NORMANI POV
I've never experienced this feeling before. Emptiness. That is the only way I can describe it. After Lauren left, I lay in bed and stared up at the ceiling the entire night. I didn't know what to do with myself. I didn't know if I was allowed to cry. I didn't know if I was allowed to hurt. Lauren had made it clear that we couldn't be together, and I understood. I understood because I wanted her to be happy. Me? I was totally devastated when I heard those words fall from her beautiful red lips. Those lips I'd had on my own only moments before. What exactly did I expect when she came back to my home? I know she had asked if we could have one night together, but I would never have slept with her. No way. A woman like Lauren deserves to be wined and dined. She deserves to be shown, true love. If I'd have brought her back to my place and rolled around in bed with her, what kind of person would I have looked like? Would she have expected me to ask her to leave after I'd gotten what I wanted? Would she have expected cold sheets the next morning? I don't know. What I do know, though, is that I miss her. I miss her scent. I miss her smile. I miss those eyes that could melt my heart.
The rest of the weekend had been spent with me kicking myself for not getting her cell number outside the club. Outside the club when I thought that we could have been something. I needed to speak to her. I needed to hear her voice. Selfish, I know, but I was going out of my mind and I had so much I had to say to her. It hadn't felt right on Friday night. Not when she was so determined to stand her ground. If she didn't want to be with me, whether it was because she had realised her feelings were nothing, or whether it was because of my job, it didn't matter. All that mattered was that Lauren was in control of the situation, and if that meant that I couldn't be with her, then that was something that I had to deal with myself.
No matter how much I wanted to take her in my arms and never let her go, I couldn't. I'd already abused my position as her professor, and in my opinion, she had just given me a chance to be a better person, a better teacher, and one day...a better friend. Did I care about my job right now? To a degree, yes. But I cared about Lauren more. If she walked into my office right now and told me she had made a mistake, I'd drop to my knees and give her whatever she wanted. I'd give her the world if it would mean I could spend my life with her. Two weeks, yes, only two weeks since we had met, but I find her fascinating. I'd wondered if the connection would still be there between us. I wondered if it would lessen over time. Surely that kind of spark doesn't just disappear. I cannot believe that for one second. If there is anything at all left for me to hang on to, it is that connection. The connection that told me that no matter how wrong it was for us to be together...it meant something. It meant...everything.
I'd managed to drag myself out of my bed this morning and make it into work. Last night I'd attempted to drown my sorrows, and now, I was paying for it. A headache between my eyes growing by the minutes, I wanted to curl up under my desk and wait for the storm to pass. The storm I'd created. Why did you even come to Miami? A change isn't always best, huh? Head in my hands, I took in the aroma of the strong coffee sitting in front of me. The coffee I'd struggled to bring to my lips since I bought it twenty minutes ago. Had I gone to the cafeteria to see Lauren? Of course, I had. Unfortunately, the universe was still laughing at me, and my luck wasn't in. I had thirty minutes before I had my first class of the day, and the more I thought about it, the more I wanted to run off campus and lock myself away from the world. Would she even come to class today? Would she come to class ever again? Knowing that it wasn't my place to wonder right now, I sat back in my seat and closed my eyes.
What did she spend her weekend doing? Did she go home and get over this whole mess? Did she cry herself to sleep like I had? She's probably told all of her friends and now I'll get those looks. Those looks of disappointment and disgust. Oh god, what if she's told, Dinah Hansen? I couldn't imagine trying to live my life with the knowledge that she, of all people...knows my personal life.
Pulled from my thoughts when I hear a light rap on my closed door, I sit upright and straighten myself out. No matter what I was going through, I couldn't bring it into my job. I couldn't allow it to take over my professional life. This is why I keep the two separate. Way to go, Normani. Clearing my throat and slipping on my thick black rimmed glasses to hide my tired, ruined eyes, I give a perky "Come in" to the unknown being behind the door, and flip through a stack of papers.
"Professor Hamilton." I know that voice. Why do I recognise that voice? Glancing up, I find a familiar short blonde standing in my doorway with her hand on her hip. Oh god, not now. Please, not now.
"Miss Brooke, may I help you?" My voice catching in my throat, I train my eyes back on the paper in front of me.
