July, 2014
I sat on the couch in my apartment, Camila's head in my lap as I ran my fingers through her dark locks. We'd officially moved back in together and alerted the girls that we were once again an item, and all the free time we'd been receiving was more than enough time to make up for the months we'd lost when we were separated. We'd been on countless dates, but more often than not we found ourselves hidden away in the comfort of the apartment, cuddled up on the couch with movie marathons playing on the flat screen overhead. I was happy no matter what we did, and just laying with her was more than enough for me.
There was a forceful knock on our front door, followed by a, "Hey, open up!" from Dinah on the other side. Camila got up to answer the door and I turned around to face the entryway, anxious to find out what the news was. She barely got the door open before Dinah burst inside, carrying her laptop over to the island in the kitchen and waving us over.
"What's going on?" Camila asked.
"You guys need to see this," she answered frantically.
We joined her in the kitchen and waited as she fervently typed in the address. She pulled up YouTube and quickly typed into the search bar, pulling up a variety of different videos and clicking the first one titled, "Austin Mahone Addresses Camila Cabello Dating Rumors."
"Why is this the first I'm hearing of this?" Camila wondered aloud.
"Just watch," Dinah insisted.
She pressed play and the sound spilled through the speakers, clouding my thoughts and the air around us as Austin's voice became audible. He was situated in front of an interviewer on the red carpet, speaking of music related topics when the conversation suddenly switched to none other than my girlfriend.
"So, rumor has it you've been spending a little time with Fifth Harmony's Camila Cabello," the interviewer told him.
"Kind of," Austin shrugged. "I haven't seen her in a while."
"What does that mean? Is there a romance brewing?"
"I don't know," he laughed. "I mean, yeah...she's cute. I like her."
Dinah paused the video and turned around to face us, concern evident in her expression.
"What's the big deal?" I questioned, missing the point by miles. "All he did was call her cute. He's just stating what everyone already knows."
"No, Lo, he said there was a romance brewing," she clarified.
"Dinah, it's not-"
"'Is there a romance brewing between you?' she repeated from the interviews. "'Yeah, she's cute...I like her.' He admitted he likes her."
"What's the problem?" Camila asked. "It's not like I'm going to see him any time soon."
I nodded in agreement and Dinah dropped her gaze to the ground by her feet, too afraid to look either of us in the eye.
"Actually..." she started.
"What?" I demanded quickly. "Actually what?"
"You haven't heard?"
"Dinah, what's going on?" Camila pressed. "Just say it already."
"We're...going on tour with him," she informed us.
My jaw dropped to the ground and Camila ran a nervous hand through her hair. The prospect of his crush on her didn't weigh so heavily when the two of us were together, tucked away in the safety of our apartment, but going on the road with him for several months was a whole different story. I knew his true intentions despite his admitted "crush."
"Okay, so what?" Camila sighed. "It's not like he's going to try anything. I told him I don't like him."
"Camz, it's Austin we're talking about here," I reminded her. "He'll play any girl that he can get his hands on."
"He's not going to get his hands on me."
"He's going to try," Dinah argued.
"And he's going to fail," Camila concluded. "I'm not excited about being with him practically twenty-four-seven, but there's not much that he can get away with if we don't let him, right?"
"I can't promise that I won't lose my cool if he tries to make a move on you," I warned.
She took both of my hands in hers and smiled supportively, showing that she was grateful for my protectiveness even though I knew I could be annoying at times. It came naturally. Camila was mine and if anyone else tried to touch her, I knew I would become angry. I wasn't possessive, just proud to call her my girlfriend.
"You'll be fine," she assured me. "You don't have to worry about anything. I love you, not Austin. As far as I'm concerned, he's not even on the tour, okay? It's you and me and it always will be. No one else is going to come between us."
"I know, I just can't get the memory of that night out of my mind," I told her. "It was so hard watching you two together and then hearing that he didn't even care about you in the end. Now here we are...and I can't imagine what he'll do or say now that he actually has feelings for you."
"For the record, he has feelings for like twenty different girls," Dinah chimed in.
"See?" Camila chuckled. "He's not serious. There's nothing to worry about."
I nodded in an attempt to halt the conversation. I wanted to believe her, but I knew Austin well enough despite only having a few short encounters to know that his intentions probably hadn't cleared up since the last time we met. I had a feeling he would do everything in his power win Camila over, and I knew I had to stop him before I lost her again.
