Allison
I just love to sleep. Well, it used to be that I loved being awake because I was afraid to fall asleep, but now I just love to sleep. And it's usually pretty hard to get me up if I was in a deep sleep, just ask Jonathan.
"Hey baby, you need to get up" Jonny says as he shakes me.
"What's time is it" I mumble.
"Like 9 in the morning" he says.
"Give me a few more hours" I beg as I roll over.
"You need to see this text I just got" he insists.
"Can it wait" I ask.
"No" he claims and I let out a sigh. I finally open my eyes and sit up in bed. I lean against the wooden backboard as I run my fingers through my hair. I had nothing but one of Jon's shirts on and it smelled like him which helped me sleep better. But all I wanted right now was to stay asleep.
"What's going on" I wonder as I wipe the sleep out of my eyes.
"I got a... interesting... text from Patrick this morning" he starts.
"Awww. How's he's doing" I wonder and he laughs.
"He's fine. He's in Switzerland so he can only text me at these crazy hours. But I just got a message from him with a link of this article that featured Mathew that was released a few days ago. Patrick said "isn't this about the Allison we used to always hang out with" so initially I freaked out. I clicked on the link and it's this message and a video from Mathew talking about you" he explains.
"Wait... what" I whisper.
"Here, it's a video" he says handing me the phone.
I take his phone and see a video cued up on it. I press play and feel so sick when his face comes up. He looked sad and distressed and I know it was all a sham. I've seen this scene one too many times for it to work on me anymore.
"Hello everyone" he starts and I feel like I've been punched in my gut. His voice was like hearing the devil call your name. "As you all know, I was supposed to marry Allison a few months ago. She was the greatest girl I ever knew, I loved her deeply and softly and I was so excited to give my life to her. She was a wonderful girl, so beautiful and so bright. I loved her more than I ever thought I could love anyone.
But on the day we were supposed to wed she left me and I've been searching for her ever since. She's talked to her family once since then and no one has heard from her since a few days after the fact. I'm not mad at her, I just want to fix this so I can have the light of my life back. If anyone has seen her please let me know. Any type of information will help, pictures or sightings or anything.
And Allison, if you see this, please come home. We're all worried sick about you and I want you to be here with me. We can still get married and we can still have a wonderful life together just like we planned. Please come home" he says before the video ends.
I shut my eyes tight as I try to let this all sink in. He literally has everyone trying to find me and for what? Why does he still want me? Because he's afraid he won't be able to manipulate another girl like he did to me or because I'm already so far gone he doesn't need to do it again. He knew that if he did this I would either feel bad for him or run away from here so people would leave me alone. But I wasn't going to give him what he wanted, no more.
"Baby, I'm so sorry. I didn't watch that video before you saw it and I should have stopped you" Jonny says and I shake my head.
"It's not your fault. This is what he wanted. He wanted people to see him as a victim and people to tell him what he wants to know" I sigh.
"I still feel terrible. I really was hoping that he would have moved on by now" he claims.
"Yeah, me too" I agree.
"So what... what are you gonna do" he wonders.
"I don't know. I would write a letter but they won't believe that it's coming from me. I don't want to do anything where he could track me or find me. I just want everyone to know that I'm fine so they don't come looking for me and that I'm not coming back until I'm ready. And when I do I'm not going back to him" I explain.
"How about this... we make a fake youtube channel and you can post a video there. We don't put the location or a description or anything like that. You can say what you want to say then we'll upload it to the internet" he says.
"How do we get people to see it without using you or anyone you know to promote it" I wonder.
"We send it anonymously to the Chicago news circuits. If you don't think I have a bunch of fake accounts and emails then you are so wrong" he claims and I smile.
"Alright. So what do I say" I question.
"Say what you've always wanted to tell people. Let them know that you're fine and that you don't need saved anymore. You're saving yourself and you did that by getting away from him. Just act like you're talking to me" he says and I nod.
"Okay, I can do that" I sigh.
"You don't have to do this. If you want we can go stay with my parents for a while, no one will know you're there. I can have someone take that post down but it won't have people unsee it. I can-" he rambles.
"No Jonny, it's okay. This is my fight, not yours. I need to handle this" I insist.
"I just... I don't want you to get hurt. I know what he does to you and I hate it. I hate they you even got mixed up with him. I know I can't keep you from him forever but I can damn well try" he says.
"And this is why I love you. There isn't a person in this world I would rather go through this than with you" I smile.
"Okay, so how do you want to do this" I wonder.
"Let me at least brush my teeth and take a shower then we can shoot the video. We can do it in here, no one else has seen the inside of your room, right" I ask.
"Not a soul" he claims. For once him being all captain serious seriously pays off.
"Perfect. Then let's do this" I say.
I take a shower and make myself look presentable. I spend a lot of time in there thinking about what to say and I feel like I've figured it out. So I sit on the bed and Jonny stands across from me. I let out a long sigh as I try to calm my rising heart rate.
"Are you ready" he asks and I nod my head.
"Ready" I reply.
He starts the video from his phone before giving me a thumbs up letting me know he started and I close my eyes. After I collect myself and I open them again praying that the tears stay away.
"Hey, if you're watching this and you don't know who I am, my name is Allison Richardson. If you do know who I am then you probably know that I've been away for quite some time. Besides my family no one really knew me that well anyway, so I'm not sure anyone is really missing the real me all that much. Maybe the me they thought I was, but I'm not sure anyone can miss that girl.
If you're watching this video you probably know that I left my own wedding a few months ago. And I'm not here to beg you for forgiveness, I don't owe anyone a explanation. If you hate me for leaving him at the alter then so be it, it doesn't really matter to me anymore. You can be mad but I would rather have you mad than me broken. But I do want you to know that I'm fine and I don't need to be searched for, because I was lost before the wedding and now I've been found. I had to lose everything that day in order to gain a sense of self love with in myself again. I would have rather had nothing alone than everything with him. It wasn't a easy choice, there was many of times I tried to get away before then. But I knew that I couldn't let this situation get that far, so I ran. I ran away from my pain, I ran away from the torture and the hell I was living in.
I don't expect people to see this and believe me. Anyone who thinks they know Mathew will think I'm some crazy delusional bitch who doesn't know what she's been talking about. But walk just a single foot in my shoes you would understand why I'm here and not there with him. And for the people who really do know Mathew, I pray you find your strength to make a change too. It's done wonders for me, I can see clearly now that the darkness is gone and I love what I see. It's never too late to start over no matter how helpless it might seem.
And as for you... Mathew. I pray every night that God can change you. That he can take the anger and terrible things from your heart and show you that you don't have to be like that. I pray that every girl who was in a situation like mine can find what I've found. Because I'm not making this video to put you down, no matter how bad you hurt me I simply cannot stoop to that level of the things you've said or did to me. But I do want you to know that I hope you see what damage you've done. I hope you know what you're capable of and for once, instead of hurting someone you can help them. I don't want people looking for me and I'm not coming back. If you want to talk, when I'm ready I'll be there. But I'm not ready so that's going to have to wait.
Finally, to any girl out there who had ever been made to hate herself, who has ever been told to change to fit the needs of a man, who has ever been scared of someone that she loved, please be strong. You're going to find your worth one day and once you do it'll be hard to ignore it. And then someone will come along who loves you for everything you are and everything you're not and you'll ask yourself why you even loved that prick in he first place. It might hurt right now, and it might never stop hurting. But love is always stronger than hate and once you find that one special love... never let it go."