shut the door behind me and flick the light on. I squint in the sudden light, but I walk slowly down the stairs.
I stop in front of my cell door. It's empty. My chest tightens at the memories of being locked up in here, but I take a deep breath and push through it.
I slowly pry the metal door open and step inside. I look at the ground where I scratched a wing into the concrete. I bend down and slowly trace my hand over it.
"I'm sorry." I whisper.
Standing back up, I leave the cold room and make my way back up the stairs. I don't wanna get caught lurking around down here again. At least not until I have a reason to be down here. I can come down here tonight so I don't sleep.
I switch the light off and make my way to the living room.
I check the time. Ten after five. Someone should be waking up by now for a job. I plop onto a stool and sigh, putting my head in my hands. Everything flashes through my head once again.
Seho on his knees. The blood. Hyun-shik. His smile was so real, so evil.
But the people in the forest.
Twelve.
"Twelve." I mumble under my breath. "Eight men. Two women. Two.. children."
I rub my temple with the heel of my hands.
They were the innocents. The ones that were killed in the crossfire between Hyunsoo and I. The blood is on my hands. Not just his.
"Y/n." A voice startles me and I jump, looking at the doorframe. "Why are you up so early?"
It's just Jin.
"Oh hi." I say quietly. "No reason, just had trouble sleeping."
"Oh alright." He says. "Anyway, you ready for today?" He smiles, grabbing something out of the fridge.
"Pumped." I say in a monotone voice.
"Hmph. You don't sound very pumped." He says, his lips pulling to one side.
"I'm just.. groggy." I lie. "I just need to wake up."
********
All the boys passed down here. Most left like usual. Jin is the only who stayed. Jimin is coming home in about four hours and Taehyung is still upstairs, probably sleeping.
Right now, I'm in my room, getting changed to go downstairs with Jin. I don't know how extreme it's going to be yet, so I put on a loose tank top with a sport bra and leggings.
Because I sure as hell am not training in shorts and bra.
I skip down the stairs to meet Jin in the kitchen.
"Ready?" He asks, not looking up from his book.
"Yessir." I say and he stands up, smiling as he walks past me to go the basement.
We walk past the four chamber door and into the fifth, entering the familiar circular stone room with the dark, deep paintings. He presses the tile and reveals the door, gesturing me to go inside.
"Like I said, we're gonna start lighter today. We don't want to overwork your shoulder so it doesn't heal." Jin explains.
"Like what?"
"Depends." He taps his chin thoughtfully. "Does it hurt to stomp?"
I stomp on the ground with my right foot. It sends a small, throbbing sensation to my wound, but it doesn't exactly.. hurt.
"It doesn't hurt, but I can feel something." I shrug a bit, hoping it's good enough to at least start running.
"What is it?"
"I don't know. It's like a painless throb. Like a heartbeat." I say. "It's subtle though."
"Okay." He nods. "We can probably get you on the treadmill today. Agility like the ladder might be a different story, depending on how it feels after running."
I nod, silently thanking god.
"All right, lets get you to work, killer."
*******
Jin finally presses the button to slow the treadmill. I thought that it would be just a normal speed for a normal period of time. But this is sprinting forever. I keep pumping my legs, my lungs burning, begging me to stop.
The treadmill slows for me to jog and he keeps it there for about two minutes before stopping it.
I pant and step off, grabbing a water.
"I've never done that before." I blow a sharp breath out.
"Oh really?" He raises an eyebrow. "You seemed to take it pretty well. How do you do it?"
"Like half an hour of a light run. A few times a day to stay in shape."
"Oh well here we go hard and fast."
I snort, choking on my water. Jin gives me a look.
"Sorry." I laugh. "My mind isn't pure enough to hear that."
"You've been around Jimin too much." He shakes his head.
"Okay okay." I chuckle. "Anyway, what's next."
He raises an eyebrow at me.
"You're drenched and panting like a dog. Take a break."
"So we aren't gonna continue?" I ask a bit disappointed.
"I mean, take a five minute break. Give your heart a rest." He says. "But how's your shoulder?"
He scoots his chair next to me, looking at my pink, mostly healed wound.
"It feels fine. I mean, it's a little sore, but so is everything else right now, so."
"Alright. Do you wanna try the ladder? Or do you wanna do some weights?"
"Wait really?" I ask.
"For your legs. We'll avoid arms, but we can do legs for sure."
I think. My arm is completely fine. I don't see why I can't do anything.
"Can I do my arms?" I ask curiously.
He sighs.
"I don't think that's a good idea yet Y/n."
"But it feels fine."
"So? You're still injured. The wrong strain or pull and you could end up ripping something in your shoulder. We don't want that."
"What if I go light?" I beg.
