"kuro, go away. you're not helping."
"kenma you can't just-"
"just leave!"
kenma felt bad definitely, shutting everyone out, but he couldn't really control himself for he was going through the worst he had ever gone through.
---
"with my old guitar i'll take all the confessions i couldn't say."
his fingers delicately plucked the six strings, each string having its turn to be plucked. the harmony was forming, but where was the melody? you usually sang for him since he was too shy to sing. he had a sweet and hushed voice when he was singing, yet he never showed it to many.
"all the things i swallowed inside."
his lips parted. as he tried to form the melody, his voice cracked as he let out a sob. the tears fell on his guitar as he clutched the neck and fretboard tightly in his two hands.
"and tell you right now as if i've made it into a song."
his hair fell over his mysterious golden eyes and covered them. his lips parted only to let out small sobs. he had constantly tried to sing the sweet and gentle melody of the song he had written for you before you left him but he was too shy to sing it to you. he had plucked up the courage but you had decided to leave him for reasons you couldn't explain.
"just listen, i'll sing for you."
he took deep breaths and tried to stop crying. it was difficult, but he pulled through. he once again started creating the beautiful harmony. once it was formed, the melody escaped his lips. he sang quietly, yet beautifully. he underestimated himself too much. he thought of his voice as terrible and he thought of his song as crappy. the song was beautiful. he imagined you were there, creating the vocal harmony. he regretted everything he had not done before you left. he wished he had comforted you at your lowest point, he wished he had sung for you when you would listen, he wished he had kissed you when you needed his lips on yours, he wished he had been better. yet as the words escaped his mouth slowly, nothing changed.
"i love you so much but i don't tell you that i love you."
he put down his guitar as his phone started ringing.
"hello?" he said, sniffing.
"hey, kenma."
his eyes widened as he recognised your voice.
"(f/n), is that you?"
"yeah, i just wanted to wish you happy birthday." you sighed before saying goodbye.
"please don't go yet. can you come over to my house? if not i'll come over to your place." he said, clenching his fist.
"i'll come over. it's your birthday anyway." you sighed. he was determined to tell you how much he loved you. he missed your voice, he missed your face, he missed your eyes, he missed your lips, he missed everything about you.
"it's awkward, my pride won't allow me."
the poor boy laid his head on his pillow, using it as a tissue for his tears that were shed for you. he was scared to do what he was about to do. he felt stupid, he felt useless, he felt cowardly. he hated himself for everything he was. he wanted to be the man that you would love. he wanted to be someone more than what he was.
"i'll take courage and tell you today."
a while later he opened the door and his eyes met with your pretty face. he took a deep breath and looked down.
"i wanted to sing something for you." he said, walking over to his bed and picking up his guitar. you closed the door and sat next to him on his bed.
"but just listen without much thought, i'll sing for you."
you heard the harmony form. then he quietly started creating the melody. the words that made up the melody were beautiful. he was nervous, resulting in quiet words and a shaky voice. halfway through the song his eyes went teary and his voice started cracking. the melody was soon extinguished, followed by the harmony. he wiped his tears away and looked down again.
"i'm sorry. let me have a while. i'll finish the song, i promise." he bit his lip and sniffed. the tears fell on the wood that made his guitar and the steel that made the six strings.
"the way you cry, the way you smile."
memories flooded the boy's head. you laughing whenever you won in a video game, you smirking whenever you pissed kuroo off with him, you crying on his shoulder when he let you, you smiling whenever he kissed you.
"do you know how much i love you?"
he picked up the instrument again and took a deep breath. soon enough he continued the song. more heartfelt words touched you. he plucked up more courage and started singing louder. crescendo, you thought. his eyes looked up at yours and gold met with (e/c) for the first time throughout the song. he soon looked back down out of nervousness.
"words i wanna say, words i lost."
through the song you learnt about his untold confessions about you, what he wanted to say, what he wanted to do, but was to shy to express his feelings.
"i'll confess to you but just listen."
tears filled your eyes. why had you ever left this talented boy? what were your reasons? that you thought you weren't good enough? he thought he wasn't good enough either, but he would have never left you for the fear that you would be sad.
"i'll sing for you, sing for you, just listen and smile."
he saw you wiping your tears and he stopped singing and put down his guitar. he moved his thumb across your cheek and wiped your tears.
"don't cry, i don't want you to be sad." he smiled sadly.
"it's kinda funny, i only have you."
so many people had left his life, so many had forgotten him. all he had left were a couple of friends and you. after you left he was always alone. the poor boy would cry himself to sleep every night and get sick easily when he skipped meals. he loved to be alone but sometimes he still needed that little something in his life that let him feel warm.
"but sometimes, i'm worse than a stranger to you."
he regretted being so silent all the time, he regretted seeming so cold. yet the words that left his mouth made it seem like he was never cold.
"when in truth i just wanna put my head in your arms and be held by you."
he wanted to do so many things but he was too shy. he was too nervous. he blamed himself too much. so many suppressed feelings that consumed his heart.
"the way you cry, the way you smile."
it seemed surreal as he imagined you walking down an aisle with him, dressed in white.
"do you know how much i love you?"
your lips against his after he lifted your veil.
"words i regretted as i turned around."
he regretted not doing the things he should have done and doing the things he shouldn't have done as the scene disappeared.
"i'll apologise but just listen."
he would pour his heart out in another song to let you be happy. he would do anything, anything at all, to see your sweet smile again.
"i'll sing for you, sing for you."
he would let you hear his voice again.
"just pretend that nothing's happening."
he would ask you to forget the world and sing with him, he would forget himself and sing for you. he would do the things he hadn't done, he would apologise for the things he had done.
"i'm so thankful every day you are here."
without you his life would have been a mess. with all his insecurities and his nerves always being on edge, with the bullies, the teasing.
"you're a gift from god."
he looked up to you all the time, you were so perfectly imperfect. it was the little things that were imperfect about you that he found adorable.
"when today passes, i might get awkward again, but i wanna tell you again, so listen,"
as he pulled into the last chorus, tears filled his eyes but there wasn't a lump in his throat anymore.
"the way you cry, the way you smile."
his eyes met with your beautiful ones. out of his shyness again, he looked down.
"do you know how much you mean to me?"
you never knew how deep his feelings for you were. you only saw the surface, you never went any deeper. it was an bottomless pit, really, how he would give up anything for you proved his point.
"words i wanna say, words i lost."
he was almost done, the melody was slowing down. the tears streamed down his face and fell on his guitar.
"i'll confess to you though it might sound awkward."
the last words, falling out one by one, making your heart flutter one by one.
"just listen, i'll sing for you, sing for you."
your little kitten had finished the song, he had played he last chord and had sang the last heartfelt words.
"i love you."
"i won't leave you again." you hugged him tightly. he hugged you back.
"i don't want to remember that you ever left." he stroked your hair slowly.
"i want to write the next song with you, make it a duet, your voice is far too sweet to be ignored." you said through tears. he nodded and then he looked you into the eyes and kissed you.
"just listen, i'll sing for you."
the tears that had fell on his guitar were lessons he had went through.
the harmony that his guitar had created in his song served as a reminder that the loneliness he felt when you were gone was terrible and he couldn't replace the beautiful harmony you created with one created by a guitar.
the melody he created with his voice reminded him to be more open.
the regret he felt reminded him to love you with all his heart no matter what.
he promised himself to never let himself feel the terrible feeling of guilt and regret.
he promised to forget the negative feelings he felt to allow happiness to take over.
he promised to love.
that was all, honestly.