...
I shut the door to my bedroom to call it an early night, exhausted from the long flight back to Miami. We'd received time off as we always did before a tour, and I couldn't have been any happier to be home. I'd spent the majority of the day with my family at the beach, hopping around to different shops and catching a bite to eat on the pier. It felt nice to be home and have the warm Miami sun on my back, and I was dreading the following day when I'd have to pack up and return to Los Angeles. Every time I went home, I aways found myself wishing I could stay. I loved living in LA, but the prospect of another tour was already stressing me out, and it didn't help that Austin would be there for the entire ride. I tried so hard to push the idea out of my mind all day, attempting to convince myself that I was just being over-protective, but even I knew that wasn't the case. I had one intention only, and that was to make sure Camila knew how much she meant to before Austin had the chance to take my place. I knew she wouldn't just drop me in the blink of an eye, but I had a feeling his smooth charm and picture perfect smile could swipe her away easily, even if it was against her will.
I barely had time to make contact with my mattress before a quiet knock on my window echoed through my room. My attention snapped to the sound and I found Camila on the other side, waving happily from the balcony and sporting her goofiest grin. I rolled my eyes light-heartedly and relieved myself of my position to unlock the window, pulling it open and allowing her inside. She stumbled through and met me with a warm embrace, pecking my lips quickly before taking both of my hands.
"Hi," she smiled.
"You couldn't bear to be away from me for two days?" I chuckled.
"Of course not. It's very rare that we have an opportunity to be alone without the girls. I love them but damn, I need space too...just with you."
"Do your parents know you're here?" I asked.
"No," she admitted. "Sofi's staying with a friend and they went out for the night, so I figured I'd sneak out and visit you."
She released her hold on me and skipped over to my bed, throwing herself on top of it and holding out her arms for me to join her. I climbed on as well and she immediately wrapped around me, her head on my chest and one leg draped over both of mine. Even after all that time we still fit together like two pieces of a puzzle, and the feeling of her body against mine was enough to cause my skin to burn with desire wherever we made contact. It wasn't a lustful desire, but rather a desire to stay just like that for the rest of eternity.
"How was your day?" she questioned.
"Not bad," I shrugged. "Yours?"
"Pretty good. I mostly just played with Sofi."
"How is she?" I wondered.
"Big," she chuckled. "She asked about you."
"Did you give her the wedding details?" I joked.
"Yeah, she offered to be the flower girl. Chris can be the best man."
"I can imagine that now," I laughed. "He'd do everything in his power to humiliate us."
I felt her laugh against me and relished in the way it felt, how her happiness surged through me and lit up the entire night with ease. We stayed like that for hours, talking about nothing and then reverting to deeper topics when she would allow her thoughts to get the better of her. It seemed like I just fell harder with every word that left her lips. I knew I was in love with her, but I always assumed being in love would be like it was in movies- the sunset walks on the beach, the ability to wipe away every problem with a single sentence and a love song, the expensive dates and fancy restaurants- but it wasn't like that at all. In fact, it was better. Sometimes it was hard and I'd let it get the better of me at one point, but that was the beauty of it all. Even after I'd given up, we still found our way back to each other. It wasn't all rainbows and sunshine and fun and games, but it was enough. I saw the sunsets with her, but I saw them reflected in her eyes rather than on the surface of the water. There were days when I felt like I couldn't even get through to her, both of our stubbornness wearing us down until we had to relocate to separate rooms to get our heads on straight, but we always worked it out. We treated each other with gifts and nice meals and nights out, but the real meaning of our love for each other wasn't in things, but in the moments we shared. I found myself completely mesmerized by her in the strangest of times, especially now when I couldn't even see her face, but I could still see the light in her eyes as she spoke about her passions. I could hear her smile in her voice every time she rambled on and I felt my heart grow heavy when her tone dropped as she spoke of distant memories, but that was what I loved about listening to her voice. There was never a dull moment. I remembered the conversation we had at the diner that night so many years ago, how she'd told me she liked to listen to sad songs when she was happy and happy songs when she was sad to feel every emotion. She was my song, her voice music to my ears, and I felt everything as I listened to her. I felt her words coursing through my veins and keeping my heartbeat alive. I was in love with her and the idea of forever.
