You don't have to come back in my life.
Just come back......that will do.
.
.
.
... a year ago... exactly five years ago from the present...
(Speaking Japanese)
"Wake up Jeong! The patient's mom is coming, you need to go." A nurse interrupted her sleep. Nayeon's room is on the fourth floor, the security guards at the entrance are their warning buzzer. They have been doing this for a year already. Jeongyeon make sure that Nayeon is treated like a VIP patient so she came every night.
"Ok, what time is it?"
"It's time for you to go home before they discover that a stranger in their knowledge is taking care of their daughter."
She tossed an ok sign while doing some light stretch.
"And give your dad a call. Dr. Yoo (Jeong's uncle/the owner of the hospital) instructed me to tell you."
"Shoot! Bye bye! Please take care of her for me."
"You don't have to inform us everytime. Geez, you're such a love sick ostrich! Your Japanese is getting better by the way."
"I know right kekeke... Wait! I forgot to kiss my sleeping beauty."
The nurse just rolled her eyes, it's not new to her sight. Like the usual, Jeongyeon gently kiss Nayeon's forehead but what came next is fully shocking. The bunny girl who has been sleeping for years, suddenly open her eyes.
"Nurse Takahashi, Nayeon is awake. Call the doctor, quick!"
.
.
.
'Few more days and you will go home. Congratulation Ms. Im.' Finally, I had been waiting to hear those sweet words for the last three months, my freedom is around the corner, I miss Canada but I miss Korea more, I can't wait to go home. I still couldn't believe that I slept for three years and survived the accident, but I couldn't believe further that my bratty Cubby is now a girl and nicer. Don't even ask me if I understood that XXXY syndrome without a glitch because I am not. All I know is that she's a boy and a girl at the same time. Her outside appearance looks like a girl, but her thing is still of a boy, let's end it like that, no more query. My brain still recovering some of my lost memories, exposing it to deep analysis is no good. I couldn't even remember what we were talking about before the accident happened, I tried to ask Cubby (Chaeng/Kameko) about it but she told me it's not important. I let it pass, she's probably right, it's nothing. But there's a question I can't forego, what does she look like, the anonymous friend I met months before the accident, when I was admitted to a hospital in Korea due to ulcer? Where are you now, kiddo? I know you visited me. And I know that it was you who kissed me. My eyes were blurry at that moment, so I didn't see your face clearly.
"But I'm proud of you kiddo, wherever you are. At last, you achieved being the bride of the sport you love." Nayeon is talking to the two gold medals in her hand as if it was the lazy reader friend she had met years ago. Jeongyeon left them secretly the night after she woke up, it was her congratulatory token for the bunny girl.
..............................
(Present time...)
[Still Feb. 13, the night when Chaeyoung lost her consciousness due to Hypnosis Cue in Chapter 11.]
"Stop killing yourself with 'what ifs' confess tomorrow or taste the bitterness everyday. You've wasted years of holding back, aren't you tired of smashing your fatigued heart? Are you going to wait until someone else steals your seat beside her? You've let the years pass like sand, I think it's enough time for you to admit. I'm assuring you, Nayeon likes you too."
Stamped on her memory three years ago, that advice from Jihyo was edging around her cognizant every now and then. Everytime her coward self appeals to press the Stop button, she used her friend's input as a motivational pill to go for the green one, to push the Go button exposing her feelings to Nayeon but...
"Hello Jeongie.... you still there?"
"Hmmm..."
The only replied her throat can dribble at the moment. She's having a clash controlling her aching heart, which could be discerned from her strangulated and wobbly tone. She didn't want the other line to hear her cries.
A few more tickles of minute hand from the clock will set a new date in the calendar. A date which is special for people with united hearts, a date known as Heart's Day by others and Valentine's Day by many. It was supposed to be a special day too for the short haired girl, she is ready to confess, prepares every inch of her confidence but the bunny girl ruined it again, fencing her guts.
"So what's your answer, he's asking me for a date tomorrow, should I say yes?"
Nayeon is half-wit, an inclusive idiot of the burnt smell she caused on Jeongyeon's roasted heart by asking that sullen question. The latter is helpless but to cover her mouth with her shaking hand, muting herself from howling, howling the pain inside her chest. It was past midnight, no neighbor can be grateful for the sound of her weeps. She then ended the call, rudeness is not on her vocabulary, but her crushed heart cannot swallow the capsule of pain formulated by her bestfriend. She has to do it or with zero doubt, the person on the other line can eavesdrop her bawling.
