I stood back stage, my eyes shut tightly as I listened to the shouts from the crowd on the other side of the curtain. It was the first day of Austin's tour, and also the first day of the rest of my life. No one knew of my plan, not even Camila, but it had been eating at the back of my mind for days. I stood alone now, preparing for the moment that would change my life forever. My heart had been beating rapidly all morning, all through the afternoon, and up to that very point. I felt a soft hand on my shoulder and whipped around, meeting Camila's sparkling brown eyes and an equally as sparkling white smile.
"What are you doing?" she asked. "We still have half an hour before we go on stage."
"I know," I nodded. "I just needed a second to myself."
"Is everything alright?" she worried. "You look pale."
I swallowed hard and searched the backstage area, watching to make sure no one was around before gripping Camila's wrist and pulling her to the exit door at the very back of the room.
"Where are we going?" she demanded.
I ignored her, continuing to pull her around the back of the building and to a fire escape out of sight. She took one good look at the structure and raised her eyebrow at me, communicating the silent question of why the hell I'd taken her there to begin with.
"I need to talk to you," I told her.
"Is everything okay?" she pressed. "It's nothing bad, is it?"
"No, of course not. I just need to get some things off my chest."
A simple nod was my cue to continue to the top. I climbed up and up with Camila following close behind, and after an incredibly lengthy climb, we finally reached the top. I brushed the dust off my white pants and held out my hand for Camila to take as she appeared at the top of the ladder. She climbed over with one swift movement and reclaimed her rightful place by my side, following me to the edge of the building where I took a seat on the concrete.
"Should we be up here?" she wondered, taking a seat next to me.
"Who cares?" I chuckled. "I mean, come on, we've stolen a car before and you're worried about being on a roof?"
"We didn't technically steal the car," she argued. "We gave it back when we were done."
"And we'll go back downstairs when we're done up here. I just need to talk to you."
She shifted around so that she was in front of me and picked up both of my hands, watching me curiously as I prepared to speak. I had so much to say and so little time. There were so many things that I wanted to communicate to her, and I wasn't sure how I could fit it all into one sentence.
"Do you remember the night that you came out to talk to me on the porch when we were at Ally's lake house?" I asked.
"Of course," she laughed.
"Yeah, well, that was the point that I kind of gave up hope," I admitted. "We still weren't together but there was something there, and the whole time you were talking to me, I just kept silently wishing that you'd slip up and admit that you still had feelings for me, but then we almost kissed and the second you found an excuse to run away, you did."
"I was nervous," she defended. "I wanted to kiss you but I panicked."
"Right, well, I was thinking about that recently," I continued. "I was thinking about how ridiculous the amount of effort we both put forth to keep that little spark alive was, when all we really had to do was be truthful with each other and admit that we had never fallen in love. For a while there, I thought I'd lost you for good, but here we are because we finally grew up."
She eyed me curiously for a moment, a look somewhere between confusion and interest on her face.
"What are you trying to say?" she asked.
"I'm saying...let's not waste any more time," I sighed. "I don't want any more nights where we can't admit that we love each other, and I know in my heart we won't have any more, but let's not get to the point where we might. I don't want to go for almost a year without holding you, or when I do, holding you in vain. I have you back, and I don't want to waste any more time thinking otherwise. All we've done so far is waste time, but the thing is, we enjoyed it. I mean, is time that we enjoyed wasting really wasted time? I've loved every second I've had with you from the moment I laid eyes on you to this moment right here, right now. For so many years all we've done is hide. We've hidden from fans and from family and from the girls, and even from each other, but I don't want to do that anymore, Camz. I want to show you off. I want to hold you proudly and, with a smile on my face, say, "Yep, that's my girl." Because you are. You're everything to me. You're my whole world and nothing less than that. From this point forward, there's no more pretending. There are no more games. No more arguments. I just want to love you, Camz, and I do. I love you, and I know you love me, and that's how it should be. Let's keep it that way."
She smiled, but the look of confusion that she wore never vanished.
"Why are you telling me all of this?" she asked.
I just shrugged. "I guess you'll have to find out later."
She looked as though she was going to protest, but she never did. Instead, she leaned forward and pressed her lips to mine, communicating a silent, "Okay," and sweeping me off my feet yet again. She turned around once she pulled away and backed up into my arms so that we could both look out at the sunset sinking below the horizon. So many sunsets had passed during our time together, and although they marked the ending of each day, this one marked the beginning of a new chapter.
"Can you believe how far we've come?" Camila laughed, shaking her head in disbelief. "All of us. The group, you and me, everyone."
"To think it's only been two years," I nodded. "If two years can be this crazy, imagine what the future holds."
"I'm excited."
"I am too," I agreed.
