I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes as I stretched my legs under the covers, feeling the warmth from Camila still sleeping next to me. I smiled as I watched her chest rise and fall with each peaceful breath, a faint smile on her lips and her hair falling into her face. I sat up and reached across the sheets to brush a strand of stray hair behind her ear, my heart jumping in my chest when her hand met mine and our fingers locked together. Her eyes fluttered open and she smiled, and I couldn't bear to ignore the happiness that was swelling inside me after seeing her first smile of the day once again. Her deep brown eyes scanned my face and I smiled back at her, reluctant to release her hand as she pulled out of my grip and sat against the headboard.
"Morning," she half-whispered, her voice still hoarse from a long night's sleep.
"Good morning," I reciprocated. "Sleep well?"
"Yeah, I actually did," she answered, a hint of surprise in her tone. "It's actually the first time I've gotten a full night of sleep in months. It feels like I haven't slept at all in like...half a year."
"I know the feeling," I chuckled lightheartedly, trying to push the image of yet another nightmare out of my mind.
Camila sat forward and crawled on all fours until she was situated in front of me, one leg crossed over my own and a hand on my knee.
"Can we go to the lake today?" she asked.
"We went to the lake yesterday," I reminded her, attempting to ignore the burning feeling of her skin on mine.
"I know..." she nodded. "But I mean...I want to go with you. Just you."
I was silent as I contemplated her request in my mind. I was confused to say the least. I didn't understand why she wanted to spend so much time with me all of a sudden. She wanted to room with me, she joined me on the porch the night before, and now she wanted to spend the day on the lake with me and only me, yet she still wasn't showing any signs of interest. Maybe she wanted to be friends. Maybe she figured that if we spent more time together we would become closer, but the way she was demanding my attention all at once and without hesitation made me wonder if something else was motivating her. Could she have known that the more time I spent with her, the harder it was for me to be around her?
"Okay," I agreed. "Yeah. We can do that."
"Yay!" she squealed, shooting off the bed and running into the bathroom. "Get changed and I'll meet you outside."
I pulled myself out of bed and rummaged through my suitcase, pulling out my bathing suit and slipping a hoodie on, not too eager to jump straight into the ice-cold water. I made my way down the hall and past the other girls' rooms- who were evidently still sleeping- and skipped down the stairs. I pushed the screen door open and stepped outside, closing it quietly behind me so I didn't wake anyone and risk cutting my time with Camila short, and walked down to the dock. I found a seat on the edge and let my feet dangle in the water, anxiously awaiting Camila's arrival as the morning sun reflected off of the surface.
It sure was a beautiful place. It was so serene and peaceful- not another house for miles, surrounded by the forest, the deep blue of the lake surrounding me no matter where I turned. The sun was bright and for once, so were my spirits. It was perfect. I let my imagination run wild for a second too long and found myself picturing a life with Camila somewhere similar, after our careers had ended and we had nothing else to do but live our lives together. What I wouldn't have done to be able to wake up every morning and see a smile brighter than the sun that shined through my window. Of course, that wasn't the case, but maybe it could have been. Maybe it would have been in the future had I not let her go...
I felt the vibrations of the boards underneath me as Camila sprinted down the dock, shooting right past me and jumping straight into the lake, water spraying everywhere and drenching my sweatshirt. She surfaced seconds later, a smile on her face as she assessed the damage she had done.
"What are you waiting for?" she called. "Jump in!"
I stood up and stared down at my hoodie as the cold water seeped through the fabric onto my skin.
"You got me wet," I groaned.
"Interesting," she laughed. "You've never seemed to have a problem with it before."
I glared at her as I felt my cheeks turn red, silently praying that she was far enough away that my embarrassment could go unnoticed.
"I can't tread water forever," she shouted. "You're eventually going to have to jump in and save me whether you like it or not."
"It's cold," I snapped, feeling the chill of the wind through my soaking wet clothes.
"You're already wet. What do you have to lose?" she argued.
"Sorry," I shrugged. "Not happening."
She threw her head back in frustration and swam towards the dock, pulling herself up enough to rest her forearms on the deck.
"You said you'd come in the lake with me," she pouted.
"No," I sassed. "I said I'd come to the lake with you, and here I am...at the lake."