"Who exactly do you think you are?" Watching her move into my office and close the door behind her, I am thankful that she is not about to do this in the hallway.
"Excuse me?" I raise an eyebrow and remove my glasses, knowing that I don't need to hide behind them in front of Ally. How fucking dare she!
"You know exactly what I'm talking about." She raises an eyebrow and I'm just about ready to blow when she opens her mouth again. "Did you think you could just use my best friend? What was your plan?"
"My plan?" I'm genuinely lost for words right now. That can only be a good thing because I don't think asking a student to 'fuck off' would be appropriate right now...or ever.
"Yes. I mean, surely it was the plan all along. You know, prey on Lauren's feelings for you, kiss her, take her back to your place and break her heart." She scoffed. "Did she turn you down in the bedroom and your pride got hurt? Poor you. She's not some slut who will sleep around."
"Get out," I reply, barely above a whisper. I can feel the tears forming in my eyes, and right now, I want to die. How dare she come in here and assume to know what is going on between me and Lauren.
"Truth too hard to hear, Professor?" Her addressing of me dripping with disdain, I can't help but wonder if I'm even worthy of that title anymore. As I watch her turn to leave, she glances over her shoulder and gives me a look of disgust. "She is far too good for you. Leave her alone. She doesn't need you around her. Oh, and I'm glad you look like shit."
I don't have the energy to respond to the woman leaving my office. Anyone else, I'd have had a stern word with them, but I can't. Ally knows too much and right now, I don't need a complaint going in against me because of a furious best friend. Yeah, I knew I looked terrible. Must try harder, right?
Checking my watch, I have ten minutes before my class begins. I don't need a group of students growing impatient, and I'm forever drilling it into them that time keeping is important, so right now, I have to push Ally's opinions to the back of my mind and head off to where I'm needed. Where I'm paid to be.
Reaching my classroom, I straighten myself out and glance down at my appearance. Thankfully, I dressed well today. I don't look like a total train wreck. Straightening the collar of my shirt, I grip the cool metal handle and turn. Greeted with a small number of students, I drop my head and move towards my desk. I know Lauren is there, I can smell her. I cannot look up and meet those eyes, no matter how much I want to. What has she told Ally? Did she put those thoughts into her head? Placing my bag down to the side of my desk, I remove the stack of papers and move up and down each row. Placing them face down, I double check I have placed one on each desk before moving back to the front. I can feel her eyes on me, but I shake the feeling away and continue with the job I've been employed to do.
Dinah Jane and Zendaya come barrelling into the room, I roll my eyes and check my watch. Just about made it. Leaning back onto the edge of my desk, I wait for them to take their seats and simply glare at them. I have to remember not to look further back. Lauren has taken it upon herself to change seats, and I'm thankful for that right now. Knowing that she is not sitting directly in front of me means I can breathe a little better.
"Good morning." My voice a little hoarse, I receive a look from Dinah. "I trust you have all been working hard since our last class, so today, you will be tested." Receiving a significant number of groans, I give my students a smile and shrug. "Your last results were not good enough. Today, they will be better. Right?"
"You are totally giving us this test because you are close to death this morning, Pro." Dinah scoffs. "Late night on Friday?"
"Not today, Dinah." I roll my tired eyes. Feeling my headache come back tenfold, I stand and round my desk. Taking a seat and crossing my legs, I glance up at my students and shake my head. "Alright, forty minutes and you guys will be out of here."
Sitting back in my seat, I concentrate on the work in front of me. Feeling sorry for myself all weekend means I didn't get any of my marking done. Right now seems the ideal time to fix that problem. I desperately want to look up, I need to see those eyes, but Ally is right, Lauren is too good for me, and I have no right to look into those beautiful eyes I've dreamt about for days on end.
Did I have a plan? No. No way. I didn't even know how Lauren felt until I overheard their conversation. I'd known straight away that I was attracted to the brunette. I tried. I tried to keep my distance. I tried to fight the feelings I had for her, but I couldn't. She had to know how I felt. Ally doesn't know the full story, and she probably never will, but I cant help but wonder if Lauren has put these thoughts into her head. I want to talk to her, I want to clear the air, but Ally has made it clear that I should stay away. My fear right now is that if I do attempt to talk to Lauren, her best friend will take it to the powers that be, and that will be my career finished.
