'I do try... but everyone pushes me away.'
'Well, I'll be here if you need someone to talk to.'
~
I walked out of the room with the journal in my hands; the wood floor creaked with every step I took. I thought I should take it incase something where to happen to this place.
I almost forgot about my adoptive mother as I walked past the doorframe. I turned back and looked at her. She looked nothing like me, her skin tone was beggining to blotch in some spots on her face and neck, there was redness around her eyes and nose, and slight wrinkles on the eyelids that would slowly become more noticeable the closer you walked to her. Damn alcohol...did no one warn you of the damage it does?
She wasn't that old, either. It's sad to see someone of her age look like that. With dried up and short brown hair to top it off, most would guess about...56. Poor thing is 45. Should I do something...?
I turn back around. No, what have they ever done for me? I remember now, bastards put me with a family that isn't suitable for a child...or was it the best option compared to the others? Whatever it may be, it seems like they just wanted a daughter to show their friends that they had a healthy relationship... healthy for 8 months.
I took one step out and stopped. "But..." I murmured. Ayame was the one who sometimes showed a little care, unless it was forced... It was dead silent for at least a minute. Dammit. Turning back, I entered the apartment again and took the glass bottle that had rolled on the floor and smashed it into the wall on the other side of the room. The sound caused her to stir and let out an annoyed groan.
"You alive?" I said loudly. Her brows furrowed and her hand went up to her head where she gripped her hair. "Headache?" I went to the sink and found a cup, filled it with water and returned to the groggy woman. "Here."
"I don't want it." she raspily mumbles.
"Yes, you do." She slowly sat straight up, maybe thinking I'll shut up if she drinks it.
"Who are you?" She asked after a few gulps.
"Your daughter." Ayame brought a hand to her temple and began to massage it.
"I don't have a daughter." She retorts.
"I know, but you adopted one. From England." She rubbes her eyes and gets a better look at me.
"Ohhhhh." she took another gulp. "Yeah, yeah, you. Ugh, this isn't sake?" She asked to the cup in her hands.
"Unless they invinted a water with alcohol in it, there's none." She leaned back and rested against the couch.
"Aren't you late for work?" Same old Ayame, huh?
"I'm on a break. Do you have any food to, you know, survive?"
"Yeah, I've been getting loans from relatives since you decided to keep your money for yourself." she said cynically.
"If you didn't realize from the past few months I've been gone, I don't live with you anymore." I said defensively and walked over to the cabinet, which was surprisingly decent. Oh, you weren't lying. I grabbed three breadslices and walked back, where Ayame was ready to sleep again. "Not so fast." I called.
"Hm?"
"Breakfast." I stated and placed the bread in her hands.
"How fancy." She cooned.
"Why do I even bother?" I irritably said and turned away, crossing my arms.
"Because you allowed yourself to have more of a beating heart instead of a colder one." I opened my eyes a little more, glancing back at 'mother'. "And cut your hair, would you? I'll be damned if you become a geisha."
"Just eat." I turned around, my back facing her. I narrowed my eyes a little more in thought.
"Where did you get those clothes? I remember you having that blouse." she said and took a bite of the bread.
"None of your business," I replied after a small silence. I'm still in the middle of thinking.
~
"I wouldn't get too soft if I were you."
"Eh?" I asked. "W-what do you mean?" Ayame-san turnes to me while driving. "K-keep your eyes on the road!" I worridly said."
"And what, crash in to the non-exsiting cars?" I flinched from the harsh words. "Sorry," she added. Maybe she just always spoke like that without realizing the rudeness? "You've been locked up in that house since forever, right?" I nodded. "The guy in charge told me that you never really made a friend."
"True...where are you going with this?"
"Anyone ever taught you how the world is cruel?"
"Well, if one sentence counts then maybe."
"Well, it's always great to be taught the lesson instead of learning the hard way. This world is harsh, cruel, and unfair. Yes, there are people like you who are good, there are lots of people like that. But unfortunately, the people who are terrible outnumber the nice ones."