I pulled my hoodie over my head and tossed it to the side, unable to bear the cold any longer. Camila rolled her eyes and kicked herself up onto the dock, her stomach muscles flexing as she pulled herself up and causing my heart to pound in my chest. She stood before me and placed a hand on my shoulder, her skin ice-cold from prolonged contact with the water.
"Get in the water," she demanded.
"Nope," I insisted, crossing my arms over my chest.
"You're going to get in the water whether you like it or not," she said.
"What are you going to do?" I chuckled. "Throw me in?"
She smirked and raised her eyebrows in satisfaction, letting her hand fall by her side and placing it on her hip.
"Please don't..." I begged, slowly backing away from her.
She reached out and grabbed my hip, pulling me into her and wrapping her arms around my body so I couldn't let go. She slid around to my back and used her weight to push me forward, edging closer and closer to the water as I fought her.
"Camila please," I whined. "It's so cold."
"Too bad," she shrugged, sliding her hands up to my sides and gripping me tightly.
"Wait!" I pleaded.
She stopped suddenly, her hands still on my waist and her chin resting on my shoulder.
"Yes?" she nearly whispered.
"I just...I don't know," I started. "I just wanted to do something."
"Well get on with it then," she insisted.
I grabbed her hands and removed them from my waist, spinning around so that she took my position on the edge of the dock and catching her as she began to fall backwards.
"Would you look at that?" I smirked. "It seems the tables have turned."
She stepped forward away from the edge, pressing into me so that our hips molded together and keeping a tight grip on my arm. Our faces hovered just inches apart and I could feel the heat coming off of her skin as the water that previously remained glued to her dripped onto me. She narrowed her eyes and looked straight at me, biting down on her bottom lip hungrily.
"Are you sure you want to push me in?" I pressed, placing a hand on the small of her back and pulling her closer to me.
Her attention jumped to my lips and then back to my eyes and I could feel her heartbeat against my skin, elevated for one reason or another.
"Yeah," she nodded.
She wrapped her arms around me and fell backwards, pulling us both into the freezing cold water. She came up laughing and I glared at her, but I was unable to stay angry for long and I found myself laughing with her. The sound echoed across the lake and found its way back to me, sticking to my mind and filling my heart with more joy than I had felt in a long time.
"See? It's not so bad," she smiled. "You just have to ease your way in."
"You call that easing me in?" I laughed.
"Well...no," she realized. "But I mean, look at yourself now. You're having a great time, aren't you?"
"Yeah," I answered, watching her as she backed against the dock for support.
"Good, because you're about to have an even better time," she exclaimed, pulling herself up onto the deck.
"What are you talking about?" I wondered.
She stood up on the dock and bent over, shaking her hair out and flipping it back into place.
"Can I ask you a question?" she smirked.
I nodded.
"Lauren...have you ever been skinny dipping?" she asked.
I felt my breath catch in my throat as the prospect of Camila completely naked played out in my mind. There was no way she actually would...
"It's broad daylight," I pointed out.
"We're staying in the only house for miles," she argued.
"But the girls are inside."
She shrugged and reached behind her back, toying with the knot on her bikini top. "I'm sure they're still sleeping."
"Camila, I don't know if-"
"You don't have to do it," she interrupted. "You can watch if you'd prefer that."
She turned around so that her back was towards me and untied the knot on her top, sliding the straps over her shoulders and letting it fall to the ground.
"Are you serious right now?" I half-shouted, half-whispered.
She craned her neck to look at me over her shoulder, a smirk plastered on her face. "You tell me."
I forced myself to look away as she looped her fingers through her bottoms and slid them over her legs, leaving them where they landed on the dock and jumping back into the water. She came up right in front of me with a smile on her face, evidently pleased with herself.
"Your turn," she chirped.
"I don't want to take my bathing suit off in broad daylight when the girls are right inside," I reiterated.
"Okay," she sighed. "Then can I do it for you?"
I clenched my jaw to keep from blurting out my answer, desperate for the contact but not wanting to give too much away.
"I'm going to go with yes," she assumed.
I swallowed hard and nodded, watching her as she disappeared under the water. I felt her hand collide with my hip and grip the fabric of my bottoms, pulling them off and throwing them onto the dock.
