The next day I spent my time exploring Lothlorien by myself. Normally I would find Legolas and have a nice walk and chat with him for hours, but since what happened yesterday I actively avoiding him. Partly because I was still too embarrassed of my reaction to his actions; partly because I needed time to inspect my feelings towards him. What he'd done and said yesterday stirred an unexpected and unwelcomed feelings inside of me.
At the very beginning I always drilled into my mind to never have any romantic feelings towards my male companions. Deep down, I still hoped that someday I could still go home, and a romantic relationship would complicate things. Especially for Legolas, because from what I gathered, elves only fall in love once in their lifetime. If I were Legolas, I wouldn't fall in love with a mortal whose lifetime was only a tiny fraction of his.
I was confused. What were these feelings I have for him now? Maybe I became too dependent on him, my best friend, that I began to fall for him? Or this was a Stockholm Syndrome, in which the Fellowship kinda kidnapped me and I began to sympathize too much with one of my kidnapper? Maybe this was a beginning of an infatuation, which I knew always gone bad in the end.
That was possible. Getting infatuated to someone as alluring as Legolas was very easy, like letting yourself being pulled by gravity.
Wait, did I just used the word 'alluring' to describe Legolas?
Yesterday's afternoon was clear in my mind, the picture of him next to me behind the piano, his brilliant icy blue eyes boring into me shamelessly with such admiration and another kind of emotion that I couldn't put my hands on. He told me how beautiful I was and at that moment, I believed him. His finger caressing my cheek...
No, no, no! Bad thought! Bad thought! Somebody get me a can opener and get Legolas out of my head!
I grunted and groaned to myself as I walked alone. A couple of Lothlorien elves who happened to be around glanced at my direction, giving me an odd look. They were far away from me, but their super hearing caught my sudden grunts. I blushed in embarrassment. They probably thought I was mentally challenged.
I went towards the outskirts of the city for a couple hours, looking for solitude. I stopped in my track as I saw a small, beautiful meadow. My mouth hung open in awe; my eyes as wide as saucer.
The meadow was very lovely.
For a moment I forgot all the thought of Legolas and squealed in happiness at my finding. I giggled like a child. Finally, I have my own happy place! I had always wanted to have a secret place for me to be able to hang around by myself, away from everything else for so long. Being a part of the Fellowship meant that I rarely get a moment or place to myself.
I plopped down on the puffy grass and laid my head on my both hands behind my neck. I saw white puffy clouds as they moved slowly like snails on a clear blue sky as its background. This was peace and contentment.
I woke up with a little tap on my shoulder. Seeing an unfamiliar face, I jumped and sat in surprise. Haldir, the captain of the Lothlorien army looked at me with his eyebrows arched.
Oh god. I hope I didn't snore. Shit, did I drool? I was too deep in my nap.
"My lady, forgive me to wake you so suddenly. Lady Galadriel asked me to find you and tell you that she is ready to see you now," he said stoically.
"Uh... alright," I said dumbly. Sleep still clouding my bleary eyes.
Haldir offered me his hand to help me up and I gratefully took it. I gave the elf a small smile.
"Hannon le, Haldir," I said with a smile.
"You speak Sindarin?" he asked in surprise as we started walking back.
"Just a few simple phrases and greetings," I said, "Legolas taught me some of them. It is a beautiful language."
"I see. I am pleased to know that you have taken interest in our elvish language," he said smiling.
"Yes," I grinned, "It just rolls off the tongue pleasantly."
Haldir nodded in approval at that and continued, "My lady, if I may be so bold to ask this, but I heard that you've come from... another world," he said hesitantly, "And I can't help but notice your unusual Westron accent. It is unheard of," he said with a mild hint of curiosity slipping through his questions.
At that, I began to feel a little anxious. The fact that I came from another world was a dangerous thing to spread around. If the news reach Sauron, I might as well be a target and that wasn't a very pleasant scenario.
"May I ask where do you hear that... rumor from?" I asked, still contemplating whether it was fine to tell him or not.
"From Lord Celeborn himself, my lady."
Huh.
"Well, first off. Please just call me Leane. I'm not a lady. And yes," I said looking up at him, "I kinda am from another world. And soon I think, I'm going to find out some answers about it, since I can't remember how I got here. I think Lady Galadriel might have the answers I seek," I told him, finally deciding that he was trustworthy enough.
By now he was studying me with obvious curiosity etched in his usual stoic face and I continued, "How many people here knows about where I come from?"
"I believe it's only Lady Galadriel, Lord Celeborn, Genellith your maid servant, and I."
I exhaled in relief, knowing not many people knew about where I come from. I knew it would be dangerous to let myself be exposed too much. Haldir spoke again, as if reading my mind.
"Do not worry, Leane," the tough elf smiled comfortingly this time, his face softened, "I give you my word that I won't let any other soul knows about you in this realm, that is except if Lady Galadriel or Lord Celeborn himself wishes otherwise."
I smiled gratefully at that and we continue to chat about my stay here, about Lothlorien. Haldir even taught me a couple new words in Sindarin. He also finally decided to mention about the grass that still stuck in my hair. He failed his attempt to hide his amusement about the fact that now my hair was tangled all over as I tried to dust it off.
"I know, I know. I look like a monkey right now. If you want to laugh at me, please, be my guest. I'm used to it," I muttered to him as I tried to tame my dark hair. He didn't laugh; but instead put up his unreadable face back.
