LAUREN POV
Ally knows. I can feel her eyes on the back of me, and I just know... she knows. We have been friends for as long as I can remember, and I know in my heart that she would never do anything to ruin what I have with Normani. Sure, she has made it clear that she doesn't approve of how I feel, but it's really none of her business. Do I tell her? I know I have to speak to Normani before I make that decision. This isn't just about me. This is about both of us. She has already told me that she trusts my friends, but Ally hasn't exactly given her anything to enforce that. She has been a complete bitch to her, and I'm not sure she would be thrilled to know that Ally is in on our secret.
"You're a little quiet." I hear her talking, but right now, I'm in my own thoughts.
"Yeah, just worn out. That session has taken it out of me." I shrug as I continue to walk ahead of her.
"Mm, I'll bet it did."
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" I turn and give her a hard look. "I've been working my ass off in that room, and you just have to make a joke of it. We aren't all natural students, Ally. I need help, and that's what I'm getting."
"Sure. Is that before or after all of the fun and games?" I know she is digging, and I know that she knows, but until I tell her, she knows nothing.
"I'm not doing this with you again." Slipping into the nearest restroom, I lock myself behind a stall door and pull out my cell phone. Hearing my best friend follow, I stay quiet.
Lauren: Hey, I didn't want to leave then. Can we have another session tomorrow? I won't see you otherwise.
Normani: It's okay. I'm not sure another session tomorrow is a good idea, Lauren. I'll miss you, though.
Lauren: Please? Ally knows.
Normani: Did you tell her? This is going to cause all kinds of problems now.
Lauren: No, but she isn't stupid. She's known all along. She knows me better than I know myself. Should I confirm it with her?
Normani: Your call, lauren. I just hope you know what you are doing.
Lauren: I'm sorry. Please don't be mad.
Normani: I'm not. You make it very difficult to be mad at you. Especially when you have your way with me in my office. ;) Think carefully about this before you decide.
Lauren: I'll call you later.
Shoving my cell back in my pocket, I unlock the stall door and move in front of the sink. Ally stood staring at me, I look at her in the mirror and I can see that her mind is in overdrive. "What?"
"You know, she really suits that 'just fucked' look." My friend smiles and I can see that she isn't mad.
"Just stop. Please." I beg.
"I'm hurt that you kept it from me, Lo. I'm your best friend. We tell each other everything."
The hurt in her eyes evident, I give her a sad smile and turn to face her. "I can't do this right now. I have a class to get to. Come by my place when you finish, yeah?"
"It's Monday, I was coming by anyway."
"Yeah, I wasn't sure you still wanted to. Figured you'd be mad." I shrug and make my way towards the door.
"I'm not mad. Just hurt." She sighs. "I'll be there for 5." Slipping past me, she gives me a pat on the shoulder and heads the opposite way to me. Tonight I will tell her everything. I trust her, and I'd love to be able to talk to someone about how I feel. Be able to tell my friend just how awesome Normani is. I hope that I will be able to do that after tonight.
....
Propped up on my kitchen stool, I check the time. It's a little after five in the evening and Ally is due any minute. I don't know how I'm going to tell her. I mean, she knows, but I still haven't figured out my big speech. I don't need one, I know that, but I have to make my best friend understand that Normani isn't the person she thinks she is. She has to know that she is so much different to what she currently thinks of her. She knows I've always wanted my professor. That has never been a secret, but wanting and actually having are two completely different things. Sure, it's fun to joke about it and make inappropriate comments, but what if she is disgusted in my behaviour? What if she simply can't be happy for me? Hearing a light knocking on my door, I realise that I'm about to find out.
Slipping off of the stool, I straighten myself out and open my apartment door. My best friend smiling back at me with a bottle of wine, she pushes past me and drags me along with her. "Come on. I want to hear all of the details."
"Excuse me?" I scoff.
"Oh, come on, Lo. I know you are banging the hot professor. Just stop worrying and indulge me."
"Wait, the other day you wanted to rip her head off, and now you are completely fine with it?" I'm totally confused right now. Yes, I'd hoped she would be okay with it, but I didn't expect this kind of reaction.
"That was when you walked through your door an absolute mess. I thought she had hurt you, and no one hurts my best friend." Shrugging, she flops down on my couch and puts her feet up on the coffee table. "I even apologised to her today because I knew."
"How did you know?"
"I came by your apartment three times at the weekend. Your cell was switched off most of Sunday, and you've had some sort of creepy smile on your face all freaking day." She laughed. "Look, I'm happy for you, Lo. Just be careful, yeah?"