Since when, you become too good at wrecking the smile in my lips?
Jeongyeon whispers with a hopeless tear travel on her face. It was meant for the passing wind that seems deaf with the echoes of her broken heart.
The phone rang again, however she's too lifeless to attend it, she let it ring for many times before she wears another disguise. But instead of answering the call, she sends a text message giving a lame excuse to her bestfriend.
(Jeong)
Sorry I have to charge the phone, the battery is getting low and I'm having a sore throat too, perhaps the cold weather is to blame.
(Nayeon)
Arasso, I thought you hung up on purpose, teasing me again kekeke....
(Jeong)
Pabo, of course not.
(Nayeon)
Aish Ostrich! Anyway, what should I do?
(Jeong)
It's up to you...
The short haired lass didn't know that sending a simple text requires a brutal decision for her unfortunate heart. It's like she throws her most wanted gift on the cliff of death.
(Jeong)
I'm tired....
I'm tired of loving you, the YOU who can never be mine.
(Those words are sealed in her lips forever.)
...good night bunny...
She sends the last message without waiting for Nayeon's reply. She doesn't know the reason, but the bunny girl didn't send a text back. She placed her phone or more precisely tossed her phone on the small table beside her bed and cuddles her favorite cushion trying to oscillate the ache, but those liquids flooding on her pair of sight are bragging the reverse.
I'm sorry my pillow, but you have to catch all my tears again, tonight...
She mumbles between her sobs with her eyes both shuts. The music of silence dancing under breezy air increases the loads of her emotions. She learned to hate the calm melody of the atmosphere, it's too quiet that she could hear every drop of her tears on her inert softy friend called a pillow.
Sleep now, Yoo Jeongyeon, there's nothing new tomorrow. Your Valentine's Day is just another gray day in the mournful sky.
Another buckle of murky fluid cascades on the corner of her eye as she's shushing herself onto dreamland. Minutes had elapsed, but forcing your clouded mind to sleep is similar to asking your heart to stop beating for someone you can't have, it's an absolute vain, so the glum girl is helpless but to get out of her bed.
She sits on her favorite area of the room, the big windowpane, where she can peep the scenery of the lonely moon above and the serene path of their subdivision below. No soul could be detected on the road, it's too tranquil and the classic lampposts on every house add its depressing effect. Some fallen snows appending more... her sorrow. She hugs her knees as the chilly wind of misery is occupying her soulless body. Watching every detail of the landscape her eyes can spot beneath became a habit of hers, as boring as it jingles.
She pinned me in the friend zone for so long that it became my second home. Feels like I accommodate a mortal enemy in my safe refuge. I hate it, but I got used to it. That's what is left so I have no choice but to embrace it. Do they really think I wasted those years not trying to tell her, exactly how I feel? They're absolutely wrong. I did try more than what my mind can recall, but for each time she slapped me with the statement 'I'm excited to be a mom, someday.' Those words linger in my sorry heart as if it was constructed yesterday and it kept all my attempts in silence.
Everytime she brags about other guys, I had to wear a clown face to cover the blue moon in my eyes. She's blind and clumsy, blind to see my twinge and clumsy to realize the million times she crushed my heart on the ground.
.
.
.
***blahhggg***
Jeongyeon was trying to find a certain video record of her first championship game on the top shelves near her TV set to appease her brokenness when a small box fell. A box containing all the webtoons she bought from Nayeon (Chap 8.2). The wrappers are still intact because she didn't open them.
Your so pabo Nayeon, you didn't even realize that you wrapped the same webtoon everytime. I was trying to give you a clue about me, but you're so clueless.
The webtoons were all entitled 'The Order', the story of Mr. Joe and the cashier girl. She bought them every Friday and has 8 copies of them, symbolizing a special day and time. It was Friday and 8 a.m. when Nayeon woke up from comatose. After so many years of keeping them in a small box, untouched, Jeongyeon finally decided to open one, only then she discovered the messages of Nayeon five years ago.
