I couldn't calm my heartbeat down. I knew at that moment that she was the one from the booth. She was the one I had seen in the hallway on the night of my arrival. She was always so close to me, yet so far. If I had just gotten to know her a little bit, maybe I wouldn't have had the gut feeling that she was going to steal the competition right out from under everyone's feet. I could have been prepared for what I heard, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that her voice was just as breathtaking the second time around. No amount of preparation could have comforted me. I laughed under my breath as I remembered what she had said to me in the booth earlier in the day.
"How is it that I always end up going after you? I feel like I could never follow that."
Now it was my turn to follow her, and I knew exactly how she felt.
She finished her song and passed the microphone off to the next contestant who did the same, and eventually we were getting closer to my turn. Emblem3, the group that consisted of Wes, Drew, and Keaton went ahead of me, but I couldn't pay attention. All I could think about was how I was going to outshine Camila. What if I didn't outshine her at all? What if the judges placed us together to battle it out?
"Normani Hamilton," Simon called, causing me to lose my train of thought.
The African American girl from the hallway stood up to take her place and I actually listened, once again in a trance by another competitor. It made me feel a little better to know that Camila may have had some competition too, although part of me still wasn't so sure.
Dinah followed her, and again I was completely taken aback by the amount of talent she possessed.
I wasn't surprised in the least when the other, Hispanic looking girl from the hallway stood up when Britney called out, "Ally Brooke Hernandez," and again blew me away with her voice. Her small size and large voice didn't match, but the way they worked together gave her an undeniably adorable stage presence.
Keaton could sense the growing fear inside of me and placed a hand on my knee. "Hey, maybe you'll be like One Direction and they'll put all of you in a group. Then you won't even have to compete with each other. The best girls in the competition in one group."
I laughed and rolled my eyes. "You haven't even heard me sing yet. You don't know if I'm any good. Besides," I said, looking around at the four contestants that stood out the most, "we wouldn't work well together. I can just tell. We're all polar opposites."
I heard Demi call my name before he could even respond and my breath caught in my throat, causing me to cough as I stood up. I regained as much of my confidence as possible as I made my way to center stage, telling myself that I wouldn't be there if I wasn't meant to be.
The music started before I even had a chance to regain my composure completely, but luckily I started on time, and I sang my audition song with not quite as much confidence but just as much talent as I originally had. It was over before I even knew it, and I let out a sigh at the sight of the judges who all nodded their heads in approval. I scanned the crowd for Keaton and decided to take an alternate route to him, careful not to fall and embarrass myself while I was already on edge. I traced the route with my eyes and started towards him, noticing that my path was going to take me right by Camila.
She's just a person, I thought to myself as I approached her.
Stop being ridiculous, just walk past her.
Don't be awkward. Just walk.
I inched closer and closer until I was finally upon her, stopping dead in my tracks when the contestant that was sitting in front of me stood up to take his place on stage.
I was stuck, unable to move past him for the time being, Camila sitting on the ground to my left. She didn't seem phased by my presence, her eyes trained intently on the performer in front of her. I started walking again, my left hand hanging by my side, burning from the heat of her skin that was only mere inches away. I pulled it up and crossed my arms over my chest as I passed, eventually finding my way to Keaton and taking my seat, pushing all thoughts of Camila and the other girls out of my mind.
The day eventually came to a close and the judges released us, instructing us to be back in the auditorium by 6 the next morning to start the battles.
"I hear they have a complimentary dinner buffet here," Keaton said as we walked back to our rooms and past the dining area. Other contestants were entering the facility and I felt my stomach growl at the thought of hot food after such a long day.
"Count me in," I said cheerfully, and we turned to enter the room, Wes and Drew on our heels.
We each picked up a plate and stacked it high with whatever looked appetizing, eventually meeting at a table in the back of the facility near the other contestants and away from other patrons. We exchanged small talk for a little while, eventually talking about the events of the day.
"This is definitely the most stressful thing I've ever done in my life," Keaton shared with all of us, taking a bite of his roll.
"But it's so worth it," Drew added.
"Definitely. I think it'll take a toll but no matter what happens the outcome will be...Wes, what are you looking at?" Keaton asked curiously.
I looked at Wes who had his attention on something over my shoulder.
"That girl is cute as hell," he admitted, nodding in the desired direction.
I twisted in my seat so that I could see who he was looking at. Seated a few booths behind us was the one and only Camila, picking aimlessly at her vegetables, her nose once again buried in a book. I turned back to Wes and Drew, realizing that they didn't know about my experiences with her, but before I could say anything Drew suggested, "Invite her to sit with us."
