Reena's POV
Days have passed nang hindi ko man lang namamalayan kasal na ngayon nila Mike at Andy.
And here we are in Siargao. I wonder if Kevin went here the last time we had an argument. Dito gaganapin yung wedding nila Andy. I'm all dolled up and ready. Nasa kwarto ako kanina ng pinag-aayusan nila Andy but I wanted to get some air kaya nag-paalam muna akong lalabas muna.
I'm wearing a white sleeveless silk dress with a very low neckline and it fits my body really well that it shows my curves.
I'm standing on the edge of the cliff near their wedding venue. Nakaharap lang ako sa dagat at nakatitig sa kawalan, hugging myself. Watching the waves, bigla na lang ako mapapahinga ng malalim. Hindi naman maginaw but maybe my body's just feeling the coldness.
I arrived later than everyone dahil inantay ko pa si Jean makarating ng Manila before I booked our flight to Siargao and by now, I should've expect the unexpected.
"Reena! Mabuti naman at nakarating na kayo." Bati sa akin ni Marla sa lobby.
"Oo nga eh. Nasa'n sila?" Tanong ko pero bago niya ako sagutin sinabi ko muna kay Jean na mag-pahinga muna at inutos ko sa isang empleyado doon na i-akyat sa room ko yung mga gamit namin.
"Okay, just hit me up if you need me." She smiled and I nod.
"Uhm, we're having an early dinner sa lounge. Do you wanna join us?" She asked me.
Why is it that I feel like something is off with her? She's hesitating to invite me? But I dodged it and I agreed to go with her.
"Uy, Reena! Nandito ka na pala." Hindi maipinta yung mukha ni Bry.
Ngumiti naman ako, "The wedding is tomorrow malamang darating na ako, sira."
Nagkatinginan silang lahat at parang sabay sabay yung mga tingin nilang lumingon sa bar ng lounge. There he was walking towards us.
I haven't seen him ever since our confrontation. May mga gatherings before the wedding, like the rehearsal dinner I attended, hoping I would see him but to my disappointment he wasn't able to attend dahil busy raw. Okay, more of saying that he doesn't wanna see me.
At hindi nakatakas sa tingin ko yung kasama niya, they were smiling at each other while talking about something. His fiancee. Syempre kilala ko siya, I have stalked her everywhere on the social media.
Ayos tong si Marla, walang pasabi ah? Natawa na lang ako sa loob loob ko. Ano to? Gumaganti ba kayo?
Okay how am I supposed to react to this?
My smile didn't fade though. I have mastered the art of being okay even though I'm not so this is just a piece of cake. Yeah right, keep telling yourself that, Reena.
Kevin's expression changed when he saw me, I expected that. What I didn't expect was...
"Hey!" Masiglang bumati yung fiancee niya.
Lumingon ako, walang sumagot sa kanya.. At lahat sila nakatingin sa akin? What? Ako ba grini greet neto?
"Uhm.. Hi?" Medyo awkward akong ngumiti.
Nakangiti pa rin siya, "I believe we haven't officially met, I'm Sab, Sabrina Andrada." Inabot niya yung kamay niya.
I accepted it, "Nice to meet you, I'm Reena Fontanilla." Hindi rin nawala yung ngiti ko.
She knows me alright.
"You're the New Yorker, right? Kevin's told me about you." Oh wow, what did he tell you?
New Yorker? Is that how I am defined here?
"Yep, I just got back a few weeks ago." Sagot ko naman and she nodded.
Talk about awkwardness. Tumingin ako sa kanila at nakatingin lang sila sa amin, they were so stiff. Okay, since my presence is not really welcomed here I better scram.
I turned my attention to the them, "Alis muna ako guys, I have something to discuss with my assistant."
"Jean's arrived?" Tanong naman ni Andy.
"Yep, she arrived the other day." I explained.
"Maiwan ko muna kayo." I turn to Sabrina, "I'll go ahead first but nice meeting you."
Ngiting ngiti pa rin tayo ah?
Di rin papatalo sa ngitian tong isang to, "See you later."
Lakad, takbo ang ginawa ko makarating lang sa hotel room ko.
Hindi ko pinahalata kanina pero nanginginig yung mga kamay ko kaya uminom ako ng tubig mula sa kitchen counter.
He brought her here? Really? God! But who was I to oppose anyway? Di ka girlfriend, umayos ka. You lost the chance a long time ago.
Ugh, I hate this.
But I can't hate the woman. I can sense people and I think she's really nice. I hate myself more for thinking that.
Aware ba siya sa mga nangyari sa amin ni Kevin?
Criticizing her, well there's nothing to criticize. She's really pretty. She's shorter than me and her short hair looks pretty good on her.
Fuck this. I can't deal with this right now. I need a drink. Binuksan ko yung mini ref na nasa loob ng kwarto ko at uminom ng beer.
Later that night, nag-aya silang mag-coffee raw sa rooftop ng hotel. I need the air but I declined telling them that I'm fixing my schedule with Jean for the upcoming months. Ayos tong si Jean na alibi, laging lusot.
I won't make myself the audience of them being together. Hindi ako magiging kontrabida but I also won't be approving of it. I can be civil at hanggang doon lang. They shouldn't expect anymore from me naman di ba?
Nag-coffee naman ako, sa balcony nga lang ng hotel room ko. Well this is much better than deliberately hurting myself.
Haaaay... Buhay nga naman. This turn of events is driving me crazy.
That night, I went to the shore. I just need some air to breathe. But I shouldn't have gone there. I was greeted by them, locking on each others' lips. His arms around her waist and hers around his neck. What a sight, huh?
And no matter how much effort I put into my legs, they just won't move. I can't move myself. I can't help but watch and watching them? Fuck, that was the way Kevin used to kiss me.