She sighed and repositioned herself so that she could look into my eyes, her tired smile giving way to what was about to come. I knew this point of the night would arrive eventually. I could tell it was gnawing away at both of us, and it was only a matter of time before one of us decided to address the issue.
"Do you think Austin really likes me?" she asked.
"Yeah," I admitted. "You're hard not to like."
"But do you think he'll actually act on it? Like, do you think he'll ask me out?"
"He'd be crazy if he didn't," I sighed. "If I was in his position, I'd try to win you over until my heart gave out."
"Good thing you're not in his position," she chuckled. "I don't think I'd be able to live with myself if your heart gave out from my lack of affection."
I smiled and pressed my lips to her forehead, kissing her several times and running my fingers through her hair out of habit.
"He doesn't even know we're together," she added after several minutes. "No one does, actually, except for the girls."
She suddenly sprung off of me as I got an idea, but the prominent footsteps bounding up the stairs signaled the end of our moment, but not the end of our night. She ran to the window and pulled it open, stepping onto the balcony and leaning back inside to kiss me. I lingered for as long as I could but she eventually broke the contact, hurrying over the ledge as the footsteps approached my bedroom door.
"We'll pick this up later," she promised.
Then she was over the side of the railing and presumably on her feet below. I didn't rush out to make sure she was on her way, but instead stayed glued to the floor as my mother entered the room. She scanned the area and her sights landed on me, a curios expression plastered on her face.
"Who were you talking to?" she asked.
"Myself," I lied.
"Okay..." she nodded. "Why's your window open?"
"Fresh air."
"Are you okay?" she worried. "You're acting strange."
"I'm fine, just tired," I assured her.
"Okay, well try to get some rest. I don't want you sleeping all day and wasting our final day together tomorrow."
I nodded and she slowly backed out of the room, but a crash below the balcony grabbed her attention again. Camila must have knocked something over in her attempt to escape unnoticed. My mom rushed through the room and over to the window, peering over the edge to scan the scene.
"Mom, wait," I begged, worrying that if she spotted Camila we would both take the fall.
I ran out to meet her and looked over the edge as well, finding only a broken flower pot below. I furrowed my brow in confusion, wondering how Camila had managed to escape so quickly, but she was nowhere to be seen. My mother shook her head and backed away from the banister, heading back inside to return to the bottom level of the house.
"Go clean that up and then get to bed," she instructed.
"Okay," I acknowledged, pushing past her and bounding down the stairs.
I maneuvered past my father on the couch and Chris and Taylor in the kitchen, finding my way outside and locating the mess on the patio below. I sighed as I crouched down to pick it up, shoveling the pieces into my hand one by one and carrying them to the trash can. I stopped when I'd cleaned practically everything but the dirt, assuming a summer thunderstorm would wash it away, and wiped my hands on my shorts, surveying the area before me but finding no sign of life anywhere. I suddenly felt a pair of delicate hands snake around my waist and I whipped around on the spot, meeting a pair of soft lips that could only be described as Camila's. She smiled in the midst of the kiss and pulled back, keeping her hold on my waist.
"Hi again," she greeted.
"Camz, you have to go," I insisted. "My parents don't know we're together and if they find us we're both doomed."
"They won't find us," she argued.
She attempted to kiss me again but I dodged it, backing out of the way and moving her hands to mine.
"Really, you can't be here as much as I want you to be," I told her.
She pouted and I instantly felt myself slipping into her trap. She knew what she did to me, that I couldn't say no if she pulled something like that, but looking into her eyes in the heat of the moment, I remembered why I was reluctant to let her go in the first place.
"What if I sneak over to your place?" I asked.
"Yeah, that works," she nodded. "I mean, if my parents come home and find us I can just pretend I didn't know you were stopping by."
I shook my head in disagreement and cupped her face with both hands, staring directly at her to make sure my words hit home.
"I'm done pretending," I decided.
"But-"
"No," I interrupted. "I'm tired of hiding, Camz. I shouldn't have to hide you from my own parents and you shouldn't have to hide me from yours. I love you, and I don't care if the whole world knows it. No more acting like strangers. You and I...we're a team. It's time we start acting like it."
