NORMANI POV
I never thought it possible to miss someone as much as I do right now. How did this happen? How did I manage to fall for my student, bed her, and then mess it all up? I honestly have no answers to my own questions. The night Lauren left my place, I was truly shocked by her words. Sure, I was pissed that Ally knew. She had already made it perfectly clear about how she felt, and although she had apologised, her words days before had come from somewhere. It was obviously how she saw me. I knew I could grow to cope with it, but I honestly didn't trust the woman like Lauren did. I barely know her, and now she is a part of this secret of mine.
I don't want to be secretive. It's not who I am. I don't want to, but I don't know what else I'm supposed to do. I can't lay it all out in the open, it just simply wouldn't and couldn't happen. What I do know, though, is that I want Lauren. I will always want Lauren.
Sitting alone on a Saturday night had always been my choice, but right now, it wasn't. Lauren refused to take my calls, and she would simply come to class, and leave the second it was possible to do so. She thinks I've hurt her, but I haven't. I haven't done anything wrong. If she could just see that, then we could move past this. I'd played it over and over in my head for the past four days, and I still came up blank. Where did I go wrong? Clearly, I have somewhere along the way, because since Tuesday evening, Lauren has been unable to look at me.
......
Settled on my couch with a blanket wrapped around me, I played it over again in my head. I had to figure out where I'd gone wrong. I had to figure out how to fix this.
Last night Lauren had given me the opportunity to walk away. I knew what I wanted, but it couldn't happen how she wanted it to. Her friends simply couldn't know, and neither could mine. That wasn't such a problem for me being new in town, but I know how much I wanted to tell my friends back home. I wanted to call every single one of them and tell them about the beautiful and amazing woman I had met. I'd told Lauren that it was up to her whether she told Ally, but I thought she would have taken more time to think about it. I thought she would have at least taken a day or two to sit down with me and convince me that it was the right call. But she didn't. She just showed up at my place last night and told me Ally knew. That hurt. What harm could another day have done? She said her friend was hurt because she didn't tell her about us? Well, I'm hurt that she didn't bring it up with me first. Yes, she had mentioned it via text message, but I didn't think she would just tell her there and then. After all, I'm the one who would be out of a job. I'm the one whose career would be ruined.
I know that we can figure out something, and providing that Ally is genuine and trustworthy, we could continue with what we were doing right now. I hadn't meant to blow up at her, but I panicked. I could see that she understood, but I didn't expect her to walk away from me.
I'd managed to get a few hours sleep last night, and although the brunette was playing on my mind every minute of the day, I couldn't let it affect the job I had to do. It was Tuesday, so it wasn't likely that I would see her. She wasn't due to have a session until tomorrow, and I wasn't sure she would even turn up to it. I hoped she would, but they are voluntary so if she didn't show, I had no right to complain.
I'd powered my way through the day and managed to get a lot of work done. Lauren ever present on my mind, I'd figured that she would come to me when she had cooled down. I'd sent her a few messages throughout the day, and now realising that she wasn't going to reply, I'd given up on any contact from her. I couldn't exactly go running through campus looking for her, so I decided to just wait.
Rushing home to prepare for tonight's dinner with a few people from campus, I'd checked my cell before hitting the shower. Just like the rest of the day... nothing.
....
"So, who is hitting the club after this?" Mrs Good, Head of Psychology asked around the table.
A few nods in agreement from a handful of the group, myself included, and she was downing her drink and standing to leave. "Well, come on then. No time to waste."
Those that were going for drinks said goodbye to the ones who had decided to stay at the restaurant, and not ten minutes later, I found myself arriving at the student bar I'd sworn I wouldn't frequent often. Heading off to the bar, I realised I didn't have a class until ten thirty tomorrow, so a few wouldn't do any harm. Getting in a round of drinks, I made my way back to the table the rest of the guys had managed to snag and took a seat beside my new colleagues.
Checking my cell a few minutes in, I sighed when I discovered that Lauren really wasn't speaking to me right now. Still nothing from her, and I was going out of my mind. The guys around me talking amongst themselves, I was in a world of my own. I desperately wanted to speak to Lauren, and I needed her to hear me out, but she just wouldn't budge. She wouldn't give me anything whatsoever.
Normani: hey it's me... again please give me a chance to talk to you, I miss you
Slipping my cell back into my purse, I figured it would be best to join in with the rest of the people on my table. I didn't have any friends in Miami, so maybe now was a good way to start building that list.
Sitting back in my seat and taking in their conversation, I found my colleagues really enjoyable to be around. They're nothing like my friends back home but they are pleasant, and they seem like they can unwind just like the rest of us. Checking my cell again, I find nothing from Lauren. I don't want to ruin my own evening by hanging on for her, so I head back to the bar, order another round of drinks, and try to enjoy myself.