"This would be much easier if you would do it yourself," she chuckled, swimming behind me and untying the knot on my top. "But not nearly as fun."
She pulled my top off and tossed it onto the deck as I avoided eye contact with her, unsure of what to do next.
"This was on my bucket list," she informed me.
"Skinny dipping was on your bucket list?" I laughed nervously as she swam around me.
"No," she corrected. "Skinny dipping with you was on my bucket list."
Her lips curled up into a smile as she swam around me one more time, this time wrapping her arms and legs around me from behind and resting her chin against my shoulder. I shuddered at the feeling of her bare skin against my own, chills spreading through my body and causing Camila to laugh against my skin.
"Are you cold?" she asked.
"A little," I lied, desperate to separate from her before I couldn't control myself any longer.
"Deal with it," she whispered
She swung around so that she was in front of me, her legs around my waist and her hands on the back of my neck.
"Um...w-what else was on your bucket list?" I stammered.
"I kind of want to kiss you right now," she confessed, ignoring my question completely.
My heart began to pound in my chest as she studied me, her eyes flitting back and forth between my lips and my own eyes.
Please, I begged silently.
She gripped the hair at the base of my skull and pulled me into her, leaning in slowly with a smirk on her face. Our lips just barely brushed against each other and she pulled back, closing her eyes and taking her bottom lip between her teeth. I struggled to keep both of us above the water, the weight of her words and both of our bodies pulling us down. She slipped off of me and my hand found the underside of her thigh as I caught her, desperate to keep us up just long enough for one kiss. I slid my hand up her leg and rested it on her backside, causing her to smile as she leaned forward again.
"MILA! LAUREN!" Dinah called from the doorway.
Camila broke away from me and swam over to the dock, hiding herself from view as Dinah emerged onto the porch.
"Come eat breakfast!" she yelled. "And hurry up before it gets cold!"
She disappeared back inside and I looked at Camila with a mix of annoyance and sympathy on my face. We were so close yet so far. It seemed like every single time we made any sort of contact something pulled us apart, and I wasn't having it anymore. Not when we were so close. Not when Camila finally showed a sign of affection towards me.
She pulled herself onto the dock and slipped on her bathing suit as quickly as possible, tossing me mine so I could do the same. She gripped my hand and helped me up, immediately starting forward towards the house. I followed close behind her, making sure she was in reach as we approached.
"Dinah has awful timing," she sighed. "I can't even count how many-"
I pulled her under the porch at the last second and cut her off, guarded by the staircase and floorboards on all sides. I placed my hands on her hips and pushed her against the wall. She winced as her back collided with the rough brick and I pulled her back, holding her up against one of the wooden posts instead.
"What are you doing?" she whispered.
"No more interruptions," I said, pressing my lips to hers before she could react.
She instantly melted into me, her hands gripping my neck and pulling our mouths together. I couldn't control my heartbeat. My mind was racing and my hands were shaking. It had been so long. Her kiss still tasted the same. Her lips still felt the same against mine.
She slid her tongue along my bottom lip and I opened my mouth in a quiet moan, allowing her to slip it inside. She gripped the hair at the base of my skull and pulled me into her, pulling on the hairs and causing me to groan in both pain and pleasure. I pushed her against the post and slid one hand down her leg and lifted it up so that she could wrap it around my waist.
"Why aren't you stopping me?" I breathed.
"I don't want you to stop," she growled, reconnecting our lips and pulling me into her by the hem of my bottoms.
I slid my hand around to her front and slipped it inside her bottoms, causing her to throw her head back against the post in satisfaction.
"This stays between us," she said.
I slipped a finger inside of her and she bucked her hips forward, rolling them against my hand. I started slow, warming her up after such a long time and biting down gently on her bottom lip. She moaned and I picked up my pace, keeping a steady rhythm as I trailed kisses up her neck and sucked on the soft spot behind her ear. She closed her eyes and craned her neck as she arched her back, her stomach muscles flexing against my skin. I felt her tense up and moved my lips over her ear, whispering as I spoke.
"Say my name, Camz," I begged. "Please."