I used to dread the future. I was terrified to grow up, to get older and watch as my life passed me by, but now, I actually had something to watch. If my life was really going to flash before my eyes when I died one day like the legend claimed, I knew I would have one hell of a story to watch.
...
I was backstage once again, only this time I had my four closest friends by my side. Camila's hand was in mine where it belonged and everything was right again. Despite all the troubles we'd faced over the past two years, Fifth Harmony was on our way to taking over the world. So much had changed.
Ally, my biggest support system when I needed someone to talk to, was nowhere close to the same girl that she was when I met her two years earlier, but somehow, she hadn't let fame change her. All insecurities aside, she was our rock. She kept the sun shining when the threat of rain loomed overhead. She looked out for us. She comforted us when we were down, and she made us smile even when we didn't need to. The shy, petite girl that existed on the X Factor so many years earlier was no where to be found. Maybe she hadn't grown in height, but her heart had more than doubled in size.
Normani, who barely had a thing to say in the beginning, was now hard to keep quiet, but that was the way we liked it. There was never a dull moment when she was around. She was always enlightening us with her jokes that were so unfunny, we ended up doubled over from laughing so hard at her attempts. She walked with a certain fierceness that carried the whole group. She lifted us onto a pedestal but kept us grounded at the same time.
Dinah, who at first was soft-spoken and unsure of herself, was now loud and confident and praised each and every one of us every chance we got. She stood up for us. She put us in our places when we were wrong but gave us a shoulder to cry on when we needed someone. Although she was sometimes the reason for our misbehavior in the first place, she was the reason we stayed focus. Her determination had followed her through the years. She gave us a reason to push forward. To hope.
Camila, well, I wasn't quite sure where to begin with her. I still remembered the first time I ever spoke to her, how she was so shy and timid, but I could see something there. I could see a part of her that wanted to break out of her shell, that wanted to be free and allow her to be happy with herself, and she'd finally done that. Now, when she danced, she didn't care who was watching. She sang her heart out no matter who was listening. She smiled her crooked smile that she hated so much at one point, and she laughed at her own jokes when no one else would, and that was okay, because we knew she was happy and that made us happy. She showed us that just because things got tough sometimes, it didn't mean nothing would ever change. She showed me that there was always a reason to keep fighting.
Me? I wasn't quite sure where I fell on that list. I had never been good with judging myself or placing myself next to anyone else, but if I hoped to fall anywhere in the girls' lives, it was in the part that kept them on earth. I'd started my journey with so much pride. Not one time did the thought, "I can't do it," cross my mind. I knew I could, and I did, but I realized along the way that I was not the only one that mattered. The journey wasn't easy. It was exhausting, and my split with Camila nearly broke me, but I pushed on, and I never forgot who I really was. I spoke up and I cried and I laughed and I realized it was okay to feel things- I was only human- and I hoped that somewhere along the way, the girls had realized that too. God only knew that they'd taught me lessons that I'd never forget.
There we were, about to perform the first show of our next tour, and we still knew in the back of our minds that it wouldn't be the last. This was only the beginning for greater adventures ahead. We'd started as five different girls from all over: Normani, from Atlanta and then New Orleans and then Houston, Ally, from San Antonio, Dinah from Santa Ana, Camila from all the way in Cojimar, Cuba, and myself from Miami. We had no ties to each other. We didn't even know of each other's existence until the X Factor, but none of us had any idea that we would become a family. This was for life.
I'd wasted so much time trying to convince people that what they said never bothered me, but it had. The original rumors that haunted me before I knew that I was deeply in love with Camila had hurt me to the point where I'd let her go. I didn't want to believe them. I wanted to be who I always thought I was, but I realized that I didn't really know that until I'd hit rock bottom and discovered what meant the most to me. If this was forever, it was time for me to admit that all of those people were right. If I'd learned anything, it was that it was okay to be wrong. I was wrong, and with the introduction of a brand new chapter in my life- in our lives- it was time to make things right.
I heard the announcement of our name through the speaker and braced myself. This was the moment that would change my life forever, and I just prayed that it would be worth it. Camila let go of my hand as she'd done so many times before so that all of the faces in the crowd couldn't see us together, and then we were on stage. Each step felt like it was in slow motion. I heard the screams from the crowd. I felt the vibrations of the bass through the speakers. I felt Camila break away from me and walk to her end of the stage, and I watched as everyone took their positions. I looked around at the four girls who meant the most to me. My best friends, my sisters, and the girl I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, and I brought the microphone up to my lips.
"Wait," I said over the start of the music. "Hold on, before we start..."
The music cut off and I stepped forward. I could feel everyone's eyes on the back of my head, but I just smiled. The crowd was silent, listening. I took a deep breath, and that was that.
"Hey, everyone," I said. "Camila and I have an announcement to make..."
To be continued...