She looked at me skeptically, seemingly as surprised to hear the words as I was to say them. After all that time, all the trouble that I caused by my reluctance to put our relationship in the open, I'd finally come to my senses. It was never about judgment or non-acceptance, but about the idea of someone out there coming between us. That didn't matter anymore. I knew then that nothing could come between us- not my parents, not a stranger, not Austin. We were inseparable, bound together by our heart strings and the memories we shared.
"If we get caught, we tell your parents exactly why we're together, okay?" I added.
"Okay," she agreed, a satisfied smile finally finding its way onto her lips as she kissed me again.
I released her and she turned on her heels, running through the backyard and pushing through the gate, the only issue still lingering between us disappearing as she made her way home.
...
I slowly walked up the front steps to Camila's house, careful not to alert the neighbors with my footsteps on her wooden porch. I approached the door, but before I could knock she pulled it open, grabbing my wrist and yanking me inside. The house was pitch black in the dead of night, but her lips somehow met mine in the dark and she pushed me against the door, her hands clawing wildly at the fabric of my t-shirt.
"Well, it's nice to see you too," I smirked.
"Come with me," she pleaded.
She pulled back and found my hand again, leading me through the house and to the staircase. We walked up and up until we reached the hallway and found the light from her bedroom spilling onto the floor, illuminating a path for us as we walked. We found our way inside and she kicked the door shut, her hands finding my hips and pushing me back towards the bed.
"What happened to talking?" I asked.
"I'm done talking," she answered.
I smiled as I remembered the exact words that I'd spoken to her the night of our first kiss. So much had changed, but our connection had evidently never dulled. Her touch still set me on fire after all that time. She pushed me onto the mattress and climbed on top of me, her lips finding mine once more as I leaned back onto my elbows for easier access. She pulled her shirt over her head and tossed it aside, using all her force to push my shoulders into the sheets. My hands found her backside as she pressed her lips to my neck, kissing all along my jawline and pulling the collar of my shirt down to make contact with my collarbone.
"Camz, wait," I breathed.
She moved back to look at me, concern evident in her expression as she waited for me to continue.
"I love you," I told her.
She relaxed and allowed a small chuckle to escape her lips, smiling as she moved back down to kiss me again.
"I love you too," she whispered.
She took the first opportunity she could find to slip her tongue into my mouth, deepening the kiss immediately as her fingertips brushed down my body and to my waistline. She fiddled with the button on my shorts but I grasped her wrists, using my body weight to push her off of me and roll on top of her. She looked surprised by the sudden shift in dominance as I pinned her hands to the mattress on either side of her head, but the corner of her mouth turned up into a devilish smirk and I could see the desire in her dilated eyes. Nothing aroused me more than arousing her. I lifted up the hem of her shirt and placed my lips just below her chest, kissing every inch of her torso as I moved down to her waistline, her abdominal muscles tightening each time I made contact. She was silently begging me to continue, but I wanted to push her buttons. I wanted to watch her unfold slowly and hear the way my name sounded rolling off of her tongue. I moved back up to her lips and kissed her softly, tasting every trace of every kiss we'd ever shared on her lips.
"Lauren..." she choked out.
"Yeah?"
She scanned my features intently, searching for a sign that she had my full attention, and I gave it to her. Her heartbeat was rapid but her breathing was steady. Her touch was gentle but passionate, and I could hear the promise in her words before she even spoke them.
"Promise me this is forever," she said. "You and I."
It was a huge promise to make, probably the most dangerous yet meaningful one out there, but it was a promise I knew I could keep. I wanted nothing but Camila in all her awkwardly adorable wonder, her breathtakingly crooked smile and her deep brown eyes, the sound of her laughter from my attempts to make her smile. I wanted all of her- every perfectly imperfect flaw that she possessed- and I wanted her for the rest of time.
"I promise," I told her.
We fell into each other after that, resuming our normal routine of clothes on the ground and sheets tangled around us, neither of us containing any bad intentions but rather the desire to get to know each other's every detail all over again. No matter how many times we spoke or touched or even looked at each other, there were always new quirks to discover, like the way her brow knitted together in concentration or how her kiss spoke volumes in the midst of it all. Pressed against her, I knew what I felt would never dull or slowly simmer. It would rage on and on until the end of time and even after that. She laid her head on my chest again, our bare bodies keeping each other warm in the dead of night, and we slowly drifted off, leaving me with just two days to muster up the courage to keep our promise to each other alive.
But that was more than enough time.