Lauren's POV:
“You’re so beautiful…” he whispered, I froze. He bend down, I caught my breath. He crashed his lips on mine, and my heart stopped beating…
No Lauren, don’t do this, it’s wrong..
No it’s not wrong, it’s what you’ve been waiting for long time ago..
You can’t do this, you’ll regret it later..
The only thing you’ll regret is not kissing him back... this chance might never come again
What about your brother? What if he knew?
And what if he didn’t? How much you’ll regret not doing this?
Lauren wake up, Don’t do this..
Kiss him back… kiss him…
The voices of the fight between my mind and my heart were so loud inside my head, but at the end my heart won this battle. I listened to my heart; I let him take control over me. I ignored all the voices that shouted on me to stop, and focused only on that one voice that kept telling me to do it.
I was shocked at first; I didn’t except this to happen, not even in my dreams. Minutes ago I was telling myself to stop thinking about Zayn because nothing will ever happen between us, and now his lips are pressed against mine. But when life gives you chances like this, you have to know how to exploit it.
So I did it, I kissed him back; I returned his kiss with all the emotions I have, like the whole world was hanging on this kiss. He responded by smirking and deepening the kiss, electricity ran through my veins as he did this, and I felt my knees getting weak at how perfect this was…
Perfect? No, it’s beyond perfection… Something I can’t even put into words.
My hands went automatically to grab the hair on the back of his head, forcing him even deeper into my mouth, he moaned slightly at this and wrapped his arms around my neck. At this moment, nothing felt wrong, nothing. It felt like the rightist thing ever, the thing I was supposed to do long time ago, it felt like I’m on the place where I should be at since I met him; like I was where I belonged.
I thought that kissing someone needs a lot of practice, but it turned out I was wrong. It all comes naturally when you’re with the guy you’ve been dreaming of since you met him, when you’re with the guy that your heart chosen, the guy that’s capable of drawing a smile on your face through your tears, with the guy who owned your heart since the first minute your eyes met him, the guy that cared for you, the guy who made you laugh, the guy who erased your pain, the guy who made you forget, this guy, him, No one else but him.
Our lips danced romantically in perfect synch. not only our lips, every part of my body was moving perfectly with him; The way we were holding each others, our breaths, our touches, our lips… everything worked magically.
We pulled away in need of air, both breathing heavily. Zayn was cupping my cheeks with his both hands while my arms were wrapped loosely around his neck, our foreheads resting on each other.
“That.. th-that’s wrong, we ca… we can’t do this…” I whispered between shaky breaths, closing my eyes so he can’t see that I’m lying.
“No..That was amazing. The rightest I’ve felt in a long time…” smiling, he whispered back in a voice full of lust. his raspy voice and his heavy breath on my face sent chills throught my whole body.
He stroked my cheeks with his palms and exhaled deeply “God, I can’t get enough of this” he whispered again, bringing his lips back into mine in another kiss, rougher than the first one. I gave in to it, being not able to resist him. The kiss got heater and deeper as he grabbed my waist with both hands and pulled me over him, I settled myself on his lap and gripped his hair tightly, My whole body burned and the pace of my pulse started to increase at how hummed over my lips when I did this. A moan slipped out from my mouth as he bit on my bottom lip. he smirked and sucked it hard in his mouth, causing me to moan again, he took this opportunity to insert his tongue in my mouth. There when I lost it all; all the cells in my body shivered in pleasure and every single muscle in my body froze as he explored my mouth with his experienced tongue. The feeling was too much to handle; It felt like I’ve been dead my whole life, and now he brought me life with this kiss.
I’ve never thought that I’ll be able to feel something like this, never thought that a simple thing like a kiss can be that magical. But it was, this moment was unbelievably beautiful, I wish it never ends, I wish I can freeze the time and stay here with him forever, I wish I can kiss those lips all the time. Perrie is so lucky because she can kiss him whenever she wants to.
Perrie..
Shit..
What did I do?
