Chapter Eleven
-Fucking up-
~~~~
:: Last Year ::
(Jacob's Pov)
"What are you doing on my phone now nigga!" Dyme yelled, coming into the room.
I took my selfie quickly and then checked to see if it was good, until I said anything.
"Damn, I can't take pictures on ya phone now. You do it on mine" I smacked my lips, recalling a time I found a selfie of her on my phone.
"Stop tryna be like me" She laughed and climbed on top of me.
I watched her bend down immediately after, kissing my lips twice before she sat back up from my chest again. Looking up at her....I noticed something. I knew Dyme had this tattoo forever by now but I just never got around to asking her about it.
The first time I saw it was when she told me she was pregnant...And that was almost a year ago. It was the words Never Trust across her hairline. It was bad-ass nonetheles but knowing Dyme.....it meant something deeper than that.
"You know I never got around to asking you about your tattoo up there. I know I'm late but now I wanna know what's the story behind it" I moved my hands to her hips.
"What if it doesn't have a story..."
"But I know it does..."
"I got it after I found out I was pregnant with Des okay. After...you yelled at me and called me a slut"
"Oh.. " I said, looking down. "So you got it because of me?"
"I got it because I wanted it to remind myself...., to remind myself to never give my heart to a nigga again unless he's trustworthy and he's my husband"
"Where do I stand in that?" I asked her, looking up.
"You're not my husband nigga, you gotta a whole girlfriend at home. But we all know you ain't feeling her no more, I'm just waiting for you to get down on one knee..."
"Would you say yes though, I know how brutal you are...."
"It depends" she laughed.
"Yeah whatever, miss it depends. If I brought you a big diamond ring and asked you to be my wife and you said--"
"Yes..."
"You ain't let me finish.."
"No, I'm telling you...that I would've said yes. You know how much I love you...so why wouldn't I go for you. But I hope you'd go for me...and only me"
:: Present Day, February 5 ::
I awoken from my day dream with pure tears in my eyes. I just felt like I was never going to see them again if I'm in here. I was depressed inside, and I never been depressed in my life. Not even after my pops was killed, I was just a boy who just didn't understand. But now I'm a grown man and I understand everything in my situation and know that it can least likely be fixed.
My chest hurts from my broken ribs and I was in pain just to breathe on my own. As soon as I heard Ale come in from dinner, I wiped my eyes and pulled my cover over my head. You couldn't cry in jail or you'll just make even more trouble for yourself.
If you cried, you were a bitch. If you were a bitch, you were weak. If you were weak, anyone could walk all over you. And after just being walked on myself.....I'd rather save myself from an additional beat down. I was suffering too much in here and I was breaking down.
I needed to let my feelings out...
I wiped my face a second time and got up from my bed. I put back on my boots and left the cell to go down the main hall. I followed it all the way down until I saw her office appear before me. I knocked first and heard her say "Come in", granting me access to proceed through the door.
"Mr. Allen?" She looked up surprised.
"Is this a safe place to cry?" I asked her...the only question that mattered.
"Of course it is...." she said, putting down a folder she was skimming through.
I closed the door behind me and took a seat on chair, bending over to cry in my arms on top of her desk. I cried badly, jerking my body up each time I gasped from the tears. My hands quickly reached up to pull at my hair, inflicting pain because I was in pain.
"I just wanna tell her I'm sorry again......*cries* I'm so sorry" I cried.
"What's bothering you? You can trust me okay, this will stay between us"
I slowly got myself together and lifted my head up from my arms, showing her my cheeks watered down with tears and my eyes glowing reddish pink. I sat back in the seat and breathed out.
