One day I was walking past the hospital and I could have sworn I recognised Lukas' dark green Ford Fiesta in the car park; an idea which spooked me. But with a text to check he was alright, and that familiar of course :) coming back I considered that he wouldn't lie to me. Not after last time.
Would he?
I darted into the hospital feeling like a spy. If he was in here his Mother was an ex nurse, her friend or old patient was probably in here and she would be visiting. But then a wicked idea flashed before my eyes, maybe Lukas hadn't cut himself but it had been some surgical thing. I stopped my feet suddenly feeling foolish; what was i going to do? Scour the whole building for him listening out for his ringtone when I called. No; that was ridiculous. And so was the idea that he wasn't playing video games at home or Facebook stalking me as he always liked to do. I smiled, and as for those marks on his arms, they were definitely self inflicted, there was no surgery that would do that to you and I knew it.
I pulled out my phone just to check, no new messages. I had an uneasy feeling in the back of my mind though, I knew I was worrying about nothing. Hospitals had always made me nervous and uneasy, they weren't the nicest of places. They smelled so clean and sterile, it felt like walking inside the Michelin man with all the white walls, ceilings and floors. The air even tasted funny in here, I breathed with my mouth open and could practically taste th chemicals that kept the air clean. This place was clouding my judgement, I just had to get away from here.
I pushed my phone into my pocket, and then left the hospital jogging to get away from this place. The wind was cool and probably filled with bugs and chemicals that can cause you harm, but I didn't mind; that was normal. It tasted normal. The pollen from the flowers was going up my nose and making me sneeze, I made the decision to stop jogging (not just because I was absolutely shattered and breathing like a donkey on helium) but because the whoosh of my shoes through the plants was aggravating my hay-fever, that I almost never got. Just my luck.
"Riley?" I said jogging round the corner to where I knew he'd be sat. I knew that he was proud of me for finally doing something to stay in shape, although I really didn't need to. It didn't bother me if I went up to a size twelve on my hips, and I knew he wouldn't either. But I kept up the charade acting completely shattered and pretty much collpsing into the seat next to him. He raised one eyebrow.
"What?" I asked a bit annoyed to have not gotten a single applause from him. I felt like a dog being teased with a treat that then got taken away.
"I would have believed that act if you weren't carrying a designer handbag with tissue paper hanging out of it" God damn it, I smiled at my stupidity. So I'd stopped off at some shops, that didn't mean I hadn't been jogging, that just meant I'd taken a few breaks.
"Okay, so um... What have you been doing while I've been jogging?" Riley rolled his eyes, and then smiled bringing something out from behind his back. I looked at the little bag with a little uneasiness creeping back into my head. Was this a sweet gesture of adoration or was it a bribe to get me back in bed? I couldn't tell, and that scared me...
"I've been shopping too" He pushed the little bag along the table to me and then gestured for me to untie the pretty pink ribbon. I did so reluctantly, I wasn't letting him buy me if that's what he was thinking of. Inside the bag was the sweetest little golden bracelet I'd ever seen. I could hardly believe that he'd chosen it, Riley was not a jewellery kind of guy. I pulled it out, the bracelet was thin and delicate with my name engraved on it, and his on the other side. I smiled.
"Riley its beautiful, but we only got back together today. Its a bit soon, don't you think?" He looked at my hands as I carefully placed the chain and plate back into the gift wrapped bag and pushed it over to him.
"But we're official aren't we? Its not like people are gonna mind seeing my name on your wrist, I don't think its too soon for them Sophie" I looked at his completely clueless face, he totally had no idea what I meant. His dimness was cute if slightly frustrating.
"I meant me Riley, we're official but were not serious yet. I cant just pick up where we left off, I cant forget it even though I've forgiven you" He looked at his lap and then at my hands and he smiled. Then he pushed out his chair and left the box on the table. I picked it up, and ran after him. I couldn't believe he was doing this today. He was just reinforcing my point that after what happened we would never work together.
"Listen Sophie, I'm trying okay. And I cant forget what I did to you either. Do you think all this is easy for me? Its not like you don't come with a fair amount of baggage now is it? I try and be sweet, its wrong, I treat you like trash its wrong?!" I could hardly believe what he just said. Baggage; yeah I had baggage.Didn't mean he could have it though.