"Really? You don't think that would be awkward?" Wes asked sheepishly.
"Nah, man. She's all alone," Drew convinced him.
Wes slid out of the booth and made his way over to her, leaning on the table to draw her attention away from the book. He said something inaudible and she smiled, closing her book and picking up her plate, dumping it in the trash on the way to our booth. I felt as though I might lose my dinner as she approached, the sudden sense of competitiveness washing over me as she made her way to the only friends that I had made so far.
"Guys, Lauren, this is Camila," he announced as he pointed to her with his thumb. "She'll be joining us for dinner this evening."
Drew scooted over in the booth so that Camila could sit down and she slid into the booth, Wes following behind her so that she was jammed in between the two boys.
"You're not eating?" Keaton asked her.
"Can't," she shrugged. "I'm on a strict diet."
"Why? You're so skinny," I blurted out before I knew what I was saying.
"Oh," she blushed, "it's actually a diet of pizza and cake, and they don't have either here so I decided I'd skip dinner tonight."
All of the boys laughed at her and I felt a hint of jealousy at the friendly aura that surrounded her.
"They have pizza you know," Keaton informed her.
"Really? I didn't see it," Camila pouted, sticking out her bottom lip and making her best puppy-dog face.
"You can have mine, I'm full," Keaton offered, handing her his remaining slice and wiping his hands on his pants.
Camila accepted it gratefully and took a large bite out of it, sitting it down on her napkin to chew.
"So how old are you?" Wes asked, getting right to the point.
"Fifteen," she answered, a chunk of pizza still stuffed in her cheek.
"Well, shit," Wes laughed, leaning back in the seat. "And to think I thought you were cute."
"Don't worry," she reassured him, swallowing her pizza and taking a sip of Drew's Coke, "I like girls anyway."
Keaton nearly choked on his dessert and had to excuse himself momentarily to regain his composure. Wes and Drew looked at her, a look of shock on her their faces at her sudden admittance. She glanced around the table at all of us, her dark brown eyes lingering on my bright green ones for a second longer than the rest, and broke out into laughter.
"I'm joking, damn. Although I have to say I'm flattered that you guys were so surprised. I always thought that I gave off a naturally gay vibe," she laughed.
"You scared the shit out of me," Drew said, laughing with her.
"Why? Do you actually think you have a chance with me?" she challenged, not meaning to flirt but having it come across that way to the guys.
Wes and Keaton both let out simultaneous "oooooh's" at her words and they all got to laughing again.
I patted Keaton on the shoulder and excused myself from the booth, my sudden exit going unnoticed by the entire group as Camila's awkwardly adorable personality hypnotized them in the same way her voice made me forget about everyone else in the room.
...
I walked into the auditorium and made my way backstage, avoiding Keaton and the guys after what happened the night prior, not wanting to explain why I left without saying goodbye- if they had even noticed. I found my microphone and made sure it was working before leaning against the sound system and closing my eyes, mentally preparing myself for the battle that was still to come. I probably would have fallen to sleep had it not been for a familiar raspy tone jolting me back to reality.
"Hey, you okay?" Camila asked, placing a supportive hand on my elbow, the skin there tingling at the foreign contact.
"Yeah. I was just trying to rest my eyes. Long day ahead," I managed to choke out.
"Yeah, I feel you, but I meant last night. You just kind of disappeared suddenly. I wanted to make sure you weren't sick or anything."
I cocked my head slightly to one side, a little surprised that she was so concerned with my well being.
"I didn't think anyone even noticed that I left," I admitted.
"I did. The guys did too, they just didn't say anything for a while because they were mesmerized by my illiteracy and cheesy jokes. I have that effect on people."
I watched as the corner of her mouth curled up into a smirk, revealing just a few of her still noticeably crooked teeth. I couldn't help but study them for some reason, and her smile quickly faded upon realizing I was looking.
"You should join us for dinner more often," I suggested, not really meaning it but trying to change the subject as quickly as possible.
"If we're all still here after today," she nearly whispered, whatever confidence she had before suddenly gone thanks to me.
You'll still be here. There's no doubt in my mind, I thought, but I didn't have time to say it.
The judges called us to the stage and Camila and I walked onto it side by side, Keaton and the other guys meeting up with us before Simon announced the day's plans.
"You all know what today is," he said solemnly. "There are over a hundred of you here. We'll be saying goodbye to over half of you."
Several panicked gasps erupted from the crowd but I stood my ground. I wasn't going to let anything deter me.
