Late June, 2013
Lauren's POV
Truth be told, I missed her. I missed her smile and her laugh and the way she cuddled up to me at night. I missed her big brown eyes and the way her hair fell into her face. I missed her next to me, but I think what I missed most of all was her mind. I missed hearing her thoughts and the passion in her voice when she spoke about something she loved. I missed her voicing her opinions on every topic, no matter how irrelevant. I missed how she would always try to see the bright side of a situation and crack a joke when everyone else was down. Her mind was beautiful, but so, so dangerous.
That's why I had to end it. I had to give up everything, because the deeper and deeper I travelled into the depths of her mind, the further she allowed me into her heart, and we were both much too fragile to risk giving ourselves away completely. We were too opinionated. It was only a matter of time before our small debates over insignificant topics turned into full blown arguments, and I couldn't handle it.
I knew it was my fault that we had reached that point. I blamed myself every single day. I couldn't handle the judgment and I let it get to me, but what was I supposed to do? She was oblivious to everything and it drove me absolutely crazy. I knew it was stupid of me to let go of her because I couldn't handle the pressure, but it was smarter than holding onto something that never would have worked out anyway. It was smarter than allowing a wedge to come between us completely. At least we still had a chance to salvage a friendship.
It hurt me to think that I caused her any kind of grief, and yes, I missed her, but it was over. I was upset, but mainly because our relationship would never be the same. We could be civil, but God only knew how long it would take for us to return to the way things were at the beginning of the show, and the thought of having to start all over again exhausted me both emotionally and physically.
But I moved on. There was no point in holding onto something that was no longer mine, regardless of whether it was my doing or not. I found solace in my friends back home. I was able to call them and talk to them without any bias, and it felt good to get everything off my chest once and for all. I talked to Luis more often than I had originally planned, and I eventually found myself calling him whenever I got the chance just to hear his voice. There was something about the way he listened that was entirely too comforting, and I soon realized that I was involuntarily slipping into his grasp.
He was no Camila, but he was something. He reminded me that I was capable of feeling things without her.
Everything slowly became normal again. Camila and I barely spoke, but at least we weren't arguing every five minutes. We weren't totally avoiding each other- not for long anyway.
Immediately after we left the club that night, I noticed that Camila was distant. She wasn't her usual distant- the glassy eyed, heart broken, chest aching Camila that she had been since the break up. She was only distant from me. She was actually laughing again, and although the sound brought me joy, I knew I wasn't the cause. She primarily hung out with Dinah and Normani for the two weeks following that night. Whether she was purposely trying to avoid me or not, she was doing a great job. She smiled and laughed and joked like her old self, and eventually I figured that she had finally realized that we were over. Everything was almost normal again.
The group was doing well and everyone got along when we were together. We continued to work on the album and started to go to more and more events since we finally had music for the world to hear. Everyone was so distracted by our careers that we stopped acting like anything had ever happened between me and Camila. It felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders.
No more pretending.
...
"Make a wish!" Ally instructed excitedly, placing my birthday cake in front of me.
The other girls were crowded around me, waiting patiently for me to blow out my candles so the party could commence. I stared down at the "17" shaped candles and knew immediately what to wish for.
Please just let everything work out in the end, I silently begged, closing my eyes and blowing out the flames.
Everyone clapped in celebration and Ally proceeded to cut the cake.
"Happy birthday Lolo," Dinah squealed, squeezing me from behind and planting a friendly kiss on my cheek. "How does it feel to be seventeen?"
"Like I'm still sixteen," I joked.
"But one step closer to adulthood," Normani reminded me.
"Speaking of adults," Ally chimed in. "When are your parents getting here?"
"They should be here soon," I shrugged. "Let's just party until then."
Ally passed out the cake and everyone took their respective places on the couch. We sat and talked for nearly an hour, everyone finally enjoying themselves after months of tension in the house.
"Can we do presents now?" Dinah begged. "You're going to love my gift. I went to like, four different places looking for it."
I stood from the couch and straightened my shirt with the palms of my hands, pulling my phone out of my back pocket when I finished.
"Yeah, I just need to make a phone call really quick. I just...want to see when my parents are getting here," I lied.
Dinah dismissed me with a wave, signaling for me to hurry up so that we could begin opening presents.