Her knees buckled and she shuddered against me as she nearly shouted my name. I pressed my lips to hers to silence her and she dug her nails into my back, riding out her high. I removed my hand from her bottoms and placed it against her hip, keeping her in place as I separated our lips. Her breathing was sharp and heavy as it collided with my skin, sending chills throughout my body.
"Can we-" she started, but I cut her off by placing a finger against her lips when I heard the screen door swing open above us.
"Lauren? Mila?" Dinah called.
I smirked at Camila and lowered my hand, reaching behind her and placing it on her backside.
"Shh," I warned, and she nodded in understanding.
"Guys!" Dinah shouted, her footsteps echoing above us as she stepped onto the porch.
She shuffled around for a minute, relocating to different corners of the porch as she searched for us.
"I don't know where they went," she said, addressing the other girls as she finally stepped back inside.
Camila let out a small chuckle and I turned to her with a smile on my face.
"Not this time, Dinah Jane," she smirked, reconnecting our lips once more.
She pulled back, trying to break out of my grip but I held onto her, reluctant to let her go.
"We need to go inside," she explained. "They'll start to wonder and they'll eventually find us."
"Five more minutes?" I begged, poking out my bottom lip in a pout.
"Lauren...they'll know," she argued, breaking away from me.
She tip-toed towards the stairs and I threw my head back in frustration, sighing as I followed her. She pulled the door open and stepped inside, all eyes in the room shooting towards us as we made our way to the table.
"Where'd you guys go?" Normani asked.
"Swimming," Camila answered simply.
"But I came out to look for you and you weren't there," Dinah argued.
Camila looked at me over her shoulder as she washed her hands, searching for an escape.
"I had to get something out of the car," I lied.
"Well where is it? I don't see you carrying anything," Ally observed.
"It wasn't there," I shrugged.
I joined Camila at the sink and nudged her arm, assuring her that everything was under control.
"Wait," Dinah started, getting out of her seat and walking over to us. "What happened to you, Mila? You're bleeding."
Dinah wiped a drop of blood off of Camila's back with her fingertip and brought around in front of her so she could see, washing it off under the stream of water. Camila looked at me and tried to suppress a smile.
"You are too, Lo," Dinah continued.
"I'm bleeding?" I gasped.
"Yeah..." Dinah answered hesitantly, narrowing her eyes as she inspected the damage Camila had done. "They look like...scratch marks."
"What's for breakfast?" Camila asked cheerfully, clapping her hands in front of her as she made her way to the table.
"Pancakes," Ally answered. "Are you not going to tell us what happened?"
"We fell," Camila answered quickly.
"You fell?" Normani repeated.
Camila nodded and I did the same, trying to convince the girls that we were telling the truth.
"I slipped on the dock and Lauren tried to catch me, but we both fell instead. I guess the dock scraped us up pretty badly," Camila explained nonchalantly, not a hint of uncertainty anywhere in her tone.
Dinah shook her head in confusion. "But the marks on Lauren's back look like-"
"I'm starved," Camila interrupted. "Let's eat."
The conversation finally ceased as we began eating and I felt a sense of relief wash over me. Hopefully the girls didn't suspect anything, but Camila's explanation seemed credible enough. Ally's phone vibrated on the table and she excused herself to answer it, stepping onto the porch so she didn't disturb us.
"So did you guys have fun swimming?" Normani asked.
Camila and I shared a knowing look and both nodded at the same time.
"Yeah," she answered, her mouth full of pancakes.
"The water's awfully cold," Dinah pointed out. "You were out there for a pretty long time. How did you even manage to stay in there?"
"We were only in the water for like half an hour," Camila argued.
"Interesting," Dinah nodded, a smirk appearing on her face. "You were only in the water for half an hour, yet you were gone for an hour at the least. It took you thirty minutes to check the car for...whatever it was you were trying to find?"
"Yep," Camila countered, a sense of finality in her tone.
Dinah smiled as she looked back and forth between the two of us, sitting her silverware down on her plate and crossing her hands in her lap.
"Boy, the dock really scratched your back up badly, didn't it, Lauren?" she pressed.
"Yeah, it did," I choked out, my heart pounding in my chest.