"I'll make you a deal." He says. "In a few days, if the throbbing in your arm goes away completely, I'll allow you to go light. But until then, we avoid using weights on your arms."
I chew my tongue.
"Fine."
********
Jin and I are in the basement for hours. Until the evening at least. At some point, Jimin came down to put some things away while I was on the ladder. He said hi and stuff, but said that he was gonna go hang out with Taehyung since he felt bad that he wasn't training yet.
Jin checked the time. It's 7:pm.
"We've been down here for over 8 hours?" I ask wide-eyed.
"I guess so." He laughs, rubbing his head. "Are you even tired?"
"Not yet. It usually hits me afterward. I just can't believe I went for that long."
"Me neither. That impressive." Jin says. "I think it's time to stop though. I think you've been overworked enough." He says, grabbing his bag.
"Okay.." I nod, wiping the sweat off my forehead. "Are we coming back tomorrow?"
"Probably not. Your muscles will be too tired since its your first time back. We need to let them rest."
"Oh okay." I sigh. "When will I be able to start boxing? Like light. Reflexes and stuff."
"At least four days, depending on how it feels." He sighs. "Swinging your arms the wrong way might hurt it, but I guess maybe if it's reflexes like dodging or blocking, we can try in a couple days."
"And fighting?" I ask. "Like with real people?"
Jin sighs. "You're getting too excited over this. Let yourself heal, Y/n."
"I'm just wondering."
"Fighting won't be an option for a week and a half at least."
I feel my heart sink. That's usually my favourite part of training. It's a certain rush that shooting or running can't compete with.
"Alright then. I'm gonna go shower then." I say and he nods.
"Okay, I'll see you later."
I walk back up the stairs and open the door, bumping into someone. I see his face and keep walking.
"Y/n wait." Jungkook says, grabbing my arm. I bite my tongue, fighting the urge to kick him.
"What?" I spin around, looking at my arm. He lets go.
"Is Jin down there?"
"Check for yourself." I say and continue walking to the stairs.
I slowly walk up, my legs suddenly weaker. The exhaust is starting to affect my body. I make it to the top of the stairs and go into the bathroom, pulling my hair out of its ponytail.
I rub my forehead and turn the water on, yawning. I can't get tired though, so I turn the water cold. That should wake me up. I step inside and the second the ice cold water hits my back, it arches away, sending a jolt through my body.
I suck air between my teeth and shove my shivering body into the water.
I wash myself quickly, stepping out, my arms filled with goosebumps and my teeth chattering slightly.
That woke me up, wow.
I forgot my clothes, oh no.
I curse myself out and smack my forehead. Why am I so stupid?
I brush my teeth quickly and crack the door open to make sure no one is around. No one. As I'm about to step out, a door opens down the hall and I see Yoongi walk out of his room, his back to me. I pull my self back into the bathroom and wait for his footsteps to depart.
When I know he's gone, I peek out and quickly go into my room. I close the door behind my and sigh, running a hand through my wet hair. Pulling on sweatpants and a long sleeve, I flop onto my desk chair and look out the window.
I watch the tree's branches blowing around softly and the orange-lit sky begin to fade. I sigh. I'd kill to be able to go outside. Not just once a week or escorted. Alone. Any time I'd like. I'd have to come back for my own survival. There's no where else for me to go, so I would always come back.
I ruined that chance for myself, but you can't blame me. I felt threatened. I still do, but I trust them more than I did a week ago. Or a few of them at least. Now, I know that have to stay.
It'd be nice to go to that river. But, you know, not running. Something about it reminded me about the cabin. I sigh and open up my sketchbook.
I take out my pencil and start to sketch once again to calm myself. I draw the most comforting object I know. Wings.
I drew Seho's. Now I'll draw mine. Maybe I'll connect them together afterward.
Someone knocks on my door.
"Come in." I mumble.
Taehyung's head appears and he looks down at what I'm doing.
"Hey." He says, flopping onto my bed. "How was training?"
"It was alright. Tiring." I say, not looking up from my paper.
"You should go to sleep then." I stop moving my pencil for a second.
"I'm not sleepy tired, I'm just muscle tired." I say, continuing my sketch.
"I'm Jimin tired." He says and I chuckle. "He kept clinging to me today."
"He's your best friend, why wouldn't he?"
"True, but I was gonna come down and see you, but he insisted to stay upstairs. Didn't want me feeling bad about myself."
"He said that?"
"No, I just know it." He sighs. "Anyway, are you doing anything tomorrow?"
"No." I mumble. "It's not like I have anywhere to go." I say in a flat tone.
"I see." He says. "Do you want to go somewhere?"