I stepped out onto the balcony and slid the door shut behind me, sealing my conversation off from the girls. I located Luis's number and pressed send, holding the phone up to my ear as I waited for him to answer. The phone rang at least a dozen times but he never picked up, and finally it went to voicemail. I furrowed my brow in confusion as I pressed cancel and wondered why he hadn't picked up. He always answered when I called. I checked our conversations from a few hours earlier and noticed that he hadn't replied to my last message, so I decided to try once again.
Hey, just wanted to hear your voice. Call me when you get a chance (:
I slid my phone back into my pocket and leaned against the railing, watching the sun as it began to sink below the skyline. I needed some fresh air before returning to the girls and I was hoping that Luis would call me before it was too late, so I stayed put, lost in my own thoughts as the sky became darker and the air became cooler.
I heard the door slide open and then shut behind me after a few moments and I waited for whoever it was to approach me, but no one ever did. Instead, I heard a familiar raspy tone that squeaked nervously as it spoke my name.
"Lauren..." Camila said sheepishly.
I turned around to face her and she immediately averted my gaze, staring down at her feet and playing with her fingers as a distraction.
"Is everything okay?" I asked, confused as to why she had voluntarily decided to speak to me again.
"Yeah...I, um...I just wanted to say happy birthday," she stuttered.
I relaxed upon hearing her words and leaned back against the railing, watching as the light in her eyes ironically returned with each word she spoke while the sun sank lower and lower, leaving us both with very little visibility.
"Thank you," I replied.
"Um...do you mind if I join you? Dinah won't shut up about her present," she chuckled nervously. "I love her but I can only take so much."
I tapped the railing next to me and turned back towards the horizon, signaling for her to join me. She rested her palms against the rail and leaned forward, staring down at the ground eleven stories below us.
"Are you excited about seeing your parents?" she asked, trying desperately hard to break the awkward silence that was growing between us.
I nodded, although I wasn't entirely sure if she had actually seen my response or not.
"Do you think it'll be weird around them now that we're...you know...not together?" she continued.
"I haven't told them," I admitted. "As far as I'm concerned, I don't really need to. They weren't exactly interested in our relationship to begin with."
She sighed and stared out at the skyline as the last bit of sunlight left the streets of LA. The silence was growing between us, and it killed me to think that we had gotten to the point where we couldn't even talk to each other without having to carefully word what we planned to say. We were walking on eggshells around each other, and I wished it didn't have to be that way.
"So what did you get me for my birthday?" I questioned jokingly, poking her side with my elbow.
"Do you want it now? It's not much but...I have it if you want it," she said, reaching into her back pocket and pulling out a small envelope.
I took the package from her hand and held it up to my ear, pretending to shake it as if trying to discover its contents.
"Let me guess..." I joked. "A new car?"
She shook her head in disagreement. "Better."
"Better than a new car?" I gasped. "Wow, you really outdid yourself, Cabello."
"I don't know..." she shrugged self consciously. "I've had it for a while. Like, a couple months now. I've been planning to give it to you since my birthday and I just couldn't ever find the right time. Now is as good a time as any I guess."
I raised my eyebrow questioningly as I tore into the envelope, my eyes never leaving her face.
I pulled out a single sheet of notebook paper and unfolded it, clearing my throat.
"Can I read it out loud?" I asked her.
She nodded. "If you want."
I held the paper up to my eyes and struggled to read in the dim lighting, but I eventually adjusted and I was able to see the first line clearly as I began to recite the words-
"Dear Lauren, I don't know-"
I stopped short when the door slid open and an overly excited Ally appeared on the balcony.
"Lauren, I think you should come inside. There's someone here to see you," she explained.
"I'm kind of in the middle of something," I argued. "Can you give me like five minutes and-"
"It's okay," Camila interrupted. "You can read it later."
I folded the paper and stuffed it into my back pocket, smiling at her sympathetically. She smiled back for once, only it was genuine compared to mine. She seemed truly happy that we had finally made a breakthrough and spoken to each other without having to be instructed to do so, and I was too. I felt the wall that was between us slowly being chipped away.
I followed Ally inside, ready to greet my family after months away from them. We entered the living room and I noticed that their backs were facing us. Something seemed to be off. They were all there and accounted for. Mom, dad, Chris, Taylor, and...
"LUIS?!" I shouted. "Oh my God!"
I sprinted over to him and jumped straight into his arms, feeling myself being lifted off the ground as he spun me around. I wrapped my legs around his waist and buried my face in his neck, happier than ever to be reunited with him after so many months.