Deciding that I have to take my mind off of the personal issues I have, I get stuck into my work. If I don't find the time to fulfil my professional duties, I will be out of a job regardless of the inappropriate relationship I almost began with my student.
A little while later, I find my student talking amongst themselves. Glancing up, I find that they have all finished with the task I have given them, and I'm a little relieved if I'm being honest. "Okay, that sound would suggest that you guys have given that work you're all and you deserve an early finish."
"Awesome," Dinah yells as she jumps from her seat, rucksack in hand. "See ya, Pro."
Rolling my eyes, I don't bother to call her back. I've had enough of her already today, so her not being in my classroom right now is a blessing. Watching my students leave one by one, I thank them for their papers and continue to focus on the work in front of me. I'm on a roll right now, and I figure it would be best to continue before I hit my slump once again.
The familiar scent of Lauren hitting me square in the face pulls me from my task. Glancing up, I take her paper from her and thank her just like every other student before her. Her tired look only mirrors mine, but I cannot keep my eyes on her. It hurts to see her looking this way. I want to wrap her up and tell her everything is okay, but this was her decision. She is the one who decided that it couldn't happen. Me? I wasn't given the opportunity to explain my feelings. Yes, she asked if I had anything to say on Friday night, but the look on her face told me that she didn't want, or need to here it. So, I kept quiet, and now I'm the one paying the price.
Watching her leave the room, my heart sinks into my stomach. How can I need and want someone like this? You are a grown woman. Try acting like one.
Sat back in the comfort of my office, I sip on a fresh coffee I'd picked up on the way back from class. The strong taste hitting all of the right places, I groan in satisfaction. Jeez, that's good. Smiling as I feel my headache melting away, I think that maybe this day could end a little better than it began.
"Hey." A voice startling me from my thoughts, I flinch and open my eyes.
"H-Hi." I stutter. Not believing my eyes, I blink a few times. "Everything okay, Miss Jauregui?" Hearing myself address her so formally makes me want to punch myself. Right now, though, it is the only way I can keep a professional front.
"I'm here for my session." She states before furrowing her brow.
"Oh, I-I" Shaking my head, I don't know what to say. She shouldn't be here. I didn't expect her to keep up with her sessions. "I have a lot of work on right now."
Her shoulders slumping, I instantly feel awful about my decision to push her away. "Oh, right, sure." She gives me a small, false smile. "I-I'll just put in a little extra work tonight."
Sat glaring at the woman in front of me, I'm genuinely lost for words. My mouth opening but nothing coming out, I give her a nod and get back to my work.
"You are probably going to be busier as the year goes on, so, uh, I won't come by again. I'll figure something out. I won't bother you outside of class anymore, I'm sorry." Stepping further into my office, she places a piece of paper down on the edge of my desk and backs away. Her perfume flowing through my personal space, I grip onto the arm of my chair. I need something to keep me grounded. "See you, Professor Hamilton."
Releasing a breath I didn't know I'd been holding, I open my eyes and find the brunette has disappeared. Standing and rounding the desk, I reach for the piece of paper Lauren left and return to my seat. Unsure about opening it, I give myself a minute think about it. It can't be any worse than it is already. Unfolding the paper, I smile at the handwriting.
In another life, I would be your girl
We keep all our promises, be us against the world
In another life, I would make you stay
So I don't have to say you were the one that got away
You look like you could use a friend right now. I'm here if you need me.
Lauren Xx
Smiling at the words written on the paper in my hands, I see her cell number scribbled in the bottom corner, and it makes my heart pound. Knowing that I have a way of contacting her makes things worse. I knew it would be hard, but really? She now wants to be my friend, and as much as I love that idea, I'm not sure I can cope with that relationship.
I need this day to end as soon as possible. I have to lock myself away from the one person who truly has stolen my heart, whether she realises it or not. If she keeps doing things like this, I'm not sure I will be able to keep my distance. Ally's words playing over in my mind, I clear my throat and shut my eyes tight. No, no more crying.