"I lost my best friend back in July or June, then I couldn't see my mama anymore because she's in rehab and they won't let her have visitation. Then I lost my job...., I was already broke to begin with so after I lost that I was back to square one. I had a daughter to support on top of that, and a girlfriend who wasn't really...the best for me at that time. I was stressed the fuck out and I needed some relief. If I didn't,........I think I would be dead somewhere, leaving my daughter and the people I care about because of it. So I tried to not go with that....then I started feeling desperate. This guy said he'll pay me if I try Heroin. It was free money and a high....so I did it. Ended up doing it every time I felt like shit.., only for it to turn me into someone I wasn't. I don't remember the incident so well, but I went to my baby mama's house and we argued. I grabbed my daughter from her crib to hold her and I ended up choking her mother against the wall. She cried for me to stop but......I just didn't. When I saw her turning blue, I released her thankfully, but then I punched her down to the ground. Not even realizing that I was holding my daughter upside down herself and was about to drop her on the hardwood floor....face first. ....If I would've done that, I would've really tried to end myself. But the thing is.......all that shit that happen that day, wasn't the real me. It was the drugs mixed with the stress that caused great anger. I would never hit a female,....never. I would nevet hurt my daughter either, wouldn't even think about that shit. *cries* But I couldn't stop myself from doing it that day. That guy wasn't me....but now I gotta take the fall for it. Its my fault I know but....damn. People make mistakes and I made a stupid one and yes I deserve to be punish. But now I feel like I lost everything,....I lost my fucking self. I never thought I'd struggle with depression or even try to commit suicide. But I just want my life back....., I want my family back. I don't wanna lose another family again. My baby mom and that little girl is my life,....the life I always wanted and I took it for granted and pushed it to the side. Me and my baby mom said goodbye for good...and I've been depressed ever since. God knows I love that girl to death, I never wanted to lose her. But now she's scared of me and....I guess she's done with me. So what do I do now..., I don't want nobody else. And if I got out today or tomorrow...I'd try my hardest to get my girl back. I'd do anything for her and our kids. Anything. Take a bullet and die a slow painful death for all of them. So I guess I just want another chance,....just one last chance to make it right. And I know I could if given that opportunity"
"Then I think you should get started then. Start by getting yourself together and being on your best behavior to get time off your sentence. Join a few of the staff teams, those get time off too. It all starts with you, Mr. Allen. You can make it better if you try"
:: March, 1 month later ::
Walking back to my cell room after getting my mail, I took a seat slowly on my bed and tore open the letter. Inside was pictures of Dyme and Desiree actually, with a small note on the back of one saying... "Thought I'd sent you these. Its always good to have pictures. From Dyme"
And a single picture that said "Gotta keep your head up for her. Remember that"
I smiled hard at the last picture. God knows how much I missed my little girl, I thought about her everyday. Wondering how big she's getting, if she learned anything new or how she was doing just in general.
But life's been slow at the moment. I'm still in jail, facing a few more years until I actually get out. My broken ribs are slowly healing but...I'm still taking it slow. Dead Eye has left me alone surprisingly, all I get is his dirty looks each time he sees me. I just ignore it now though, I'm trying to get away from the trouble. I gotta stay here to see my daughter again....
*Cell door Opens*
"Hey, Inmate 57....step out please" A guard got my attention on the bed.
"Me?" I pointed to myself.
"If you're inmate 57" he said sarcastically.
I got up from the bed and slid the pictures underneath where I always kept my stuff.
"No...get all of your stuff" he added.
"Am I being transferred?" I asked him, grabbing everything.
"Just come on and get the personal stuff. Leave the blanket and the pillow here"
After getting all the personal belongings I owned, I followed him out and downstairs to exit the main housing area.
"Am I getting out?" I asked happily.
He failed to answer me and took me to a changing room instead. I stood there and watched him go grab an outfit from off the shelves, bringing it over to me.
"Put this on and put the jumpsuit in the hamper over there when your done" he said and stepped out.
*
*Alarm Buzzing sound*
"All clear....you may proceed" the guards said, opening the metal gates to the waiting room.
I stepped out into the open room, still carrying all my stuff and looked over to the front desk. Seeing a woman in normal clothes and wearing long black hair before she turned to face me.
"Mom?"
To be continued...
~End of Chapter Eleven~
Hey thank you for reading this chapter. Vote for more parts faster and I'll keep cranking em out.😘 ONE MORE CHAPTER TO GO GO YOU GUYS😭😭😭..maybe two😋
But it isn't over yet.🙈🙊😌
Q: Jacob getting out early? His mother out of rehab?