"As much as it pains me to say this- because believe me, some of your performances were breath taking- yesterday does not count for anything," he continued. "As good as you may have been yesterday, if you aren't on the same level or better today, you can expect a plane ticket home."
My heart skipped a beat at his words, and two more when I felt Camila's tiny pointer finger slide into my hand and squeeze my pinky. Whether she was assuring me that we would both make it or if she needed comforting of her own, I'm not sure, but the action took me by surprise. Still, it calmed me to know that someone was thinking about something other than themselves in that moment.
"Everyone will be backstage in the green room except for two contestants who will battle it out on the stage. You all know your songs. You had time to rehearse. Give it your all, and remember no matter what happens, you made it this far," Demi encouraged.
Everyone began to clap and Camila removed her hand from mine to join in. Keaton nudged me with his elbow, furrowing his brow in confusion and nodding towards where our hands had just been entwined. I shrugged, signaling that I didn't know any more than he did.
We all made our way back stage except for two contestants, one who happened to be Camila. I felt like I should have hugged her or high-fived her or at least showed her some kind of support, but I didn't know what to do, so I silently wished her good luck but knew in my heart that no matter who she was paired against, she would be the one to make it through. The music started sometime after we all entered the green room, only audible because everyone was silent in anticipation for their turn. The room started to dwindle down to less than a hundred, Ally, Normani, and Dinah all going before me, the same gut feeling that they would all make it through rising inside me.
Then it was my turn.
I stepped onto the stage with confidence for the first time, holding onto my microphone and preparing myself to sing my heart out. I was paired up against Sister C, a group of teenage sisters who were known for their harmonies and unique sound. Quite frankly, I didn't see why I was paired with them. We sounded nothing alike, and I wasn't even in a group.
The music started, and at that moment I knew that that my performance would either make me or break me. I could continue on, or I could give up right then and there and go back to Miami to continue my career as a boring high school student. I didn't know where life would take me if I made it through, but I knew one thing-
Lauren Jauregui was not a quitter.
Sister C started the song, their harmonies ringing in my ears through the speakers above, then it switched to me. I projected my voice as smoothly and confidently as possible.
Back to Sister C.
I joined in.
Sister C.
My harmony.
I was not standing out. Despite their pitchy sound, they were still giving off a better stage presence than I was. They were dancing, they were loud, they were ready to win the entire competition. I knew that I didn't have any more solos in the song, so with the next harmony that approached, I stepped forward onto the stage, ahead of the group, and belted out the lyrics. I bent at the waist, gripping my chest and loading the words with as much emotion as humanly possible, and then it was over.
That was all. That was my chance. I would either make it or I wouldn't, but overall I was proud of my performance.
I entered the green room again and shouts and claps of admiration filled the air around me. I smiled at everyone and they all smiled in return as I found my group of friends once more, the guys pulling me into a huge bear hug. I turned to Camila who was sitting to my right, smiling brightly at the sight in front of her.
"That was incredible. You pretty much slayed," she cooed.
I high-fived her, interlocking our fingers momentarily before the room grew silent again, waiting to hear the results of the day after all of the contestants had finished.
...
Three hours passed. Three agonizing hours. Then, as if God had shined his light on each and every soul in that room, the door opened and we were all invited back out into the auditorium. All of the contestants except for two sat in the stands, waiting to hear the results of Camila's battle. I saw her glance at me and gave her a big thumbs up, followed by a toothy grin, and the guys all did the same. She smiled but didn't move, frozen in place by fear.
"So, this was a really tough decision," Demi said to the two girls on stage.
The judges always say that to be fair. No big deal, I thought.
"You're both incredibly talented, but, like I said at the beginning of bootcamp, talent won't get you far. You have to be unique. You have to be the next big thing, and Camila..." Demi paused for emphasis.
I couldn't help but hold back a smile, waiting for Demi to say that Camila was in fact, the next big thing.
"Can you step forward please?" Demi asked her quietly.
My smile grew wider and wider as Camila stepped closer to the judges.
"Camila..." Demi started again.
I braced myself, ready to jump out of my seat and cheer for my new friend despite the looks I might get from the contestants around me.
Demi looked down at her paper as if she couldn't believe what she was reading.
"Camila, I'm sorry-"
She's tricking her, I thought. She's tricking her and she's going to say any minute now that Camila has made it through. It's a trick. It's a cruel, sick joke.
"Camila, I'm sorry, but you're not the next big thing. I'm afraid this is the end of the road for you," Demi choked out, whispering almost inaudibly into the microphone.