"What are you doing here?" I pressed once we separated.
He placed his hand on my shoulder and slid it down my arm until it reached my fingers and he locked them with his own, swinging our hands back and forth between us as he explained.
"I thought I'd surprise you for your birthday," he said. "I haven't seen you in like six months. It's been too long."
I smiled at him and pulled him in for one final hug before turning towards the girls.
"Girls, this is Luis," I introduced. "Luis, this is Ally, Normani, Dinah, and...well, you know Camila."
Camila smiled shyly and waved, only maintaining eye contact with him for a split second.
"Oh, this is the cute guy from Miami that you were telling me about," Dinah recalled.
I shook my head subtly and glared at her, begging her to stop before she embarrassed me.
"Is that how you introduce me to all your friends?" Luis asked jokingly, nudging my elbow.
"Maybe," I shrugged, stepping away from him and pulling my dad in for a hug.
"Thanks for coming, Dad," I mumbled into his shirt.
"You know I wouldn't miss your birthday for the world," he replied.
I hugged each of my remaining family members and brought them up to date on what the group had been up to. Luis stayed glued to my side the entire time and I couldn't help but think about how happy I was to finally have him next to me again.
"So what exactly are the plans for tonight?" I asked no one in particular.
"I think Luis was saying that he had some plans already thought out when we were in the car," my mom remembered. "We're all kind of jet-lagged, so if the two of you want to go and catch up it's okay with us."
I looked to Luis for confirmation and he nodded, smiling back at me.
"Is that okay with all of you?" I asked the girls.
They all agreed and Camila headed upstairs with Dinah hot on her trail. Everyone seemed to be relatively done for the night so I didn't have anything better to do.
"What did you have in mind?" I wondered, following Luis to the door as he grabbed the rental keys off the counter.
He opened the door for me and ushered me outside, smiling the entire time. "You'll see."
...
We drove through LA with the radio blasting, not saying much but not really needing to until Luis pulled into the parking lot of Benihana and stepped out of the car and around to my side, opening my door and allowing me out.
"Wow, you brought me to Benihana for my birthday dinner? How completely cliche of you," I teased, taking his hand as he helped me out of the car.
"Hey, cut me some slack. I'm nervous enough as it is," he pleaded.
"Why are you nervous?" I chuckled.
"Well...because I'm with a beautiful girl and I want to make sure she has a great birthday. That's a lot of pressure," he explained, opening the door and allowing me inside.
I felt myself blush as we were shown to our table. Luis took my hand in his as we walked through the restaurant and released me to pull my chair out.
"Wow, you're quite the gentleman all of a sudden," I observed. "What happened to the Luis that I know that used to beat me up over backyard baseball games and stick gum in my hair?"
"He grew up," he shrugged.
"Really? Because if I remember correctly you were kind of a douche when I saw you on New Years," I laughed.
"Yeah, well, that was then. I've changed a lot since then. Besides, I didn't exactly have a chance with you, but I do now," he defended.
"I don't need you to grow up overnight for me, Luis," I promised. "I like the goofy, adorable kid that you've always been."
"Okay, so maybe I haven't grown up completely," he admitted. "But I do promise to keep my gum out of your hair from now on, and if it makes you happy I'll let you beat me at baseball to avoid confrontation."
"How sweet of you," I joked, taking a sip of my drink and smiling sarcastically at him.
"I don't know," he continued, his tone taking a more serious turn. "You've always been one of my best friends but...I don't know, it's different now. There's just something about you, Lauren."
I narrowed my eyes and studied him from across the table as he began eating, his attention now elsewhere. He seemed a lot different than when I had last seen him. He was taller and more muscular and his features were more defined. He was handsome, no doubt, but there was something about the way he spoke that drew me in. He was so honest and confident, but he didn't flaunt it. He had discovered the fine line between being happy with himself and remaining content, and the vibe that he had left me dying to know every inch of him. He was mysteriously attractive. I didn't know what had changed between us in the six months that we were apart, but I sure was willing to find out.
...
"Thank you for dinner," I smiled, staring up at Luis who had his arm securely wrapped around my shoulders as we exited the restaurant.
"My pleasure," he answered.
We headed back towards the car and he opened my door for me once again, allowing me inside before he shut it firmly and entered the vehicle himself.