"Fuckk me!!! I keep calling her pabo but I'm the real pabo here! AISHHH!! She annoyed me before because she thought I had neglected her first. PABO JEONGYEON PABBBOOOO!!! I have to see her, I need to explain."
Just as when she thought the mystery was uncovered, another one emerged. Nayeon did not tell her the real ending of Mr. Joe's story, it wasn't a happy finale all along.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"The Order"
One day, a handsome old man in his fifties named Mr. Joe visits an old cafeteria. The new hired eighteen year's old pretty cashier girl is the one attending him.
(First day)
Cashier Girl: May I take your order, Sir?
Mr. Joe: lliw uoy
The cashier girl was taken aback by the odd reply, but remained civil.
Cashier Girl: Sorry Sir, we don't have a beverage like that, how about another drink?
Mr. Joe just smiled at her and drifted away. The girl was left dumbfounded.
(Second day)
Cashier Girl: Do you need anything Sir?
Mr. Joe: yrram em
Again, the cashier girl is surprised.
Cashier Girl: I'm really sorry Sir, but we really don't have beverage with that name.
Mr. Joe smiled and drifted away for the second time, the girl was once again dumbfounded.
(Third day)
Cashier Girl: It's him again, what kind of strange drink, he'll order this time? Good morning Sir, may I know your order?
Mr. Joe: reverse them... all the previous ones I ordered and let me know if you can give me my order, I'll come back tomorrow for your answer.
Mr. Joe smiled and left like the last time. The girl quickly took a piece of paper and reverse all the letters per word as she understands the instruction. She's smart enough to know what he means.
lliw uoy = will you
yrram em = marry me
Will you marry me?
Her jaw dropped and mind in a complete mess.
(Fourth day)
The Cashier Girl didn't talk initially, but her orbs are staring directly at his face. Mr. Joe smiled, his eyes are sparkling with admiration. Finally, she found her courage to speak.
Cashier Girl: Why?
Mr. Joe: I'm old, lonely and no one will inherit my wealth once I died. If you marry me, all of them will be yours. You will live in luxury for the rest of your life.
Cashier Girl: But why me?
Mr. Joe: Just because.
Cashier Girl: I'm sorry, I can't marry you.
Mr. Joe: That's not the order I want. I will wait until my order arrives. Good morning.
Everyday, for the past five months, the old man visits her in the café and for each time, she rejected him. On the last day of the month, Mr. Joe handed her a gold ring. It is simple and the color is worn out. Obviously it is a fake gold ring, one that was bought years ago. The girl was suddenly curious about it. Mr. Joe is indeed a powerful business tycoon, she did her research before, so how come a rich man like him gives her an old and fake gold ring?
Mr. Joe: That was the first property I bought from my first salary when I was a poor guy. I promise to give it to the one I love.
When he said the last statement, a tear slips in his eye, it breaks her heart that she almost brush the gloomy liquid away from his cheek.
Mr. Joe: I miss you so much...
His tears keep flowing in his face. Maybe the girl was so broken that she replied.
Cashier Girl: I will marry you
She took the ring and wear it.
******Nayeon excluded this part *******
The girl was waiting for Mr. Joe to finally smile, but his gloomy visage remained in a river of tears. The next line he spilled shatters her.
Mr. Joe: All the things I did for you were the things I wish I did for your mom. I could have asked her to marry me when I had the chance. But I was a coward who couldn't even say hello to her. I was there when she was walking the aisle with your dad. I was in the hospital when she was giving birth to you, praying that you're both safe. And I was there in the cemetery of her burial. It took me 27 years to confess, unfortunately, I'm saying it through her daughter.
The End
Moral of the story: Second chance is not for everyone.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Why did you lie to me about the story of Mr. Joe, bunny unnie?
Shocked, Nayeon spends vast amounts of tick tocks in the clock before she gain her awareness back. She double checked the phone number. The text was without a doubt came from Jeongyeon, a message sending the revelation about the real identify of the friend she called Kiddo. It's past 2 a.m. yet she can't sleep thinking how to bear the ache of seeing her friend of mine the whole day, broken hearted because of a certain ballerina who turned out to be the forgotten girlfriend of her favorite dongsaeng. But this unexpected confession builds a twist on what's gonna happen in the morning. Why she didn't realize it, all this time? Is she that oblivious or too occupied with her one-sided love?