Nag-hiwalay sila mula sa pagkaka-dikit ng mga labi nila. And just when I thought it was over, pinagdikit nila yung noo nila sa isa't-isa. I was from a distance and I don't really wanna be here.
I can't take it. I just can't. I hurriedly escaped from the suffocation that scene just brought me.
But hey, guess what? You can't be feeling down now. You chose this. You chose to leave him. You chose to break his heart and now, you may not even have a chance to make it up to him. Fuck this.
I drunk myself to sleep but not drunk enough to drown me from misery.
Tulala pa rin ako sa kawalan. Overthinking things. Pwede bang invicible na lang silang dalawa para hindi ko sila makitang magkasama?
Mabuti na lang at hapon yung kasal, I had all the time kanina to cure my hangover. And I thank myself for hiring Jean, for knowing me all too well when I'm drunk.
Nakapikit ako habang dinadama yung hangin galing sa mga alon ng beach nang may nag-salita.
"So, how are you?" Si Caloy.
I scoffed, "You're talking to me now?" I smiled. Not to offend or anything, I was just surprised.
"Why? Is there anyone else around here talking?" Pabalang naman na sagot niya kaya napangiti ako.
"I missed you." I smiled at him.
He sarcastically smiled, "Why did you leave him like that Ree?"
I ignored what he said, "I missed it when people called me that." I sighed.
"Umaasa ka pa ba?" Direktang tanong ni Caloy.
I shrugged, "There's no reason for hope anymore. I've long accepted it. Ang hirap nga lang kasi up until now, I'm still on the process of accepting it."
He sighed, "Dami mo namang sinabi, tinatanong ko kung umaasa ka pa bang tatawagin ka pa namin ng "Ree" tss."
Aba? Gago to ah. I laughed. It's been so long since I've laughed sincerely.
"I've really missed you." I overwhelmingly told him.
"Come here." He said and opened his arms out for me.
I hugged him real tight. I missed this guy so much. We stayed that way for a few minutes bago ulit siya nagsalita.
"Come on, let's go." He said and I nod. I silently thanked him that he didn't push me to explain myself anymore. Because all my reasons are now flowing down the drain. I lost all of it. I lost everything that I made myself believe to be right. All that I'm left now are doubts and unending questions.
The wedding was perfect. I loved every bit of it while secretly wishing that it was mine. And looking at him just hurts so much. Hirap pala pag sinasampal sayo na you're not even a part of his world anymore. Mukha namang masaya na siya ngayon eh. So I shouldn't bother him anymore. Afterall, sa aming dalawa, he's the one who deserves to be happy. If he's okay now then I'll leave him be... with her.
A tent was put up for the reception. I'm sitting at the bar of the place, drinking gin tonic. Lucky, buti may bartender. Jean's busy being sociable and to my surprise, she's talking to JP who's actually being funny and Jean's laughing all too well.
Pangatlong baso ko na but seriously, hindi ako tinatamaan. Maybe I need something stronger? But nah. This is my bestfriend's wedding, I wouldn't get myself drunk now. Naiihi na ako kaya nagpunta muna ako ng CR. At sa pagka swerte swerte ko nga naman talaga.
"Hi, Reena." She greeted me with a wide smile habang pareho kaming nakaharap sa salamin.
"Hey." I greeted back looking at her through the mirror.
"It was a beautiful wedding, wasn't it?" Still smiling.
"It was." I agreed.
"I hope I get to have a wedding like they just did. The solemnity of the ceremony and the sincerity of their vows took everything in me not to cry my eyes out." She giggled.
Your wedding, huh?
I didn't say anything and I just smiled and nodded.
"Sige, I'll go ahead." Paalam ko at hindi na inantay yung sagot niya. And to my stupidity nakalimutan ko yung pinunta ko sa CR pero hayaan na, nawala na yung urge ko umihi.
I didn't mean to be rude pero after what I witnessed last night, hindi naman na siguro ako normal kung hindi ako naaapektuhan?
I got out of the washroom and went on our table. We're all in this table though so no matter how I wanted not to see them kitang kita ko pa rin sila.
The music stopped and the wedding planner was on the stage.
"May I have your attention please? The maid of honor will now give her speech for the bride and groom." She announced as I made my way through.
I cleared my throat and spoke, "Hi everyone. I know you're all probably bored out of your assess now so I'm gonna make this quick." They laughed at my expense but I continued, "Being a friend to these two is over the top stressful but at the same time they were also the ones who were there for me when I needed a friend. Their relationship was really something. I won't elaborate on it but looking at them now, I'm proud of them for being so strong in overcoming every circumstances that they had to face." I smiled to the both of them, "I will always be here for the both of you and from the bottom of my heart I wish you happiness. Always cherish each other because you won't know how lucky you both are to be able to spend the rest your life with the other half of you until you have to spend it without them." I raised my glass to them and they smiled pitifully at me but I chose to ignore it.
"Here's to second chances." I ended my toast.
I looked at our table and he was looking directly at me. I drank the remains of my glass and went out of the reception. That night, I left for Manila. I haven't got the energy to deal with this anymore. Kasi tangina kung pwede lang i-edit eh.
I took the earliest flight to Manila. I just sent a text to Andy apologizing for leaving that way. I'm just thankful that she always understands.
And now, here I am... standing alone in my balcony with a coffee in hand. Hinga nang malalim, buga ng hininga.
I was just looking at the stars nung may kumatok sa kwarto ko, I was greeted by Ate Nadine.
"Hey, uh.. someone's here to see you."
"Sino ate?"
"Kevin." Sabi niya lang at bumaba na.
Teka. Ano raw?