"Are you ready to head back?" he asked. "Because I had one more stop in mind, but if you're tired or bored with me or anything we can go back to the apartment..."
"No," I argued. "Take me wherever you want to go. I have nowhere to be."
He smirked in satisfaction and turned the key in the ignition, pulling out of the parking lot and continuing through the city. I recognized the roads as the buildings around us became smaller and the lights faded to almost nothing. I smelled the salty air as we approached the beach and smiled.
"Before you tease me about how cliche it is to take you to the beach on a date, just know that I'm only doing it because it's the only place we can actually be alone," he said.
"Is that what this is?" I questioned. "A date?"
"I mean...yeah. If you want it to be."
I reached across the car and took his hand, squeezing it reassuringly as he smiled back at me.
"I want it to be," I told him.
He pulled into an empty parking spot and we both got out and began the walk to the ocean. I kicked off my heels when we reached the sand and took his hand in my own again. We walked along the beach for nearly half a mile before he abruptly sat down on the sand and pulled me down with him. I sat in his lap and he wrapped his arms around me, resting his chin on my shoulder.
"What a nice night," he mumbled.
"It's been pretty great," I agreed.
We sat in silence for several minutes, listening to the waves crash against the shore and the sounds of the boardwalk coming alive in the nighttime several hundred yards away.
I chuckled to myself, recalling the last time I had set foot on that pier with Camila. She was such a romantic and I couldn't help but laugh at the memory of her plan. She was a dork, but it sure was cute.
"What's so funny?" Luis asked, tightening his grip around my waist.
"I was just thinking about the last time I was here," I told him. "It was on Valentines Day and I...I...uh, it's not...it's not really important."
"You were with Camila," he guessed.
"Yeah," I admitted quietly.
He released his hold on me and leaned back. I stayed put, too paralyzed by my own memories to move.
"Should we talk about us? Like, where do we go from here?" he continued, changing the subject.
"I don't think we need to talk about anything. We just need to take it day by day and see how it goes. I mean...Camila and I just broke up barely two months ago. I don't want to rush anything," I explained.
"You deserve better," he mumbled under his breath.
"What?"
He pulled himself out from under me and sat next to me, pulling his knees to his chest and staring out at the ocean.
"I said you deserve better," he repeated. "I know you loved her but come on, Lauren. She's young. She can't appreciate your full potential. She just wants to be a kid and have someone to laugh with, but I know you want more than that. You deserve more than that. You deserve someone who will appreciate your internal beauty more than your appearance. You deserve someone who will make you laugh and listen when you need to cry and be strong and mature enough to help you when you need someone to lean on. Camila can't do that. You can tell me that I don't know anything about her, but I know if she was capable of doing any of that, you'd be with her right now. Not me."
"I like you Lauren," he continued. "I like you a lot. To be honest, I always have. It may sound conceded and I may come across as a total dick, but I don't think you're going to find someone like me. I want to appreciate you for you and respect you and not just be with you because it's fun, because it's not always going to be fun, and I know that. You're beautiful, and you deserve someone who makes you feel that way every day. You deserve someone who makes you feel alive and happy and refreshed, and I can be that guy. I want to be that guy."
I pressed my lips to his without thinking. I kissed him like I was tasting every word that he had spoken so that I could believe him for myself, and I did. I believed him, and as we sat on the beach with our lips together for the first time, I finally felt something again. I felt what it was like to kiss someone that I liked after nearly two months of zero physical contact with anyone, and it felt good. It felt right.
I pulled back and rested my forehead against his, cupping the side of his face with one hand and resting the other on his bicep.
"I thought you said you wanted to take it slow," he smirked.
"I know what I said," I half-whispered. "Don't listen to me. Ever."
"Deal...but uh...if it's okay with you," he said, "I'd like you to be my girlfriend, you know, since we're not taking it slow anymore."
"I would love to be your girlfriend," I smiled.
I kissed him again and he pulled me into him, and as our lips molded together, our arms wrapped firmly around each other, I realized that I had a reason to be happy again. I didn't feel whole, but I didn't feel empty.
And that was a start.
•••
As a side note, my girlfriend and I have started a YouTube channel and would love for you guys to check us out. If you enjoy watching us, like, comment, and subscribe! Here's the link!
https://m.youtube.com/channel/UC4ZJ21CQo3RKqz-CIpuVgyQ