You are kiddo? She asked, biting her lip nervously. It was just a text reply soliciting a confirmation from the other line, but it makes her heartbeats pounding in haywire.
You're not answering my question Im Nayeon. I said, why did you lie to me about the story of Mr. Joe?
Is she mad? She used my full name so it means she is. Otokke! This is such a wrong timing. Why tonight, why it has to be tonight when she's broken? Mianhae Jeongie but there's no point in telling an excuse when I am caught red-handed.
Because a friend who called herself a loser won't appreciate to hear another tragic story in this life. I had no more funny story to tell you that night, but in order to cheer you up, I sorted to create one even though it means cutting the real ending. I'm sorry, u mad? Her anxious heart is producing invisible sweats. Making Jeongyeon mad is the most terrible that will happen tonight, knowing the girl is surfing in the sea of pain right now. Pitiful, Nayeon is obtuse of the actual cause of her friend of mine's agony.
I'm glad you did :D The bunny girl blows the loudest sigh in relief. Don't worry, your version remained my favorite. Even if I had to believe that Little Mermaid really lost her shoe kekeke...
Yaaah Kiddo! Pabo Ostrich!!!
Here comes the childish banter in 3, 2, 1... Nayeon is expecting a fed-up retort but...
Let's date.
Her soul left, re-reading the two words for string of seconds like it was a trigonometry problem with only one solution that requires ridiculous analysation. In the end, she reached a salty conclusion in her mind.
For your information Yoo Jeongyeon, my name is Im Nayeon, not Myoui Mina. You are not Mr. Joe, stop confessing to a proxy. Let her loves you silently, even if the pain is crippling her heart seeing your smile meant for someone that she can't be.
She's hurt, feels like her friend of mine dropped another needle in her dying-lonely heart. Yes, she loves her so much, but she still has the respect for herself. Nayeon permits her emotion to take over that she carelessly admitted her feelings over a text message. This was not the confession she dreamed, in fact, she planned to keep it on her deathbed. But she was too late to take back her admission, leaving the only option she can commit at the moment, turning off her phone and throw it on the lamp table beside her bed then cry. She sloppily sobs in her pillow, she doesn't care if she's found dead out of dehydration tomorrow. She has to let it out, the frustration and all the aches she hides for many years in a form of the liquids soaking her mournful face ... those tears.
.
.
.
**knock knock ** Nayeon lifted her head to verify if she heard it correctly.
Did someone knock on my door? It's impossible at this hour. Her parents are out of town and her cousin in the next room is a heavy sleeper to consider a culprit.
**knock knock knock**
This time, those gentle sounds sufficiently answered her question. Whoever is on the other side of the door was thoughtful not to disturb the sleeping soul in the next room. The behavior of the knocker gives her an idea to know who it is, Jihyo. Jeongyeon might have told her about their situation and she's here to give an advice. Their Thomas looking friend is selfless to slack her sleeping hours when it comes to this matter. Plus, Jihyo has a spare key of their residence so it makes sense that she has the access. Nayeon is convinced that it was Jihyo, causing her reddish swollen eyes to widen upon knowing the real perpetrator. It was...
"Jeongyeon." She mutters in the middle of her stun.
Her eyes are as gloomy, ruddy (red), and bloated like hers. She even has a rosy nose due to cold. The winter coat hugging her body is not enough to console her shivers. If this is their usual convention, the bunny girl could have offered her a warm hug but she just stood there frozen, waiting for the tall girl to break first the invisible cold barrier in between. However, Nayeon can't maintain her mouth shush, knowing how dangerous it is for someone to prowl the street alone, especially if that someone is her dear friend of mine.
"For God's sake Jeongyeon, it's almost 2 a.m., why did you still come here?! It's so cold outside, look at you, you're a mess!" She kept her voice in minimal but the disappointment is incontestable.
The tall lass on her opposite consumed the deafening silence with nothing. But Nayeon could tell that she wanted to say something, her eyes are conveying an emotion she can't pinpoint yet. Are they dejected, hesitant, vivid or lost? It was hard for her to describe a feeling when the owner herself is adamant to parted her lips and express what it is.
"If you don't have anything to say then I will close the door. Don't go home, it's risky, sleep in the guest room."
And she shut the door without waiting for Jeongyeon's response, but before she can even flops her body on the bed, she heard another sequence of knocks. Annoyed, as she's ready to squeeze the door knob and about to yell at her, the note under the door postponed everything.