"Literally anywhere but this damn house." I say. "The only difference between this and the chamber is that it's bigger. I'm still a prisoner." I say, chewing the eraser of my pencil.
"You're not a prisoner." He says softly.
"It sure feels like it." I mumble.
"Fine. If that's how you see it, I'll take you out. Prisoners are allowed in the courtyard with good behaviour then, right?"
I look at him.
"Oh?"
"We can get out of the house tomorrow. Go for a walk or something. Hyunsoo still hasn't surfaced, so I think it'd be safe enough to stay within the radius of the house."
"Namjoon won't allow it."
"He said it's alright." Taehyung says. "Remember the meeting?"
"That was a week ago. Maybe the sight of me made him hate me more and take away one of my freedoms."
"He doesn't hate you."
"Oh yeah? He sure has a funny way of showing it." I shake my head. "Plus, even if we can go, he'd have to come too. I don't think I'm up for that. I really don't want to deal with him."
"Don't deal with him then. You and I could go ahead or hang back. Ignore him completely if you want." Taehyung says, shrugging and leaning back on his palms.
"I'll think about it." I say, looking at the window again. The orange sunset has faded completely now, barely light left in the sky. I sigh, missing the rest of the world.
"Okay. I'll come by tomorrow morning. Unless you want me to stay?"
"No it's okay." I shake my head. "You should get some rest."
He nods, standing up.
"You get rest too. Your body needs it." He says, nudging my arm.
"Okay." I lie, lowering my gaze. I don't want to sleep tonight. Not after my dream last night.
"Hey." He lifts my chin to look at him. "I mean it." He says in a stern voice. "Goodnight."
He rubs the side of my head and opens the door.
"Night." I say. As Taehyung starts to step out, he bumps into someone with red hair.
"Oh sorry." Hoseok says and then looks at me. Taehyung nods and leaves, going to his room.
"Can I talk to you?" Hoseok asks, shutting the door behind him.
"Sure." I sigh. The bearer of bad news.
He's been gone for three days. Back to Seoul, I assume.
"Any news?" I ask.
"Yes." He bites his cheek, choosing his words. "Five more."
I huff a bit, leaning back in my seat.
"Five." I repeat, pinching the bridge of my nose. "Same case?"
"Yes." He whispers. "I'm sorry."
"Don't say sorry to me." I say bitterly. "It's my fault this is happening. I don't deserve an apology."
"Don't beat yourself up."
"What am I supposed to do?" I raise my voice slightly, then lower it immediately. "Sit back and let it happen? I need to go do something about it."
"You can't do anything, Y/n. You know that."
"Then you do something." I stand up, starting to pace.
"You know I can't. My cover will be blown. They'll figure out who I am."
I lean my palms on the dresser, gripping the edge with my fingers.
"You have to be kept hidden until we talk to Mr. Min and figure out what to do."
"And when will that be?" I whip my head to him. "It's been about two weeks, he should have been back."
"He's a very busy man. We received word that he won't be coming for an additional week or two."
I bite my lip.
"Typical. So what?"
"We keep you in training. Keep you off the grid."
"I'm talking about the innocents being murdered all over Korea." I growl.
"Nothing." he says. "We do nothing."
"Sounds like a great plan." I sarcastically say. He goes to the door and I let out a shaky breath, guilt pressing my chest.
"Hoseok." I say and he looks at me, the door half opened. "What if it were you? What if innocent people were killed because of you? Would you want to just sit around and let others protect only you?"
He's silent for a moment, his features softening a bit.
"They already are."
********
I didn't sleep last night. I couldn't sleep knowing more people were killed. I couldn't sleep with the nightmares that haunt my mind every time I close my eyes.
Now, Taehyung just unlocked the door to the outdoors. Namjoon is behind me, probably glaring at the back of my head, cursing me out cause he had better things to do. Well I never wanted him here anyway.
The second I step out, the fresh, slightly cool air hits my nostrils and I breathe in, taking in the pine scent of the yard.
Taehyung tugs my shirt forward and I follow him as we go onto a path.
"Better?" He smiles down at me as we walk.
"Much." I let out a breathy laugh.
"Where did you wanna go?" He asks.
I chew my lip.
"The river." I say longingly. "I want to see the river."
The three of us walk through the forest. Namjoon is behind us, not saying anything. I know he brought a gun, probably in case I ran again or attacked one of them. I saw him tuck it into his waistband before we left.
Taehyung and I talk among ourselves about a few different. But he avoided deep questions. So did I. I'm curious of his past, but I don't want to push him. Knowing isn't very crucial either. I'm not gonna be with them for very long. There's no point.
I hear the rushing of the water up ahead. We must be close.
"How far?" I ask Taehyung beside me.