"B-Be careful?" I smile.
"Yeah. This is the happiest I've seen you in a long time. I don't want you to have to go through what you did last time. I don't think I could watch that again." She gives me a sad smile and throws me a wink. "I hope you really are happy. I know you know what you are doing, but best friends can still worry, right?"
Breathing a sigh of relief, I move over to my couch and wrap my arms around Ally. "Oh thank God." Tears in my eyes, I've never felt such a weight lift from my being.
"Huh?"
"I though thought were going to tell me you couldn't support me. I thought you were going to threaten me with our friendship o-or have her job taken from her."
"What? No." She shakes her head and gives me a look of complete shock. "I'd never do that to you, Lo. You really think I'd tell on you?"
"In my heart, no." I state "But I like her so much that I was worried. She's amazing, Ally. I-I even told her about my trust fund."
"Oh, how did that go?" She grimaces.
"Fine. She didn't even ask about it. Just asked why I don't have a job."
"Well that's already a better start than last time, right?" She smiles. "I mean, you're already onto a winner."
"I know." Running my fingers through my hair, I sit back in my seat and close my eyes. I can't believe how amazing this feels. My best friend on board, and the most amazing woman who wants to see me whenever she has the chance. Wants to spend time with me. "I'm so happy that you know."
"Mm, me too. Just don't keep things like that from me again. You know how much I have to be kept in the loop." Rolling her eyes, she reaches for the bottle of wine she brought and offers me a glass.
"Actually, um, would you mind if we just got on with studying? Normani asked if she could see me tonight and I'd really like to go?" Giving her my best smile, I know she won't be able to refuse.
"Really? I'm already being ditched?"
"Well, no." I laugh. "If I'd wanted to ditch you, I'd have simply asked you not to come by."
"Fair enough." She shrugs. "Does she live far from here?"
"No. I'll drive over, though. Not sure what time I'll be home."
"Mm, I'm not sure you will be home, at all." Giving me a knowing look, I throw my head back laughing.
"That is not the only thing we do." I scoff, feigning disgust.
"But you have?" Brown eyes narrowing, I bite down on my bottom lip and turn away. "Way to go, Lauren. You've already been in the hot professor's bed? I knew you didn't hang around."
"Shut up, Ally." Slapping her arm, I move to the kitchen and pull out my books from my bag. "So, shall we get started? I have places to be."
Two hours. Two hours desperately wanting to see the woman who had taken over my every thought. I hadn't heard from Normani since I'd texted her earlier between classes. I'd wondered if she was going to be a little off with me, but once she knows that Ally is happy for me, for us, I'm sure she will come around to the idea. Knowing that I have someone who I can talk to aside from Normani makes me feel a little better about our situation.
Today had been amazing. Knowing that I could make Normani feel the way she did in her office meant I'd been unable to remove the huge grin from my face all day. It won't be a regular thing, at least, I don't think it will, but who knows? Maybe that sent her mind spinning too. Stuck between desperately wanting to see her, and not wanting to seem too attached, I'd hung around in my apartment a little longer after Ally left.
Sure, she had said she wanted to see me tonight, but the little interaction with my best friend earlier in the day may have left her feeling differently. Do I call her? Do I send her a message and let her know I'm on my way over? Torn, I decided to do what I'd planned on doing should I have finished studying earlier. So now, I'm heading down in the elevator and making my way out to my car. Making my way to the woman who has held my heart since the day I met her.
Knocking a little louder than usual, I waited for Normani to come to the door. Her house almost in darkness, I wasn't sure if I should even be here. Checking the time, it's a little before nine and although we have spent late nights together recently, I wondered if this was Normani usual routine. Does she hit the sack early? Maybe that's why she always looks so freaking hot.
The front porch light switching on, I breathe a sigh of relief and shove my hands in my pockets. Hearing a number of clicks and bolts unlocking, I know that she was down for the night.
"Lauren, hi." She furrows her brow and runs her fingers through her hair. "What are you doing here?"
"I'm sorry, did I wake you?"
"No, I was just reading. Come in." Moving to the side, I step around her and inhale her gorgeous scent.
"I didn't think you would be settled yet. I can go." I turn to head back to the door but she stops me.
"I don't want you to go." She smiles. "I just wasn't expecting you so I locked up. Um, can I get you anything to drink?"
"No, I won't stay too long," I state as I move further inside of her house. "Just wanted to see you for a little while."