It was the first note she attached in the webtoon that Jeongyeon bought five years ago. She remembers how anxious and animated she was writing it. The fragrance of the scented paper nuzzling her nose is as fresh as it was yesterday, yet the color gives the detail of yesteryear.
Hi! My name is Im Nayeon :D
What's yours? 010-******
Her heart might be jaded with so much trouble at the moment, but this old message of hers aided a bit for Nayeon to liberate a smile on her lips. There was a new message written beneath the folded part as her inquisitive orbs ambled (wandered) on the said piece.
I'm Yoo Jeongyeon XD
010-**** (Jeongyeon wrote her old number)
This Ostrich! She only replied after many years.
The second note came next and one by one Jeongyeon passed them under the door.
Maybe you haven't read the first one so I'll introduce myself again. My name is Nayeon. How about you? 010-******
______________
Pardon, if it took me five years to read the first one. I am a fool who bought webtoons without the intention on reading or unwrapping them. Mianhae bunny unnie... 010-****
(3rd Note)
Hello this is my third note, if I am nuisance to you please tell me. 010-******
______________
Not just nuisance, you're stubborn, clumsy and whiny bunny girl, but I'd prefer to stay with you than letting you go. 010-******
(4th Note)
Knock Knock! Is anybody home? All I want is friendship. 010-******
______________
The friendship door is closed, but the other door is open, you may proceed to the lover's door Ms. Im.
The once timid beam creeping on her face is now extended to a wide grin. She's now starting to get the picture.
(5th Note)
Tsk! Fine! This will be my last note. Sorry for the trouble. 010-******
______________
Yes, you're trouble, my favorite trouble. 010-******
(6th Note)
Aish! Yah! You're so mean! Even reverse psychology doesn't work on you. Stop giving me cold treatment. 010-******
______________
Sorry, I didn't know. Can I offer you a lukewarm embrace, annoying bunny? 010-******
(7th Note)
I really don't know how to approach you. You might look cold, but I know your heart is warm. 010-******
______________
I'm warm? Maybe because it was you kekeke...
She chuckled. It's really Yoo Jeongyeon, the kiddo.
(8th Note)
I hate you... 010-******
The last note has an empty respond, wanted to ask why, she opened the door quickly, only to receive a webtoon on her hand.
"Page 9, line 4." Jeongyeon commanded in poker face. Although Nayeon wanted to know what's going on, she still follows.
I hate you too, but I guess I love you more.
That was what's written there. It was a line said by one of the characters in the webtoon. The tall lass even used a marker to erase some text of the whole line.
"You are right, I am not Mr. Joe and I will never be one, because I am now declaring my intent in front of the girl whom I am in love with, for so long. You are not a proxy Im Nayeon, you are the original criminal who can make this heart of mine melted with your sunshine smile."
"What makes you think that I will believe your cheesy line, when your favorite pastime is to mock and annoy me everytime?" Nayeon asked, teasing.
"Why do you think I do that?"
"Because you love making fun of..."
Jeongyeon cuts her off.
"Because I love getting your attention, as well as your affection more than anyone else."
"Idiot, you should have told me in the first place. I wasted so many tears because of you. Tsk!"
"You're more idiot, how can I confess when you keep shushing me with your dream, that you want a biological child?"
"Yah! You're the most idiot! How long has it been, when I mentioned it?"
"Two years ago! Ohh shi.." Jeongyeon dropped her jaw upon the comprehension.
"See? Since two years ago I stopped mentioning it because I realized that I love you more than my dream. Now who's more idiot between us?"
"Yaahh! How can I realize it when you're not giving me clues?"
"Aish Yoo Jeongyeon! Are we going to banter here or kiss me instead?"
In a swift, the tall girl pulled Nayeon and conquers her lips. Finally, after so many years, they admitted their feelings towards each other.
..............................
(Somewhere...)
Please smile on the first day you visit my grave. Kimi wo aishiteru ******
"Hey, what's wrong? Why are you crying?" Sejeong asked her friend who suddenly sobs after reading the message written on a piece of paper locked inside a pendant.
to continue....
**************************
Do you somehow getting the big picture my beloved readers? Analyze fellow, analyze... kekeke...