Hazel
Love
Love is something inexplicable.
Inexplicable where it's out of your control.
The crave.
The emotions.
The touches.
The dreams.
The memories.
But like a thunderbolt, love can destroy you.
Love can be one-sided.
A game.
Toxic.
An ocean full of secrets.
Just like Erden's eyes.
The light breeze caresses my face, which reminds me that I need to breathe. I exhale deeply, but I'm still suffocating. Like a lifeless body, I've been sitting on a bench at the park all alone. I don't know how long it has been. But I had noticed that the clouds have been painted in ever-changing colors, from white to bright orange, to hot pink as the sun has made his long trip to finally set at the actual moment.
Apart from that, it feels impossible to stop thinking about Erden. His beautiful face, the taste of his lips, his warm touches, our dreamy moments. There are many. Too many to forget. The first time I hugged him when he saved me from that drunkard. The first time we kissed in his car in the parking lot. The numerous amazing bike rides. Our cuddles when watching movies. The photoshoot session in the field of flowers. Our picnic at the waterfall. And so much more. I also remember the first time we talked to each other. It was at the main door of his house. And today, our story has ended there.
How can all this be a game to him?
My hands come to clog my mouth as I howl out the excruciating pain of my torn heart, tears streaming down my face again.
How can he still manage to deceive me with his words? How can he expect me to trust him in such a situation? When he refused to explain to me anything? But that would be useless as well. I don't want to listen to his lies. Erden wanted to confess something tomorrow. There is obviously something he is hiding.
In less than two months, he has shattered my life.
I've lost my family as well because of him. How will I be able to look at them in the face again? How will they believe that everything was an enormous misunderstanding. And that I was trapped by this bastard. But I lost their tru-
"M-miss Everster?" A soft, yet manly voice suddenly calls.
My head rapidly flicks to the right, looking up. A tall blonde with blue eyes, garbed in a black suit, is staring at me. I never thought I will see him again in my life. "Ah, it's really you." A wide smile appears on his face, comfortably taking a seat beside me. "I thought I've mistaken."
I quickly wipe off the tears with my hands, feeling uneasy at the horrible state my face must be right now. "Austin?" Shaking my head, I rapidly rectify. "I mean, Mister Austin."
A small laugh escapes him. "We can be on first name basis." He winks, extending me his hand to shake.
Pleased by his courtesy, I shake his hand, his touch soft but kinda cold. "Hazel."
His taupe-coloured brows shot up, impressed. "The first thing your mom said when you opened your eyes for the first time was," he snaps his fingers in certainty. "Let's name her Hazel."
"Were you there?" I josh sarcastically, astonished at how right he is.
He chuckles, gazing into my eyes. "No...the colour of your eyes is really capturing."
"Says the one with amazing blue eyes." I fake out a yawn.
"Okay...okay." He holds his hand up in defense, which makes me laugh. "Thank you."
"Welcome." I say, looking around the park, which is almost deserted at that time, with only a few people passing from time to time. "What are you doing here, by the way?"
"Oh, I had a meeting nearby." Austin points at a distant street behind us. "I noticed this park after I finished. I decided to breathe some fresh air." His eyes then squint on, looking back at me. "And what about you? Are you okay?"
"I-it would be useless if I lie, right?" I bite on my lips, hesitantly.
He nods, giving me a piteous smile.
Having no way to escape, I sigh desperately. "I-I just went through a breakup." My gaze drops to the ground. "Everything is so confusing."
"Oh, I'm so sorry." He says in sympathy, sounding sincere.
"Nevermind." Looking back at him, I breathe out heavily. "How is Justin?" I ask, trying to change the topic.
"He is fine." I giggle as he tries to mimic a frowning facial expression. "The usual grumpy Justin." His face then suddenly lights up. "And how about your book? Is everything back to normal?"
As he says so, my back feels cold. Shit. What am I going to tell him now? He did a big favor on me and trusted me with this mission. But I stabbed him in the back. I couldn't do it. Everything was a mess at that time. And it didn't seem necessary to do so. But maybe if I did it, I would have killed that monster before he could take my soul and my heart.