"If that's the way you feel then why are we even trying? If my baggage is too much for you to worry your pretty blond head about then don't, I'm sure there are plenty of nice guys out there who would love to be my boyfriend! In fact, I know one of them" I dropped the box on the floor at his feet, I didn't even feel sad, I felt proud. I was not letting him or any guy screw with my heart ever again. I couldn't do it...
"Sophie I'm sorry I didn't mean it!" He grabbed my arm and tugged making me face him. It reminded me slightly of the way Nicky had held my arm in America. Except there was no electricity anymore, could it be that that one argument had been enough to make me fall out of love with Riley.
"Riley I know you meant it, and I cant do this anymore. I really cant, and I'm sorry that I made you believe we could start it all up, but it seems that the only time we work is when there's some big drama and when nothing's happening you get bored. I don't want a guy who gets bored of me" I could see his facade of being a strong hard man fading showing me that innocent little boy that used to live at the end of my street all those years ago.
"Sophie please babe, don't do this to me, I love you!" People were staring at us now, he was properly yelling his love at me in the street. I could see the truth in his eyes.
"Riley, you were and always will be the first guy I fell in love with, but I just feel empty and drained all the time. All the letters and the drama, the whole thing with Imogen, My dad, America, everything: Its just not good for me" He seemed to be understanding now what I was saying. His eyes were brimming and as we'd quietened down people had begun to walk about and go on their ways.
"I really screwed this up didn't I?" He couldn't look at me. I felt guilty for making him think he wasn't good enough to look into my eyes.
"Yeah, you kinda did. But Riles you've been there my entire life and I will always be here for you. Just like I know you'll always be there for me" He looked at me and a small smile spread across his face. He honestly thought he was going to lose me forever and that I'd never talk to him again; a thought I couldn't even comprehend.
"Wanna go back to mine and watch a movie, I can invite Courtney and that lot" He shrugged and stopped walking. He had never really gotten on with my friends, but he'd never outwardly avoided them before.
"To be honest I'm gonna go talk to Imogen, I think I owe her an apology too" I nodded knowing he'd say sorry and jump in her pants. But oddly, that didn't bother me in the slightest.
I sent a group text to all the lost boys and Lukas inviting them to a movie day at mine in half an hour. I got their with fifteen minutes to spare and popped the popcorn in the microwave while I started to bring out plates of meat and cheese and crackers, along with pop and milkshake mix. I had it all set up on the table when the first doorbell rang. I ran to it and almost stopped breathing when I opened the door.
"Nicky?" I had a terrible feeling my love life was about to get a hell of a lot more difficult. Just seeing him made shivers run up my spine, and his face made me smile beyond anything I had done recently. I hugged him tight.
"Nicky, what are you doing here?" He smiled and I saw behind him my mum wrestling with two suitcases. I watched in horror as her gucci heel broke and her ankle twisted. Oh crap... she loved them shoes.
Nicky walked over and pulled the suitcases out of the car without a care in the world, he then lifted my mother up with one arm and I could see she was impressed by the way she looked at his arms.
"Sophie, I like this one. Much better than the Emo Boy or the missing link" My mother had referred to Riley as the missing link since she'd found out he'd cheated on me, apparently you'd have to have the brain of a Neanderthal to pick sex over a relationship with me. But she's my mom, she had to say things like that.
"Lukas was not an Emo mum, he was just troubled" Her eyes darted between me and Nicky, the way he was looking at me made me brim with pride.I worked it out that the real reason she'd gone to Manchester for the weekend was to get Nicky from the airport.
"The lost boys are coming round for movie day" I didn't ask, I commanded. Technically the house was mine until tonight, as she wasn't supposed to be coming back that early.
"I'm going shopping" She didn't even set foot in the house before she turned and drove off in her car. She officially hated the amount of noise we made, and the memories of all the carpets we'd ruined with our muddy feet.
"Welcome home Nicky" I smiled, we'd always joked about how my home would be his second if he lived closer. Now we could put that to the test.
"Why do you smell like sweets?" I asked incredulously.
"I ate five packets of Jelly-tots on the way here" He smiled cheekily and I laughed throwing my arms around his neck. He had no idea how good it felt to have him here now.