Damn elvish perks. I wish I could have a stoic, poker face like that whenever I want to.
"What?" I demanded at his lack of response, but a thought occurred to me that maybe he didn't understand something that I said. "Wait, you do have monkeys here right? Because I haven't seen one anywhere since I landed in Middle Earth..."
The usually stoic elf with a rather intimidating demeanor suddenly burst out into a deep, rumbling laughter. I was surprised at his reaction.
Of course he knew what a monkey was.
Feeling silly at my own question, I laughed along with him.
"I told you, I made a fool of myself quite a lot. I'm not surprised," I said laughing lightly.
Haldir was just a big teddy bear behind that intimidating warrior facade.
However, his airy personality were soon shut down as he turned back to his impassive, businesslike expression the moment we reached the city and arrived at a beautiful elvish courtyard. A small fountain sat in the middle of it- the mirror.
'Welcome back, Leigh Ann Andrews,' Lady Galadriel spoke in my mind, addressing my name properly as she walked down the stairs gracefully. Her footsteps were silent as she approached me, the back of her dress trailing behind her. Her azure blue eyes soft and trained on me. I smiled at her.
"I shall leave you and Lady Galadriel for now. I will be right outside to ensure you have your privacy," Haldir announced and smiled politely before bowing his head at me and the direction of the Lady of Light. Haldir took his leave.
I turned back to Lady Galadriel as she spoke audibly right now.
"I see that my marchwarden has taken a liking to you in such a short time. It is a rare occurrence," she said with a knowing smile that brightened up her face even more- if that was even possible.
"I tend to make a fool of myself quite often. That makes it easier for people to get comfortable around me. I think," I answered with a light joke as my cheek flushed a bit. The beautiful elf laughed lightly.
"Or is it your strong spirit that draws many people in? I see you have a very powerful fea. It is so strong that it glows brightly, much unlike any other mortals. Even amongst the elves," she said melodiously, "Its bluish light radiating brightly off of you that I could see you from afar, even before I saw your companions when you came here."
My embarrassing mind began to wander: Did the government attached a secret blue LED strips on my back?
"Fea," I repeated, shaking my silly thought, "Spirit," I translated. I paused for a moment, discarding all my top secret science experiment theory out of my head, "I didn't know spirits have colours."
Lady Galadriel tilted her head, studying me in confusion and not a small amount of curiosity, as if I was a six-legged corgi with a head of a donkey. At my question, she seemed to decide to let go of her curiosity and answered me. "Normally they don't, yet yours is distinguished differently from other fea," she added, "You have powerful magic inside you."
"Yeah, I do. But reading people's emotions proved to be more of a bothersome thing than a gift," I said honestly.
Thank god, no more passing stray thoughts about government illegal scientific activities.
"Yes, you have that gift that you have yet to control. It is given to you by the Infinity Ring that you bear, though I was talking about another gift," she told me patiently and I blinked.
"I have another gift?" I said skeptically.
"To those who have, more shall be given."
Here we go with the riddle again. Why do elves spoke in riddles a lot? What was that line even suppose to mean? Lady Galadriel smiled in amusement and I just remembered that she could read my thoughts. I blushed at my stupidity.
"The Infinity Ring is not given freely. It is earned. The ring and its gift is offered to someone worthy of its power, someone with a gift herself."
"Okay, so I have a gift myself before this ring. What is the gift?"
"Your fea is your own gift," she answered with a clear deep voice, "A power to mend broken hearts and heal the wounded."
"Well... Sometimes people say that I'm a good motivator. I can make up good comforting words when I really put my heart to it," I nodded.
Lady Galadriel giggled softly and continued, "You will learn more about it on your own, all in due time," she said as if hiding a little secret for me to find out. I nodded again and cast her gaze towards the pretty fountain. My eyes following her.
"My lady, there's something I want to ask," I said quickly. Lady Galadriel turned her head gracefully towards me, like those women models would do in a luxury brand skin care advertisement, "I want to know how I got here, what happened and I want to be sure if I can go back home or not after all of this," I added, "If it is not too much to ask."
The Lady didn't look surprised at my requests. However, now her blue eyes were studying me intently as if weighing me down. I shifted uncomfortably before I spoke again. "I feel as if, something was left behind, like there's some memory that's been taken away from me. I feel that something doesn't add up."
"There's a reason why the Valar keep your memory hidden. I believe that it is solely for your own good," she finally said after a pause. "I do not recommend you to look into the mirror," she said knowing my intention.
"You do not recommend me..." I trailed thoughtfully, "But do I have a choice to look?"
Lady Galadriel looked at me in mild disappointment; but I sensed that she wasn't disappointed at me, but more to herself.
"You do have a choice," she said grimly, "However with every choice you make, you have to live with its consequences. Choose wisely," she said, her eyes bore into my soul as she warned me.
Her all knowing gaze was intimidating. I fought the urge to duck and roll into a ball. I thought of her warning; but if I don't look, I would never have peace and the mystery of my coming here would surely haunt me for the rest of my life.
My decision was made.
"So you've made your choice," she stated defeatedly, reading my thoughts as she walked to fetch a silver jar and spilled the crystal clear water with such grace into the basin in the fountain.
How does such a simple task can be so gracefully done?
"Only by knowing then I would have a peace of mind, my lady," I said gratefully.
"Will you look into the mirror?"