"I thought you would call on the number which is on the business card I've given to you, to confirm to us that you were able to do the work." His voice pulls me out of my thoughts.
"Y-yeah... I apologize." I run a hand over my face, collecting myself so that I seem normal. "I was really busy and forgot about it."
"Anyway, that's fine." Austin smiles supportively. "You solved the problem, that's the most important. Otherwise, there would have been a big catastrophe." His feet begin to shake swiftly as he declares so, his eyes looking strangely concerned.
Gulping hard, I fakely smile back at him. What the hell is he talking about? Did I miss something? The only catastrophe I know currently is my life.
"Hazel, I'm glad that I've met you." I snap back to reality when he stands up, stretching gently his shoulder. "If you want to grab coffee sometimes..." He quickly takes out a piece of paper and a pen from the pocket of his suit. Skillfully, he writes something on the paper before tending it to me. "My personal number."
Smiling timidly, my finger brushes gently against his as I take the paper. "I'm glad too, Austin." As I look up at his face, his eyes weirdly lock with mine for some seconds. His lips then stretch into what I'm pretty sure is a hopeful smile, before he walks away.
Grateful that he changed my mood for a while, I watch the tall and sturdy physique as he gradually recedes along the path of the park. For the second time, the kindness of Austin has appeased me...saved me. Looking down at the small paper grazing between my fingers, I smile to myself.
I thought it would be impossible to laugh so soon.
~~~~~~~~~~
"How did I get everything so wrong?" Lia is gripping her head as she is anxiously parading in her room. "Damn. I advised you to give that bastard a chance!"
"It's not your fault, Lia. He is just a good player." I smile humorlessly, my heart aching at my own words. Desperate, I look back through the window. I've been by Lia's room window since hours, staring at my house, which is next door. The lights are on, the clear white glow appearing so welcoming. But the doors are closed for me. Like an abandoned dog, I've no place to go, no home. Or maybe I'm just so ashamed of myself to feel at 'home'. Thankfully, Lia has invited me to stay at her place till the storm passes.
Thomas is also here tonight, sitting on the bed while trying to calm down Lia. It has been long since the three of us didn't spend time together. Surprisingly, it doesn't feel awkward for us even after what happened. It just flowed naturally, like Lexi and Thomas were destined to be together. As a supportive friend, I'm happy for them. They deserve to be happy. Especially Lia, I wish her the best.
"Is-is there...uh, any possibility that Lexi made a plan or something?" Lia murmurs hesitantly, but loud enough for me to hear.
"Lia please." I suck in a deep breath and look at her, hopelessly. "I wished that was possible. But why would she do that? It doesn't make any sense." The disappointment showing on her face worsens. More than her, a part of me is hoping that there is an untold story. But I sulk as I remember. "Erden was totally angry that I can believe he did something as such, so he refused to explain anything." My eyes shut briefly. "He is manipulating me."
Lia clenches her teeth. "I'm gonna kill him!" Like an infuriated bull, she angrily makes her way out of the room.
Thomas rapidly jogs after her and grips her waist to refrain her from exiting, almost picking her up. "Lia, relax please."
"How can we relax!" She agitatedly steps back from his grasp. "Can't you see what he has done to her?!"
"Lia..." I sigh.
Thomas breathes out calmly. "I see, I see. But nothing will change if we go and make a show at this time." He rests a supportive hand on her arm. "There have been enough problems today. Let Hazel rests now."
The redness on Lia's face gradually fades away at Thomas's words. She gives him a small smile. "You're right." She then looks at me more soothingly, and steps to me. "Sleep now, Hazel. It will do you good." Taking my hand in hers, she says comfortingly. "Tomorrow, I will talk to your parents...at least to remind them who you are."
Overloaded with emotions today, I finally let go. I throw myself into her arms, hugging her tightly. "Thank you so much, Lia."
A hug can sometimes be a therapy. It can make you forget everything for an instant.
And now on, I would need a pair of arms. For forever.
A pair of arms to forget another hug which was making everything disappeared.
~( ´•︵•' )~