"It's funny," Dinah laughed sarcastically. "I didn't know docks had fingernails, much less that they could scream your name that loudly."
Camila stood from her seat and slapped Dinah's arm from across the table, eliciting laughter from Normani. Dinah chuckled, evidently pleased with herself as Camila found her seat again.
"Don't say anything to anyone," Camila pleaded.
"No worries," Dinah shrugged. "Your secret is safe with us."
Normani nodded in agreement and we continued eating until Ally came bursting through the door moments later. She bent at the waist and tried to catch her breath as she waved her phone in front of us, trying to give us a hint of what she was attempting to say although no one was catching on.
"Spit it out already, Ally," I insisted.
"I just...I just got a call," she panted, wiping her brow with the back of her hand.
"What?!" Normani demanded. "What is it?"
Ally stood up straighter and cleared her throat, placing her phone back in her pocket as a smile spread across her face. "We're...we're going on tour with Demi Lovato."
...
I stepped out onto the front porch, the crisp evening air brushing against my skin as I met Camila against the banister. I looked out at the lake before us as the sun sank below the trees, turning the water a dark pink. I looked at Camila out of the corner of my eye and saw her smile as she took in the sight before her.
"I like it here," she told me.
"Yeah, me too," I sighed. "Sucks that today is our last day."
"I don't know," she shrugged, changing positions so that she was facing me. "I think we ended it on a pretty great note."
"Are you talking about the news about Demi or what happened earlier?" I chuckled.
"Demi," she answered.
I pursed my lips in an attempt to keep the words I was dying to say from spilling out. All day long I had worried that Camila would brush what happened under the rug just like she had everything else. I was terrified that she was going to ignore it and pretend like it never happened, and it seemed like my fear was being realized as she spoke.
"I just can't believe it," she continued. "I mean, a little over a year ago we were performing in front of her for what I thought would be the very last time, and now we're going on tour with her. Thousands of people will be there watching us. I can't believe how far we've come."
"It seems kind of surreal," I agreed.
"It's not even that it seems surreal," she argued. "It just seems like...a dream come true. Think about how many kids aspire to be singers and never see a stage a day in their life, and then look at us. Look at where we are. I mean, did you ever think we'd make it this far?"
"I don't know," I admitted. "There were days when I believed we would make it and there were days when I thought there was no hope."
Camila's eyebrows knitted together in frustration, evidently shocked that I would say such a thing.
"But," I added, grabbing her attention. "The very first time I ever heard you sing I knew you would make it. In fact, the very first time I even saw you I knew you had big things in store. I just didn't know that I'd be along for the ride."
"I'm glad you are though," she smiled.
"I am too," I reciprocated.
I wanted so badly to just lean forward and kiss her, but it didn't feel right. After all that time away from her I didn't feel like I could kiss her whenever I pleased, and I knew it was because of the nagging fear that remained at the back of my mind.
"Camila, are we going to talk about what happened earlier?" I wondered.
"We don't need to," she answered, shaking her head as she stared out at the last remaining bit of sunlight.
"I mean, we can't just pretend it didn't happen," I pressed. "We have to talk about it eventually."
"No we don't," she argued. "We both know what happened. We both wanted it to happen. It happened. That's that. There's nothing to talk about."
She pushed herself off of the banister and headed for the door but I grabbed her hand to stop her, locking our fingers together as she turned to face me.
"Did it even mean anything?" I asked her.
She bit down on her bottom lip and pulled out of my grip, walking backwards towards the door.
"I don't know," she shrugged. "Did it?"
She stepped inside and the screen door slammed behind her, leaving me to wonder what she meant. Of course it meant something to me. It was the first time she let me knock down one of her walls in over eight months. Every second meant something, so why was she questioning it? Maybe she was questioning herself, but then again she did admit that we both wanted it to happen.
I felt my heart in my throat as I suddenly realized what she was asking...
Was it just a one time thing, or did it mean that we still wanted each other?
And what confused me the most was that I had absolutely no idea.
•••
As a side note, my girlfriend and I have started a YouTube channel and would love for you guys to check us out. If you enjoy watching us, like, comment, and subscribe! Here's the link!
https://m.youtube.com/channel/UC4ZJ21CQo3RKqz-CIpuVgyQ