"Why...?"
"It's easier to be bad than good. So to ensure that you aren't beat up so easily, I reccomend to not allow yourself to have a heart. You can have some of it since you'll usually meet okay people, but be cautious. Don't trust people so easily. You'd think that you would know this at 17, but well, you're your own person."
"Mm..."
~
I didn't understand most of that speech, not until much much later. "Well...this just turned out to be a small bother. It's not like this will haunt me for a long time." I spat.
"Still, you decided to revive wittle ol' me and you regretted it."
"Sure, whatever."
"Thought before you leave, I would like to ask why."
"I...I don't really know. I just would have felt horrible I didn't. Is that so wrong?" I ask.
"No, it's not. I'm being an ungreatful bitch and not thanking you for what you did, which is what you really were supposed to hear."
"So you admit that?" I said as I walked past the door frame.
"Do you care about me? That's a better answer than what you gave me earlier."
"Why should I!?" This woman! "After just ignoring me for months, only giving me some world advice here and there! Do you think that says you're a mother?"
"So how would you feel if you came by to visit later on tonight and found me dead?" What?
"What do you mean?" A pit forms in my stomach and it feels my heart is ready to sink in it. "D-don't try to distract me!"
"I got caught up in drugs and long story short, I have no way to pay them and they'll probably kill me today. I was hoping to be asleep while it happened until you showed up." My lower jaw dropped.
"What!? Y-you--! Why in the hell would you-!?" How did she expect me to respond to this!?
"-I don't deserve to be mourned, I'm a terrible person. We just thought it would be easier to adopt a daughter and such. So don't waste your tears or emotions on me. Go. And did you ever get yourself a boyfriend? Or do you plan to be alone like moi?"
"That's how you say bye, huh?" I forcefully surpress any feeling that has anything to do with worry for her and grit my teeth before storming out. She's just trying to bother me. Why do I even care? I don't care... I... She's... still as childish as ever...but I'm no different. I feel my hands shaking slightly and clench them into fists. You don't care, you don't care, you don't care...
Ryuuzaki...are we still...? What happened to us? No, there's no time to think about that right now.
Frustrated, I escapes the building with the journal tightly in my hands. That's right, I shouldn't care. She hardly did anything for me, hardly tried. Never even had a father... he really spoke to me probably less than ten times for the 6 months he was there. I don't even remember what he looks like, and I'd like to keep it that way. But why do I still care about 'mother'? Dammit! Why am I still so worried if she dies or not?
'How would you feel if you found me dead?'
Shut up, shut up! I quickened my pace and was eventally out of the dreadful place, taking deep breaths of fresh air to calm myself down. I've just never had anyone 'close' to me die...that's just how it is. I recollect myself and begin to walk away from the building, just going anywhere. I'm working on the Kira case for crying outloud, I should be used to death by now. Don't fucking cry... and forget about it.
Besides, your speech was at a normal level for someone who drugged and drunk themselves to the point where they passed out. She's lying... yes, she had to have been lying. She would, try and get the "cop daughter" to stay with her and support her with whatever I'm earning.
For some reason, in that instant, another thought crossed my mind. The words "death" and "Ryuuzaki" invaded my mind. Don't let him die...don't let him die. Oh really? Why would he just drop dead right now? Kira hasn't seen a name or face. Unless he kills with just a face...and Light has seen his face. Please don't let the powers and memories return to him! Light-kun, I thought, if you had to only kill one, who would it be?
Thoughts of death haven't flooded my mind this much since the beginning of the case. What did I expect, this is the Kira case after all. Damm, what just happened to me? What was I hoping to accomplish from doing this?
~☆~
This scene never would have existed if I had written it days later! Since it's mother's day, why not some mother daughter time, eh? So happy ^.^
*unedited*
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***I'm so proud, I've gotten go the point where editing the story becomes a few touch ups and not changing the whole damn chapter. Happy days for me! :')***
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