"Just past that tree line." Taehyung points and I nod.
We reach the said tree line in about two minutes until the river comes into view, opening the area up. Being able to see it in the light makes my heart stop. It's exactly like the one by the cabin. I stop walking and freeze until something bumps into me from behind.
Namjoon wasn't paying attention, but he pushes my arms forward.
"Get going."
I gulp and jump down the small drop. Taehyung leads us to an area by the river with a few big rocks, big maybe my body length and a half long. And as steep as my thigh, so I have to jump up onto it.
I push myself up as the other boys easily hop on. Taehyung chuckles and pulls my arm up.
"You're so short."
"Shut up." I roll my eyes and rest my head on the elevated part of the rock.
This must be a different part of the river than I've been to last time. I can't see the log I hid under anywhere. The water here looks wider and deeper too. The currents aren't as strong either. It's.. calm.
Just like the river behind the cabin. I close my eyes for a few seconds and sit back up. I can't mellow in my thoughts like this.
Taehyung opens one eye and looks at me.
"You okay?" He asks.
No. I'm not.
I want to say that so bad, but Namjoon's gaze catches mine. I look back at Taehyung and lift one half of my mouth into a small smile.
"Fine." I bite my bottom lip and look out to the water, leaning back on my palms.
"You know, about three years ago, I fractured my wrist falling off that rock you're sitting on." Taehyung breaks the silence and I look down.
"Oh?"
"Jungkook and I thought it would be funny to play king of the rock, but I missed the water and landed on a rock the wrong way."
"And you were out of training for a month." Namjoon says. "Missed out on a lot."
"It's all about efficiency with you, isn't it?" I scoff, not able to hold my tongue.
"Excuse me?" Namjoon grits his teeth together.
"Forget it." I shake my head.
"No tell me." He growls.
"Guys can we not-"
"I wanna hear what she's got to say. Go ahead princess." He says in a cocky tone.
"I don't have to prove anything to you. I'm not talking."
"I'll throw you in the chamber."
"Because I won't tell you how much of a dick you're being?" I laugh. "Go fuck yourself, you roach."
"I got others to do that for me." He leans forward with a smirk and my eyebrows crinkle in disgust.
"Seem like the type anyway." I lay my head back down and he scoffs.
Taehyung taps his finger nervously. He probably feels extremely awkward right now. I spin to face the water, letting my feet dangle over the edge. I unsheathe my knife and put the tip onto the rock. Then I start to scrape.
Namjoon's head turns to me, tensed but doesn't say anything. After a few minutes, I pull the knife away from the image. A simple wing.
An L, a smaller L inside and little line inside.
The mark on my knife. Seho's arm. My arm. My father's symbol.
My symbol.
Suddenly an unsettling feeling creeps into my gut. I snap my head to look behind me. Nothing. I look ahead into the woods. The bush is blowing in the wind, but nothing out of the ordinary. Expect for the feeling of somebody watching me..
My dream flashes into my mind. The men and women in the forest. The children. Innocents.
Your fault.
The woods look exactly the same. I tilt my head, guilt flooding my whole body.
The feeling is hard to shake. Like watching a horror movie and then going into a dark basement, knowing damn well that nothing is real. No one is in the forest. But I swear I could have seen something move in that bush.
"Can we go back?" I mutter to Taehyung, feeling a little uneasy.
He gives me a concerned look, following my gaze.
"Everything okay?"
"Yeah. I'm just.. tired." I chew my cheek.
"Okay, we can leave if you want." He nods, sitting up on the rock. Namjoon looks up at him.
"Are we going?"
"Yeah."
"About time." He mumbles, sliding off the rock. Taehyung does the same and turns to me, helping me down.
"I got it." I say as he sets me down.
"You're tough, but you're still short." He grins and I hit his chest as we start to walk.
My body is tense as we walk and I tap my finger on my thigh. I can't shake off the feeling. I don't know exactly what the feeling is, but it's not very comforting.
We reach the house in about 20 minutes of walking.
I quickly go inside and up the stairs into my room. I run a hand through my hair and get onto my bed, looking out the window. To the forest.
I keep my eyes on the tree line.
I'm too focused to hear the creaking of a door behind me.
A hand touches my shoulder and I whip my body around, drawing my hand back.
"Hey, hey! Stop it's just me." Jimin puts his hands up, backing up.
I relax and put my hand down.
"Sorry."
"What are you looking at?" He asks, looking out the window.
"Oh Uhm.. it's nothing." I shake my head.
"You sure? You look a little pale? Are you feeling sick?"
"Huh? No."
"Are you sure?" He touches my forehead. "Are you eating?"
"Not today."
"Oh maybe that's it." He nods. "Come down, I'll make you something to eat."