I trembled at the thought of Perrie and went back to my mind. my eyes fluttered openand and I pushed Zayn away of me, he opened his eyes in shock and looked at me.
“No.. We.. we ca-can’t do this… god what did I do?” I said in a shaky voice, whipping my mouth.
“Wha-what? what do you mean? What’s wrong?” He asked, confusion written all over his face at my sudden reaction. he tried to touch my cheek again but I pushed his hand.
“No Zayn, that’s wrong. Oh God..” I mumbled in panic as I got up from the bathtub and headed to the door, but he quickly grabbed me wrist before I start walking. I jumped and pulled my hand violently from his “Don’t touch me… don’t get close to me Zayn..” I shouted in fear and took few steps back.
“Lauren, what’s wrong with you?” He looked at me with wide eyes and raised eyebrow as he stood up from the bathtub. My eyes travelled automatically to his body, the way his wet shirt clung to his muscular chest managed to distract me a bit from my anger, but then I shook my head and tried to focus again.
“Are you okay?” he said again when he didn’t get an answer from me. He started walking in my direction and I took more steps back until I reached the door, I looked at him one more time before I started running towards my room.
“Lauren wait..” I heard Zayn’s voice shouting from behind me but it didn’t stop me, it only caused me to run faster until I reached my room. I got in and locked the door, resting my back against it and breathing heavily.
“Lauren? What happened?” Zayn’s knock on the door caused me to jump from my place. “Why you did this?” he asked and I ran my fingers through my wet hair, trying to calm my breathing patterns.
“Because it’s wrong; What we did is wrong. We shouldn’t do this Zayn, I don’t know what happened to me..” I said in panic, walking around the room like a lost puppy.
“No it’s not wrong! Why would you say that?” he asked, acting like what we did was normal.
“You’re really asking me this? Zayn, you have a girlfriend and my brother is your best friend. Besides, you are like a brother to me, we just can’t do this!” I answered in one breath, trying as hard as I can to calm my nerves.
“A brother? really Lauren?” he asked confusedly, making me feel as stupid as ever, the word brother was the worse word I could use in such a situation, but it just slipped out from my mouth.
“Yeah, a brother” I carried on making a fool out of myself, hoping he’ll just drop it.
“Would you kiss Harry in the same way as you did with me?” he asked in a mocking tone, causing my cheeks to burn with embarrassment.
“GOD, NO! OF COURSE I WON’T ZAYN!” I shouted behind the closed door, “maybe I feel closer to you, but not in that way, you’re just like Harry to me, maybe more… brotherer..” this can’t get any worse, I can’t believe I’m saying this, it sounds so stupid. But what can I do? All my explanations to what we did will sound silly.
“Brotherer? Lauren, this is not even a word!” he chuckled a bit and I had to fight the urge to open the door and punch him so he’ll just forget about this brother thing.
“Seriously Zayn? Now you’re gonna give me a grammar lesson?” I shouted, turning the blame on him.
“God no, I’m sorry I didn’t mean that, I just.. would you please open the door so we can talk” he pleaded, slamming the door with his hand.
“There’s nothing to talk about Zayn, let’s just forget about it all and pretend it never happened”
“Why would I forget something like that? Why would I forget the best thing that ever happened to me?”
“Zayn Zayn Zayn… look, what we did was totally wrong, it was just a moment when we lost control over our desires. Trust me, you’ll regret this in the morning as much as I do now” I said, getting close to the door again.
“You’re not serious, are you?” he asked in a tone full of frustration. I shook my head, knowing he can’t see me. Of course I’m not serious, I lied; he’s not like a brother to me and I’ll never be able to forget that magical moment when he kissed me.
“Yes, I’m serious Zayn. You have nothing towards me, neither have I” I said, resting my forehead against the closed door.
“Who told you I don’t have feelings towards you?” he questioned, and my heart skipped a beat.
Does he… have feelings towards me?
Does he feel the same way to me as I do to him?
Oh no, that can't be happening for real..