"I'm happy you could come by." Pulling me in by my waist, she wraps her arms around me and places a light kiss to my lips. "You could stay?"
"No." Shaking my head, I can see the disappointment in her eyes. "I have a class really early and I don't have any of my things with me."
"Oh." A sigh falling from her lips, I silence it with my own.
Pulling back, I can see she wants to know how things went with Ally. "Hey, I'm sorry."
"I know." Smiling, she bites her bottom lip and gives me a look. "I just, now you are here, I kinda don't want to let you go."
"And I don't want to go, but I could come by tomorrow?"
"I'm not here tomorrow. Well, I am, but it won't be until late on. Dinner with some of the guys from work and maybe some drinks afterwards." Shrugging, I can see she is torn. I know that feeling. I've felt it a lot recently.
"Oh, sounds nice."
"Yeah, and it has been planned for a couple of weeks now so I can't really back out."
"No, don't do that. I'll just, maybe we should just wait until the weekend?" Narrowing my eyes, I can see this she isn't happy with my suggestion.
"Sure, whatever." Removing her arms from around my waist, I feel the loss of contact immediately. "You have a lot of studying to do anyway."
"Um, okay?" Now I'm totally confused. She wanted me here and now she's backing away. "Is everything okay?"
"Yeah." She smiles. I know it's not genuine. "Just think you should get some studying in whenever you can."
"And I will. That doesn't mean I can't see you, though. I just figured you were busy. You had a life before I came along, and I don't want you to put things off with your friends. I'll see you Wednesday for my session, right?"
"Right." She gives a nod in agreement. "But Lauren, what happened today can't happen again."
"I didn't see you complaining." I shrug. "Quite the opposite actually."
"I know, but we have to keep our hands to ourselves." I know she is right, but she just looks so hot all of the freaking time and I cannot keep my hands off of her. "Ally could have caught us."
"Oh don't worry about Ally. She is cool with it."
"She's cool with it?" She scoffs. "Really?"
"Yeah. She came by earlier. She already knew. She was upset that I didn't tell her, but once I'd given her my reason, she took it down a notch."
"Wonderful. And how long until Dinah knows? Better yet, how long until the entire freaking class knows?" I can see that she is a little angry, and that's fine, but Ally wouldn't do that to me.
"She wouldn't tell anyone," I state as I move closer to her. "I know her."
"Okay so why didn't you tell her before today? If you are so sure, why not days ago?" I can see her point, and right now, I don't actually know what to tell her. Realising I've been quiet a little too long, I'm about to speak when she cuts me off. "See, you can't be sure, can you?"
"Normani, I don't know what you want me to say." I sigh. "She knew anyway."
"But you could have just denied it." Her voice barely above a whisper, I know she doesn't want me to.
"I don't want to deny you. I don't want to deny us." Sensing that this is about to blow up, I move away and towards her front door. "I'm sorry, but she knew."
"I don't want to deny us either, Lauren. It's just not as simple as that, though." She states and I know she is right. "If we get caught, you will be fine. Me? I'll lose my job and then what? Who would take me on knowing I've been sleeping with one of my students? I really hoped you had come to tell me that you had convinced Ally that what she thought was all in her head."
"I'm sorry." I give her a sad smile. "I'm sorry that I fell for you, and I'm sorry that I'm making things difficult at work. Maybe we should just stop this now."
"What?" The shock on her face breaks my heart, but she's right. If she gets caught, she will be in a hell of a lot more trouble than me. "Y-You're breaking this off?"
"I don't know what I'm doing, Normani. I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I can't think straight. I can't concentrate. I just want to be with you but it's only a matter of time before we get caught. So, you're right... it's not so simple."
"I-I"
Cutting her off, I unlock her front door and move towards the porch. "I'll see you in a few days. I know what I want, Normani. I really do. I'm happy to keep this a secret if it means I have you, but my best friend knows me too well, and there is nothing I can do about that."
Closing the door behind me, I slump my shoulders and make my way back down the driveway and to my car. This wasn't how I'd planned my evening to be, but she is right. There is so much more at stake for her. Me? I could just carry on regardless, but Normani? She could lose everything.
Settling down in my car, I pull out my cell and send off a quick message.
Lauren: I think you need to take a little time to figure out if I'm really what you want. I understand if you can't do this. Just think about it.
Pulling away from the sidewalk, my heart drops into my stomach when I realise that we may have just ended things. That I may have just ended things. The ball is in Normani's court right now, so I will sit and wait it out. God, I miss her already.