Camila stood motionless on the stage while the other contestant collapsed into a heap of happy tears.
"You really were great, sweetie," Britney added, trying to lighten the amount of shock that had just fallen over the room.
Then why is she going home?
Camila bit down on her bottom lip to try and hold back the tears, but she couldn't contain them. Even from several hundred feet away in the audience, I could see two tears gliding down her cheeks and hitting the floor. She hugged her fellow contestant in congratulations, placed her hand over her mouth and nodded her head, walking off the stage without a word.
I looked at the guys who were just as shocked as I was, their mouths hanging wide open.
"That's bullshit," someone mumbled from the back of the room.
Agreed.
I tried not to let my sympathy for Camila get the best of me as contestants continued to walk on and off the stage, crying either from joy or sorrow. I felt a pain in my chest as each girl that I had so much faith in walked off the stage with their head hanging low.
Normani. Eliminated.
Dinah. Eliminated.
Ally. Eliminated.
I started to become worried. All four of those girls were the most talented in the entire competition, and now they were gone. I had a gut feeling that they would make it, that they would go on to do great things, and now that feeling about myself was starting to dissipate as well.
As the "J's" started approaching, I felt my confidence come back a little. Every time someone good was voted off, someone better stuck around. I knew I had done better than Sister C. I still had a chance.
Emblem3 had made it through without any problems, and now I sat in the audience without my friends around me for support.
Simon called Sister C and me to the stage. I felt my heart in my throat, in my head, pumping through my veins as both of us stepped to center stage.
"I know you're all tired, so let's just get down to it," Demi said, a hint of annoyance in her voice.
"Don't be bitter because you didn't get your way," Simon warned.
"I think this is a mistake," she argued, slamming her hand down on the table in front of her.
"I second that," Britney chimed in.
"Well, we came to a decision and that's the decision we're going with. Sister C," L.A. called.
I felt a hint of relief at Sister C's name being called first. Camila, Dinah, Ally, and Normani's name had all been called first, and they had all been eliminated.
"Sister C, congratulations, you're going through to the next round," Demi said hurriedly.
The group of sisters all huddled together and jumped up and down, not even bothering to console me like all of the other contestants had done.
I didn't even try to stop the tears. I was upset, and I wanted everyone to know it. I cried, and I let the warm streaks of water spill down my face and fall to the floor, running a hand through my hair, regaining my composure, and walking off stage after muttering "Congratulations," to my opponents.
I met my family outside, not bothering to say goodbye to the guys or wanting them to see me in that condition. Each member hugged me tightly despite my efforts to pull away, not needing or wanting sympathy. There was only one thing I wanted. There was only one thing that I had to make right. I scanned the area for Camila until I found her, crying into her Mom's shoulder, her little sister holding onto her leg supportively. I walked over to her, leaving my family behind to wonder where I was going.
"Do you mind if I borrow her for a second?" I asked Camila's mom, motioning to the seemingly helpless girl crying on her shoulder.
Her mother looked me up and down skeptically but agreed, releasing Camila and walking away with her sister so that we could talk in private. Camila wiped at her eyes with the back of her hand, her mascara smearing on her red cheeks.
"You better be here to tell me that you made it through," she laughed through her sobs.
I shook my head no, trying to fight back the tears for Camila's sake.
She scoffed and wiped at her eyes again. "That was stupid of me to say, I'm sorry. You wouldn't be out here right now if you had made it." She looked away, placing her hand over her mouth again to refrain from crying, her words bringing back the recent memory of her elimination.
"Yes I would. I would still be out here," I assured her, placing a hand on her shoulder and directing her gaze back to me.
She narrowed her deep brown eyes and looked into mine skeptically. "Why?"
"Look, I know we've only known each other- like really known each other- for like, two days, but that doesn't change the fact that we're friends, okay? The start of friends, anyway." I smiled to keep her attention. "I've known you for 48 hours but I know you've got enough talent in you to last a dozen lifetimes, and let me just say, what happened in there, that's..."
I looked back at my family and lowered my voice. "That's bullshit," I finished. "You deserved to make it through. Honestly, everyone that was eliminated deserved to make it through, but you...you're something special."
"What are you trying to say?" she pressed, her tone soft and welcoming.
"I guess what I'm trying to say is...you're something else, Camila Cabello. Don't ever give up on your dreams, because with a voice like that, I promise you'll make it," I concluded.
More tears streamed down her face, only this time I suspected that there were happy tears mixed in there as well. "What about you though? You deserved to go through," she argued.