“Even if you do, it will be out of sympathy…” I whispered in a hurt tone, closing my eyes to stop the tears from falling.
“You think I feel pity for you?” He let out a small laugh “Lauren I…” he started to talk and I closed my eyes more tightly, hoping he’d stop because I know I won’t handle hearing what he’ll say, but yet I didn’t stop him. “I… I have feelings for you, And they’re not out of sympathy, I’ve been having those feelings since the first time I saw you, at that time I didn’t have a clue about how much you suffered and how miserable your life was. but I fell for you, I fell so hard actually; for everything about you, for everything you do and for everything you have. At the beginning I thought that they’re just temporary feelings and they’ll fade away with time, but they didn’t; they got bigger and bigger day after day. I don’t know how and why but you managed to turn my world upside down. Everything about you is unbelievable, your perfect green eyes, your charming smile, your laugh, you tender heart, the way you talk, the way you move, your strength, even your pain.. It’s just… I feel that my words will never be able to appreciate you. God, you’re driving me insane…” He chuckled a bit, causing my heart to melt and my tears to fall harder.
” …you’re something else, something that I spent my whole life searching for. And when I kissed you I become sure that you’re the one, you’re who I’ve been searching for, And you want me to forget it? Even if I want to, I’ll never be able to forget what we’ve just shared Lauren. And if we can get back to that moment I’ll do the exact same thing that I did, because I don’t regret anything, and I will never regret it. I wish I can do it over and over again, I wish I can kiss you all the time, I wish I can have you with me forever.”
I was there, leaning against the door and listening to Zayn as he admitted that he has feelings for me. Stopping my tears wasn’t even possible anymore; they were falling like waterfalls down my cheeks as he talked. I feel the same for him as he does to me, all what he said was happening for me too; I fell for him since the first time my eyes met him, but I just didn’t admit it to myself.
But even though that this is the thing that I’ve been dreaming of since I saw him, I won’t say it; I won’t tell him, I won’t admit. Because he has a girlfriend, I can’t do this to Perrie, she’s been nice to me since she met me and she loves Zayn so much. I can’t build my happiness over hers, I can’t break her heart to fix my own, I can’t be that selfish.
“C’mon, say something please…” Zayn chuckled nervously, and I covered my mouth with both hands, afraid that the words will slip away from my mouth at how desperate he sounded, but they didn't.
“Please, say something…” he mumbled, this time with a tone full of pain that almost caused me to give up. but I didn’t; I managed to hold the answer he was willing to hear inside me.
I heard a deep sight coming for him, followed by the voice of his steps getting downstairs and the voice of the front door opening and closing. He left; I let him leave without telling him how I feel, without telling him that I’ve been though all of this just like him. I slid down to the door, falling to the ground with tears streaming down my cheeks. I wasn’t able to restraint my tears anymore, every cell in my body screamed in pain as I kept replaying what happened with Zayn over and over again.
Why always me? Why I’m the one who should suffer to let the others have a happy life? Why I can’t be happy like them?
“I love you.. I love you Zayn..” I mumbled between sobs and hugged my knees tightly, burying my head between them and crying myself to sleep.
Zayn’s POV:
Hurt, broken, disappointed… no words can describe how I feel now. She doesn’t feel the same way as me, she doesn’t want me, she considers me a brother to her. After all that time of convincing myself that she might have feelings for me, she killed it all and broke all my hopes. She didn’t even bother responding to me. But why she kissed me back? Why she didn’t push me away from the beginning?
That kiss… she left me breathless after that kiss, I can still feel the warmth and her taste against my lips. That kiss was one of the best moments in my life, if not the best. She gave me an unbelievably beautiful feeling, but she took it all away with what she said. More correctly, what she didn’t.
My steps got faster as I reviewed all the moments we shared together. In some moments I was sure that she loves me, I was able to see it in her eyes, just like what I saw before I kiss her. if that’s true and she does have feelings for me, thenWhy she’s doing this? Why she’s sending me wrong signals? Why she’s playing with my heart?