Returning to the table, Meagan swaps seats with one of the guys and thanks me for her drink. She seems nice enough, so I decide to fall into the conversation she has cleared came here for. "How long have you been at Mount University?" I ask as I sip on my glass of white.
"Almost three years." She smiles. "How are you finding it so far?"
"I love it here. The weather is much better than back at home. Not that I get much of a chance to enjoy it."
"Yeah, it can get a little hectic on campus sometimes." She laughs and I have to agree with her. "How are the students?"
"F-Fine." Does she know something? No, she couldn't possibly. "Had to get them into line a little when I took over from Professor Wicks, but they've come to realise that I'm not a pushover."
"Yeah, that's the way to do it." She gives a nod in agreement and taps my hand. "Show em who's boss."
"Yeah, sure." I smile as I move my hand from the top of the table and place it on my lap. I know it doesn't mean anything, but I'm not in the position to give people the wrong idea right now.
"Excuse me, Processor Hamilton, may I have a word?" Brought out of my conversation, I turn to find deep green eyes looking at me with... disgust? Huh?
"Lauren, hi." I breathe a sigh of relief and turn in my seat.
"Maybe you could speak to your professor during class times." Meagan cuts in. "She deserves a night off just like you, miss, um...?"
"Jauregui." Lauren spits. "And yes, you're right. Apologies, Professor Hamilton. It wasn't important." Watching her leave, my heart aches to hold her.
Shit! I can't run after her, that would just look weird. I can't stop her from leaving. What the hell am I supposed to do?
"Students, huh? Just can't have five minutes to ourselves." Meagan laughs and knocks back her drink. "Another? The night is young."
"Oh, no thank you." I shake my head. "I should be getting home soon."
"Nonsense. We have plenty of time to better acquaint ourselves." Waving her hand between us, I give her a fake smile and nod.
"I'll be back in a few minutes. Bathroom calls." Removing myself from my seat, I grab my purse and make a rush for the bathroom. I have to contact Lauren before she gets home. I have to speak to her. That was my only chance and freaking Meagan messed it up.
Normani: Lauren, please come back. Tell me where you are and I'll come to you.
Lauren: Forget it. It wasn't important. Enjoy your night with your new keeper.
Normani: That's not fair.
Lauren: Life isn't fair, Professor Hamilton. Guess we just have to deal with it.
Normani: Please don't call me that. I want to see you, Lauren. Please?
Lauren: Don't call you what? You are my professor and you are the one that wants to keep things professional. I'm just doing as I'm told.
Normani: This is ridiculous. I'm not doing this through the phone. Where are you?
Lauren: None of your concern. At least, not anymore. Enjoy your night. See you around.
Resigning myself to the fact that Lauren is no longer mine, I pull myself from the couch and stalk off to bed. I have tried to talk to her. I've tried to see her. My last hope is checking her student file and stealing her address but I can't. I can't because I'm already playing with fire by sleeping with her. My heart is breaking, and I only have myself to blame. I should never have got involved. I should never have given into my feelings for her. This was always going to happen.
....
Waking with a migraine settling in behind my eyes, I want nothing more than to roll over and sleep for a month. I want to, but I can't. I can't because there is a pounding coming from downstairs and as much as I want to yell and scream, I don't have the energy in me. I don't have the energy to lie in bed and ignore it, and right now, the moron hammering on my front door at 8 am on a Sunday morning is really starting to irritate me.
Glancing at myself as I pass the mirror, I'm horrified by the sight. Not only had I gone to bed in a bad mood, I'd cried myself to sleep for the third night in a row. My eyes swollen and red, and my skin pale and dry, I seriously consider putting on makeup before I open my front door. Whoever is behind it doesn't need to see this horror show. Moron or not, I'd never suggest anyone to that.
My headache growing my the second, I slip my robe on and shuffle off down the stairs. Whoever it is can wait. They've been banging long enough, so they can wait a few more seconds. Throwing my hair up into a messy bun as I step of the last stair, I close my eyes and rub my temples. "ALRIGHT! I'M COMING!"
Unbolting my front door, I take a breath. "WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PRO-" The hardwood flying open and almost coming back to hit me, I freeze. I freeze because I don't know how I feel right now. I freeze because I want to scream and shout. I freeze because Lauren is standing on my front porch at 8 am and I want to take her in my arms, but I can't.
I can't because I have spent the past four days wondering what the hell I've done. I've gone over it in my head time and time again, and still, I have nothing. These four days of silence aren't because of Ally, and they aren't because I'm being stubborn. I've tried, I really have. Lauren is the one who wouldn't listen to me. Then when she decided to, she walked away again and all but told me that we were done. So now, I'm stood here frozen, and I genuinely don't even have any words for her. Apparently, she isn't my concern anymore, so why is she standing here?
Pulling myself out of my own thoughts, I pull my robe tighter around me and stare at the woman stood begging me with her eyes. "Can I help you, Miss Jauregui?"