I dismissed her words with a wave of my hand. "Eh, I've got an Honor Roll and a softball scholarship to get back to. Singing can wait," I joked.
She smiled, but her attention was elsewhere. At first I thought that she was thinking about her elimination, but then I realized that she was looking at me. At my eyes. Staring into them so intently that I swore she could have looked right into my soul.
"What?" I whispered, my voice cracking due to the effort that it took to form a coherent sound with the way she was looking at me.
My voice seemed to snap her out of her daze and she looked at the ground, thinking about something in her head. "I have a feeling we're going to be best friends," she decided aloud.
I laughed at her willingness to share her thoughts with me, but deep down, I felt it too. "You live in Miami, right?" I asked her. "We can totally get together sometime-"
I was interrupted by a woman's voice, her head peeking out of the front door of the hotel. "Lauren Jauregui, Karla Cabello?" the woman called.
"Yeah, we're here!" I yelled to her.
"We need you guys out back," she informed us, and then she was back inside.
Camila looked at me, evidently confused, but started forward anyway.
"Your name is Karla?" I asked as we made our way inside.
"Don't get me started," she said with an eye roll.
We found our way to the back of the building and exited through the back door, ending up in a parking lot full of trailers and confused faces. In the middle of the lot, across from another door, a group of several dozen crying contestants sat waiting to leave. I realized that those faces belonged to everyone who had been eliminated. Normani, Ally, Dinah- they were all there. Camila and I should have been there too, and we would have, had we not run out of the building in the spur of the moment. We found two empty seats across the crowd from each other and watched as the same woman who had called our names stood up on a platform, a clipboard in her hand.
"Is everyone here? This is everyone who was eliminated?" she called to us, reminding us yet again that our X Factor journey was, in fact, over.
No one responded, so she looked down at her clipboard and continued anyway. "The judges have asked me to call the following contestants back to the stage. Please stand up when you hear your name," she instructed.
"Karla...or, uh, Camila Cabello," she called.
I watched Camila stand up and walk around the crowd and stop in front of the door, waiting on further instruction.
"Normani Kordei Hamilton," the woman called. Normani followed Camila's path to the door, stopping to say hello to Camila before turning back to the crowd and finding Ally.
"Dinah Jane Hansen," the woman continued. Dinah followed the other two girls. I felt my heart begin to pound upon thinking of the possibilities. What if the judges made a mistake? What if they all go through?
"Ally Brooke Hernandez," the woman said, and Ally stood up.
The woman flipped her paper over and over in her hands, scanning the print for anything she may have missed. "Okay, I think that's it. Yeah, alright girls...oh, wait," she trailed off.
Everyone was on the edge of their seat, waiting to see if the final name called would be theirs.
"And...it looks like..." the woman struggled to read, "Lauren...Jag...Jaur...Lauren Jauregui."
I felt my arms go numb. Chills shot up my spine at the sound of my name. All eyes were on me as I stood and made my way to the other girls, the reason still unknown.
"Find your way back to the stage. The judges will be waiting for you there," the woman said, and then she walked off.
Camila opened the door and led the group inside, hanging back a little to walk next to me.
"What do you think is going on?" she whispered so the other girls couldn't hear.
"Maybe they're going to make us battle each other all over again," Dinah suggested, a sly grin plastered on her face, obviously hearing Camila's question.
I kept my answer to myself and locked it away, not wanting to say it in fear of being wrong but not wanting to spoil the surprise in the event that I was right.
We all filed out onto the stage, Ally leading the line, followed by Normani, Dinah, Camila, and then myself.
"Girls," Simon greeted once we all stood in front of him and the rest of the judges. "I know this might come as quite a shock to you, but the other judges and I did some thinking."
He glanced at Demi who picked up where he left off. "You're all incredibly talented, and honestly, if the competition wasn't so tough this season, you probably all could have made it pretty far as solo artists."
"However," Simon added, "we thought that you might sound better as a group."
Camila gasped and gripped my hand tightly, each girl in the line doing the same to the one opposite them until we were all linked together.
"You are all invited to the judges' homes, as you are," Simon finished.
Every single one of us erupted into screams, Ally collapsing onto the floor, Normani trying her best to help her up, Dinah jumping up and down, and Camila, her arms around my neck, tears streaming down her face as she sobbed into my shirt, but this time they were happy tears.
I knew it, I thought. I knew we would make it.
I did know. I had known all along. I'd had that gut feeling from the very start that each of us would make it through, I just didn't think it would be as a group.
But when life hands you lemons...
Make lemonade and share it with your new bandmates.