I arrived to my secret place in the woods and searched for the big tree that we once sat under it, I walked there and sat on the ground, leaning my back against the big trunk of the old tree. It was a cold night, the air was hitting my wet body and making my whole body shiver, but I didn’t care, the pain inside my heart was worst than this. Crying, I hugged my knees tightly and buried my head between them as sobs wracked my body.
Lauren’s POV:
I woke up the next morning with a painful headache. I stretched my arms and looked around me, that’s when I noticed that I was sleeping on the floor. I got up from my place and rubbed my eyes. flashbacks of yesterday’s night hit my mind and caused me to cry again. “Stop it Lauren, Stop it” I told myself as I whipped away my tears, I have to stop crying about him, I have to forget about yesterday and act like it never happened. I fixed my clothes and hair before walking to the bathroom to take a shower. Today is gonna be a very hard day.
After finishing my shower and wearing my clothes I headed downstairs, praying that Zayn will be sleeping. I walked to the kitchen and saw Liam sitting there.
“Good morning” he smiled to me and I smiled back “Good morning” I replied softly and started making the breakfast. Me and Liam started chatting about what they did yesterday as I made the breakfast, which distracted me a bit about Zayn. I smiled when Liam told me that Harry was acting strangely yesterday; he said that he didn’t dance or flirt with any girl, which is “quite weird, Harry never miss the chance to flirt with a girl!” as Liam described it. I know why Harry did this; he’s taking things seriously about Camila.
Liam got up and called the boys after I finished the breakfast. I sat on my place and started playing with my fingers nervously, thinking about how I’ll act in front of Zayn. This is gonna be so awkward.
Liam walked back to the kitchen with Niall, seconds later Harry and Louis followed and we exchanged our good mornings, the boys took their places around the table and started eating. I looked at the door, waiting for Zayn to come next but he didn’t.
“Zayn is not feeling well..” Harry stated as he was reading my mind.
“What’s wrong with him?” Louis asked and I started playing nervously with my fork.
“I don’t know. He kept coughing all the night and I woke up at the voice of him throwing up” Harry said and I felt guilt starting to build inside me, he got sick because what…. Yes, the bathtub scene.
“Whoa..I wonder what he was doing with Perrie yesterday” Liam smirked and the boys chuckled.
“I bet they did it in the pool” Niall joked, causing my cheeks to flash bright red.
“or in the bathtub..” Harry replied to the joke and I started coughing so hard.
“Are you okay?” Harry asked and patted on my back, I only nodded and kept coughing. Liam got up from his place to bring me some water.
I took big gulps from the water then placed it in front of me on the table. “Thank you” I mumbled to Liam and he smiled to me “you’re welcome” he said as he sat back on his place.
“So Zayn won’t be able to attend the interview with us?” Niall asked after a short moment of silence.
Interview? They have an interview today? Oh shit..
“I don’t think so, it’d be better if he stayed home, we don’t want him to get worst…” Harry said.
Please don’t say it.. Please don’t say it..
“…Lauren would take care of him until we come back” He added
Shit, he said it..
“Um.. I promised Camila to see her before work” I lied to avoid staying alone with Zayn.
“Can you delay it please? He seems very sick, you can see Camila after we come back” Harry requested with a smile, causing me to feel guiltier. God, there’s no way to avoid this.
“Okay..I’ll take care of him” I forced a smile and Harry smiled wider “Thank you sweetie, I promise to make it up for you” he said, getting up from the table and kissing my cheek. I nodded and got back to eating.
Today I’ll be alone with Zayn, again.
Just when I thought things can’t get worse..
A/N: I'm sure you guys will hate me after this chapter xD but just be patient, things won't end this way ;)
Just to let you know, I had to write this chapter twice because at the first time I forgot to press the "save" button... yes, I cried when it happened..
I wanna thank the amazing @kubenthini for the beautiful cover :)
And thank you guys for reading, voting and commenting on this story, it's getting better by your support :D love you all :) xx